Whoa, I have no excuses for my absence. Just... *sigh* here you go...
Shepard lay on her bed, watching the stars through her skylight. How could she have been so stupid as to bring Garrus with her? He'd been on the Normandy for all of a day, he wasn't even close to healed, and when he caught that damn plague...
'Rough day?' Garrus' voice shook her out of her thoughts. She glanced over to see him sitting on the stairs.
'You could say that,' she replied, barely keeping the waver out of her voice. He pushed himself up and laid beside her, studying the sky.
'You know,' he began, his voice deep and soothing, 'back on Palaven, we were taught dozens of constellations in the military. For navigating.' He laughed. 'I can't remember a single one. Except...' He pointed at a cluster of stars right above them. 'Those ones form part of the Guardian.' He looked over at her, and she quickly became lost in his blue gaze.
'So, does the Guardian have some kind of legend around him?' Garrus laughed.
'Not him, Shepard. It's always been depicted as a female. There are too many variations to remember them all, but...' He looked back up at the stars. 'There is one that has always been my favorite.' He took a deep breath, then started his story.
'Many, many years ago, there was a young turian named Altana Ursirius. She was raised in a small village on a remote part of Palaven, and spent her days tending to crops with her mother, or learning how to fight from her brothers. She was also terminally ill, with only a few years left to live. Upon discovering her illness, her family was naturally devastated, but soldiered on, keeping the farm prosperous. However, Altana was kept in the house, her parents fearful of their only daughter developing an infection.
'One day, during the Great War, enemy forces arrived at the farm, demanding supplies and every male of the household to take up arms against their foes. Altana was shooed into the cellar to hide while the soldiers took everything the Ursirius clan had to their name. When it came time for the males to leave, Altana couldn't stand by any longer, rushing out to stop them. Her mother begged her to step aside, to let her keep at least her one daughter, but she refused to move, staring down the enemy lines. The soldiers laughed at the tiny female before them. After all, how could such a small creature cause them any harm?
'In reply to their jabs, the young turian merely smiled. All that time she had been cooped up in the house, she had been practicing, discovering skills even her brothers didn't know. She slammed her foot down into the earth and raised her arms to the heavens. All at once, the soldiers were surrounded by a blue light, and they rose into the air as a unit.
'"Leave this place," Altana shouted, "and let all others know that it is protected!" She dropped the soldiers to the ground, leaving them gasping for air at the fall. Her family ran to embrace her as the enemy forces fled, never to return.
'A few short years later, Altana of course ultimately succumbed to her illness, and was reborn into the stars, faithfully watching over any turian who may need her.' Garrus opened his eyes, not remembering when they had closed.
'So, she was a biotic, then,' Shepard said, her voice soft. Garrus turned to her again with a gentle smile.
'It would certainly seem that way, but, no turian has ever had biotics that strong. To lift an entire army...' Shepard nodded.
'Even with an implant, there's no way she could have done it.' She smiled. 'It's a nice story, anyway.' Garrus' hand found hers and laced his three fingers through her five.
'You know, Shep, when I first met you, I thought of Altana. You were facing terrible odds, but you greeted everyone you met with a smile. It seemed like nothing could bring you down. Hell, I still think you're similar.' Shepard laughed.
'Yeah. Except, I'm not a biotic, I'm not a turian, and I've never even set foot on Earth, much less Palaven.' He poked her in the side, watching with amusement as she yelped and twisted away from him.
'You know what I mean, you frustrating woman. You've always protected those close to you, and anyone who needs protecting.' She dropped his gaze, once more facing the stars.
'Lately, I haven't been doing that so well, I think.' She closed her eyes. 'Garrus, what was I thinking, bringing you down there? What if Mordin hadn't found a cure? God, I'm so stupid, I-'
'Shepard.' His low voice cut through hers easily, and she fell silent. 'I'm fine. He did have the cure.' He reached up and turned her chin to face him. 'Look, I was an ass earlier. Of course filling those dossiers comes first, and Mordin was right there. I was wrong.' That drew a small smile from the human.
'Can I get that on paper?' Garrus smiled and ran his fingers through her long brown hair.
'Shepard, if it would make you stop blaming yourself for every little thing, I'll write it a hundred times.' Shepard shook her head, rolling over to face him properly.
'I can't do that, Garrus. There are people suffering right now as a direct result of my actions, and if I stop blaming myself- if I let myself be happy- I would be abandoning the people I set out to help.' Garrus' hand stilled in her hair, and he pulled her against his chest.
'Shepard. Everyone has made mistakes. I should know, I'm an expert in mistake-making. But keeping yourself from happiness is not the answer. You can honor those who didn't make it, and help those who did. Carrying this guilt won't change anything.' Shepard pressed her face into his collar, staying silent for a long time, just letting him hold her.
'I know you're right,' she said after a long time, 'but if people see me out there smiling and laughing, they're going to think that I think this is all a big joke.' Garrus frowned as well as a turian can and pulled away.
'If you're uncomfortable being that way in public, then don't. Start with me. Get comfortable relaxing and enjoying yourself with me, then maybe Joker, then we'll see where it goes from there.' Shepard sniffed, and he realized she was holding back tears. 'Shit, Shepard, I didn't mean- don't think you have to- damn it, I can never say the right-' His babbling was cut short by her hand touching his face.
'Garrus, what would I do without you?' The turian choked.
'I'm sorry, what?' She smiled.
'I mean it, Garrus. I couldn't do this without you.' He huffed.
'Of course you could. I mean, not as stylishly, obviously, but still.' Shepard smiled and pushed him away.
'You're such an ass, you know that?' She rolled onto her back again. 'I didn't know turians were romantics,' she mused, 'I mean, when you see a big scary, scaly, alien monster, you don't exactly think "storyteller," you know?' Garrus huffed.
'I'll have you know that we have plates, not scales.' He grinned, showing all of his sharp teeth. 'But yeah, I can see where the whole "scary alien" thing came from, especially after I freaked the hell out of you back in the briefing room.' Shepard smacked his arm.
'Nice try, Vakarian. You may scare everyone else on this ship, but you can't scare me.'
'Is that so? I seem to remember this one instance where a rocket hit my face. How was that for you?' She growled in a way that was almost turian and sat up.
'Stop it, Garrus. You know "how that was" for me. There's no need to-' He growled back at her and pushed himself into a sitting position.
'There is every need to go over this, Shepard. You have to face the fact that every time we go planet-side, there's a chance that only one of us is going to come-'
I said stop it!' Her normally composed voice was shrill, and her calculating eyes were wide. Garrus was taken aback. 'You think I don't know that? You don't get to tell me that we could die at any time, Garrus, because I already did. Every time I close my eyes, I'm out there getting spaced again.' She shuddered. 'Do you know how it feels to suffocate? I do. I live it over and over, every night. So please, forgive me if I don't want to think about my best friend going through the same thing.' Garrus narrowed his eyes and grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face him.
'Yeah, that sucks, I get it. You want to know what we went through? I wasn't there when the Normandy went down. I was on the Citadel, in Spectre training. What a great feeling to know that your only friend died and you weren't there to save her. Instead, we got a funeral with an empty casket, and a name on a memorial wall, followed by two years of living in a shithole, trying to make it marginally better. So at least you didn't have to try and live on without the only thing that gave your life meaning, because let me tell you something, there is absolutely no worse feeling than having the most important thing in your life get ripped away before you can do anything.' He let go of her shoulders and stood up. 'I'll be in the battery room. Call me if you need me to do an upgrade.' He stalked out of the cabin, the sliding door swishing closed behind him as Shepard flopped back onto her bed, blinking back tears as she glared up at the stars.
Hah, pacing is haaaaard...