Author's Note:
Thank you guys for all your kind and supportive words during my hiatus; even though I'm an awkward weirdo and didn't really reply to many PMs because I didn't know what to say back, I'm really appreciative of them :) Anyway I know it's been a month and a half since I updated (since once I got my muse back, I decided to do NaNo instead – whoops), so as an apology I made this chapter about twice the size of my normal ones. Like literally, its 12k words long, lol. It's ridiculous. That being said, while I have about six weeks to solely dedicate to this fic before I have to go back and work on my other one as well, I just got a second job and will be working more often. I will still try to update weekly, but if not, I promise I'll throw out my policy of only updating on Wednesdays and just update when they're ready so you don't have to wait as long. But yeah, just wanted to forewarn you all just in case.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Photographs
"What about this one?" Emma asked, holding up another purse to Regina's gaze. They had been trying to figure out things they could sell so they could get another car without having to cut into their moving funds, and thus far all Emma had learned was that most of Regina's possessions were ridiculously expensive and entirely unnecessary; one of these bags could probably feed a fucking orphanage for an entire month, for shit's sake.
"Gucci."
"That means nothing to me, Regina."
Regina exhaled a soft sigh as she took the bag from Emma's hand, putting it in the 'to sell' pile. "It's expensive," was all she confirmed, and Emma was trying, really, not to let this entire thing bother her, but the look on her face must have said otherwise because Regina asked sharply, "What? You've been looking at me like that ever since we started this little endeavor. If you're unhappy with me, dear, then outright say so, otherwise I would appreciate it if you silently judged me where I wasn't around to bear witness to it."
"I just…" Emma sighed heavily, aggravation etching across her features. "I don't understand how all this expensive shit can be so damn irrelevant to you. It's so... I don't know, fucking privileged." The word was spat out like it was something dirty, because to Emma, it kind of was. "And okay, I get that you were a queen and were probably used to being spoiled rotten, but I mean, Jesus, when I mentioned them earlier you looked surprised, like you had forgotten they even existed and I just…"
Emma shook her head and turned back towards the closet, not really wanting to look at Regina right now. Maybe it was irrational jealousy over the way Regina lived, but still. The entire thing just angered her.
"I had forgotten because I purchased them almost fifteen years ago and since then my tastes have changed," Regina told her, her tone sounding defensive. "The day repeated here for twenty eight years, Emma. Do you understand what that means?"
"I don't know, massive boredom?" Emma shot back from her crouched position in front of the woman's closet, because wow, Regina's defense was that she was so bored that she had nothing better to do than blow thousands of dollars on ridiculous fashion accessories? What a hard life that must have been.
Regina shot her a glare, and corrected, "It meant that once the day began again, nothing changed. Emma, my bank account did not change; no matter how much I spent, the number went back up to the original amount the next day, at least until you came to town and time started moving forwards again. So yes, many years ago I went on a couple frivolous shopping sprees when I realized how much it didn't effect anything. But that is also how I was able to put money aside for Henry's college fund – which I know you are unable to really contribute to – and it's apparently the entire reason we're going to be able to be a bit more financially stable after we've sold all these things, so really, dear, I don't know why you look so upset with me."
"Because it's just…!" Emma started, holding out her hands in brewing frustration before she clenched her fists and dropped them to the ground. "It's just so damn easy for you, you know? And fuck, I get that this is just the part of me that remembers how I grew up with nothing, had to work for everything that I had, and I'm just… jealous, or whatever, that you can buy two thousand dollar purses one day and completely forget about them the next because that kind of purchase didn't even have to register with you."
"And okay," Emma continued, apparently on some kind of tirade now that she had started, "I also get that it isn't like money made your life any better either, because you've been the goddamn definition of unhappiness, but on some level it just pisses me off that you can just wave your hand and poof! Rich."
"You…" Regina began, her eyes flashing with fury and disbelief. "You honestly believe it was that easy? Just a wave of my hand and—?!"
Emma exhaled an exasperated breath. "I don't know, it's not like I get how magic works or anything, but—"
"That's right, you don't know," Regina interrupted firmly, looking really upset for reason's Emma couldn't even begin to understand. "You have no idea of the magnitude of a curse like this, or what it took to cast it! What I had to sacrifice to try to find some semblance of happiness in my life, so that every time I passed a goddamn balcony I didn't have to feel regretful that the last time I fell from one, it didn't result in my untimely death like it should have!"
Something sharp pierced Emma's heart at those words, and distress washed across her face at the realization that Regina wasn't just unhappy back then, but that she was bordering on suicidal; perhaps that she even attempted once, if what she was talking about wasn't just an accident that Regina just wished later had actually killed her. And God, that… that broke Emma's heart, to hear her talk that way. She knew Regina wasn't happy back then, but that… Emma really never bothered to think about the magnitude of just how unhappy she really was, and maybe she should have.
"So don't you dare sit there and think all this came without consequence, because it did," Regina told her, voice hitching in her throat as tears stung the back of her eyes. "I lost the only two things that mattered to me in this world to cast this curse, and in the end, all it did was cause me more unhappiness. So I'm sorry," she spat. "If you're upset that I gave myself a comfortable life to try to make things easier, but nothing I've bought will ever make up for what I have lost, and how pointless this entire endeavor was in the first place."
"Regina, I…" Emma began, looking regrettable as she picked herself up off the ground to cross over to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't—I shouldn't have assumed that the curse, that any of this, was easy for you. That was… it was really stupid and thoughtless, and I just let my jealousy get the best of me. I'm sorry."
Regina just pursed her lips into a tight line and looked away from her, arms shielding her midsection as she tried to literally hold herself together, and Emma gently touched her arm. "And it wasn't… pointless, you know?" she tried softly. "You got Henry out of it. And… me, although I guess that really doesn't count for anything now. But still, it… I mean you did end up being happier here, right?"
Regina was silent for a long moment before inhaling a deep breath, trying to bury all of the feelings inside of her, and stepped away from the blonde's touch. "Your father will be here soon—"
"Regina…"
Emma didn't want her to just dismiss this, because now that they were talking about it, she felt like maybe it was time for her to know how exactly the curse was brought about; maybe it was time to understand just what Regina had to do to try to find her happiness, so maybe Emma could someday learn to forgive her for the repercussions of it. But it seemed Regina wasn't ready to reveal that yet, and she held up her hand to stop Emma's questions.
"You knew I would have to finish this myself while you were at work anyway. And I doubt Henry's ready for school, so why don't you go attend to him and just…" Regina sighed heavily, moving past her to get to the closet as she requested softly, "Give me some space, Emma. Please."
The blonde's lip got trapped between her bottom teeth as she looked at Regina, feeling really guilty for ever being stupid enough to think she knew anything at all, but she sighed softly and relented with a quiet, "Fine," because in the end, if Regina didn't want to talk about it, then she didn't have to.
Emma just hoped that one day that would change, because while the last time Regina opened up it proved to be nothing but painful for her, understanding each other's pain might just be the only way they'd ever begin to heal. And that… they needed that.
God, did they need that.
[x]
"So Henry decided he wanted to meet him then?"
Emma exhaled a tired breath, her fingers clenched around a coffee cup that a strong part of her wished had more than just coffee in it, and leaned back in her desk chair after she had hung up the phone. David stood in the threshold of the doorway, apparently having overhead the conversation with her ex.
"No, we… I don't know," Emma admitted with a soft sigh, still unsure how her conversation with Henry had really gone last night. She was sure that the kid was still mad at her about lying, but he seemed to at least understand why now. After taking a sip of her coffee, she revealed, "We just talked. I was honest with him, about everything that happened, and Henry, he… he hasn't really decided yet."
Sighing softly, Emma continued, "I know a part of him wants to – Neal's his Dad and everything – but I think he also feels upset on my behalf, so…" She shrugged, not really knowing how things were going to turn out yet. "I don't know. I just needed to let Neal know that I talked to him, so he didn't think I was fucking it off."
David looked like he was about to respond, but yelling erupted in the next room over, the sounds floating over from the containment cell, causing Emma to rub her temples in aggravation. "Are they going to kill each other?" she asked flatly, as though she wouldn't entirely be opposed to the idea.
"No, they do this every day," David responded tiredly, just moving further into the office so he could shut the door and muffle the sounds of Scar and Jafar blaming each other in loud, angry voices for their capture for what was apparently the umpteenth time this week. "They haven't put their hands on each other yet, probably because without magic in the equation they look to be about equally matched for strength, so I usually shut myself in here to drown them out and just keep an eye on them through the glass."
Emma's eyes landed on said glass, looking out at the two men gesturing angrily towards each other. There was still at least two feet of space between them though, so maybe David was right, and there wasn't any cause to worry about it. And while she was glad David managed to capture them while she was gone, and that it took one load off of her current list of concerns, she still…
"When is the jail going to be done again?" The question almost sounded like a whine, but goddamn, Emma did not want to have to deal with this every day.
"The dwarves are working as fast as they can, but it'll probably still be another month at least."
Great.
Not that she was going to be here that long, but still. For the time being, she didn't want her days spent at the office to be filled with the sound of blame and resentment; she got enough of that inside of her own head.
"Emma," David addressed, his voice dropping to a more serious tone that tore the blonde's gaze from the glass window. "About Neal…" And Emma was expecting him to go off in disapproval the way Mary Margaret had about her not telling them sooner, or get pissed on her behalf for what he had done to her, but instead David just calmly asked her, "When do you think I could meet him?"
And oh, he almost got away with making that sound casual, but Emma saw David's fist clench by his thigh despite the calmness in his voice, and her eyebrow rose at what he was trying to play it off as.
"You mean, 'when can I shoot him'?" Emma asked, keeping her voice just as level before she took another sip of her coffee. The man sighed, irritation etching across his face at being called out on his protective intentions, as he knew Emma wasn't going to just let him be a father in that way.
"I haven't shot Regina yet, have I?" David countered, which only caused Emma's eyebrow to arch further. He exhaled a breath though, before explaining, "I just want to have a chat with him, that's all; man to man."
"Man to man?" Emma asked, sounding amused; he was obviously watching far too much television. She suppressed the urge to continue to poke fun at him for it though, because in a way, his protectiveness was appreciated. Still, Emma wasn't a little girl anymore, and she didn't need him to do that.
"Look, what you're… I appreciate it, I do," she told him, the words coming out a bit awkward despite them being the truth. "But all that happened over ten years ago, and yelling at Neal or threatening him or whatever you're planning to do won't change the past. It's fine, really."
David looked like he was expecting that, but unlike Mary Margaret, he never really pushed when it was obvious his daughter wasn't going to budge. He followed in line behind his wife, yes, but it was never really he who dealt the first blow. "I just don't like that he hurt you," he told her honestly, and sounded almost at a loss about what to do about that, since Emma didn't want him interfering. "Or that she did. That anyone has…"
But David trailed off, knowing Emma got his point, and put up his hands in surrender as he relented, "But I won't say anything if you don't want me to. It's your life."
Emma looked at him in disbelief then, because… seriously?
"Where the hell was that kind of thinking when you banished Regina?" she asked, anger on the other woman's behalf tingeing her words as her hand squeezed tightly around her cup of coffee. David briefly looked regretful for even starting this conversation, because look where it had led, but he straightened his back and answered her as honestly as he could.
"Regina was different, Emma. She cursed this entire town and needed to be punished for that. While I won't deny that a part of it was for the good of you and Henry, it still would have come about regardless. And honestly, our ruling may have been even worse without factors like you and Henry to consider."
Beheadings and firing squads came to mind, but Emma pushed them away immediately. She didn't want to think about those scenarios even if they were unlikely to happen anymore, as the image of them still made her stomach twist uncomfortably in her gut.
"But it also made you resent us," David continued, his voice catching a little with the emotion that fact elicited from him. He cleared his throat then, pushing it down to finish, "And neither your mother nor I want that to happen again."
Emma shot him a skeptical look. "Mary Margaret has done nothing but shit on Regina, and now Neal, ever since we got back. So I don't know what—"
"We've… talked," David interrupted, "about some things recently. And… well, maybe it'll be better if all three of us have a conversation. Would you be able to come to dinner tonight? We could discuss everything then."
The prospect of talking about everything didn't exactly set Emma alight with joy, as conversations with her parents usually ended up being nothing but painful, but curiosity as to what they had been 'talking' about won out, and so she relented with, "Yeah, that's… fine, I guess. You don't want me to bring Henry?"
"I think it'd be better if it was just the three of us," David answered, his expression strange and unreadable. He looked emotional over it, but which emotion, Emma really wasn't sure. It made her brow furrow, but she didn't spend too much contemplating it, as she would know later tonight anyhow.
The screaming from outside, which had previously stopped, began again, and this time it was so loud that Emma could hear them even through the closed door. "For fuck's sake," she snarled, standing up so abruptly while simultaneously slamming her palms on the desk that her coffee cup tumbled over, getting all over the paperwork she was working on.
Ten, nine, eight…
She wanted a drink. Fuck, she wanted a drink so badly, because fuck stress and fuck being aggravated. And David seemed to realize that she was on edge, so he put a hand on her shoulder and told her calmly, "Don't even worry about it. I'll handle them, okay? And the paperwork."
Emma looked at him disbelievingly, because wasn't this her job? Still, in all fairness, she was supposed to be guarding Regina and the magical hotspot as part of her 'job', and to come here and check up on things she had to leave Mulan there instead. Which… Emma really wasn't sure how that was going, but it was only going to be for today anyhow, unless something dire happened.
Knock on wood.
"Besides, ever since they got arrested, things around here are pretty slow," David continued as he began mopping up the mess Emma made with a paper towel. "Why don't you just go back to Regina's and I'll call you if something comes up."
"You sure?" Emma asked, because she didn't want to be flaking out on her responsibilities. She was the Sherriff after all, and really, the entire thing with 'guarding' Regina was probably what deputies existed for, but… in the end, it was probably just better for everyone involved if she were the one to do it. Regina was and always would be her problem.
Problem. The word sounded laughable in Emma's head. Regina was something, yeah; but never really that. If anything, she was more of a problem to Regina.
David gave her a soft, encouraging smile however and responded, "Yeah, I'm sure. I'll see you at dinner; we should be having it around six."
"Okay," Emma relented, glad for the reprieve; because honestly, it seemed like dealing with Regina was far less stressful than dealing with two screaming criminals, at least as of late.
She just hoped it would stay that way.
[x]
Unfortunately, Regina wasn't exactly thrilled with Emma coming home early.
After brushing her off with a terse, "I'm still going through my things; should you decide to help, dear, you can start by sorting through what we don't need downstairs," the woman turned her back to her, completely ignoring Emma's presence. The blonde sighed softly, realizing Regina was still angry with her for what she had stupidly said earlier, and mumbled an, "Okay," before retreating down the steps and into the study.
Regina had asked for space, so she would give her some. Emma had just hoped that the couple of hours she had been at work were enough, but apparently not.
And it was stupid, really, to feel so terrible when Regina shut her out like this. Emma had done it to her for months, so why shouldn't she get the same treatment when Regina was angry with her? Fair or not though, being dismissed like that still stung, and Emma sat heavily in Regina's desk chair with a sigh, just wishing she had never opened her mouth in the first place.
It wasn't like Emma had intentionally upset her, it wasn't as though she knew how difficult it had been for her, but… in the end, she probably should have known better than to assume anything about Regina's past anyhow. That was really stupid, but hey, it wasn't like Emma was winning any awards with her intelligence as of late anyway.
Exhaling a long breath, Emma allowed her gaze to wander the expanse of Regina's study. She had thought the woman was just going to sell her purses to cover the cost of a car, but apparently if she was going to start selling some of her things, Regina must have figured that it would be smarter if she just got rid of everything that wasn't really needed. Which, to be fair, was a lot. They could easily give Henry a comfortable life in a home that wasn't a freaking mansion filled with expensive things, and while Emma didn't know the specifics of what Regina's bank account currently looked like, the woman must have decided that there was still cause for concern if she was willing to sell whatever she could scrounge together.
Still, Emma had no idea what Regina was and wasn't willing to part with, and not having the woman in the room to confirm wasn't really helping her indecision. In the end though, Emma supposed she could just throw some things together and have Regina look them over later, so the first thing the blonde did was try to find Regina's letter opener. The thing had always looked ridiculously expensive, and really, who actually needs a letter opener anyway? That was what hands were for.
It wasn't on the desk like usual though, so Emma began opening the drawers to see if Regina had put it away for once. If not it had probably just been moved to her office at City Hall, which Emma could always swing by and get later if Regina decided it was something that could go. However, the blonde's attention was momentarily diverted from her task as her gaze landed on a large manila envelope which had seemed to be thrown haphazardly in the bottom drawer. Now normally, this wouldn't really attract Emma's attention; desks were, for most people, a place for storage and they were rarely neat when they were being used all the time. Regina's, however, was; everything was orderly and everything had a place and this… this seemed like something that was just thrown in there either without a care or with far too much to handle having it around.
So, of course, that spiked Emma's curiosity against her better judgment; because yeah, the last thing she should really be doing was snooping around Regina's belongings, but in a way she did have permission, right? Regina wanted her to go through her stuff to find things to sell and hey, for all she knew, the envelope could contain autographed eight by tens of the entire freaking cast of Star Wars or something.
Yeah, okay, that was doubtful, but still; that justified it in the back of Emma's mind at least as she slid it from the desk drawer.
Spilling the contents of it out on the surface in front of her, Emma's breath immediately caught in her throat as she realized what it was that she found. The pictures… the ones Gold had been using to blackmail them, Regina had them. And if Emma was remembering correctly, then that meant that Gold cashed in his favor with Regina and she had obliged him, but what on earth could he have asked for? Since the curse broke, Regina hadn't exactly spent a lot of time in Storybrooke; she was banished within the first couple weeks, and both before and after that was under house arrest. It wasn't like she had been in the position to do anything for anyone, right? Unless it was something magical, but even that… Regina had no control over it unless she was with Emma, so that left her with even fewer options to contemplate.
In the end though, the why of it barely mattered; because in that moment, all Emma could focus on was the fact that they were there, in front of her, bluntly reminding her of a time of ignorance-born happiness that she would surely never get to experience the freedom of again.
Trapping her bottom lip between her teeth, Emma began shuffling through the photos. This was the first time that she had seen them, as Gold had only dealt with Regina after they had stormed into his shop and God, they were… well, basically everything Emma never wanted someone like Gold seeing. Regina and she were naked in nearly all of them, and a few were really goddamn explicit; like to the point where you could see exactly how many fingers Emma had buried inside of the brunette. And Jesus Christ, it took every ounce of willpower inside of her not to think about what Gold could have done with material like this. Not for blackmailing purposes, because that was already a given, but for… well, you know.
Yeah, that was the last fucking thing she wanted to think about, thanks, because just the possibility of it freaking nauseated her.
Those photos though, they mattered very little once put up against the ones of them just lounging around on the dock. Regina was sitting on the edge with her feet dangled in the water, Emma's head lying gently in her lap; their hands were clasped over the blonde's heart, and they were looking up at each other with so much love and adoration that just the sight of it made Emma's throat close up as tears began to well in her eyes.
They were the most terrible ones of all, because the embarrassment of being an accidental porn star didn't hold a candle to the ache those photographs brought to her heart. It felt like it was being crushed inside of her chest, and a singular tear slipped down Emma's cheek as she found herself desperately wishing that things had been different; that Regina and she were still this happy, this in love. That weekend with Regina in her summer cabin had been the best time of her entire life, and it absolutely fucking killed her that she would probably never experience that kind of joy again.
She missed it. She missed her; so much sometimes that it felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Emma? I'm aware that I said I didn't want you upstairs, but right now I really—" Regina began, yet stopped short once she took notice of the blonde seated in her desk chair with dampened cheeks. Her expression immediately became concerned. "What's wrong? What's happened?"
"Nothing," Emma answered, the word sticking in her throat as she sniffled and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. Shaking her head, she averted eye contact and told her, "I just—" But that was as far as she got, because Regina's gaze landed on the photographs on the desk, and her face washed over with realization.
"…Oh."
Yeah, oh.
Emma released a long breath, her brow still crinkled in distress as she looked down at the photograph that had made her weep. "I didn't… know that you got them back," she responded softly, not really knowing what else to say besides that. It suddenly felt like there was a hole inside of her, this ache for a part of her life probably best left forgotten, as it wasn't ever coming back.
There was a slight, awkward sounding hesitation before Regina shifted her weight between her feet and admitted, "Yes, I… fulfilled my end of the bargain."
"Which was?" Emma asked, her voice sounding rather flat and lifeless as she continued to stare at the photo in front of her. She wanted to frame it. She wanted to burn it. She wanted to fucking cry again and never stop.
"Breaking the curse."
That made Emma look up at her, and she took in the woman's guilty demeanor. She had trapped her bottom lip between her teeth as she held onto her torso, looking at Emma like she was hoping the woman learning about yet another one of her lies wouldn't cause a screaming match. But that wasn't what was bothering Emma about that; yes, Regina lied, but that tied into her constantly lying about the curse's existence anyhow. No, what bothered her was…
"You knew then." Off of Regina's perplexed look, Emma reiterated, her voice a little stronger as she looked the woman dead in the eyes, "You knew… you knew that we would break it; you knew that telling me you loved me would destroy us, destroy everything you built here, and yet you did it anyway. Why?"
Regina looked away from her. "I didn't have a choice—"
"There's always a choice."
"Well I had hoped Gold was wrong," Regina told her sharply, bringing her gaze back to Emma's. Her voice hitched in her throat as she shook her head regrettably. "And I… I found that keeping my feelings from you; it was the more terrible option of the two. I was lying about so much, keeping so many things from you and I didn't… I couldn't keep that from you as well. So I took the risk, and I… I lost everything." Swallowing hard, Regina tried to keep her own tears at bay as she asked her, "Do you… still wish that I hadn't?"
"I don't know."
It was the most honest answer Emma had, because there were parts of her that needed to know that Regina loved her; knew that should the woman have never said anything, it would eventually diminish their relationship anyhow. But then the other part was looking at these pictures and… and just wanting everything to go back to how it was before. It was so damn easy before, wasn't it…?
Although perhaps, in the end, anything at all was easier than this.
"Have you looked at them?" Emma asked her instead after a moment's pause, her throat constricting with emotion again as she watched Regina shake her head, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as she quite literally held herself together in the doorway.
"No."
"That was probably smart," Emma breathed, trying to find it within herself to give Regina an understanding smile, yet all it turned out to be was something so devastatingly sad. Her voice hitched as another tear fell delicately down her cheek, her gaze landing on the photographs once more. "They kinda break your heart, you know?"
Regina looked as though those words wounded her, and distress etched across her features as she took an imploring step forwards. "Emma…"
"That was the best weekend of my life," Emma breathed distressingly, looking at the expressions of the two women in the picture. "It was… that was the first time that I knew I was so completely in love with you, and it was amazing and terrifying at the same time, but I thought that it'd be okay, you know? I thought that maybe for once, everything was going to turn out okay, and then…"
"Emma, please," Regina implored, her voice choking up as she stood before her, looking as though she may just shatter on the spot. "Please stop…"
"I'm sorry," Emma apologized, wiping the tears from her eyes as she set the photo back down on the desk. "I'm sorry we had to fuck it up, Regina; I'm so fucking sorry…"
"Shh," Regina hushed, sitting on her haunches to get on the blonde's eye level. She cupped her cheek then, wiping away tears that were echoed on her own face now, and she tried to give her a reassuring smile that only ended up looking completely broken and lost. "There's no use wishing that things were different anymore, because it'll never change. All we've done for so long is regret everything that's happened, and it's given us nothing but more pain. We can't keep living in the past, Emma; because we can't touch it. But this…" Dusking her thumb across the contour of the blonde's cheek, Regina told her softly, "This we can touch. This we can change."
"How?" The question was so terribly small and vulnerable sounding, and Regina's helpless look furthered at the weight of it.
"I don't know," she admitted softly. "But I'm sure one day we'll figure it out. We have to."
Emma pursed her lips and looked down, wishing that this feeling inside of her didn't seem so suffocating, because the only time she felt like she could breathe was when she was in Regina's arms. Wiping another fallen tear from her cheek, Emma rolled the chair back from her in order to stand. "I'm sorry," she told her, feeling like such an idiot all of a sudden. "I know I promised you I'd be stronger, and yet I'm sitting here fucking crying again like some sort of—"
"Emma," Regina implored as she stood, grasping onto the woman's forearm before she could make her getaway. "Being strong it's… it doesn't mean never feeling anything. You're human, and expecting that would be irrational. So don't ever berate yourself for feeling upset; you have a right to it. We both do. Because being reminded of… of something like that; of happiness when we no longer have any? It's difficult."
Emma took a shuddered inhale of breath and closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay as Regina held onto her. She was still facing away from her, unable to turn in fear of the codependent part inside of her grasping for something that she didn't know if she'd be allotted. Regina had been putting distance between them lately, trying to take things a little slower in order for them to heal. And Emma understood why she believed she needed to do that, but right then, all she wanted to do was turn around and bury her face in the other woman's neck. She wanted to fall into her and block out the world, because as much as Regina broke it, she fixed it just as often.
"Emma," Regina breathed, sounding a little vulnerable beneath the weight of the blonde's silence. "I understand that you wish to run away and shut the world out in order to forget, but please… please don't. I worry when you're upset and on your own."
Emma shook her head and sniffled as she opened her eyes. "I just… I don't want to drag you into another one of my emotional pitfalls. You're already pissed at me—"
"This is about me, so I'm in this already," Regina gently reminded her. "And… earlier, I suppose we could just put that away for now; I understand that you didn't know, and therefore couldn't imagine how much it would insult me, but… we have time to discuss it later. If you need me right now, Emma, then I'm here. You don't have to be on your own anymore."
No, she didn't, and yet like an idiot she constantly chose to be. The fact of the matter was, she didn't have Regina because she had chosen not to; Emma had actively chosen to not be in a relationship with the former queen because of all the lies and the deceit, and the fact that she could no longer trust her. But that was crap, wasn't it? At the end of the day, Emma still trusted Regina more than anyone else in her life. She might be the Savior, but Regina was her savior, despite that fact that the woman also happened to be a murderer and a tyrant.
Emma had lived quite a lot of her life in a morally grey area, but it turned out that Regina's grey was much darker than her level of comfort really allowed. Or, at least, that's what she kept trying to tell herself. The longer she was with her though, the softer that voice in the back of her mind became; it still bothered her, Regina's terrible past and the countless lies she had told, but as it turned out, it became rather hard to pretend that you were the one with the higher moral ground after tainting everything with your own spiraling darkness.
Regina was the light in their relationship now. Not her. In the end though, maybe it got them a little closer on the palette, and that made falling into the woman all the more easier.
Emma came to her from gentle coaxing, pressing her body against the length of Regina's as she buried her face in the woman's neck. "It's stupid, you know?" she murmured against her skin, feeling Regina's hand thread through her hair. "I chose this. I chose to walk away from you."
"You didn't choose to be hurt, Emma," Regina reminded her gently, guilt and sadness tingeing her tone. "Should you have stayed with me, we still wouldn't be as happy as we were when that photograph was taken. And I'm—" Her voice choked up for a moment, and Emma could only assume that she was now looking down at the picture on the desk. "I'm sorry… for taking that away from you. I'm—"
"Stop," Emma breathed against her neck, her fingers holding tight to the woman's hips. She didn't want to hear it; all they ever did now was apologize to each other, and it got them nowhere. Nothing changed. "Just stop, and maybe…" But the words ended, and Emma's eyes fell closed as she allowed her lips to wrap around the base of the other woman's neck. She didn't really know what the hell she was doing, but it was just instinctual, to fight off their sadness in this way. It's how they had been escaping their problems ever since the curse broke, anyhow.
"Emma…" Regina warned softly, but her breath had caught in her throat the moment the blonde's lips touched her skin, and the hand that was weaved in her hair noticeably tightened.
"It's not just because I love you," Emma tried to reason, her fingers slipping beneath the hem of the other woman's shirt. "I know you don't want that. It's an escape, you know? We're… it's just what we do, and looking at that shit made me miss—"
"Something we don't have," Regina answered for her, trying to sound strong despite the tremor in her voice and the way she still couldn't quite push Emma away from her. Lips were peppering the expanse of her neck as nails raked along the tautness of her abdominal muscles, and Regina had to take a shuddered inhale of breath before telling her firmly, "And it's… it's something that we can't replicate either. Emma, I won't—"
"I'll hurt you," Emma promised breathlessly, knowing she probably sounded ridiculously desperate at this point but not really caring. Looking at those photographs had left a hole inside of her that she needed to fill, and that's what Regina wanted, wasn't it? To be touched selfishly, not loved unconditionally. Which was… not at all what Emma wanted right then, but she was flexible. "If that's what you want I can bend you over the fucking desk and beat your ass until it's raw, but I just… I…"
"You see photographs of us happy and in love and that makes you want to hurt me?" Regina asked, her tone disbelieving and her breathing slightly heavy as she allowed the blonde to continue her assault on her neck. But Emma bit down then, causing a sharp gasp of pain to release from Regina's lips, and the woman's grip on her tightened as she wordlessly encouraged Emma to continue.
They had always been easy in that way though, the both of them; touching one another had become a drug for them very early on, and despite countless times of trying to quit, neither of them had ever managed to succeed. Everything was such a chaotic mess that, sometimes, just being connected to each other in that way was the only thing that made sense anymore.
"No," Emma admitted, as there wasn't a point in lying about it. It wasn't what she wanted at all. But she shoved Regina against the wall in one smooth motion, making the woman's back collide heavily with the regal wallpaper before pinning her hands above her head, nails piercing the skin of her wrists as Emma fell into the role Regina wanted of her. Brushing her lips against the brunette's teasingly, Emma breathed out her honesty, "I want to kiss every inch of your skin, I want to fall into you and make everything feel like it was, even if it's a lie. I want to make love to you, Regina, but I… I know that's not what you want."
A flicker of intense emotion passed across Regina's face at those words, yet Emma knew that she couldn't let her dwell on it, as it would cause all this to end prematurely. Honestly though, just the thought of Regina not wanting Emma to make love to her made the blonde's chest ache, but she had to push it aside, as Regina had every right to not want something so intimate with her. It wasn't like they were those people in the photographs anymore, and maybe Regina was right to fear the pain it could ultimately cause.
So yes, Emma indulged her need for violent sex, because in the end it was better than nothing at all.
"So I'll treat you like a possession," she continued softly, the words being breathed across Regina's lips as she allowed a hand to wrap around the woman's throat. "I'll take you so hard that you can do nothing else but scream and beg for me to hurt you just a little bit more, because that's all we do lately, you know? Hurt each other. That's probably all you think I'm good for now anyway, so I might as well live up to the pretense."
It was stupid, to say that out loud, and Emma knew that. But while she once reveled in the abuse they dealt to one another's bodies, now it just felt needless; they had so much pain already in their relationship, so why did they continue to bring it to the bedroom? They punished each other and themselves in so many other ways, and now that Emma was sober and trying to heal, she realized she didn't want to be this way with Regina anymore. It hurt more than it helped, and it kept them trapped in a place that neither of them needed to be.
Regina's face practically crumpled at her words though, and her tone was distressed as she tried to implore a gentle, "Emma…"
But Emma didn't want to hear it. It didn't matter anyway; if it was either this or nothing, then she would take this. That's just the way it was, because she needed Regina. For better or worse, she needed her.
Her hand tightening on the brunette's throat, Emma cut off her oxygen as she asked sharply, "Did I say you could speak to me?" Because it was just easier, in the end, to just let it all go and be what Regina wanted her to be, even if it's not what she wanted for herself.
The woman's eyes searched hers for a moment, as though she were debating whether or not it was worth getting into now. But they had their session with Archie tomorrow, and eventually it seemed that should Regina raise issue with it, she would more than likely do so then, so finally she just allowed what was transpiring between them to continue, and shook her head in response.
Emma released her throat then, and as Regina struggled to get air back into her lungs she told her, "You know better than to do something without my permission. Clear your desk and bend over it; you're going to be punished before I even think about rewarding you, do you understand me? Go."
Regina did as she was asked, with only a slight hesitation as she briefly second guessed her decision. This was a mess and they both knew it, but it was a mess they so often fell into. Emma had wanted it to be more, more than just this, more than just pain and punishment and a power that neither of them ever truly held, but even in knowing that it stood to deteriorate them a little more, there was still something so dangerously appealing about the way Regina so easily submitted to her.
It felt like winning.
Winning what exactly, Emma wasn't really sure. Maybe it didn't matter. But they used to fight for the upper hand, and Regina's pride used to never allow for such blatant submission even when she lost. Now though, the woman slipped into the role designated to her with such ease that it gave Emma a sense of satisfaction, to know that she had trained her well.
Which was actually probably laughable to think about, as all of this was really Regina's doing. Emma remembered the conversation they had the first time they fucked after the curse broke of, "I still top you," and "That's because I let you," and Regina had been right; she did hold the power in all this. Emma liked to think she did, as she needed the illusion of it, but the truth of the matter was, that the minute Regina ever said stop, then Emma wouldn't hesitate to comply.
And that, in the end, is where the real power lied; Regina controlled what they could do and how much they could do it, and Emma was merely an instrument to enact it.
Still, seeing Regina all bent over her desk with her ass in the air, completely silent and compliant, did make Emma want to give herself a pat on the back even if she didn't actually deserve it. But then again, maybe that too was just part of the illusion.
Regina's breathing hitched as nails began to scrape agonizingly up tanned thighs, pushing the woman's pencil skirt up around her hips and exposing her lacy underwear to the heavy air in the room. Biting down on her lower lip, Emma's pupils dilated with lust as she then brought the fabric down around the brunette's ankles. "Count for me," she ordered as light fingertips trailed over the curvature of Regina's behind. The woman pressed against the desk readily nodded her compliance, and a loud smack echoed through the room.
Regina whimpered. "One…"
It was followed by another, this time hard enough that it stung Emma's hand. Regina jerked beneath her, nails scraping against the surface of the desk as she breathed, "Two..."
"How many do you think you deserve, Regina?" Emma asked her softly, allowing her hand to caress the area for a moment before delivering another firm smack on her rear end. A small sound of pleasure escaped the back of the brunette's throat before she said the next number, and Emma raised an eyebrow as she waited for a response. "Ten? Twenty?"
"However many you wish to give me, Madame Swan."
"Good answer," Emma praised, allowing her fingers to slide down the center of the woman's thighs. Regina exhaled a shuddered breath and spread her legs wider as Emma gathered moisture on her fingertips. Still, it wasn't nearly enough yet. "Same safe word."
"I don't need it," Regina breathed, before another hard smack was dealt to her ass, causing her to groan loudly in approval. "Four…"
"Well you deserve to have one anyway."
And this time, one that Emma wouldn't abuse. She still felt terrible for what she had done to Regina back in New York, and while the blonde wasn't planning to be nearly as violent, she needed the woman beneath her to feel safe about this. Regina had her own issues to deal with though, and her foolish need to 'sacrifice' herself in order to appease Emma, in order to make up for what she had done in a past the blonde wasn't even a part of, was one of them. And it worried Emma, that even should she need to, Regina would never utter the word, which was why she didn't want to take this too far.
Well, that and this was so far from how Emma wanted to touch her right now that it wasn't even funny. But whatever; if Regina needed this, then that's what she'd do.
Eleven more numbers followed, each preceded by a smack that caused Regina's skin to become reddened and angry. Emma's palm tingled with the aftermath of it, and the brunette was pressed against the desk breathing heavily as wetness seeped down her thighs, painting a glorious picture before crystal blue eyes. Regina was squirming as Emma touched her, running her palm over the expanse of her rear in order to sooth some of the pain. The woman's ass felt like it was on fire, and a predatory growl slipped past Emma's lips as she spread Regina with her fingers.
"Fuck, I wish I had a strap on right now," Emma breathed, finding that this picture would be more complete should she be able to slam into Regina with something more solid from this angle. The brunette shifted then, and with a slight wave of her hand suddenly one materialized in a puff of purple smoke next to her on the desk. Emma's eyebrows rose.
"I wish I had a million dollars."
Regina snorted in response.
"…Just checking."
"It was upstairs," Regina told her breathlessly as Emma rushed to get the hell out of her jeans and put on her new little gift. "I can't just 'poof' things into existence from nothing. I'm not a genie, dear."
Emma had the strap on halfway around her hips before she stopped and said, "Wait, genies actually exist?" Regina gave her an exasperated look as she turned her head towards her, and Emma immediately finished with, "Right, not the time to discuss that."
As she fiddled with the last clasp though, Regina moved from her bent over position to turn and face her. "Here," she coaxed, pulling Emma up against her by one of the straps. "Let me do something…" As Emma raised a questioning eyebrow, Regina took the blonde's hand in hers while her other passed over the shaft between her thighs, magic shimmering from her fingertips.
And, oh. Holy. Christ.
Regina grinned wickedly as she continued to stroke the phallus, watching the other woman's face contort in surprise and pleasure. Now, Emma wasn't sure what it felt like to have a cock, but this had to be pretty damn close to it because Jesus, she could feel everything; the firmness of Regina's stroke, the warmth of her hand. It all shot to her center in such a way that it caused Emma to gasp hard and grip the other woman's thigh, her eyes falling closed as she breathed out, "Holy fucking shit, Regina…"
Regina chuckled low in her throat, continuing to jerk off the silicone member as she scraped her teeth along the expanse of Emma's neck. "Mmm… you approve then?" she breathed against her skin, and Emma swallowed hard though her labored breathing as she nodded. "Do you want me to put it in my mouth…?"
Oh, holy hell.
"Yes, fuck… please," Emma begged her, throwing the dominant role out the window because really, she just didn't freaking care anymore. She'd rather be fucking Regina right now, and not some slave. She'd take her roughly, fine, whatever, but she just wanted her. Regina was the only thing that ever fucking mattered anyway.
…So why the hell weren't they back together yet?
It was a brief thought though, a terrifyingly complicated question that was completely pushed to the back of her mind as Regina dropped to her knees before her. Emma didn't want to deal with it then, even though she knew it would start to become something that grew so large inside of her that she'd eventually be forced to face it. But in that moment, Emma had decided that nothing else existed except the dangerously erotic way Regina looked up at her through her lashes, fingers sliding tightly up porcelain thighs as she grew closer to the prize situated between her legs.
And then Regina's mouth wrapped around the shaft and oh, holy God. Emma groaned low in her throat as she tangled her fingers through Regina's hair, her eyes falling closed as she experienced something that was so out of this world. It was like getting eaten out, but at the same time so not. She could feel the heat of Regina's mouth, the way her tongue swirled around the tip of the cock, and in a way it was as though her clitoris had grown exponentially and everything, everything was centered on it. It was incredible.
Regina's hand twisted the base of the phallus, her mouth sliding up and down the length of it agonizingly slow. Emma's breathing began to labor as sparks shot through every inch of her skin, and she panted out an appreciative, "God, Regina… yes…" as the woman below her satisfied her in a way she never thought possible.
Maybe magic wasn't the bane of her existence after all.
Regina moaned around the obstruction in her mouth, and Emma opened her eyes to look down at her. Her breasts heaving, her gaze caught Regina's, whose eyes were near black with lust as she continued to pleasure her. And then suddenly there was a hand on the inside of her thigh, sliding upwards until she was being entered by two fingers, and Emma cried out in pleasure as her grip tightened on Regina's hair. There was no more slow; the brunette fucked her mercilessly whilst still continuing to tease her tongue along the shaft, and once the entire length was taken in her mouth and fingers curled inside of Emma, the woman was falling so hard and so fast that her knees buckled from underneath her.
Regina caught her before she hit the ground, holding Emma as she came down from her high. Her head was spinning and her chest was heaving and goddamn, they should really incorporate magic into their sex life more often, because wow.
"Are you…?" Alright, probably, was the question Regina was going to ask her, but she didn't get the chance. Emma grasped the back of her neck and seared their lips together in a heated kiss, causing a clash of teeth and tongues that elicited echoing groans as she pressed Regina's back firmly against the carpet. She rolled her hips into her as she pinned the brunette's arms above her head, forcing the phallus to press into Regina's sticky heat that, Jesus, Emma couldn't wait to slide into. She needed to feel her like this. She needed to—
"Wait, wait," Regina panted, hitting Emma's shoulder with her palm as she turned her head, panting heavily. Emma looked down at her, confused and still immensely turned on, and Regina reminded her breathlessly, "Carpet… burn…"
Oh, right. Yeah, that would've sucked.
Emma got off of her then, right before holding out her hand to help Regina up from the floor. The woman barely had a chance to get her bearings however before Emma had picked her up in one smooth motion, eliciting a cry of surprise before Regina was dumped rather unceremoniously onto her desk. She took it in stride though, grasping onto Emma's tank top to pull her between her spread legs. Regina's thighs were drenched in her own arousal, and as their lips collided together once more, Emma wasted no time sliding the phallus over the woman's clit.
"Please," Regina begged through heated kisses, her hands tangling in Emma's hair as she wrapped her legs around her hips. But just as the blonde positioned the cock at her entrance, was when a thought hit her so suddenly that she had to pull away from her.
"Hold on," Emma panted, looking a little panicked at the possibility formulating in the back of her mind. "Do I… should we use a condom or something?"
Regina stared at her disbelievingly for a long moment, before suddenly she erupted into laughter so fierce that she practically snorted, her hand covering her mouth to stifle it. Emma felt her face heat all the way up the tips of her ears and she glared at her while lightly shoving Regina's shoulder. "Hey, shut up, it's not like I know how magic works, alright? It feels real and we have True Love and…. whatever, you know—oh my god, stop laughing!"
"I'm sorry," Regina finally managed, trying to suppress what could only be classified as a giggle fit at this point, which was… both endearing and really fucking annoying, honestly. She shook her head though and repeated, "I'm sorry. I know you… don't understand these things. But I assure you, dear, it's not possible to get me pregnant this way."
"You're positive?" Emma asked, still wary. Magic could do a lot of things, after all; or so she had witnessed. "Cause we're each other's True Loves, Regina; there might be an exception to the rule…"
"Emma," Regina tried to assure her, grasping onto the front of the woman's tank top to pull her closer. "Believe me, creating life via magic is a very complicated process, and involves the taking of another's life to bring about a new one. There needs to be a balance, love, so unless you've killed someone today…" Emma wrinkled her nose at that, and Regina finished pointedly with, "That's what I thought. So believe me, dear, having unprotected sex with an enchanted silicone dildo is perfectly safe."
Emma rolled her eyes. Well when she said it like that it sounded so stupid.
Still, there was something disappointing about that. Not that Emma wanted to magically knock Regina up because Jesus fucking Christ, a baby in the mix was probably the last thing they needed right now, but if… if things ever got better, you know… there really was no other option? Emma didn't want to have to kill someone to have a child with Regina, if that's what they found they wanted one day. That's just… that was bullshit, wasn't it? Shouldn't True Love count for something; how was that fair?
"You look disappointed," Regina noted softly, her eyebrows furrowing as she gently touched Emma's face, coaxing the woman to look at her. "Surely you don't want—?"
"No, obviously," Emma answered, like Regina was stupid to even ask. But that sounded too harsh and Emma exhaled a long breath while shaking her head. "I don't know, I was just thinking… future-wise, you know? If we ever… if things actually worked out? Just sucks to know the option isn't really there, that's all. Or at least not one I'd be okay with taking."
A wave of emotion passed across Regina's face at her words, suddenly feeling the intensity of this unexpected conversation. After a moment she tucked a strand of hair behind Emma's ear, finally responding regrettably with, "Magic isn't… miracle working, Emma. It's elemental, and there are laws that need to be abided to even achieve result. Creating life is… it's a big thing, and not something that should come easy, nor without a high cost."
"No, I know, I… I get it," Emma told her, wishing this wasn't emotionally affecting her as much as it was. It wasn't like they were in a place to be having children together, after all. "I just thought… you know, True Love and everything? I guess it just doesn't seem fair, that's all."
"And should magic not have been involved in our relationship, would you ever have expected such a result?" Regina asked gently, causing Emma's gaze to hit the floor because no, obviously she would have never thought that. "It's the same thing," Regina continued, gently stroking the side of the blonde's face. "Magic or not, we're still both women, and some things… they just can't happen for us, even should we want them to; at least not unless we're willing to pay the price for it, which I don't think is a very good way to bring a child into this world."
Emma nodded, still unable to look at her because she felt like an idiot for even bringing this up. This was so not the time to have this kind of conversation, as neither of them knew if it'd even be relevant later in their lives. Still, Regina's palm pressed against her cheek and coaxed Emma's gaze to meet her own. There was so much emotion in the woman's gaze that it made the blonde's breath catch in her throat.
"But… thank you," Regina breathed, the words barely even audible. "For even considering the thought of having children with me one day…"
Emma's lashes hit her cheeks; this tightness enveloping her chest that she didn't really know how to name. She turned her face to kiss the inside of Regina's palm, before taking the woman's hand in hers and pulling her the rest of the way towards her. Emma kissed her softly then, not really knowing what else to say or do. This wasn't the way this evening was supposed to go, but she liked this emotion far more than what was previously in the air when they were together. It seemed more honest.
She knew in the end though, that it would likely scare Regina.
So when their kisses became a little more heated, when their touches became a little more wanton and desperate for more, Emma wasn't surprised when Regina grasped onto the back of her neck, her hips craning for contact as she begged against her lips, "Do it hard. E-Emma, I need—"
"I know," Emma breathed, trying to ignore the burning disappointment in the pit of her stomach as she touched Regina in a way that wasn't at all what they'd become to one another. Taking the woman's button down blouse in her hands, Emma violently ripped it open, popping buttons as she forced Regina's back to hit the surface of the desk. The brunette exhaled a shuddered gasp before Emma wrapped her hands around the woman's thighs, pulling her ass to edge of the desk.
And yeah, it was erotic as hell. Fucking Regina in this way wasn't terrible, but it just… it felt like something was missing. Weren't they supposed to be getting better, moving forward; so why the hell did Emma feel like they were standing still?
But those thoughts left her mind the second Regina's hand slid through her own heat, parting her folds and running the length of her middle finger over her clit as she moaned softly, waiting for Emma to enter her. And Jesus, if nothing else, Regina knew how exactly to distract her; that was for sure.
"Fuck yourself for me," Emma demanded without thought, as goddamn, right then that was really what she needed to see. Regina grinned wickedly behind a bite to her bottom lip, and then she began to make the absolute sexiest showing of sliding her fingers over herself as she arched her back and moaned out her pleasure.
It literally took everything inside of Emma not to touch herself as well, but she just wanted to watch; she wanted to be driven crazy, because… why the hell hadn't they ever done this before? Regina had always been a cross between the devil and a sex goddess, so much that should she have needed to fall back on another career, she'd probably do amazingly well as a porn star. She was licking her fingers and then sliding them inside of herself, one hand pulling on her nipple as she tossed her flushed face to the side, panting out Emma's name as she brought herself closer to orgasm.
It was the single sexiest thing Emma had ever witnessed in her entire life, and by this point she could literally feel her own arousal dripping down her thighs.
"Emma… fuck, please…" Regina panted, bending her knees to spread herself a little wider as she slid her fingers out of herself, inviting the blonde in in her stead. Her fingers were still circling her clit however, causing Emma's breathing to shallow as she begged shamelessly, "I want to come from you… Please, Emma, I—!"
But that was as far as she got.
Emma didn't need to be told twice, and slid the phallus inside of Regina so fast that the woman nearly choked on her own breath as she grasped for the base of the desk, crying out from the feeling of being so roughly invaded. She was ready enough, so Emma was certain she hadn't hurt her, but even if she had it probably would have been hard to notice because oh, Holy Christ, the feeling of being inside Regina was incredible. Emma could feel her inner muscles clenching around the cock, pulling it in deeper and giving the blonde a sense of pleasure that she could have never even imagined. It wasn't necessarily better, but it was different, and after having sex in only certain ways your whole life, it was kind of freaking amazing to be able to feel something so entirely foreign.
Regina impatiently fisted her hand in Emma's shirt as she roughly slammed her hips into the shaft, taking it all the way up to the hilt as she exhaled a strangled moan. Breathing heavily, Emma lifted one of the woman's legs up over her shoulder and bent over her body, allowing Regina's back to touch back down to the surface of the table, aware now that she wasn't going to be required to do the work in this situation.
But even as Emma used her other hand to grip onto Regina's hip in order to meet her thrust for thrust, it wasn't enough for the woman beneath her. "Harder!" she demanded breathlessly, her nails scratching through her hair as she arched her back. "Fuck me; fuck me like you mean it, Emma, or don't fuck me at all!" And God, Regina almost sounded angry in her desperation, like she was trying to forgot about everything that had passed between them earlier; a line of intimacy that she didn't want to get close to, yet was coaxed towards all the same, because for them… for them it was natural, wasn't it?
And so in turn, it kind of made Emma angry that Regina had spent all this time trying to get her to forgive her, to get her to be with her again – or at least so she thought – and now it was like the moment she grew close enough, the woman had decided to build up some kind of goddamn wall. So yeah, Emma fucked her harder. Emma wrapped her fingers around Regina's throat and fucked her like she would like nothing more than to destroy that god forsaken wall with a damn wrecking ball, and Regina ate it up like it was the best she ever had.
And in the end, that only managed to piss Emma off further.
The more her own orgasm built, the more the rage in the pit of her stomach expanded. Regina was practically screaming, her voice becoming hoarse from the force of it, and she was digging her nails into Emma's wrist, telling her that she was getting close; trying to force her to increase the pressure on her throat so that she could have her orgasm whilst oxygen deprived. But no, fuck that. Emma knew how much Regina got off on that, and so instead moved her hand from her throat and pinned the woman's arms above her head, thrusting so violently within her that she was sure to leave bruises on Regina's pelvic bone as she was finally forced over the edge.
The feeling of the brunette's inner muscles contracting so violently around the phallus led Emma to her own orgasm in rapid succession, and as she came she practically crumpled on top of her as she trembled and gasped for air. But it didn't last long, as Emma didn't want to be there anymore. Her anger was starting to suffocate her, so much that it was starting to actually upset her, and furious tears stung the back of the blonde's eyes as she unstrapped the cock and threw it to the ground.
She didn't even look back at Regina as she turned to head out of the room.
"Emma, what…?" Regina tried to ask, her breathing uneven as she struggled to hoist herself to a seated position on the desk. She sounded so terribly put out. "Where are you going?"
"I have dinner with my parents in an hour, and I need to shower," Emma said flatly as she gathered up her jeans from off the carpet. Thankfully her voice broke only slightly during her sentence, as she was expecting each and every word to crack from how she felt inside. This was supposed to fix it, and yet instead all it did was make her feel like she was falling apart even more.
"So you're just…" Regina began disbelievingly, sounding as though she didn't know whether to be angry or upset, "you're just going to fuck me and leave? Jesus Christ, Emma, you can't even be bothered to look at me, do you honestly think this is an okay way to treat me?!"
"Oh, don't fucking act like it's not what you want!" Emma snapped furiously, finally rounding on the other woman. Her eyes stung with fresh tears but her expression was plastered with anger and blame as she looked at the woman on the desk. "If I had had it my way I would have touched you like you were worth something, but that wasn't what you wanted, was it?!"
Regina tensed her jaw, but said nothing. But it didn't matter, because Emma wasn't done.
"This… all of this unhealthy bullshit that we keep immersing ourselves in is doing nothing else but fucking us up more!" Emma shouted, furiously gesturing between them. "We've hurt each other enough, Regina, so why the hell do we have to keep doing it when we fuck; why can't we just try to be normal, for once in our fucking lives?! Why… God, why the hell are you trying to keep us miserable?!"
Regina continued to stay silent, looking like she was fighting the urge to either not cry, or not lash out and beat Emma within an inch of her life. Which, in the end, Emma should have known better not to invoke in her, especially not when she wasn't touching her while in this house.
Because suddenly a vase in the corner of the room shattered into a thousand pieces.
Emma nearly jumped out of her skin, but before she could come to Regina and force her to control her magic, the other woman pointed towards the door and demanded, "Get out."
"Regina, you're gonna fucking bring down the house if you don't—"
"I said get out!" Regina screamed furiously, causing the ground beneath them to rumble and the plaster to crack on the south wall. "Take your shower and then get the hell out of my house, and don't you dare bother coming back here for the rest of the night either because I'm locking the goddamn doors!"
"Oh my god, Regina, your magic—!" Emma tried to reason, but the second she reached for her, Regina slapped her away. And then she slapped her again, this time across the face. As Emma brought her hand up to her stinging cheek, Regina snarled and gave into the need to make the house stop freaking shaking as she clasped on painfully to Emma's other wrist.
"Fuck you, Emma Swan," she seethed through her teeth, the house beginning to settle around them as the magic dissipated from her eyes. "How dare you think that I'm the one that's keeping us miserable. How fucking dare you."
"Well what the hell else am I supposed to think when you—"
"I don't owe you an explanation!" Regina snapped furiously. "I'm allowed to have my own feelings, my own fears, and I'm not going to let you invalidate them. Now get the hell out of my sight so I can calm down. I don't want to see you; not anymore, not tonight."
"Fine, fucking whatever," Emma grumbled, pissed off beyond all belief that this had somehow come back on her. Because how dare she ever want to make love to her, right? How dare she ever want to fix their relationship? What the hell ever; if Regina wanted her issues that badly, she could just have them.
Shaking her head, Emma ripped her wrist from the other woman's grasp and retreated upstairs to the bathroom, fresh tears falling down her cheeks as her heart compressed in her chest. God, why, why was this so difficult? Why couldn't they just be happy? This was so fucking stupid…
As Emma stepped under the spray of the shower, she found herself hoping that Archie could work miracles. Because if he couldn't, she was going to be tied to the one person who she both loved and hated most in this world, and they'd both forever be stuck in this endless loop of helping and hurting one another that, let's face it, was even far too dramatic for freaking fairytale characters.
And, if nothing else, at least half of them in this relationship wasn't one, and that had to count for something, right? Because Emma didn't want to live like this anymore, it just wasn't working.
TBC…