Chapter 5—Maybe it's a pirate!
"You think I can afford a dress like this?" Paige asked, picking up the emerald frock which glittered in the light. "Or any of these other presents?" she asked, sweeping her hand across the things that lied on the table. "I don't know how to get blueprints. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what those blueprints are, and I definitely don't have the technological know-how to make sunglasses that feed you your vital statistics. And I definitely have never seen this canary before," Paige finished, gesturing to Tweety.
Toby looked her up and down and said, "You're right. You didn't bring in any of these gifts. Nothing about your body language, facial expressions, or hand gestures indicate false statements or a rehearsed story. Paige is not our Santa."
"Thank you," said Paige. "Although I do like the dress so I hope I get to keep it."
"We just need to figure out what's the connection between all of these," said Walter, who hadn't taken his eyes off of the things on the table. "Sunglasses, blueprints, a hat, a dress, motorcycle boots, and a live bird," he said again and again, muttering to himself. "What's the connection?"
"You mean other than that they were left for us?" asked Happy. "Apparently by someone who knows us well?"
"A pirate!" Toby shouted suddenly. Everyone turned to eye him.
"You're saying a pirate left this for us?" asked Cabe, incredulity threading his voice.
"No, I'm saying that most of the gifts are things to wear, like something a pirate would wear. Boots can stand for pirate boots, a fedora for a pirate hat, sunglasses can stand for an eye patch, blueprints for a map, and the canary for a parrot."
"Yes, but when did pirates start wearing cocktail dresses?" asked Happy.
"Could be a female pirate," said Toby, shrugging.
"I'm going to make us something to eat," said Paige. "I bet all of this sleuthing is making everyone hungry."
Everyone nodded although none of them looked up at her, their eyes glued to the mysterious contents on the table. Paige sighed in fond exasperation. Geniuses can really get lost down the rabbit hole sometimes. Hopefully, they wouldn't go too far or Paige wouldn't know how to get them all out.
"Ralph, you want to come help me make lunch?" asked Paige. Her son nodded obediently and sidled over to his mother's side. "Cabe, would you like to stay for lunch?" asked Paige before they left for the kitchen.
"Might as well," he said. "My daughter's not expecting me until this evening so I still have time before I have to be on the road."
Paige nodded and turned towards the kitchen. At least Cabe wasn't one to go down a rabbit hole. Maybe he could help her keep the others above water.
When Paige and Ralph returned to the group, they were all sprawled around the garage in various states of mental calculation. Walter had his fingers propping up his temples as he stared and stared at the gifts. Happy was in deep discussion with Cabe over the design of the sunglasses as they looked it over and debated it. Toby's eyes flitted from one member of the cyclone to the other, scrutinizing their unspoken behavior and seeing if he could glean anything from it. Sylvester was next to Tweety, reading about how to care for canaries on his laptop. Paige saw Happy and Cabe glance around the room at everyone before they noticed Paige watching them.
"Lunch's ready," she said. Slowly, everyone meandered to the meals which Paige had prepared for them. Walter was the only one who stayed put, rubbing his temples and muttering to himself.
"Walter, please. You need to eat," said Paige.
"In a minute," said Walter. "I feel like I'm on the verge of something."
Paige paused. What to do now? Then she pursed her lips and put on a face of determination. "What you're on the verge of is collapsing from starvation."
"It's okay, Mom," said Ralph, appearing by her side. "If Walter won't eat, then I won't, either."
"What? You need to eat," said Walter and Paige together. They looked at each other for a moment, surprised, and then turned back to Ralph.
"Ralph, honey, you're a growing boy, and you know genius brains need their brain food."
"If geniuses need brain food, and Walter and I are both geniuses, then that means we both need to eat, correct?"
Walter and Paige nodded, a little dumbfounded.
"Well," Ralph continued, "From what I've read, the human brain takes up approximately 20% of the body's daily caloric intake and that's for an average person, not a genius. Now, taking in Walter's height, weight, and age…" (here Ralph looked him up and down) "factor in that he's a male and has not eaten for the last few hours I would calculate that Walter is due to have eaten, oh, one hour and 38 minutes ago."
Walter rubbed his hands on his lap. "Well, you can't argue with math," he said, somewhat sheepishly. Ralph came up to Walter and held out his hand. "Sit with me?" he asked.
"Of course," Walter obliged, taking his hand and letting him lead the two to the food which was waiting for them. How could you turn down a kid like that?
"That. Was. Awesome," Paige breathed.
"The kid's good," said Cabe, coming up to talk to Paige, a sandwich in his hand. "And a quick learner, too. He's watched Happy pull Walter out of the rabbit hole before, combine that with what Toby has taught him about using emotional leverage and what Sylvester taught him with statistics, he came up with his own strategy for getting Walter to come back to reality."
Paige just stared at her son, stunned at his growth and development since he came to be a part of the Scorpion cyclone. Even if the team conducted dangerous jobs sometimes, the wealth of learning, belonging, and acceptance which her son felt with the group more than made up for it. "I…I never knew," Paige said, so quietly that it almost wasn't there.
Ralph caught his mother watching him and he smiled and waved to her. Walter turned from where he was sitting and awkwardly waved, too. His mouth was full of half-eaten food and a slight blush had crept onto his face. Walter really hadn't realized how hungry he felt. Thank god for people like Paige and Ralph.
After everyone was done eating, Walter even offered to clean up everything by himself. "Would you like some help?" asked Paige, coming into the kitchen.
"No, you've done more than enough for everyone. I'll take care of this. How about you go keep an eye on the others for me?" asked Walter, gesturing to the team which was reassembled around the table. "Don't let them crack any mysteries until I get there," he teased.
Paige almost laughed. "Sure," she said, squeezing Walter's shoulder before she left.
Walter was almost done with the dishes when Cabe appeared behind him. "I have to be going soon, but if I could have a word with you before I leave?"
"Of course," said Walter, drying his hands. Cabe beckoned to the now-empty table and they both sat down. Of course, Cabe was never one to beat around the bush so he got straight to the point. "You want to tell me why you got me sunglasses with my vital statistics on them?"