"You know, you hurt him really bad when you left, Bunny Girl."
At the sound of her childhood nickname, Lucy looked up from her cocoon of Natsu's sheets. Through tear filled eyes, she could see a tall figure, long dark spiked hair, dark red eyes, full of anger, confusion and hurt. Gajeel stood before her, lording over her, forcing her to look up. Seeing the expression on his face was enough to send Lucy into a new fit of crying. It wasn't just Natsu and herself that she'd hurt! How could she have been so stupid and forgotten about Gajeel and Levy?! Carla and Greyson?! They were her second family and she had turned her back on them in a heart beat...all because her pathetic excuse of a father said to...all because she was to much of a coward to do anything about it. Speak up and defend herself and her friendships. Even now, she was unable to look Gajeel in the eyes, knowing what she would see...fearing what he would see in her eyes.
A sigh, almost a growl, escaped Gajeel and he sat down on the chair he'd occupied earlier. When he set his arms along the back and looked at Lucy, she knew there would be no escaping this interrogation...this grating of feelings, stripping away all of her carefully made walls. All the pain she'd so carefully blocked over the seven years was about to be forced out into the open...and she was powerless to stop it.
"You can sit there all you want and shed your tears, I personally do not give a care. The only reason I didn't say anything earlier was my love for Levy. She alone saved your sorry ass! Did you stop even once to think about how my brother might feel when you said you hated him? How just like that, you stopped acting like his friend and more like...more like your father?! You took your pain and gave it to him, all to make the hurt go away. Well, tell me, little girl. Did it? Did seeing Natsu's pained expression bring you joy?"
Sharp as shards of the metal Gajeel loved to eat, every single word pierced Lucy's heart. She wanted to stand up and yell at him that he didn't know what it was like, going home each day hoping and praying that her father would be in a good mood. That he was happy, that he had gone to see his wife's grave. Hoping to see that light in his eyes, that small smile on the corner of his lips. She wanted to yell at him about the way her hand shook as she tried to stick her key in the lock, fearful of what awaited on the other side! About the countless times where she would sleep, her spirit Loke summoned to watch over her – just in case! To show Gajeel the bruises and scream that this was what she was protecting Natsu against! This was why she left him! So her father wouldn't go after him or his family...hurt them – or worse. Before she could say any of that though, Gajeel continued.
"That first month was bad. It got to the point where Carla had to start slipping him sleeping pills, he'd be up all night crying to himself when he thought I was asleep! When he did actually get some sleep, he'd wake up screaming your name! He refused to take the pills himself so we had to slip it in his food, his water, anyway we could. When he found out what we were doing, all hell broke loose! He was mad beyond belief! You should've seen it Bunny Girl! He almost burned down the house! Every picture of you and him, every memory...all of it charred to ash..."
As Gajeel spoke, a memory came to Lucy...she was a little girl, probably about four or five years old. Her mother was still alive at this point, the two of them in their garden. Lucy could remember looking up and seeing an angel holding a lamb, carved in the smoothest and darkest stone she had ever seen in her short life. The angel scared her and so she normally left that patch of the garden for her mother to do alone, but today something drew her towards the angel. As she held her mothers warm hand in her two little ones, Lucy could remember her mothers soft whisper as she explained guardian angels to her little girl.
"Guardian angels are meant to keep and protect the ones they love. Guardian angels watch down on the people here on earth, guiding and making sure they do this right. Live life as fully and amazingly wonderful as possible. Whenever things get bad, you can rely on your guardian angel..."
Flash forwards, two years later, she's seven or eight. Once again in the garden, once again below the angel. This time is different. This time she holds a different hand. As the adults mill around and do their best to be happy, Natsu and Lucy stand hand in hand at her mothers grave. The scent of the freshly turned earth is so strong, Lucy felt as if she were to just reach out, it would be there in her grip, just as it was that day. In her memories, Lucy remembers turning to Natsu and looking at him, seeing her reflection in his eyes. Before she lost the courage, she had asked him.
"Natsu, will you be my guardian angel?"
To her broken heart, it made sense. Here was some one she trusted fully, with her life, her heart...her best friend, her playmate, her Natsu! To her childish mind, Natsu was the answer, the salve to this inescapable pain. And for awhile he was...
Quick as it came, the memories faded away and she was back in Natsu and Gajeel's room, the latter staring her down, anger and hurt written in every muscle of his body. Thanks to the memories, she had the courage to say what she needed to say. Standing, she faced Gajeel and when she spoke, her voice only slightly wavered.
"That day at my mothers grave, I asked him if he would be my guardian angel. I realize now that it works both ways. Natsu is my guardian angel, as I am his. Its not just up to him to protect me, i have to protect him to! Even if that means from myself! Seven years ago – even to this day, he still does – my father started to beat on me. He would get angry, then drunk and take it out on me. I'd managed to hide it for a long time but some how Natsu found out! When he went to confront my father about it, Jude gave me two options. Just two! Either I leave Natsu out of it and stay away...or Natsu – and possibly your entire family! - would be in a worse situation then I was at the time. It was either break my heart and leave Natsu behind – hoping beyond a hope that he moves on and finds happiness...or lock my heart away and watch as he suffers knowing I had the power to stop it. What he hell else was I supposed to do, I lo -"
A ragged gasp forced it's way out passed her closed throat as she stopped herself from finishing a sentence she knew she would regret. When Gajeel stood, he carefully put the chair back and shook his head, sighing once more.
"You just don't get it, do you. It's not just about Lucy Heartfillia. Hell, it's not even about Carla, Greyson, Levy, Wendy or I. It's about Natsu and what you did to him. Give all the excuses you want, I don't give a rats ass. All that matters is you hurt my brother and you needed to hear it. He sure as hell wasn't going to tell you. What's done is done, what's said is said. Get up, stop crying and go eat breakfast. Carla asked for you and Natsu to take Wendy shopping, she got called into work."
That said, Gajeel walked out of the freshly fixed door, slamming it hard enough the whole wall shook. Cringing at he impact and noise, Lucy forced herself off of the floor and into the bathroom to clean up a little bit before breakfast. If she was to go shopping with Natsu and Wendy...she'd need to clean herself up first.
Once done her morning routine, Lucy made Natsu's bed, organized his desk and drawers, tucking away the papers and clothes. Anything to distract her from their conversation. Anything to keep her from going downstairs and seeing Gajeel...seeing Natsu. After what Gajeel had said, Lucy was unsure what to do or even say to Natsu. 'I'm sorry I left you for seven years and didn't explain why! I'm sorry I lied! Let's be friends again!' just wouldn't cut it. Natsu wanted an explanation...he deserved one in Lucy's opinion! She just had to find the right words, the right time and the courage to face all of Natsu's heart ache and pain. Face having to tell things best left unsaid. Show things best left unseen...
Eventually, she ran out of things to organize. It was time, now or never. Forcing a smile on her lips and rinsing her tear stained face, Lucy slowly worked her way down, one step at a time.