Author's Note:
And if you look to your left, you'll see pigs flying over the frozen wastelands of hell, lol.

CHAPTER THIRTY
Support

"Hey… you okay?"

Neal looked concerned, and Emma realized that her cheeks must still be splotchy from crying. She hadn't expected her talk with Regina to elicit that much emotion, as she had spent a great deal of her life burying everything she felt about her past in order to disconnect from it. As it turned out however, the trust she had in Regina must have broken the dam she had built, and once she began talking about it, everything rushed from her rather violently and unexpectedly.

Her loneliness, her lack of self-worth, her helplessness… it had crippled Emma as a child, so much more than the abuse she had been subjected to in a few of her foster homes. In the end, those wounds could heal; but the scars left on her heart would always be with her as long as she lived. It was why she had such a hard time forgiving her parents for giving her up; she felt like she couldn't erase what was permanently etched on her soul. Being an orphan wasn't just something that happened to her, it was a part of who she was. Without that, would she even be the same person anymore?

What was worse though, was that by the end of it all, Emma was starting to feel stupid for ever having offered to share that part of her life. By comparison, Regina's own had been far shittier, and so it just felt to her like she was whining about stuff that barely even mattered. Regina however, at least seemed happy that she had chosen to talk about it, but maybe that was just because it steered the conversation away from her.

In the end though, it was probably for the best that Emma had shared what she did, because it at least allowed Regina to know more about her. For so long, the scales had been drastically uneven, so maybe this way they could at least start to feel like they were somewhat on the same level.

And if there was one thing they desperately needed in their relationship, it was to find a balance.

Emma's palm immediately went to her cheek, needing to make sure it wasn't still tear-stained as well as splotchy, as she waved the man off with her other hand. "Yeah, it's… nothing," she dismissed, before quickly changing the subject. "How did it go with Henry?"

Regina had been on the kid the second he had walked in the door, leaving Emma to deal with Neal, who was left standing rather awkwardly on the porch. Regina didn't even let him say a proper goodbye. Not that Emma was surprised in the slightest, but she did feel a bit bad for the guy because once upon a time… that had been her. So she could relate.

"It was good," Neal responded, smiling. It was genuine, and not at all filled with the anxiety Emma expected him to have had after trying to bond with the son he hadn't known he had for ten years. "We had a lot of fun. Henry's a good kid; really smart too."

"Yeah well, all the credit for that goes to Regina," Emma responded, shoving her hands in her jacket pocket as she leaned against the railing. "Only thing we can really take credit for is the kid's good looks."

"You probably more than me," Neal amended, nodding his head towards her with a small smile, no doubt just trying to flatter her to get on her good side. Even still, Emma smirked, unable to help herself.

"Not gonna argue with that."

Neal laughed.

Emma's smirk eventually faded as she pursed her lips together, her eyes shifting towards the house. But before she could ask Neal if he and Henry had made any other plans, the man interrupted with, "Seriously though, are you… okay? Since I've been here, I've heard that…"

"What, that I'm a miserable drunk?" Emma filled in for him, her tone suddenly defensive as she snapped her head towards him and arched an eyebrow. See, this is exactly the reason why she hated small towns; everyone always knew everyone else's business, and gossip spread like wildfire.

"Among other things."

"Yeah, well, I'm sober now and in counseling, so don't waste your energy worrying about me," Emma shut down quickly, despite the fact that she had now only been sober for a grand total of a day and a half, and she didn't even start her addiction counseling with Archie until tomorrow. "And what other things?"

"Regina's sentencing."

"Oh." Emma blinked, taken aback for a moment because she thought the 'other thing' was going to be about her. "What about it?"

"Look, you can tell me you're not together all you want," Neal responded, one eyebrow rising in her direction, "but I have eyes, Em, and I know that you're in love with that woman. I know because… a long time ago, you used to look at me like that."

The corners of Emma's mouth creased down into a frown. "Neal…"

Neal held up his hand to stop her. Apparently that hadn't been the point to this. "I'm not trying to get pity, and this isn't some backwards attempt to get you back. I know I screwed up, Emma, and I accepted that a long time ago and moved on. But even though I'm not in love with you anymore, it doesn't mean that I don't care. So yeah, I'm worried about what her being banished is going to do to not just you, but Henry too. It's a fucked up situation, you know?"

"No, I… I know," Emma responded, anxiously twisting her hands together. She didn't want to tell Neal not to worry about it, because outside of Ruby, no one knew that they were going to leave together yet. She didn't want that information getting back to her parents before she was ready to break the news to them; they had enough drama in that department as it was. "But we'll figure something out. Regina's still allowed to stay through Henry's birthday so we… we have some time."

Not a lot of time, but still.

Neal was silent for a moment while he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his gaze never leaving the woman across from him. And then finally he spoke, having drudged up enough courage to say what it was that he was thinking. "I know it's not my place to be saying this," he began, looking a little apprehensive about how this might be taken. "But I know a little something about letting someone you love go. And even if it's for every good reason in the book, it still sucks, Emma; and it'll be something you'll regret for the rest of your life."

"Well what am I supposed to do?" Emma challenged, becoming defensive due to her sheer surprise that Neal was saying these kinds of things to her. She didn't expect it in the slightest. "Even if my parents forgive Regina, they can't take back their ruling. The town would riot. As it stands already, she's stuck under house arrest until she leaves again solely because no one is supposed to know she's back in town."

"Then leave with her."

Emma blinked, taken aback for a moment as she stared at the man across from her. "What?"

"Leave with her," Neal repeated, like it wasn't as big of a deal as it was. "People like you and me, Emma, we make our own homes, our own family. We always have. But you have an actual family now. And I know that your parents are here, but Henry's your kid – our kid – and he should probably come first, you know? And Regina… I might personally not like her, but she's his mom too. And together, the three of you… I mean, you kind of make a family. So do me a favor and don't fuck it up, okay? I don't wanna see you on my side of the fence, because I gotta tell you, it's got one shitty view."

Emma was so taken aback by all of this that a myriad of emotions played across her face while she sucked in a sharp breath. "Why are you telling me this right now?"

Neal shrugged, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the bannister. "I don't know; maybe I'm just trying to make up for all the crappy things that I did to you back then. And I know this doesn't come close to making it right, but maybe it'll be a start. I just don't want you to live with a regret that big, because it really… believe me, Ems; it really does suck."

Emma bit the inside of her cheek as she looked at him, unsure on how she was supposed to feel about that. A part of her was distrusting of that kind of selflessness, as his betrayal in the past still stung as though it were yesterday, but that was over ten years ago now, and Emma knew better than most how people could change over the course of time. And so she didn't immediately reject or accept it, instead choosing to respond with a noncommittal, "I'll try to remember that," as it was the most she could promise him right now.

Neal nodded, understanding that was the best he was getting for the moment, and took a step backwards. "I should be getting back. I guess… I'll see you around, Emma."

Emma didn't say anything, but she gave him a nod of acknowledgement in return as she held her arms over her abdomen, and watched him walk away. Despite already having the plan to leave, she had never expected anyone to actually suggest that she do something like that in order to save her relationship; Regina wasn't exactly well liked by anyone in this town, and something of that magnitude coming from a former lover of hers no less made the suggestion even stranger. The distrustful part of Emma was sure that there had to be some kind of benefit for him, but then there was another part of her that could see how much Neal had changed, and wondered if he really was being genuine; wondered if he really was just telling her that because he cared, and wanted to help her find her happiness.

After standing on the porch long enough for the light chill of the night air to finally cause a small shiver to run through her body, Emma chewed on the inside of her cheek in thought as she turned and walked back into the manor. As the door clicked behind her, Emma heard the light tap of heels against the stairs and looked up to see Regina descending them into the foyer. "He's gone?" she inquired, voice a little stiff with her own dislike of the man, and Emma nodded.

"Where's Henry?"

"Getting ready for bed," Regina answered as she took the last step, before moving to cross the space between them. "He…" She stopped in front of the other woman, an arm delicately wrapping around her own midsection in just the same way Emma did when she was unsure of her place amongst her surroundings. "Henry, he… seems to have had a wonderful time."

Emma gave the brunette a small, tightlipped smile in response as she affirmed, "Neal too." Chewing lightly on her bottom lip, Emma leaned against the threshold of the door as she questioned, "Regretting it now?"

"Much in the same way I regretted Henry meeting you," Regina told her honestly, before quirking a pointed eyebrow in her direction. "But we both know how that turned out, and so I've decided to refrain from jumping straight to pessimism. Still, it's… an adjustment."

"Mm," Emma murmured in agreement, knowing exactly how the other woman felt; after all, she had never imagined that she would have to share her son with someone other than Regina, and now it was beginning to look like some kind of visitation schedule would have to be drawn up so that Henry would be able to have all of his parents in his life. That was, at least, if Neal didn't ultimately decide to fuck off again. But even thinking that didn't ring true anymore, as that wasn't the vibe that Emma had gotten off of him on the porch; Neal had seemed genuinely happy to have been able to spend time with Henry, and obviously wanted to do it again. The most Emma could hope for now though, was that that mindset would continue. She didn't want to see Henry hurt; the poor kid had enough emotional instability in his life already with his two other parents.

Silence passed between the two women for a moment as the blonde trained her eyes on the floor, before she finally allowed her gaze to rise and set on Regina. A thought suddenly coming to her mind, she tentatively asked, "Can I ask you something?"

Regina gave her a small, encouraging smile. "If you'd like."

"How do you…?" Emma began, before shaking her head for a moment and rephrasing her question into something that had a little more explanation. "Earlier, with Gold and the… the spell. You told me once you were addicted to magic, and watching you… inhale it, take it in, whatever you were doing… that was the first time I actually saw you struggle with the kind of… I don't know, pleasure that it gave you, you know? I could see that you got off on it, that you craved the feeling of it… whatever. So what I'm—what I'm asking is… how do you do it? How do you immerse yourself in something you have a problem with, and not allow it to take hold of you?"

Regina looked at her for a long moment, her head tilted just slightly to the left as she thought of a way to answer that question in a way that Emma would understand. And yet before answering outright, Regina opted to ask a question of her own in return. "Why are you no longer a thief?"

"What?" Emma asked, not seeing the connection between the two. "What does that have to do with—?"

"Just answer the question, dear."

Emma's eyebrows knitted, but she did as she was instructed, and answered as honestly as she could. "Because… because one day I woke up and realized that that wasn't what I wanted for myself; wasn't the kind of life I wanted to have for myself anymore. Once you're thrown in jail, you kind of evaluate your fucked up situations and try to figure out a way to fix them so you don't end up in the exact same place again. I had to give up nearly a year of my life, Regina; I had to give up my freedom, my dignity, my… my kid…" A lump formed in Emma's throat at the thought, but she pushed it down and shook her head as she averted her eyes. "You know, it just… gets you thinking about everything. So I stopped, and I never looked back; simple as that. But I don't see how that—"

"And you began stealing when you what were what, four?" Regina interrupted, apparently intent on not answering Emma's question outright without running her in circles first. It made the blonde wonder if she even knew the answer to it herself.

"That was a Barbie, Regina. I really don't think that counts."

"It was the beginning of a habit, so it counts," Regina told her, before she began listing the things Emma told her off of her fingers. "And then when you were five, you stole from your first convenience store. And yes, I'm aware that it was only candy, but let me continue; I assure you I have a point. At seven," she continued, touching another one of her fingers, "you began stealing money out of your foster parents' wallets. And then you were… eleven, was it? Stealing CDs and anything else you could find that was of entertainment value to you. Fifteen then, and you began pickpocketing people on the streets."

"I know my life story, Regina; hell, I just relived it all for you two hours ago. What's your point?"

"My point, dear, is that something like that was so deeply ingrained in your life for so long that it became habitual; a way to survive for you. And yet, despite that, you put that part of your life behind you and never gave returning to it a second thought, because you wanted something better for yourself. So now I'm going to ask you one more question." Taking a step towards her, Regina took Emma's chin delicately in her hand, gently coaxing for her full attention despite the other woman's clear impatience with not receiving a straight answer. "What is it that you want in life, Emma?"

"You."

It was a breathy, automatic answer that had Emma clearing her throat and averting her eyes straight afterwards, because she was certain that wasn't the point Regina was making. Still, the answer did make Regina smile softly; it was an affirmation that probably wasn't needed after all they had said to one another over the past couple days, yet it was clearly welcomed all the same. Regardless, Regina gently told her, "No. Think bigger; or perhaps broader."

Wetting her bottom lip for a moment, Emma's gaze rested once more on the woman who was now only mere paces in front of her, and answered as honestly as she could. "A family. Stability. Happiness. Love." Her voice was soft as she spoke, the fingers that were gently resting on her skin distracting as they reminded her of a sense of closeness that they had only recently begun reaching for.

Regina looked momentarily distracted as well as she briefly allowed her thumb to dusk over the lip the blonde's tongue had previously traced, causing Emma to inhale a sharp breath at the movement. That seemed to snap Regina out of it though as she blinked, cleared her throat, and dropped her hand. "Sorry, yes, that's…" She took a breath then, straightened her spine, and seemed to force herself back on track. "For all the ways that we are different, Emma, we still seem to share the very basic of desires in life. Happiness, a family, everything else that you mentioned… do you think that if I succumbed to my addiction, if I allowed magic to control me instead of the other way around, that I would have any of that now? If I immersed myself in it and became the Evil Queen again, do you think that path would grant me everything that I wanted out of life?"

Emma pursed her lips and shook her head, as she knew both herself and Henry would no longer be present in Regina's life if she chose to go down that path again. More than that though, after hearing everything that Regina had gone through in her life, it was obvious that that path had never brought her anything other than pain anyway.

Much like her own addiction.

"That's why I don't let it consume me," Regina finished softly, meeting the other woman's gaze. "Because in the end, some things have to matter more. You knew that when you decided to stop being a thief, when you decided to turn your life around and become something more than what you were, so why is your alcoholism any different? You've already done it once, Emma; so you already know you have it within you to do it again. So just… do it. It truly is as simple as that."

"But that wasn't an addiction, Regina, that was just—"

"An addiction is nothing more than a habit with physical repercussions," Regina reminded her. "At it's very basic level, they're both very much the same. And yes, I won't deny that the physical craving that comes with an addiction makes it harder to walk away from, but that doesn't mean that it can't be overcome. You've done it, I've done it, and now it's your turn to do it again. Every time you feel yourself succumbing to its pull, just remind yourself of what you stand to gain should you ignore it… and what you'll lose should you decide not to. In the end, I believe you'll choose what's truly important to you in your life."

Emma chewed on the inside of her cheek, mulling over that for a moment. It sounded so simple, which once would have made her scoff in disbelief because addiction was anything but, and yet still, the way Regina presented it… it actually made a lot of sense. It still sounded difficult as hell, as something simple wasn't necessarily synonymous with easy, but regardless… it gave Emma a different perspective on things, which was something she found she really needed in that moment.

Looking up at the woman in front of her then, Emma asked her softly, "So that's just… it? That's what you do; just think about what's more important? That's enough?"

"Yes," Regina answered, giving her a soft, encouraging smile. "Believe it or not, that really is enough." Reaching upwards to tuck a stray bit of hair behind Emma's ear, she continued gently, "You'll always be tempted, Emma, but it's what you choose to do with that temptation that matters, not whatever you may have thought or struggled with leading up to that choice."

"But do you still… feel weakened by it?" Emma asked, needing to know. It was something she constantly struggled with, the weakness and shame and helplessness that came with it. "The cravings, the urge to just… give in to it? To pretend, even for just a second, that it'd be easier than fighting it?"

Regina's smile turned sympathetic then, understanding as she continued to gently brush nonexistent strands of hair out of Emma's eyes. "Every single day."

On one hand, it was the answer Emma had been hoping for, as it made her feel less alone, and much less weaker than she originally viewed herself. But on the other, it was almost devastating to realize that no matter how much time went by, it wouldn't get any easier. It would be a battle she would constantly be fighting for the rest of her life, and it made her wonder how long not only she could go, but Regina could go, until it ultimately tired them out.

Still, even if the ending still seemed foreboding, there was still a part of Emma that was immensely appreciative of Regina in that moment, because she had needed someone who really understood what she was going through. Before, the word addiction when it came to Regina and her magic seemed like nothing more than story, something in the past that didn't much affect her now. But after seeing her in Gold's shop, and after having this talk with her, Emma realized that maybe they were more alike in that regard than she had originally thought. And it… comforted her, to know that; to know that she wasn't alone.

So Emma's fingers gently wrapped around the hand that was still absentmindedly fiddling with strands of her hair, pulling it down to her side and holding it before she leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against the other woman's lips. Emma worried that she might pull away, as despite their shared feelings that they wanted to work towards something better, they had only just begun, but Regina's eyes fluttered closed instead, and Emma stayed there a little longer than what would be considered chaste before she ever so slightly pulled away.

"Thank you," she breathed, her gaze finding Regina's once the other woman had opened her eyes. Her hand tightened in the brunette's, feeling the woman's uneven breath against her lips as she admitted, "I didn't— I mean, I never realized you actually… understood. And I know that's… I know it's stupid, because you had told me before that you had a problem with it, but still it didn't really click because—"

"You've never really seen me struggle with it," Regina finished for her softly, understanding what Emma meant. "But when I first came to this world, it was incredibly difficult for me to get by without magic. I had thought I would be able to handle it, as I lived many years of my life without it before, but as it turned out, it was very difficult for me to let go of that kind of power once I had had a taste of it. I didn't know that it would… that it would consume my thoughts, even make my hands shake from my inability to reach for something that once coursed through my veins like fire. It was an incredible high for me, a drug that I hadn't realized I was dependent on until I was suddenly without it. And it… it broke me, for a while, after it was gone. But I got through it, Emma, and you will too. It'll just…" Giving her a soft smile, Regina cupped her cheek and finished, "it will take some time, so don't get discouraged. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

An indescribable emotion rose up in Emma then, so suddenly that she even took herself aback when her heart clenched in her chest and her eyes misted over. Regina's brow furrowed at the reaction her words garnered, and her hand squeezed the one that was laced in her own as she inquired softly, "Emma?"

"Sorry, I—" Emma began, her voice suddenly tight as a tear fell down the contour of her cheek. Regina wiped it away before the blonde had a chance to do it herself, and Emma sniffled in between a short laugh to try to downplay her own emotions. "Sorry," she repeated again, shaking her head. "It's just… the other day when I came home and I was…" Hung over. "The way you looked at me, it was like you… like you had given up on me almost? And—" A small sob made her voice crack as more tears spilled their way down her cheeks, and as she wiped them away she admitted, "And now you're just… standing in front of me, telling me I can get through it and it's just… it's a little…"

It was overwhelming; completely and utterly, and Emma wasn't quite sure how to handle it in that moment.

But Regina's face masked in regret, and she began, "Emma, I'm… I'm sorry, for how I reacted when you came home that day. I was just… disappointed in you, scared that one mistake might lead to more and—and I reacted poorly. I should have been more supportive."

"No," Emma responded, shaking her head as she wiped another tear from her cheek. "No, you had every right to be pissed at me, Regina. I fucked up, and—"

"Regardless, I should have handled it better, and I'm sorry," Regina apologized, cleaning off the last of Emma's tears with her thumbs before smoothing the hair back from the other woman's face. "I know things between us have been… difficult, to say the least, but ever since we've really begun to talk about everything, I've come to realize that perhaps we aren't as doomed as we once thought. You listened to my past with an open mind tonight; despite it being difficult for you to swallow, you didn't judge me, or condemn me, and I think it's only fair that I don't condemn you for your mistakes either, no matter how hard they may be for me to swallow in kind."

Emma nodded, understanding that. Because in the end, that was the root of their problem wasn't it? They condemned one another before trying to listen and understand why the mistakes were made, instead only choosing to focus on the fact that they had been made at all, and all it led to was separation and heartache. Emma more so than Regina in that regard, but still; in the end, they both bore some degree of fault, and Emma was tired of it. She was tired of being unhappy; it was time for things to change.

And so without much thought, Emma did what felt natural to her and eradicated the space between them, fingers sliding through thick, dark hair as she brought Regina's lips to her own. They shouldn't have been doing this and they both knew it; they had always been slaves to temptation and they still had more to work through before they could finally find some sense of stability in their relationship, but the small sense of hesitancy in Regina was quickly overshadowed by something deeper, and suddenly Emma's back was pressed up against the threshold of the doorway and they were kissing in a way that had always said more than words could anyhow.

It was an understanding, a thank you, a promise that things would get better; proof that they were getting better, that maybe for once in their relationship they had made the right decision. Talking had always frightened Emma; knowing about Regina's past and Regina knowing about her own and all the ugly stains they both had splattered all over it, it made everything sound like an excuse. Regina had her excuses for murder; Emma had her excuses for being an alcoholic, or at least the susceptibility to becoming such later in her life. But they could have both walked another path in life, could have chosen to be better than what they became, and yet they hadn't. They were both damaged in that way, but maybe they needed that kind of imperfection in one another so that they could strive to be something different, to become something better without feeling inadequate in each other's shadows.

And they were; they were trying, and maybe it wouldn't be perfect, but maybe they could help one another pick up the shattered pieces of each other's lives, instead of damaging each other further so that they wouldn't be alone in their misery. They both had so much misery in their lives already; wasn't it time for them to find a sense of happiness within one other? True happiness, not fabricated this time with lies or curses and the both of them wrapped up in the very definition of 'ignorance is bliss.' Acceptance of each other's flaws would take time, and Emma wasn't stupid enough to believe that just because she wanted things to get better that they would overnight, but that didn't stop her from hoping that this really was the beginning of something real, something healing and honest, and not just a brief pit stop along the road of the last few month's sickening toxicity.

But just as soon as it began it ended, footsteps coming down the stairs and a loud, "Eww," being accompanied by the interruption as Henry bore witness to an intimate moment between his two mothers. "Can't you do that in your room?"

But even as he said it, even as he tried to look properly scandalized by his parents' impromptu make out session, Emma could see the happiness in his eyes as she separated herself from Regina. It wasn't a secret that he wanted his mothers to get back together and for all of them to be a family again, but Henry still had the normal kid 'image' to uphold of being grossed out by parental affection, and so he was trying – albeit pretty damn unsuccessfully – to hide the smile that was threatening to cross his face.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for bed?" Regina asked him instead, an eyebrow arching at the kid's jeans and a t-shirt that he had yet to change out of. "It's ten-thirty."

"I know, but something's wrong with the PlayStation; it says it's not connecting to the—"

Emma coughed loudly and shot Henry a look of warning, but it was too late.

"What are you doing on your PlayStation at this hour?" Regina demanded, and Henry scrunched up his face as he realized maybe he should have just addressed his connectivity issues with Emma, and not his other mother. "You have school in the morning; you're lucky we allowed you to stay up this late as it is! Now get upstairs and get ready for bed before I decide to just take that stupid thing out of your room; it's doing nothing but melting your brain anyway. I don't know why I let your birthmother talk me into letting you keep it up there."

"But Mom…!"

"Kid, best quit while you're ahead," Emma warned, but Henry just scowled and muttered under his breath, "Don't feel ahead."

"Until she actually takes it out of your room, you're ahead," Emma reminded him, before giving him an encouraging head nod. "Now come on, go get dressed for bed and I promise I'll take a look at it in the morning."

"Fine," Henry mumbled dejectedly, before deciding he could at least give them shit before he left and added, "Even though I know you're only trying to get rid of me right now so you can keep kissing my mom." He smirked then before turning around and taking the stairs two at a time, the sound of his sneakers against the wood echoing through the foyer. Emma watched him go from the bottom of the stairwell until she was sure the kid was back in his room, before turning on her heel and shooting Regina a small smirk of her own.

"Well, he's not wrong."

Regina rolled her eyes. "Kissing or no, it is still his bedtime," she reminded her, as if she didn't know. "And I expect you to have a talk with him about that thing; because if it interrupts either his sleep or his studies, I will take it from him. I will not have our son live out his adult years in our basement because he was more concerned about his fantasy life than his real one."

"Tell him not to be a complete loser; got it," Emma responded, like she was reciting it off a list, and Regina shot her an exasperated look that was only met with an amused chuckle as she took Regina's hand in hers and guided their bodies back together. "Relax. I'll meet all your parental expectations and standards, I promise."

"Then you should probably be forewarned that I find making out with my lover in the commonplaces of our home when our son is upstairs to be in terrible taste."

"You didn't seem to be complaining two minutes ago," Emma responded with a smirk, her voice low as her lips dusked the underside of Regina's jaw. "Or the two hundred other times we've done it over the past nine months…"

"Emma," Regina interrupted flatly, and suddenly the blonde realized that she was being completely serious and pulled away from her immediately, her brow crinkling as she watched a strained emotion pass along the other woman's face. "He shouldn't have… things are still so—they're fragile, and I worry that he's going to expect something that might not come to pass. Just because we're trying to repair our relationship now, doesn't mean that something else won't go wrong, and I don't want to see him hurt again. It devastated him the last time we separated."

Emma frowned, but she knew Regina was right. It was just easy to get caught up in it, the sense of normalcy; the kissing and the domesticity and the parenting of their shared son. It was just… easy, to pretend that just for a second that they were a normal couple again. But they weren't a couple at all, at least not officially, not until Emma put some real effort into her sobriety and Regina made an effort to rebuild the trust that she had once again managed to shatter. Still, it felt like it; for one short moment it really felt like it, and Emma didn't want to let it go.

But she had to, because Regina was right. They had Henry to think about, and they needed more stability in their relationship before they could give their son any hope of a happily ever after. And so Emma nodded in understanding and dropped Regina's hand, muttering as her gaze met the ground, "Sorry. I shouldn't have—I probably shouldn't have kissed you. You're right."

"I'm not sorry that you kissed me," Regina told her softly, and Emma raised her head to meet the honesty in the other woman's gaze. She was twisting her hands, a nervous habit that she had, and it suddenly struck Emma how scared Regina was that despite their best efforts, this wasn't going to go well. "I'm just sorry that Henry saw it. We need to be more careful, especially if we plan to pursue the regrowth of our relationship in… well, in that way."

"We're not supposed to pursue it in 'that way', Regina," Emma reminded her, referencing Archie's earlier suggestion. And while it made sense, she still hated it; but in the end, Regina still didn't want to make love to her until they were in a better place, and the last thing Emma wanted was another violent encounter, and so she begrudgingly accepted it as something that needed to happen right then. "We're on sex probation, remember?"

"Not that it doesn't surprise me that you didn't pay attention in health class, dear, but I assure you, there is a distinct difference between kissing and sex. I merely meant reconnecting with the former of the two."

Emma snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, good luck with that. We're like a walking billboard for impulse control issues, Regina; kissing always leads to sex with us. We've never known anything else."

"Well maybe it's time we learned," Regina responded, her voice strong and assured despite her incessant fiddling with her own fingers. It garnered Emma's full attention though, and the brunette continued, "Emma, we… I think we should explore other areas of intimacy. There needs to be more to this relationship than violent, mindless orgasms—"

"Regina, you know that I…" Emma tried, before she suddenly felt a little self-conscious about being in a place that Regina clearly wasn't, causing her voice to grow softer as she finished with, "You know that's not what I want from you. Not anymore."

Regina pursed her lips, a sympathetic look in her eyes because yes, she knew. "I don't mean in regards to just sex," she explained softly. "I'd like to… finally get to a place where we can kiss just to kiss, where we can relax with one another on the couch, hold each other's hands and just talk about things. We don't do that; for so long now, the only things we have been able to do is fight or fuck. That's not what I want out of a relationship; it shouldn't even be the basis of one to begin with."

"No, I know, I don't want—" Emma tried, needing Regina to understand that she really was on the same page as her. "I mean I want all those other things; the hand holding and the kissing and stuff, but not the… you know. Whatever. Am I even making sense right now or am I just babbling?"

Regina smirked. "A little of both, dear. Luckily for you, I've gotten used to it."

Emma pursed her lips as she leaned her shoulder against the threshold of the door, her head meeting the wood as well as she peered at her for a moment. "So you… want to practice other areas of intimacy then?"

"That is what I just said, yes."

"…Like as in right now?"

Regina quirked an amused eyebrow, and Emma shot her the most innocent look she could muster. "I think it's past your bedtime too, isn't it, dear?" Regina reminded her, instead of the magical 'yes' that Emma was looking for. "You have therapy early in the morning."

Emma scrunched up her nose in grumpy protest, but didn't dispute it. Although she would gladly sacrifice sleep, if Regina didn't want to pursue something like that with her tonight, then she didn't want to push it; because she was right, everything was still fragile between them, and if they didn't take it slow then they could end up fucking everything up all over again. Emma didn't want that.

"There is, however, something that I… would like to try, if you're willing to and able to control yourself."

That got Emma's attention, and she lifted her head immediately and asked, "What?" She wanted to say 'anything', but realized at the last second that it would probably sound too needy and she really didn't want to come off that way, despite the fact that that ship was probably far past sailed by now.

"I've…" Regina began, although she looked like she was having an internal struggle with herself before she reluctantly admitted, "missed sleeping with you, despite the fact that you hog the covers and snore terribly if you fall asleep on your back. I know it sounds completely asinine, given that we've only just started to mend things between us, but if you're not overly attached to the guest room, perhaps we could try—"

"Yes!"

So much for not sounding needy.

But Regina's lips curled up into a small smile, obviously happy that she and Emma were on the same page about that. "Mind you, there will have to be ground rules."

"As in no sex."

Obviously.

"As in you need to be out of the bed before Henry wakes up, because I don't want your presence in there to confuse him and make him think… well, that this is anything other than a trial arrangement." Emma nodded in agreement, understanding the importance of that, and Regina continued, "We also need to be careful to keep our hands away from each other's erogenous zones, and I think that for now, we shouldn't kiss while we're in bed; because I do think that in those circumstances, it would be much harder to stop ourselves from doing… what we usually do in bed."

"Don't kiss or grope you," Emma repeated, trying to keep the intense wave of happiness that this brought her internal. "Got it." Because she had missed it too; she missed Regina's cold feet tangling with hers and her grumpy face in the morning and… everything. Even when things were shit between them, they still slept in the same bed while they were outside of Storybrooke; it was the one bit of normalcy that they had, and Emma desperately wanted it back.

"Good," Regina responded as she gave the other woman a soft smile, clearly pleased that her terms seemed acceptable to her soon-to-be bedmate. "I know it… might have been wiser to wait a little longer before we attempt something like this, but as I said, I've—"

"I know," Emma interrupted softly, returning the small smile in kind. "I've missed it too, Regina." Tangling her fingers in the other woman's hand, she assured her, "Don't worry, we won't… we're not going to fuck it up. Okay? I don't want to fuck it up; not for anything. Not anymore."

Regina's smile met her eyes then, and she affirmed, "Nor do I."

Emma bit her lower lip as her own smile began to grow, suddenly finding herself in awe of how things had changed between them in just the span of a few days. Even though a part of Emma wanted to believe that things might not have gotten this bad between them should they only have gone to therapy earlier, another part of her knew that even if they had, it was doubtful that either of them would have been receptive to it. Maybe they needed to break completely in order to finally rebuild, and although Emma wished it would have been easier than it was, she still wouldn't trade it – this place that they were now – for anything.

Because they were finally trying, and for the first time in months, Emma could actually see that there might be happiness down the road for the both of them after all.

TBC…