Author's Note:
Apologies for the long wait. On top of getting a second job and not having much free time anymore, my tendonitis in my dominant wrist flared back up and I was basically crippled for the past two weeks. What fun -_- Anyway, as most of you are probably already aware, I have taken all of my fics off of their weekly update schedules and will get around to updating them whenever I have the time. I'm really sorry it won't be as consistent, but slow updates are better than no updates at all, right? :/

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Therapy

"Oh my God, Regina, please—please say something."

Emma looked as though she may actually start to have a nervous breakdown should Regina continue her silence, but she couldn't help it. She was just staring at her, trying to wrap her head around the fact that, when given an actual choice, Emma still chose her. Not the easier option, not the excuse to finally be rid of what caused the most drama and heartbreak in their lives, but her. Like, no matter what else happened, no matter how angry or upset she was about everything that they had put each other through, she still found Regina to be worth it at the end of the day.

And that caused Regina to forget about all else but the woman next to her, as she began to realize that maybe, should they really start to try, they might stand a chance at being happy after all.

Emma looked as though she were about to fall apart in two seconds however, the long silence following her declaration beginning to make her paranoid and upset, and so Regina responded with the only thing she could think of in that moment; the one word that stood out more than all the rest. "…'Mine'?"

Emma released a breath, noting the disbelieving, yet undoubtedly hopeful look on the other woman's face. "Yeah," she breathed. "'Yours'… you know?"

Of course she knew. Of course she remembered. Those were the words they used before they found the courage to say the words 'I love you', and just the sound of them made a warmth spread so fiercely to Regina's heart that tears stung the back of her eyes as she smiled at the hopeful blonde seated next to her. Her hand covered Emma's then, fingers squeezing tightly in reassurance as she responded softly, "Yes, dear; I remember. And I would… I would very much like the same thing."

Emma's smile lit up her face, and it struck Regina right then how utterly miserable the other woman usually was, as the difference was completely astounding. And God, just realizing that made Regina's heart break for her, for them both, because while deciding on where they wanted to be was a big step, it still wasn't guaranteed that they would end up there. They had so much work to do to get back to that place, and Regina hoped that they could manage it, because if they couldn't it might shatter them more than if they never even bothered to try at all.

"I'm very glad you both are in agreement," Archie said, giving the two women a small smile. And then, as if he were reading her mind, he continued, "From what I'm gathering however, there is a lot you need to work through before you allow yourselves to take that next step. Would either of you like to share what it is, specifically, that you need in order to move forwards? Setting goals may make achieving it that much easier."

Regina and Emma both looked at each other, but the blonde nodded her head at her and encouraged, "You go," as she untangled their hands. Apparently after the last thing she admitted, she wanted a break at being the one to do so first; Regina didn't really blame her.

Taking a deep breath, the brunette tried to organize her thoughts before she spoke. "I… I need Emma to be willing to try to stay sober; I can't be with her when she's drinking, it's emotionally damaging to both of us. And I understand that… slip ups can happen, but I'm still very disappointed that it did, and a little frightened that it may lead to more of them. I need to see Emma doing everything she can to prevent another relapse before I can even think of being with her again."

Archie nodded as he scribbled Regina's answer down on his clipboard. "Anything else?" he inquired when he looked back up at her.

Regina swallowed and looked down, fiddling with the hem of her button down shirt. She didn't like admitting her own weaknesses, but if they ever wished for this to work, then she needed to be honest. "For quite a long while after the curse broke, Emma made me feel… very worthless," she hesitantly admitted, despising how pathetic that made her sound. "And perhaps I did deserve her anger and her hatred, but that doesn't change the fact that it hurt me in a way that nothing else has in a very long time. It caused me to… almost lose my sense of self, in a way; and despite trying to assure myself that there has to be some part of me that's worth loving, I sometimes still struggle with acting like a person, and not some… not like some mutt that's begging for her scraps, because I have to be worth more than that. I have to be."

"Regina," Emma breathed, her face crumpling. "You are, of course you are—"

But Regina held up her hand to stop Emma's response, and the blonde let the words die in her throat, leaving nothing but a guilty expression in its wake. "I need an apology for that, but not right now," Regina told her, needing Emma to understand that this wasn't the time. She then turned back towards Archie. "Right now I wouldn't believe it; not when I know she still holds so much resentment towards me. I want us to be able to look at each other and see equals before that can ever happen, otherwise we're going to continue having problems in our relationship. Both of us have terrible self-esteem right now."

Archie nodded again whilst scribbling some more notes, before looking up at the blonde. "Emma?"

Emma still looked wounded and guilty over Regina's words, but she blinked a couple times to try to clear her head before turning towards Archie. "I, uh… I'm still having problems forgiving Regina for everything she's done," she admitted. "I know that she's sorry and I know she's not that person anymore, but there's still a lot of things that I just can't—I can't get over, you know? I don't know how. And unless I do, I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to look at her like I used to."

"And I'm still…" Emma continued, picking absentmindedly at her jeans as she spoke. "I don't really trust her. I mean, I do, in a lot of ways – a lot of ways that really matter – but not fully, you know? And I honestly thought things were getting better with that until yesterday, when I found out she betrayed my trust again, and—"

"Emma, I thought—it was supposed to be the right thing to do," Regina tried, having her turn in sharing the guilt. "I thought it would help; your mother was an idiot with a fixation, I thought that if I just opened her eyes a little to what actually mattered—"

"I know why you did it," Emma admitted, trying to look at things rationally instead of emotionally for once. "Believe me, I get it. But that doesn't—I mean, I told you that the entire point was that it had to come from them; that they couldn't be told to do it, because now I feel like… I feel kind of like they're placating me or something, just to make sure I don't fall the fuck off the rails again. It defeats the whole purpose, Regina, and now I don't know what to believe and I… God, I hate that. I wanted this so badly, needed it, and now that I have it I can't even believe it's real because of how it happened."

"I'm sorry," Regina softly apologized, feeling terrible because yes, Emma had made it clear that they shouldn't have had to be told. But she just thought, at the time, that it was the right thing to do. She thought it would help, but then again, she didn't think Snow would have been so stupid as to admit to her daughter that Regina had told her. But God, shouldn't she have learned by now? Snow White couldn't keep anything to herself even if her own life was on the line, for Christ's sake. "I'm really very sorry, Emma. You're right; I should have never told them. I wish I could take it back."

Emma pursed her lips and said nothing. She still looked upset but she nodded, at least accepting Regina's apology for what she had done, even if it didn't change anything. She at least understood that the brunette regretted breaking her trust; regretted ruining the one thing she really needed. It came from a place of love though, Regina did it because she cared, and in the end, that was probably why Emma was able to forgive her for it.

"Alright," Archie interjected, taking a few last notes before he turned back towards the two women. He actually looked kind of proud that the two of them were able to work out that, at least, with both minimal interference and a lack of raised voices. Which, Regina supposed… for them, may very well be revolutionary. "From what I'm understanding, what we should focus on first is forgiveness, as it will allow Regina's concerns about a genuine apology to be addressed thereafter. However, before we get to that, I'm going to make a suggestion that neither of you will probably like, but I feel is necessary in order for your relationship to heal."

Both woman shot the man seated before them a wary look. "And what might that be?" Regina questioned, not exactly thrilled by the prospect of having more things in their relationship that neither of them would enjoy. They were having a tough enough time as it was already.

Archie took a breath, looking a little hesitant over how this would be received before he suggested, "I think it would be beneficial if you both held off on the sexual aspect of your relationship… at least for the time being."

"What?" Emma immediately exclaimed, as though Archie had just told her that she needed to have a goddamn limb removed or something. Regina's first instinct was to roll her eyes at that, as it wasn't as though they needed sex in order to survive or anything, but the more she thought about it, the more uncomfortable it made her. She and Emma's relationship began with sex, and as such was a very predominant thing for them; and while Regina understood why Archie believed holding off on that might benefit them, a part of the woman feared that without it, they might find that they had nothing else.

Which was probably stupid, as loving someone encompassed more than just enjoying their body, but things had been so terrible between them lately that taking away the one way that they always knew they would relate to each other seemed kind of dangerous.

"Please don't think I am judging you," Archie began to explain. "But the sexual lifestyle you have always led with one another requires a fair amount of trust to be healthy, and it seems as though neither of you have that with each other anymore. On top of the fact that it could turn dangerous, Emma, you stated yourself that you used Regina's body as a way of coping with your issues. That shouldn't be what sex is about, and considering neither of you can agree on what it is you want from those experiences, I think it would be best if you both held off until you have decided to give your relationship another try."

Both women were completely silent following that, which prompted Archie to ask outright, "Do you think you are able to do that?"

Emma sighed heavily and mumbled a resigned, "Yeah," as Regina nodded her own compliance. Neither of them seemed particularly thrilled about it, but what Archie said was true; until they could trust one another, until they were willing to give all of themselves to each other, then perhaps it was best if they didn't have sex complicating matters. It was no secret that it had become more unhealthy than not as of late anyhow. When they weren't physically tearing one another apart, it seemed they were inflicting emotional abuse in its stead. That wasn't… that shouldn't be what being together is about.

"Good," Archie praised with a smile, as though they were children who needed to be taught how to function like proper human beings. Regina scowled at the assumption, despite how much truth it seemed to bear. They were a complete mess; the both of them. As Regina tangled her fingers in her hair and leaned back against the couch, Archie asked, "Now are there any specific issues either of you would like to address?"

But before Regina could bring up the issue of Graham, and Emma's clear upset with his death – more so than anything else she had ever done – the blonde blurted out, "The whole… not having a choice in this whole thing – it's… uh, it's fucking me up a little."

Archie's brow furrowed. "Not having a choice in what, exactly?"

"Being with Regina."

The man in front of them seemed to look even more confused by that, and he tilted his head in question as he asked, "What makes you say that? When I asked whether or not you wanted to be with one another, did you not answer of your own free will? That's a choice, Emma."

"No, I know," Emma said, sitting up straighter as she gestured with her hands, as though trying to wave that off in order to make way for some sense. "I just meant, with the whole True Love thing, it's like… no matter what we do, we're always gonna be stuck with each other. And I'm not saying that's bad or anything, or even that I don't want it, but it makes me wonder whether I want it because I want it, or because some unsayable force in the universe or whatever is making me want it, you know?"

Regina stayed silent, understanding Emma's concern with it despite having more acceptance of it than she. Archie however, seemed to look even more perplexed by that explanation than he did before he even had one.

"I'm sorry, you— you believe that… because of being one another's True Love's, destiny is forcing you to be with one another?"

"Isn't it?" Emma questioned, suddenly second guessing herself from the surprise that had etched itself across their therapist's face. Regina as well now looked confused, as she had thought the same thing as Emma.

"Of course not," Archie told them, as though he were surprised neither of them seemed to realize. "True Love is merely another term for soul mates; two people who have been through many lives together, that is all. It isn't an exclusively romantic concept, nor is it limited to being bound to one person; people are capable of having many True Loves in their lifetimes, and thus they can sometimes overlap."

"How do you know this?" Regina demanded, as this clearly wasn't common knowledge, right? Snow and Charming seemed to subscribe to the same theory she had, after all; so this wasn't just her own misconception, if this were true.

"I read."

Regina scowled. "Don't patronize me."

"I'm sorry, I'm not—that wasn't my intention," Archie quickly apologized, fiddling uncomfortably with his glasses beneath the weight of Regina's glare. "But curses weren't exactly uncommon in our world, nor were their remedies," he continued. "I just assumed that surely you would have heard of it being broken by something platonic before, or perhaps even familial; there are many books about the subject due to its frequency."

"I… hadn't," Regina admitted, sounding so terribly confused. She had been so sure that True Love was solely a romantic concept that she hadn't even considered the fact that it might not be. She wished she would have known before, as perhaps she could have put Emma's fears of not having free will to rest long before this.

"So wait," Emma interrupted, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her thighs. "You're saying that being Regina's True Love has nothing to do with why I actually love her?"

"Being Regina's True Love merely means that you've lived many lives with her before this one, and will continue to do so in many others," Archie told her. "So no, that is not why you're in love with her; you could have just as easily walked through this life with her as a friend or a confidant. She would have been important to you either way, but it was you who chose to fall in love with her for everything that she is, not fate."

Emma looked as though all her breath left her at that confirmation, and Regina nearly cried at the expression on her face. She looked shocked of course, but still undeniably happy at the root of it all, for knowing that released a terrible burden that had been weighing on their relationship since the breaking of the curse. It was a freedom neither of them expected, and now that they had it, it seemed they didn't really know what to do with it.

Regina's hand was hovering over her mouth as she stared at Emma, who was trying to let that information sink in and sort out what it meant for them. And then she was looking at her, all this emotion painted across her face as she stared at Regina like she was finally seeing her for the first time, and the sheer intensity behind it suddenly brought tears to the brunette's eyes.

"Oh my god," Emma breathed finally, almost looking as though she were falling in love with her all over again. "I love you. Like actually, really… love you."

The weight of her feelings caused Regina's smile to momentarily falter as she struggled to keep herself from outright crying at the look on Emma's face. "I suppose it would seem that way, yes," was all Regina said in response, the words said slowly and barely above a whisper as her throat constricted tightly. She didn't want to cry in front of Archie; god, she didn't even want to have this moment in front of the Bug, and yet it didn't seem she had any control over how or when this was happening.

It was Emma who broke first.

A small sob ripped its way past her throat as she dismissed all else but the woman before her, grasping Regina's face tightly between her palms as she kissed her fiercely on the mouth. Emotion poured from the blonde's lips and Regina devoured it like ambrosia, feeling rather infinite as Emma breathed a confirmation that neither of them realized they had truly craved until that moment. It caused Regina to lose the battle within herself as a hot tear slid down the contour of her cheek, her eyes falling closed as she pretended, just for a moment, that it was just them, and that they were alone in sharing this moment together that they both knew they so desperately needed.

That ended as soon as Archie cleared his throat uncomfortably.

The two women separated immediately, suddenly very aware that they weren't the only two people in the room, and as Emma's cheeks colored a dark red, Regina quickly looked away and murmured a quiet, "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."

"It's quite alright," Archie assured her, although still looking a little embarrassed himself at having witnessed such an emotional display. "Despite it being nothing more than a misunderstanding, your misconceptions about True Love had clearly been hindering your relationship. With that resolved, it undoubtedly paves the way for more reconciliations, and for that I'm glad."

Regina pursed her lips into a thin line but said nothing. The word reconciliation reminded Regina that they still had problems, and while the entire point of therapy was to work through them, suddenly she found that she would rather leave them as is. Which was ridiculous really, as logically Regina knew she couldn't live forever in this moment, but drudging up the bad when they finally had a glimmer of good just seemed really cruel right then.

She just wanted to bask in this feeling; was that too much to ask for?

Apparently so.

"Regina," Archie addressed then, and the brunette immediately felt her stomach sink in her gut. "When I asked about the issues you both had been experiencing in your relationship before, you looked as though you were about to say something before Emma spoke. Would you like to share what that was now?"

"No."

It was so automatic, so instinctual, that it didn't just take Regina by surprise, but everyone else in the room. Archie raised his eyebrows and Emma looked at her like she had six heads, as wasn't it always her that was pushing them to talk about things? But right then Regina just didn't want to, she just wanted Emma to keep looking at her like she was worth something, everything – please – and yet despite not being ready to move onto the next moment in her life, the world kept on turning beneath her feet.

Time stops for no one.

"No?"

Regina cleared her throat and averted her gaze. "I merely meant that… right now doesn't seem the time. That is all."

"And why do you think that?" Archie pressed, reading her hesitant demeanor like a goddamn book. "If it's an issue of great magnitude, Regina, wouldn't you think it'd be better to discuss it in a safe and mediated environment, rather than on your own where things could get out of control?"

Of course it would be better here, but Regina just didn't want to do it now. She didn't want Emma screaming and getting upset all over again; she didn't want to fight, she didn't want to—

Sighing heavily, Regina fixed a glare on the man in front of her and crossed her arms over her chest. He knew why she didn't want to do it, she could tell by his expression. But it wasn't him who said anything, it was Emma.

"Just say whatever you need to say, Regina," she muttered, picking anxiously at her jeans. "It's why we're here, right? This is… this is how we get better."

"You're not going to like the topic," Regina warned gently, because bringing this up had never warranted favorable results. But Emma just shook her head at that as she scratched her nails down her denim thighs in order to distract herself.

"Just say it before I change my mind."

Regina took a deep breath, her gaze flickering to Archie before it laid rest on Emma. "Graham." That was all she said, just one singular syllable, but it was enough to make the blonde pale and fiercely shake her head.

"No. No, nevermind, I take it back…"

"Emma, we need to talk about it!" Regina exclaimed loudly, feeling her stomach twist in her gut as the magic within her reacted severely with the anxiety this conversation brought about. She tried to fight it, but it was hard when all her focus was on how Emma was reacting, rather than what she herself was feeling in that moment. As the blonde launched to her feet and began to pace, Regina continued, "You need to tell me why he matters above everything else that I've done, I need to know—!"

"I told you I don't want to fucking talk about it!"

"Why?!" Regina raged, her skin crackling with power as it ran hot like fire through her veins. Her own anxieties spiked something within her that was so intensely hard to control, and when Regina finally spoke of her own fears, her voice broke and she suddenly began to lose the battle raging inside of her. "Is it because… were you in love with him…?"

But just as Emma rounded on her, face etched in surprise and disbelief, Regina found herself completely immersed in her own paranoia. It made her a slave to her emotions, to her instincts, and suddenly she was unable to keep multiple things inside of her at once. And so as Regina opted to hide how badly that thought wounded her, her magic shot outwards in its stead, expressing her pain and heartache in the form of completely shattering the television set. The sound was so loud that it startled Archie nearly out of his seat, and the spike of his own fear mixed with the magic that still resided in the manor suddenly left a befuddled cricket in the armchair instead of a grown man.

"Holy shit…!" Emma started, eyes widening at the very real fairytale creature that had appeared before her eyes. Only once before had she seen people in their true forms – the day the curse was broken – and that day was filled with so much craziness that it was probably hard for her to process. But Emma had had quite a while to deal with reality since then, and as such while it still startled her, she didn't end up dwelling on it. Instead, she instinctively reached for Regina to allow her to control her magic, and as their hands clasped together, Regina's gaze found Dr. Hopper.

"I'm sorry, it was… that was an accident," she apologized, feeling foolish for allowing her emotions to get the better of her like that. "This house is… unstable, where magic is concerned; and panic seems to be one of the driving factors in its manifestations. I honestly did not mean for any of that to happen."

"It's… fine," Archie tried to assure her in a high pitched voice, although still sounding very confused about what on earth had just happened. Regina supposed it would be a little disorienting. "It was just unexpected; I wasn't aware that any magic resided in Storybrooke."

"It's only here," Emma told him with a heavy breath as she slumped down on the couch next to the brunette, still keeping a firm grip on her hand. She looked emotionally exhausted already and they had barely even begun; although perhaps she hadn't been expecting this short reprieve, and as such the weight of Regina's previously hidden fear was now washing over her in waves. "This is where the curse broke, but it broke… wrong, I guess, and everything's all screwed up. I don't know; it's complicated."

Archie – or perhaps now more accurately, Jiminy – hovered a few feet above the leather of the armchair as he peered at the two women. "May I ask why it is that you two are holding hands? Given the intensity of your previous discussion, it seems a little odd."

"I can control my magic when Emma touches me."

"Oh?" Archie looked intrigued by that answer, but Emma just shrugged in response, which about summed up Regina's knowledge on the subject. Neither of them really knew why it happened, just that it did.

"We're assuming it has something to do with Emma being the product of True Love." Which could very much be wrong, but it was the best theory they had thus far. It wasn't as though they had a way to test these sorts of things in this realm, after all.

"Interesting," Dr. Hopper noted, before flying over to his pad and pencil that had dropped on the ground. However after quickly assessing the situation with a once over and realizing that writing in this form probably wasn't going to be achievable, he made a little disgruntled sound before returning to the chair. Regina tried not to look amused at his expense, but it was difficult; the pen was bigger than he was.

And then suddenly with another pop he was back in his human form, nearly falling off of his chair in surprise by the weight change of his own body. He held onto the armrest as he tried to get himself situated before pushing his glasses up on his nose with his forefinger. It really did look rather comical, but perhaps Regina was just trying to focus on something other than what was inevitably going to come.

"Sorry," Archie apologized as he got settled, grabbing his pen and pad from off the ground as his ears turned a bit pink. "Wasn't quite expecting that either. It comes on rather suddenly, doesn't it?"

"Mmm," Regina murmured in response, trying to focus on anything other than the way Emma's sweaty hand nervously gripped her own. She knew the conversation was coming back, and she didn't want to deal with it just as much as Regina didn't. The brunette swallowed and chanced a glance at the woman beside her, only to see Emma twisting a strand of hair between her fingers so tightly that the ends were beginning to split upwards.

After scribbling a quick note on his pad, Archie looked up at the two women across from them. "Now, before we continue the conversation at hand, can I ask that one of you elaborate on just what exactly the issue is between you two and our former sheriff?"

Regina briefly side-glanced Emma again while the blonde firmly set her jaw. Feeling her stomach twist into knots, Regina tried to justify everything she had done in her head while she admitted in an emotionless voice, "I killed him."

"…Oh."

It was as though those three words suddenly reminded Archie who exactly it was he was counseling, and he looked torn between being horrified by the information and scared Regina was going to do him next, all while struggling to maintain his professional demeanor. He fidgeted.

Nobody spoke.

"Just… tell me," Regina implored Emma finally, unable to stand the silence. The weight of it stood to crush her. "I need to—was it because…?"

"Jesus, no," Emma interrupted, finally turning to look at her. "Is it really that hard for you to wrap your head around being upset over someone's death if you're not in love with them? It's called human fucking decency, Regina; look it up."

"If its human decency then why on earth haven't you concerned yourself with all my other sins?!" Regina demanded, looking at Emma like she couldn't fathom her train of thought. "I've killed many other people, ruined countless lives, and yet the one thing you seem to truly hate me for is—"

"God, you don't get it, do you?!" Emma shouted, her grip on Regina's hand bordering on painful now. "Everything else, all the horrible things you've done, it's just… they're all just stories! I get that they're real but they don't feel like they are; that place, those people, I'm so disconnected from it all. But with Graham… with Graham I'm not. He was here, I knew him, and it's his fucking death that reminds me of what you are, Regina! He's not some story in some twisted fairytale; he was a good man who… who died in my arms because you thought murder was a great way to deal with your fucking petty jealousy bullshit!"

"That was not why I—"

"If you look me straight in the eye and lie to my face, Regina, I swear to god."

The brunette faltered. Silence fell between them as Regina swallowed, averting her gaze and shaking her head whilst biting the inside of her cheek. Finally, softly, she amended, "I just meant that… jealousy, it wasn't the only reason. He was getting his memories back, and I had to protect this town—"

"Another lie."

"Fine, I had to protect myself, alright?" Regina snapped, rounding on her. "The curse was falling apart and if I didn't eradicate the weak link then it would have all come tumbling down around me. I would have lost everything, I would have lost Henry—" That thought caused her voice to hitch in her throat, but Regina suppressed the urge to cry again and just shook her head, hand twisting in Emma's grip.

"So yes, I killed him. I killed him to keep my son from knowing, truly knowing that I was a monster and despising me for it. I killed him to protect everything I had built, and I killed him because I was furious in that moment that the idiot had chosen you over me. I killed him for so many reasons, Emma, and none of them even made a difference in the end; the curse still broke, and someone I loved still thought me a monster for all that I had done." Her eyes connecting with Emma's, Regina's voice became soft and self-loathing as she finished pointedly with, "It just wasn't Henry."

Emma pursed her lips into a thin line and said nothing for a long time. Neither did Archie, who seemed content to let the two women get out everything they needed to say before he intervened. Finally, Emma's eyes fell to their linked hands. "I don't… think you're a monster for all that you've done, Regina. That's the point. I can't connect any of that to reality in my head, so it's like everything else doesn't even matter. And this is probably really fucked, but I'm… I mean, I'm actually kinda glad that I feel that way, you know? Cause with Graham, it… god, it sickens me to think about," Emma told her, face washing with contempt and disgust as she shook her head. "And I can't… I don't want this feeling to be multiplied. I don't want to blame you for another twenty, fifty, a hundred deaths because then… then I might no longer love you; or worse, even after accepting that you did all those things, I find that I can't stop… because what the hell would that say about me, you know? What the hell kind of person would that even make me…?"

"It would make you a forgiving person," Archie interrupted, which was good because Regina didn't know what to say to that. It felt like she was falling apart; once again, not feeling worthy enough to be loved. "Emma, it's no secret that Regina did some terrible things in the past, but when you look at her now, do you see the Evil Queen?"

Emma exhaled a hard breath. "I didn't even know the Evil Queen—"

"You knew a modernized version of her; the conniving, manipulative Mayor of this small town who still killed for her own gain. But is she still that same person? When you look at her now, what do you see?"

"I…" Emma's eyes met hers, and Regina wished she could breathe. It felt like her throat was closing in on itself as she attempted to keep her emotions hidden inside of her. "She's just… mine. My Regina. My… my everything. And it scares me because I… there's more, isn't it? There's more to her than just what I see, and I'm afraid I'm blinding myself to everything else just because I love her; that I only see the good because it's the only thing I want to see."

"Emma, if all you ever truly saw was the good in Regina, then we wouldn't be having this conversation," Archie gently reminded her, causing Emma's gaze to downcast. "It's understandable," he continued, "to have been affected by Graham's murder more than any other; you knew him, he was a part of your life, no matter how briefly. But he is not the only life that Regina has taken, and pretending he is won't make forgiving her any easier."

"What you need to understand is that, no matter how much we may wish it, we cannot change the past." He paused for a moment then, and Emma seemed to realize that Archie was waiting for her full attention because she looked up at him again. "All we can do is shape a better future, which is why you both are here. There's a difference between forgetting and forgiving, Emma, and should you really wish to rebuild your relationship with Regina, then you have to realize that those mistakes were a part of her past, a part of who she is, because pretending they aren't will only delay the inevitable, as it's never going to truly go away. It will always be a factor in not only her life, but yours as well."

"Look, I know she's not… I mean, I get that she's not that person anymore," Emma tried to explain. "I'd have to be an idiot not to; because I'm pretty sure that if she was, instead of allowing the town to banish her she would have freaking leveled it instead. But that's the thing, you know? With the stories I've heard about what she's capable of, that's what I'd automatically assume the 'Evil Queen' would do. Yet I look at Regina as she is now and I just can't… I can't even see her doing something like that. I mean yeah she has a temper and yeah I've seen her vengeful streak, but there's a huge difference between manipulating circumstances to get someone thrown in jail and outright murdering hundreds of people to get her way."

"Emma," Archie addressed, leaning his elbows on his thighs as he looked at her. "Did you ever wonder that perhaps that might be exactly what Regina needs?"

Confusion masked over the blonde's face. "What?"

"Perhaps she needs someone who can't see her doing any of those things; who sees her as she is now, and not what she once was," Archie explained, and Regina felt her stomach twist into knots at how true those words rung. "Both you and your son are quite literally her second chance, and seeing as how you can't imagine her ever being that evil, I think we can assume she has done well in that area thus far, wouldn't you agree?"

Emma shifted in her seat. "I guess…"

"I understand your frustration that you feel as though you don't know all of her, or all of who she was or what she's capable of because you weren't around then, but there are enough people who were that are going to remind her every day of what she used to be," Archie continued. "There are enough people out there who don't trust her or are still scared of her because of what she's done, and Regina will have that hanging over her head for the rest of her life. So many of them are still going to look at her and only see what she once was, Emma, so perhaps the best thing for both of you is not to dwell on it as they are, but finally see her for who she is. It's the only way to move forwards."

Emma's brow furrowed. "But isn't that… I don't know, almost like forgetting? Cause you said—"

"I said there was a difference between forgiving and forgetting," Archie reminded her. "Should you find you are able to forgive her, that doesn't mean you'll forget what it is that she's done, and you shouldn't. Always remember who she used to be; if for no other reason than to be reminded that things have changed. Talk about the past with her, understand the magnitude of the things she has done, but do not dismiss or dwell on them. They are what they are, and no amount of hiding them away or dissecting them further is going to change what happened, and it certainly isn't going to further Regina's efforts of becoming a better person in the future if all anyone is ever concerned about is her past."

The two women looked at each other then, Regina still unable to speak as emotion had tightened her throat throughout this entire exchange. It was such a deep fear of hers; that Emma would never be able to forgive her, that Emma would look at her like she was nothing but the Evil Queen. Regina wanted to be honest with her, as she didn't think she could embark on a true relationship with all of her terrible secrets like that being hidden, but it was just so difficult to watch the horror play out on the blonde woman's face after each and every one she found out. It made Regina wonder which one would finally break her; which one would finally be too much and Emma would never be able to look at her with love again.

"And Emma?" Archie added, the sound breaking the two women's staring contest as they turned back to look at him. "Forgiving her would never make you a bad person. It's quite different from condoning what she's done; please remember that."

Emma's fingers twisted in Regina's as she took a deep breath, nodding her understanding. It didn't fix anything, not by a long shot, as they still had so much to talk about in regards to Regina's past, but it did open a door that could allow them to finally move past all this… or to have the realization that they never could. It was the latter part of the variable that scared Regina quite terribly.

Archie seemed to see that though, and so he addressed her next. "Regina, you've been awfully quiet throughout this conversation. Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"I…" The word broke from how tight her throat had gotten, and Regina had to clear it before she could speak again. "There's a part of me that doesn't want Emma's love without her forgiveness, because it feels like a lie. I'm directly responsible for ruining her life; for having her grow up in terrible situations without people who love her, no matter how much she tries to put that blame on her parents. But then there's another part of me that… is afraid that should she truly know everything that I've done, that she'll leave me and never look back. I'm afraid that she'll never be able to forgive me."

"Because you're unable to forgive yourself?" Archie ventured.

"No," Regina told him, much to the man's surprise. "Because forgiveness is something that comes hand-in-hand with regret, and I can't find it within myself to regret the things I've done."

Archie looked taken aback by that statement, but it was of no surprise to Emma, who had already heard the same thing once before. "Can I…" Archie tried, clearing his throat as he attempted to keep this professional, despite the fact that among the list of things Regina didn't regret was the ruining of his own life and many others. "May I ask why not?"

"Because of Henry," Regina answered without hesitation. "Everything I've done, whether it be good or bad, brought me to him. I will never regret that. I will never regret casting the curse and coming here; I can't."

"I see," Archie responded, his expression coloring with more understanding than it previously had. "But do me a favor and think for a moment, about all of those events separate of what they reaped. Taking Henry out of the equation, do you regret the woman you love growing up alone because of you?"

Regina looked at him like he was stupid. "Of course, but that doesn't—"

"It does," Archie interrupted. "It matters. You hate that Emma had a terrible childhood because of your actions, and that is regret, Regina. Even if you wouldn't change a thing because it brought you to your son, you can still feel terrible about it and wish there had been some other way. And that is what makes you worthy of forgiveness."

'Worthy of forgiveness;' the words sound so strange, as for most of her life Regina never felt worthy enough for anything. But that was the problem, wasn't it? As a child she learned to act like she was nothing as it appeased her mother and kept the punishments at bay, so when she needed to appease Emma she basically reverted to the only thing she knew that worked. She acted like she was less than her, allowed Emma to walk all over her, and for what? It accomplished nothing. If anything, it just screwed them up more.

Still… knowing it was problematic didn't automatically fix the issue. Regina had a lifetime of either being walked on or doing the walking, that learning to stand on equal footing as someone was going to take time. Regardless though, knowing she was worthy of Emma's forgiveness was the first step. In the end though, Regina knew that being worthy of it didn't automatically mean that she would get it. She just had to hope.

"I think you both should schedule a time to talk privately," Archie instructed. "Perhaps have Emma's parents take Henry for a couple hours so you'll know there will be no interruptions. And when you do, try not to blame one another, try not to yell; just listen to what the other has to say. If things do get heated and you believe you're unable to do this without a mediator, then by all means call my office and schedule another appointment; my door is always open."

"Thank you, Doctor," Regina responded quietly, nodding her head in recognition. Archie smiled as he gathered up his things.

"Well I think that's enough for today," he said. "It's clear there's a lot to work through here, and it wouldn't do for either of you to become overwhelmed by it." As he rose from the chair, he continued, "While we only agreed on this one session and Emma's addiction counseling, like I said before, my door is always open. Please do not hesitate to call should you both need another session. And Regina, that goes for you as well, should you believe you could benefit from individual counseling too."

Regina said nothing, but nodded her understanding. She wasn't sure right now if she wanted to do that, but it was nice to know that she had the option whilst still in Storybrooke, despite the fact that it wasn't going to be for long. But due to that, perhaps it might be better to allow him the focus of working with Emma, instead of herself. They had such little time here, after all, and no other councilor in the outside world was really qualified to deal with the kinds of issues that they had.

Well, outside of perhaps Emma's drinking, but that still stemmed from issues that she wouldn't be able to talk about outside of this town.

Archie showed himself out, and once the door closed behind him, the two women looked at one another from across the couch. They hadn't moved and their hands were still linked together. "So," Emma said softly, eyes meeting Regina's. "What now?"

Dusking her thumb lightly over Emma's palm, Regina looked down at their hands and took a deep breath. "Now," she answered quietly, "I suppose we figure out when we want to have that talk."

TBC…