The Concept of Forever

~x~

Chapter Five: Coulda, Shoulda

It was both everything and nothing like Elie had envisioned it to be. His lips were soft and yet firm, pressed against hers with an urgency she had never known before, and he held her so tight, she worried for a second that he might break her in half. She was only mildly aware of the still-wet ground seeping into her shirt, too absorbed in the kiss she never imagined she would get.

When they finally broke apart, Elie felt for the first time tears on her cheeks that did not belong to her. "Haru?" she said softly, one hand awkwardly reaching up and wiping it away. "I don't…" her words caught in her throat; what was she even supposed to say to him after that?

"Elie," he interrupted, purple eyes glassy but intense, "I should have told you sooner. I should have told you the moment I knew, and I am so sorry that I waited until something like this. I don't want you to be with Lucia, but it isn't because I don't like him or because I think he's an ass."

The brunette blinked, hardly believing what was happening. Was this just a dream? "I guess I just…I don't know, I always just sort of assumed that you knew. That there was no way you didn't know. And then when Lucia came over and he said that you guys had started talking and everything, I got really nervous that maybe…maybe you didn't actually know."

Carefully, the two disentangled themselves and got into a sitting position with their backs against a tree. "I haven't been a very good friend to you lately, huh?" he murmured, laughing weakly and shaking his head.

"What exactly did Lucia say?" asked Elie gently, unable to look away. Her heart was racing painfully in her chest with anticipation.

"He just…he talked about you like you were some sort of object," he sputtered, frowning. "Like you were just a trophy he could add to a collection or something."

The two fell silent for a few seconds, and Elie considered. Lucia was charming, there was no denying that. But there had been moments – brief, but still noticeable – where the charm seemed to melt away for a second and reveal something hidden beneath. She was not oblivious to the things that her friends disliked about him, but he really hadn't given her any personal reasons to dislike him.

How did he know so much about me, though?

It was a thought she had been ignoring since he first spoke to her, an itch she refused to pay attention to. He seemed to have known everything about her from the very start; after all, he had been the one that started texting her, and she knew she hadn't given him her phone number. It wasn't mysterious, but it was a little worrying.

"But," continued Haru suddenly, cutting her thoughts short, "but if you want to be with him – or, I guess, anyone – then you should be with them. I probably came off as pretty controlling, earlier, but that isn't how I meant to seem. I just…I want you to be happy, Elie, and I just…I don't think you will be, with him. But, even so, it's your choice!"

The brunette closed her eyes and leaned her head back. When did things become so complicated? It was just the other day that everything was so simple, so clear. "I don't know what I'm going to do," she admitted, opening her eyes and looking at him. "This is all very…confusing, Haru. I don't want to be careless and end up making a huge mistake I can't fix."

Haru nodded slowly, turning his gaze away. "Yeah," he agreed with a chuckle. "I guess that was pretty sudden, huh?"

"I think that's an understatement."

The two laughed for a bit, and Elie leaned her head on his shoulder. For as thick-headed as he was, Haru was still her best friend, and no argument would ruin that. "I should be going, though," he said after a few moments, not moving. "I didn't even tell Cattleya or Shuda I was going out."

Elie nodded, pulling her head away from his shoulder. "I'm going to stay here for a while longer," she said, watching as he rose. She didn't want him to leave, she realized. She wanted him to be here, to stay with her and talk more. "I have a lot to think about."

Of course she did. In the span of about an hour, her entire life was just flipped around. Doubts rose her in head about how she felt; was that kiss just a clever ploy to make her not want to be with Lucia? Did she even want to be with Lucia because she wanted to be with Lucia, or because she wanted to piss off her best friend when she was angry with him? Why had Lucia known so much about her right at the beginning? And, biggest of all, what did Haru mean when he said 'I should have told you the moment I knew'?

There were a lot of questions, and as much as she wanted Haru's company, it was something she had to handle on her own. Having Haru, or Lucia for that matter, nearby would only make the whole situation more blurred.

The two said their goodbye, and Elie watched as he disappeared behind the trees. As soon as he was gone, the brunette found herself wanting to be with him, to go after him and kiss him with as much intensity as he had kissed her. One hand rose up to touch her lips, grinning widely at the memory.

As infuriating as he was, Elie could not deny that she still loved him. But she also could not ignore how he had acted about her possibly being with Lucia.

I guess that's just the difference between the two of us; when I find out that he's with someone, I go home and cry myself to sleep and when he finds out that someone might be interested in me, he gets angry.

Somewhere, Elie remember a psychology lesson that showed that anger was a secondary emotion, and that it typically followed feelings of hurt or betrayal. Of course, she didn't know whether that was actually true or not, but it did make for an interesting point when considering the whole situation.

The brunette sighed. She didn't want to think about this. She didn't want to feel as if she was deciding between Haru and Lucia; between two people that she cared for. Was that what it had come down to, who she wanted to be with more?

Just twenty-four hours ago, the answer would have been undoubtedly Haru. Twenty-four hours ago, Lucia was just a friend, her own little secret friend. He was like an imaginary friend more than anything; one that existed only through a cell phone that he had given her.

That's another thing; why would he just give me a cell phone like that?

The sheer abnormality of their friendship suddenly appeared before her, unavoidable as the sun overhead. He had stopped to speak with her, amongst all the other people that had been speaking to him at the time. The way he first spoke her name, like it was something he had rehearsed saying for years. The way he had been the one to walk her to class on his first day, rather than the other way around. He had texted her first, after only a brief conversation. He had confidently led her to a spot where they could speak in private on an island he had only lived on for a few days.

Chills went up Elie's back, and she instinctively rubbed her arms. Something was definitely not right here, and it wasn't just in the way he sometimes sounded in class. It was almost like he had been stalking her, had known everything about her long before he had come here.

"It's my little secret."

Elie rose to her feet, unable to sit still any longer. How had she had been so oblivious to something like that?

Fear suddenly gripped at her, and she hugged herself tightly. Beneath all that charm was something that Elie was certain she wanted very little to do with. But, even so, she could not in good conscience make assumptions about his behavior without knowing all the facts. At the very least, it was something that she should confront him about.

As she slowly made her way out of the forest, the brunette realized just how desperately she did not want to see Lucia at this moment. She was spooked, genuinely creeped out, and she really didn't want to be near him right now. She didn't even want to see Haru, not really.

Oh, that's a lie, you know that you want to see Haru, it just wouldn't be practical given everything.

What she needed right now was to pay Julia a visit. She had always been like an older sister to her, and this was definitely an older sister problem. As soon as her mind was made up, Elie took off running, not even bothering to stop back home and change out of her muddy clothes. Julia wouldn't care; she'd probably even give her a pair of spare pajama's to hang around in and wash her clothes for her.

That was one of the many things that Elie really admired about her blonde friend; she could, and would, fight at a moment's notice, but she was also just as feminine and girly as any other female on the island.

She arrived at Julia's apartment out of breath, soaked from the light rain and absolutely filthy from her tumble through the mud with Haru. "Julia!" she gasped, hitting her fist against the door, hitting her head against it in her exhaustion. "Jules, it's me."

The door opened quickly, causing the brunette to fall forward onto her friend. "Elie?!" she cried, catching her and helping her to her feet. "Elie, what's wrong?"

For just a second, she considered telling her that nothing was wrong, she just wanted to talk, but as soon as she looked up into the dark brown eyes, everything that she had been holding in – her love for her best friend, her heartbreak, her potential feelings for Lucia, the uneasy feeling growing in the pit of her stomach – came flooding out. Tears began to cascade down her cheeks and she gripped Julia tightly, burying her head into her friend's shoulder. "Okay, okay," said the blonde gently, carefully moving herself and Elie out of the doorway and kicking it closed. "Take a deep breath, Elie, let me get you a change of clothes, make you a cup of tea, and you can tell me what's going on."

Elie nodded, wiping her running nose and following Julia into her bedroom numbly. As soon as she was dressed, Julia settled her on the couch with a thick blanket around her shoulders and left to start making tea for them.

"Okay, tell me what's wrong," said the blonde as soon as she was settled on the couch. Elie sniffled once and then nodded before launching into her story.

She told Julia about how she had fallen for Haru all those years ago, how she had just accepted that it would never really work out between them because of their friendship. How she had been okay with that for so long, how she had steadily grown more and more frustrated with her lack of love-live. She told her, tearfully, how she had gone behind their backs and befriended Lucia, and how sweet he always was to her, how seeing Celia and Haru had broken her heart into tiny, angry pieces that she had hurled back at Haru. She told her how suddenly creepy Lucia seemed, how he seemed like he knew everything about her before she had even introduced herself. And she told her, utterly choking on her sobs by this point, that Haru kissed her in an attempt to give her a reason to say no.

"Wow," Julia said after she had finally stopped, one hand gently rubbing her shaking back. "Holy shit, girl, you've been holding that in for-fucking-ever, haven't you?" Elie nodded weakly before burying her head in her hands desperately.

"I'm such an idiot, aren't I?" she moaned, voice raspy from speaking and sobbing at the same time. Julia laughed once and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her against her shoulder comfortingly. "Tell me I'm an idiot, Julia."

"You're an idiot, Elie," she said, "But not for the reason you think. You shouldn't have been holding all of that in for so long, kid, it ain't healthy." Elie only hiccuped in response, and Julia laughed again. "You want to know what I would do? I'd give Haru a chance. And," she added quickly, "I'm not just saying that because me and Let and Musica always tease you about it. I really mean it."

Elie sniffled again, pulling herself away from Julia's embrace and turning to look at her fully. "Why?" she asked, desperate for some reason, for some sense in the madness.

"Because Haru has only ever looked out for you. Sure, he can be sort of a dick about it sometimes, but, hey. Want to know what Let did when he found out one of our friend's was plotting on breaking us up?" she asked, smirking. "He beat the living shit out of him. You think Haru getting pissy with you was bad? Trust me, he ain't got nothing on Let."

For the first time, Elie giggled. She remembered hearing about this whole incident, but Let refused to talk about it in detail and Julia had dropped it. "Now, Haru doesn't really talk to me about this shit – he doesn't talk to anyone about it, honestly – but if nothing else, he genuinely cares for you, and he always has. And, Lucia? You can go ahead and be friends with whoever the fuck you want, girl! Just because we don't like him doesn't mean you have to dislike him. Let and I, we follow our first instinct. We always have, we probably always will. And our first instinct was that he was bad news, so that's what we're going with. Musica, he doesn't honestly care, let's be honest here.

"As for Haru? Well, he's got a reason to be a little biased, given his father and Lucia's dad's history or whatever. The important thing here is that you follow what you believe in, what you want, not what we want or believe."

Elie took in her words slowly, carefully processing each point. "But what about how Haru was acting? He was being more of a tool than Lucia ever was," she said weakly, wiping away the last of her tears.

"That's just part of humanity, Elie. Sometimes, people are tools. Just because you're occasionally an ass to your best friend, doesn't mean that you're a bad person."
The brunette nodded again, leaning back against the sofa and sighing. "But, Haru's with Celia," she said softly, clenching her eyes shut to prevent anymore crying. "I thought that Haru and I talked about everything, but he's never once mentioned her or her family or anything."

Julia shrugged. "You never told him you were desperately in love with him," she pointed out, nudging her. Elie laughed a little bit, leaning against her friend again. "Besides, would he have kissed you if he was seeing someone else?"

"I guess not," she admitted, playing with a loose thread on the pants. For a few seconds, the two sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Elie rose to her feet and stretched. "Thanks for, well, you know," she said, taking a deep breath. Julia grinned and waved it away. It wasn't a problem, she meant, that's what friends are for. "I'll bring these back to you as soon as I can, okay?"

"No worries, kid. Let me know how everything works out for you, okay?"

And with that, Elie left, feeling marginally better than she had when she ran to her house. For the most part, the town was empty, everyone making sure that their family and friends had survived the storm. Elie thought about calling her brother to make sure that he was okay, but he didn't have a cell phone and there was no real method of contacting him while he was away.

So instead she just began to wander the town, lost in her own thoughts. So much had happened, and she was still trying to get her thoughts entirely caught up. If there was one thing that she knew, however, it was that Julia was right; no matter what her friends said or felt about something, she had to follow her own instinct.

No matter how nice Lucia had been to her, there was something undeniably creepy about him, something that she wanted very little to do with. She didn't want to know how he knew so much about her, nor did she care why he knew so much about her. Elie just wanted him out of her life.

That decided, she began to head back to her house, plan already unfolded in her mind. She would simply ask him to meet her, she'd return the cell phone, and say that they could still be friends, she just wasn't comfortable with their current standings.

It would be quick, painless. No problem.

As soon as she was home, she grabbed the cell phone and, ignoring the texts, politely asked him to meet her. Elie took a few deep breaths to calm herself – why was she even so nervous to begin with? It wasn't as if she was breaking up with him or anything, just putting an end to their secretive friendship.

He responded fairly quickly, telling her that he would be there immediately.

Well, it's now or never.

~x~

Author's Note: Hello everyone! After a rather long, terrible last semester, I have returned! If anyone wants to know why I disappeared again/anything at all, please send me a message!

But, yes! I have heard your pleas, and I have returned! I actually already had this chapter half written, hidden away on my laptop, so if it seems like the last half of this is written differently than the first half, it's because there is a considerable hiatus between them, and I like to think that I have improved since then? Who knew! But, yeah! The story is still following the same ideas I had when I started, which I guess might not matter so much given that it was only four chapters in...

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I'm terribly sorry for making you all wait, and I will try to post again moderately soon!