CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
Resolution
A few days passed, and Regina found herself actually daring to hope that things would continue to get better. They were sleeping in the same room again, and Emma was back to hogging the covers at night and Regina was back to torturing her with her ice cold feet because she secretly always liked the way it made the blonde jump, but it was perfect because it was normal; it was a normalcy that had been lost behind anger and sorrow and blame and yet now they would lie in bed, Regina's head resting against Emma's abdomen as they talked about anything and everything before they finally drifted off to sleep.
Sometimes it was even about nothing at all; just light banter and soft laughter, but then there was last night, and last night was heavy with the question, "What are you most ashamed of?" and Emma told her about being homeless and sleeping with strangers a couple times when she was fifteen just to get a roof over her head and food in her mouth, and Regina could see the self-loathing and despair etched across her features as Emma finished quietly with her shame-filled admittance of, "I was basically a whore, Regina."
Those words filled Regina with a despair of her own, and thus she was quick to assure her that, "No, no, Emma. You were a survivor; you were just a child, and you did what you had to to get by. There's no shame in that," but even as the words left her mouth, she could tell that Emma didn't believe a word of them. The blonde had turned on her side then, refusing to look at her even as she repeated the same question back to bedmate, still wanting, despite her own insecurities in that moment, to know that she wasn't the only one who was ashamed of her past.
Regina had a list. She had dozens upon dozens of things that she was ashamed of, but the worst one was something only Emma would ever understand, and so she had finally admitted, "I'm ashamed that I turned into exactly who my mother wanted me to be." And Emma got it, without any more explanation than that, and she turned then to take Regina's hand in her own before informing her that that probably wasn't true, because she was pretty sure that someone like Cora didn't want her precious investment to turn out to be a huge dyke. It had lightened the mood, and Regina cracked a smirk at that, which turned quickly into a full out laugh, and she had felt a little better.
Because no, her mother definitely would not have approved of that.
Still, it didn't make it better, but that was okay. Their past was their past, and there was nothing either of them could do to change that. It was enough to just talk about it, to finally share with one another the parts of themselves that they hid from the rest of the world, and for the first time in a long while, Regina began to view what she had with Emma as an actual relationship, and not the codependent mess that they had previously become. She felt like she knew her better now than she ever did even when they were blissfully ignorant and happy all those months ago, and it finally began to place them on even footing.
And the more Emma talked about things, the more Regina began to understand why she fell so easily into alcoholism. Not only did she grow up in unstable environments and lived briefly with a foster parent that had a problem with it, but when she was a homeless teen she would drink fairly heavily whenever she found herself having access to it. It had become a coping mechanism for her shitty life back then, for dealing with circumstances beyond her control, and although her stint in jail and the better life she had lead after that made her able to have a relatively normal relationship with it, it was no wonder that when everything fell apart again, she turned to the one thing she knew she could use to cope. Emma equated a lack of control over her own life with being drunk, and so Regina vowed to help her never feel that way again, with the hope that it would allow Emma to have an easier time with her recovery.
Of course she knew it wouldn't be that easy, and that it was impossible for her to control everything, but that didn't mean that Regina wasn't going to try regardless. She loved Emma, despite the hardships and despite the hell that they had been through, she loved her, and the more that they talked, the more that she saw Emma working hard on her sobriety, Regina was finally able to see the woman's defenses begin to crumble around her, revealing a small sliver of the woman she fell in love with underneath. And she wanted that, she wanted more of that; she wanted to tear down the rest of Emma's walls and just fall into the woman she was really meant to be with, but Regina knew she couldn't force it. And so she watched and she waited, and hoped that one day the rest of Emma's walls would fall of their own accord.
During the woman's first addiction counseling session, Archie had suggested that Emma try to pick up a hobby; a way to distract herself when she felt the urge to drink, and after a rather frustrating conversation ("What the hell am I supposed to do, Regina? Knit? This is stupid, the only damn thing I'm even good at is shooting a gun."), Regina had suggested that she try archery. It encompassed the skill of aim that Emma seemed to already be good at with a gun, and had enough of a 'violent' aspect that it could release frustration should she need to. Snow, of course, immediately jumped on this idea and offered to teach Emma, but as it turned out, shooting an arrow is quite different than firing a gun, and after a few days of practice, Emma had yet to even hit the board, let alone the bulls eye.
At least her form was beginning to get better, but at the moment that was really all she had going for her.
As if on cue, Regina's cell phone rang, Emma's name flashing on her screen. Regina's brow crinkled as she turned away from her laptop and picked it up; as far as she knew, Emma was out at another archery lesson with Snow, and so she couldn't imagine why she would be needed right then. After pressing the talk button, Regina placed the phone against her ear and answered, "Hello?"
"Oh my god, Regina, I'm such an asshole."
"What?" Regina asked, confusion and mild panic flickering over her expression as she sat up a little straighter in her desk chair. "What's happened, where are you?" A part of her immediately began to fear that Emma had relapsed again; her paranoia apparently ignoring the part where Emma sounded completely competent. The wounds were still fresh from the woman's last relapse though, so despite it being completely wrong, it wasn't an entirely unwarranted assumption either.
"At the archery range still, but I… I kind of need you to pick me up," Emma answered, her tone tinged with guilt. "My—Mary Margaret, she uh… sort of left without me."
Regina exhaled a small sigh of relief, glad that Emma wasn't camped out drunk in some bar somewhere; she honestly didn't believe she could emotionally handle another setback right now. But Emma's words still left more questions than answers, and so Regina's eyebrows rose as she asked, "Care to enlighten me as to why your mother would leave you behind?"
"Um… I may have told her that Henry and I were planning to leave Storybrooke with you after his party."
Regina exhaled an exasperated breath. "Emma," she chided, knowing immediately that this wasn't a planned out and delicately executed conversation, as it should have been. Knowing Emma it probably just slipped out, most likely due to frustration or some other emotion that failed to connect the woman's brain to her mouth, and Regina sighed heavily as she leaned back in her chair and tangled her fingers in her hair. This was bound to cause more drama, and that was the last thing that they needed right now.
"I'm sorry!" Emma exclaimed on the other end of the line. "But I was frustrated that I still couldn't hit that stupid board, and she was just going on and on about how she hoped Archie would be able to help me work through our separation when the time came for you to leave again, because apparently alcoholism has a genetic factor and I guess my dad just admitted to her that my grandfather was one? Which, great, like I needed even more odds stacked against me; but now David feels all guilty like it's his fault and… I'm getting off track. Anyway, point was that because I'm genetically prone to being an absolute fuck up or something, she was all worried that I was going to be so upset over you leaving that I was going to relapse again, and I just—I don't know, it just came out. Like I thought that that being a nonfactor would make her feel better? I don't know. It was stupid and I wasn't thinking, and now I made her cry because I'm a huge dick."
Regina sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Sometimes I honestly debate on buying you a muzzle. Is it really so difficult for you to think before you speak?"
"Look, I said it was stupid, didn't I?" Emma responded, sounding frustrated with herself, with Regina, with the entire situation. "So can you please just come get me? I'll figure out how to fix this later."
"Well, I would love to, dear, but since you seem to have forgotten, I'm under house arrest and am not supposed to be leaving the premises."
"So? Just poof here and then poof me back; no one will know."
"Emma, I can't 'poof' anywhere without you," Regina reminded her, shaking her head. Honestly, it seemed like the woman really wasn't thinking anything through today. "And even if I wasn't under house arrest, the likelihood of me getting into that deathtrap you bought yesterday is very minimal."
"Oh my god, it's not that bad—"
"It is, and you will be exchanging it for a new vehicle in the morning. I don't care if it's only a temporary purchase, our son is not getting into that rusty piece of junk you believe passes for a suitable transportation method. So I suggest next time you come back with something I approve of, otherwise I will continue to send you out every single day until you come back with something suitable; is that understood?"
Regina could hear Emma exhale a frustrated breath of air, but relented with, "Fine, whatever. I'll see what else Billy has tomorrow, but for now could you just—?"
"Risk not only my life but my allowance to stay here through my son's birthday? No," Regina answered, much to Emma's displeasure. And while Regina wasn't overly fond of adhering to Snow White's wishes, after today, the woman was now no doubt furious with her for 'taking away' her only daughter. The last thing Regina needed right then was any more reasons for Snow to prematurely throw her over the town line. Besides, this was Emma's mistake, and she needed to learn how to rectify them herself; Regina couldn't always be there to hold her hand through things. "Besides, you and I both know your mother wouldn't leave you stranded – at least not after that little tree mishap – and so she either just stormed off for dramatic effect and is waiting nearby for you to call her, or she's enlisted your father to come get you in her place. So figure out which one that it is, and be sure to be back in time for dinner; Henry has requested that I make beef barley stew and I don't want you to be the cause of it going cold."
"Regina—"
"Learn to stand on your own two feet, Emma," Regina said in parting as she rose from her desk chair. "I'll see you soon."
She hung up then, knowing that Emma would surely be frustrated with her for it, but the woman simply couldn't rely on Regina to bail her out of every mishap she managed to get herself into. That didn't mean that she wouldn't support or help Emma when she needed it, but this was something the blonde could manage to figure out without her help, and she needed Emma to become a little more self-sufficient.
She used to be; Emma used to easily be one of the most self-sufficient people that Regina had ever known, but her alcoholism had broken her – caused her to feel inadequate at almost every turn in her life – and now Regina needed to help her realize that she was much more capable than she gave herself credit for. Besides, she already had one child she needed to take care of; she didn't need another. Especially when Emma had already demonstrated once that she was perfectly capable of being an independent adult; all she needed now, Regina hoped, was the self-confidence to be so again.
Not forty five minutes later, Emma was walking through the door to the home that they shared, lines of irritation mapping her face at what was no doubt Regina's refusal to help her when she had asked. "Ruby gave me a ride," she told her flatly as a way of greeting, responding to Regina's expectant brow raise once she had exited the kitchen.
"What a mature way to run away from your problems, dear."
"I'm not trying to run away from anything, Regina; I'm just trying to give myself a second to get my shit together so I don't end up hurting my parents more, alright?" Emma responded, running a frustrated hand through her hair before shrugging off her leather jacket. As she hung it up on the hook, she continued, "I know you think I'm completely useless, but I really am trying to do the mature thing here by not throwing myself directly in the middle of a situation I'm not prepared for. I spout off sometimes, okay? I know that. And I don't want to say anything else I'm going to regret, so just… give me a second to get my head on straight and figure this out, alright? I'll deal with it; I just… I just need some time."
Regina pursed her lips, but didn't contradict Emma's chosen plan of action. Perhaps it would be better if Emma allowed herself some time to figure out what she was going to say, as spontaneity and Emma Swan tended to lead to rather bad outcomes; at least as of late. Still, Regina was wary that she was only using this as an excuse to ignore the problem; pretending difficult things didn't exist was her forte, after all.
Emma sighed heavily though and slumped against the wall, exhaling a groan of frustration as she banged the back of her head against the plaster. "Fuck. Why did I have to open my mouth?" She covered her face with her hands then as she exhaled another groan, and Regina shot her a sympathetic look; Emma really did seem to be torn up about causing her parents more emotional pain.
"You had to tell them some time, dear," Regina gently reminded her. "Perhaps this wasn't the ideal way, but it's better than springing this on them right as we're about to leave, which I had the feeling was what you were planning to do before."
"I wasn't going to—!" Emma started to explain, but cut herself off midway and sighed as she stood up straighter and rubbed the back of her neck. "Fuck, maybe I was. I don't know—I didn't really think a lot about it, I just kept putting it off. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to tell my parents that I'll probably never see them again? Parents that already weren't able to see me for twenty eight years? How the hell do I justify that?"
"You're doing what's best for your son, Emma," Regina told her, because Emma coming with them had been decided long before they started becoming sexually or romantically involved again. Back then, it was just for their son. Whether that had changed for her since, Regina wasn't entirely sure; but she hoped that with the progress that they had been making lately, that Emma now factored her in as well under her lists of reasons to leave. "It may not be the most ideal situation, but Henry needs to come first."
"I know," Emma assured her, the words coming out in one long breath as it fell between another sigh. "I know. But it still makes me feel like such an asshole. Before, I was just so pissed at them that I didn't—I didn't really think about how they were going to feel, you know? Or maybe I did and I just didn't care. I don't know. But after seeing the look on her face, I just…" She trailed off, shaking her head as she averted her gaze. "It made me think about how I would feel if you had chosen to just take Henry with you when you left town the first time; about how I spent so long not knowing him, not having him in my life, and then to finally have him back for barely a second before having to give him up again, to never see him again, that's just… that's so fucked up. What I'm going to do to them, it's so fucked up…"
Regina's lips turned down into a sympathetic frown, unsure how to make the woman feel better about her decision to leave; logically yes, in the end, they had to do what was best for Henry, and him having both of his mothers in his life was exactly that, but that still left him with never with never seeing his grandparents again, and that wasn't entirely fair either. Still, it wasn't as though they had any other options at this point. "Emma…" she tried, but before she could say any more, Emma's phone jingled, indicating the arrival of a new text message, and the woman puffed out a frustrated breath of air before digging her phone out of her back pocket and glancing at it.
"Gold again," she told her, annoyance crossing over her expression before she pointedly ignored the text and shoved the phone back into her pocket. "You know he's gonna end up showing up here if we don't give him back that stupid wand; you need to stop putting this off."
Regina pursed her lips. It had been days of her making excuses; they needed to find a house, they had to plan Henry's party, Emma didn't need any distractions from her recovery. Frankly, a part of her just didn't want to know, because if it was her who was cursed and yet they couldn't figure out the culprit, she would have to live the rest of her life knowing that she would never truly find happiness. Perhaps she was taking a leaf out of Emma's book in regards to preferring ignorance, but right then it just seemed easier. She had so many other things looming over her head; the last thing she needed was another.
"I think I found a house for us," Regina said instead, and Emma's eyes narrowed.
"Regina, don't change the sub—wait, really?" she questioned midway, apparently unable to stop her curiosity. Regina murmured an affirmative.
"It's a three bedroom with a loft apartment on the top floor. If you prefer to have more space I can continue looking, as I'm sure there are houses with decent apartment buildings nearby, but I thought this way it might be easier with shuffling Henry between us, at least until we reach a point in our relationship where we could… possibly live together again." It was said tentatively, unsure even now what their relationship would ultimately amount to, but Regina chose to be optimistic regardless. "The town is only about an hour away and has a highly rated public school system, which of course isn't my first choice but seeing as money is a little tight at the moment, we may have to give Henry a public education for a little while; at least until he attends high school."
"Yeah, that sounds—it sounds good. I'll check out the floor plans and stuff online a little later; although since you're a hell of a lot pickier than I am, I'm pretty sure it'll be fine," Emma answered with a small smile. She quickly got back on track however, shooting Regina a pointed look as she continued, "But seriously, Regina, we do really need to do that—"
She was interrupted by a loud knocking however, and Emma released an exasperated breath of air before heading towards the door, "I swear to God, if that's Gold…" But right after she opened it, her eyebrows rose in surprise and exclaimed, "—Mom?"
Although Regina had never heard Emma call Snow that to her face, it obviously wasn't the first time as the woman didn't immediately dissolve into an incoherent, babbling mess of tears. Even still, Snow's face did awash with emotion at the term of address, as no doubt it was still fairly new to her. She kept ahold of herself though, and her brow furrowed in confusion momentarily as she addressed, "Emma. I… I thought your father had picked you up. What are you doing here?"
Regina shot her a look that clearly said, "I told you so," as she was certain the two idiots wouldn't leave their daughter stranded, but Emma echoed the confused look on her mother's face and responded, "Well it's not like either of you called me to tell me that, so I had Ruby give me a ride. Besides, even if he had picked me up, why wouldn't I be—?"
"I wanted to have a conversation with Regina," Snow admitted, her gaze flickering to said woman before landing on her daughter once more. Her eyes were still reddened, apparently having only stopped crying fairly recently. "I asked your father to bring you to our apartment, as I… would have preferred that Regina and I to speak alone; at least for the time being."
"Why, so you could threaten her?" Emma asked, immediately on the defensive as she stepped in front of her mother's line of sight, successfully blocking Regina from view as her hand gripped tightly to the side of the door.
"No, of course not!" Snow was quick to deny, almost sounding surprised that Emma would even think that; as if threatening and coercing Regina out of her daughter's life hadn't been her sole intention every day for the past few months. Change of heart or not, it still made Regina snort in amusement.
"Well, what do you know, the princess found some sense after all. Let her in, Emma; I have to admit I'm curious to see how she plans to go about getting what she wants without resorting to anything that will cause you to hate her."
"Queen," Snow corrected, a challenging look in her eye at Regina's refusal to acknowledge her proper title. Regina just shot her a disbelieving, yet amused look at the insistence, as she had yet to see Snow act like the queen she was born to be; if anything, she was just playing at the role.
Emma shot her a wary look. "I don't know; I mean, I really don't think that—"
Regina placed her hand on the small of the other woman's back, gently guiding her away from the door. "There's a recipe on the kitchen counter; I was in the middle of it before you came home, so if you would be a dear and finish that for me while I speak with your mother, I'd appreciate it. It shouldn't be too difficult for you; it mostly involves chopping vegetables and throwing them in the crock pot. Just be sure to turn it on when you are finished."
Emma narrowed her eyes at her. "I'm not an idiot, Regina."
"You somehow manage to burn pop tarts, dear; I find it saves my sanity if I try not to expect too much from you in the kitchen."
Emma shot her a sarcastic look at that before allowing her gaze to rest on both her mother and Regina in turn, her expression turning wary once more. But eventually she relented with a reluctant sounding, "—Fine." Before turning to leave however, she continued, "But this isn't just about you guys and your never-ending feud, alright? This is my life, my decision, and so I'll give you twenty minutes to say whatever you need to say to each other, but after that I'm becoming a part of this conversation. I'm not about to have either of you decide my life for me, because in case both of you haven't noticed, I'm an adult." Emma scrunched up her nose then though, amending with, "You know, despite my huge failure of actually acting like one lately. But I'm getting better."
"You are, dear," Regina assured her with a small smile, which was reflected by the blonde across from her. Emma looked at her for a moment longer then, before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on the brunette's cheek in parting. Regina could see Snow instinctively stiffen out of her peripheral, but for once she didn't say anything.
"Seriously though, please don't kill each other."
"Your mother and I are more than capable of having an adult conversation, I assure you," Regina responded, before giving Emma a tiny push towards the kitchen. "Now go finish dinner; I'd like to have it on the table by seven and it takes five hours to cook."
Emma pursed her lips, obviously not happy with being left out of this conversation for the time being, but allowing the two women to say their piece to one another regardless as she finally turned and headed into the kitchen. Regina looked at Snow then, and motioned towards the study in an overly polite gesture. "Shall we?"
Regina closed the door behind them once they had entered the room, giving them the privacy Snow seemed to want in that moment as she watched the other woman wring her hands together. Regina had to admit that she was curious why Snow was coming to her instead of her own daughter, and so she raised her brow expectantly once the other woman met her gaze, waiting for her to speak.
And when she finally did, she said the last thing Regina would have ever expected. "Regina, I… I need your help." It seemed almost physically difficult for the woman, to even get out the words, and yet out they came with such blaring clarity that they almost knocked Regina back from the sheer shock of it.
"…Excuse me?"
Snow shook her head, obviously finding this entire situation as bizarre as Regina, but she pushed forward regardless. "Believe me, that wasn't what I wanted to say to you. I wish I could just stand here and tell you that you are not taking my daughter from me again, but you and I both know that a demand like that wouldn't be taken well; not from you, and certainly not from Emma, and I am through making mistakes when it comes to my daughter."
"If you're asking me to convince your daughter to stay behind, then you've come to the wrong place," Regina warned her, unsure what Snow's endgame plan was, but certain that something like that wouldn't be an option. "Neither myself nor Emma plan to be separated from our son; that is why we came up with this arrangement in the first place."
"And I don't plan to be separated from my daughter," Snow responded, her tone growing hard enough to accent a very serious point. "As a mother yourself, certainly you must understand that, Regina!"
"Well what would you like me to do, dear?" Regina asked, her tone growing a little tense herself as she arched a brow. "In case you've forgotten, this had to come about due to your ruling. If you're so concerned about your daughter leaving, then retract it."
"If I thought it would be that simple, don't you think I would?" Snow countered, shooting her a frustrated look. "But what do you think the townsfolk will do, should I reinstate you as a citizen of Storybrooke? They'll be out for blood; you were already attacked in your home after the curse broke, and despite it being months since, no one is any less bitter. Why do you think I've had you under house arrest this entire time? If the wrong people were to know you were back, we'd have a riot on our hands. I won't put Emma and Henry at risk like that."
"Your concern for me is touching," Regina noted dryly, despite not expecting anything else from the woman in front of her. Snow just exhaled a frustrated breath though, and pushed herself off the desk she was leaning against.
"Regina, I wish, I really do wish that things between us were better," Snow began, crossing the space between them. "I loved you like a sister once, but the wounds… they're still fresh, for you and I both. But Emma loves you, and despite everything that's happened, seems to still want you in her life, and I need to… I need to respect that. I've spent far too long trying to force her to stay away from you, and all its done is further damage the already unstable relationship that I have with her. I want something better for this family, and if that means… if that means accepting you into it as well, then that's—that's just something that I need to do."
It seemed like a difficult pill for the woman to swallow, and yet she was, seemingly without any second thoughts about it.
Regina held up her hand to stop her though, an uncomfortable feeling twisting in her gut despite her hardened stare. "Please don't get overly sentimental on me, Snow; this is a nice pantsuit and I'd rather like to keep my lunch down."
"Regina, please," Snow begged, her voice cracking with emotion as she pleaded with her eyes. The permanency of this future arrangement was beginning to weigh heavy on her once more, and Regina could see that it was breaking her heart. Just the sight of it made her immensely uncomfortable, as she in no way wanted to feel sympathetic towards Snow White. "Please, I know neither of us owes the other any favors, but I can't lose my daughter. I can't lose my grandson. I can't lose my family. I don't know what to do."
"And you think I do?" Regina countered, backing up a few steps to give herself significant space between Snow and her onslaught of feelings. The woman's eyes were beginning to water again, and Regina's upper lip curled in distaste at the blatant show of emotion; was it not common practice to only show this kind of weakness in front of those you trust? This was completely inappropriate. "I don't know what answers you came here expecting to find, dear; but I assure you, I don't have them."
"Before you and Emma came back, you were trying to figure out a way to break the curse with Gold," Snow reminded her, wiping a stray tear from her cheek as she stood up a little straighter; her eyes alit with more purpose than they had just moments before. "You were trying to figure out a way to lift the boundary that surrounds the town, and although searching for an answer may not seem relevant anymore now that you're back, I want you to… I need you to help me figure out a way to break it correctly. That's what I'm asking for, Regina; the ability to at least be able to visit my daughter and grandson once they leave. It might not be the ideal solution, but I'm trying to respect Emma's decision to be with you, to raise Henry with you. So please… help me."
Regina pursed her lips, an apprehensive look on her face. "You don't know what you're asking," she said finally, because breaking the curse would surely be much more complicated than what Snow was expecting. "And while I'll admit that Emma and I have been… planning to fix a portion of the problem, there will surely be more obstacles in our way; some of which may not be repairable. I cannot give you any guarantees, and certainly not within the small time frame that we currently have."
"Regina, I'm willing to let you stay in Storybrooke for as long as it takes to rectify this," Snow bargained, desperation in her tone. "Alright? You will have as long as you need, just tell me how I can help. Please. I can't lose my family; not again."
Regina exhaled a long breath, folding her arms across her chest as she leaned against the wall. "What I still don't understand, Snow, is why you came to me," Regina responded, her curiosity about the subject still not sated. "Surely you could have just asked Emma to help you break the curse; she is as much a part of it as I am, after all."
"Because…" Snow began, before sighing softly and leaning up against one of the large armchairs, her gaze planted firmly on her feet. "Because Emma already holds so much bitterness towards her father and me, and I needed her to realize that I'm genuine in trying to make amends. I want her to see that I'm willing to accept you as a part of her life, as a part of all our lives, and I was hoping my actions would speak louder than my words. If I had come to her instead, it would have seemed as though your part in all this was irrelevant to me."
"My part in all this is irrelevant to you, Snow," Regina reminded her, seeing through her steady line of bullshit. "So the bottom line is, you're only doing this to make yourself look good."
"Perhaps," Snow admitted, which Regina was surprised to hear. She looked up then, making eye contact with her before finishing, "And although it sounds selfish, it easily could be a gateway to something genuine. I want to mend the relationship with my daughter, Regina, and if accepting you is going to do that, then that's what I'm going to do. Besides, I was… I was afraid that with how fragile things have been between us lately, that she would refuse to help just to spite me. This seemed like a more viable approach."
"She wouldn't," Regina responded without thought, not intentionally trying to ease Snow's worries and yet finding herself doing so nonetheless. Snow furrowed her brow then, and Regina decided that if she was going to be honest, then she might as well do so completely. "Refuse to help you out of spite," she explained softly. "Emma's been… fairly angry with herself, for having upset you like that. She knows what you stand to lose, and should she have foreseen any other options, I'm sure she would have chosen not to do this to you."
Snow's eyes welled up with emotion once more, and Regina had to stop her before she started weeping all over her like some kind of hormonal teenager. "Do try to pull yourself together, Snow; you and I are not nearly comfortable enough with each other for this level of emotion, and frankly you're beginning to embarrass yourself."
Snow ignored the jibe though, and gave Regina a soft smile instead that, in the end, she found herself even more uncomfortable with. "Thank you," she responded softly. "For telling me that, Regina; I appreciate it."
Regina resisted the urge to outwardly roll her eyes at the sentiment. "It wasn't for you, dear; I was merely correcting your mistaken assumption. You generally have an abundance of those."
"Regardless, you didn't have to," Snow pointed out, once again ignoring the jibe in favor of something genuine between them, and that made Regina fidget uncomfortably because no, she really didn't have to tell her that. But she refused to dwell on it however and pushed onwards to the topic at hand, refusing to allow Snow White to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home.
"You still need to understand that what you're asking of me isn't simple," Regina told her as she allowed her gaze to rest on the window on the far side of the room, looking out at her apple tree in the back yard. Crossing her arms over her chest, Regina glanced back at Snow and continued, "Rumple seems to have this theory that—"
"One of you may be individually cursed," Snow finished for her, voice soft. "I know; I was the one who relayed the message to Emma from Gold. My… theory, at the time that I heard it anyway, was that you had somehow found a way to curse Emma before she was even born, but Emma seems to think that you wouldn't do that."
"I wouldn't do that," Regina responded, voice growing a little terse because it felt like Snow was still slightly disbelieving about what she was or wasn't capable of. "But whether you believe me or not is of no matter, because even should we find out which one of us is cursed, there isn't a guarantee that we could reverse it. And even if we did manage to succeed in that area, you seem to be overlooking one very large factor, which is that the curse needs Emma's True Love's Kiss to break it completely, and that means it needs to be with me."
"I've already come to terms with the fact that you kiss my daughter, Regina. I may not like it, but I'm not naïve enough to think it doesn't happen, so I'll be far from surprised when you do again."
"You're missing the point, dear." As usual, Regina finished inside of her head, but for the sake of forgoing an argument at this point, kept her snide remarks internal. "If it was as simple as having True Love's Kiss with Emma, the curse that surrounds one of us would already be lifted, as would the curse that envelops this town. Emma and I may love each other, but things between us are still rather broken, and until we find ourselves completely and utterly in love again, happy with one another again, the curse will not lift."
"In other words," Regina continued, taking a step towards the other woman as she arched a pointed brow. "If you want the curse to break, then you need to become an advocate for the success of mine and Emma's relationship, and quite frankly, I don't know if you can do that."
Snow was silent for a moment, and Regina watched a conflicting range of emotions pass over her face. As much as she wanted to support her daughter, Regina knew there was still a part of Snow that couldn't stand the fact that Emma was with her; and for them to be happy with one another… well, that would diminish the chances of them ever permanently separating, wouldn't it? It was one thing to for Snow to stand behind Emma when she hoped the relationship would merely be temporary, but to actually help them make it into something real, something honest and loving? That might be asking far too much.
But Snow's expression masked over with determination, and to her credit she looked Regina square in the eyes when she told her, "If that's what needs to be done, then I'll support the relationship you have with her. I may not like it, and I may never like it, but at the end of the day, Emma finding her happiness in someone like you is a much preferable option to never seeing my daughter or grandson again. Family has to come first."
Regina quirked an eyebrow at that declaration. "Hm. Interesting. I would have thought you'd say that it would be better if we tried to find some other way," she said, surprise in her tone. But Regina smirked then and, unable to help herself, added, "Compliance is a nice color on you, Snow; unfortunate it happened so late in life, it would have saved us a lot of bloodshed."
"Do you really think provoking me is the best way to start this… tentative agreement that we've fallen into?" Snow countered, her gaze hardening as lines of irritation etched over her face. And no, of course it wasn't, but sometimes Regina just couldn't help herself. They had been rivals for a long time, after all; so long that sometimes it felt as though it had been forever.
"I find it's rather a habit by now," Regina admitted flippantly, shrugging it off. "Although I suppose I can make an effort to tone it down, if you're going to be overly sensitive about it."
Snow shot her a disbelieving look and exhaled hard through her nose, pursing her lips into a fine line. She said nothing however, which at least made Regina feel as though she had won. It was incredibly juvenile and she was aware of that, but sometimes it was the little victories in life that mattered. So much of her life lately had been filled with instability and a lack of control, that perhaps sometimes it was just comforting to fall back on old habits.
"We do though, don't we?" Snow asked after a long moment's silence, making sure that they were on the same page, despite the obvious tension that still existed between them. "Have an agreement?"
Regina chewed on the inside of her cheek, mulling it over for a moment before she came to a decision. "Yes, dear," she agreed softly. "I suppose we have an agreement."
Whether or not it would amount to anything though, only time would tell.
TBC…