He had done the impossible, rendered her silent. She stared at him until he grew uncomfortable under her peerless gaze. "Well, say something," he said, words he never thought he'd need to say to Ruth.
"What am I supposed to say to that? Have you lost your mind?"
"Wouldn't surprise me if I had, being married to you all this time." He winced at his own harsh words, but he knew of no better way to begin to put distance between them than arguing with her.
She ignored the stinging comment. "That's why you've been acting so peculiar lately, so secretive," she surmised.
"I've been thinking about it for awhile," he said, agreeing with her false conclusion.
She swallowed hard before she asked, "Is it because I can't give you children?"
She looked embarrassed and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and assure her of his love, but of course, he couldn't. "What? No, don't be ridiculous, but thank God we don't have children, right? It would have made things a lot harder. Maybe this is the reason why we didn't."
"Is it because you're tired of life on road? Because I will settle down with you if that's what it takes to save this marriage. God would understand."
"That's not it either. It ain't anything that can be fixed. No point in trying."
"Well, what is it then? We've been married 7 years. 7 years, Kid. I deserve an explanation."
"You were right all long. Some people are made to live the single life and not marry. I discovered too late that I'm one of those people. I've tried to make it work, Ruth, honest to God, I have, but I've reached the end of my rope. I just can't do it anymore. I can't pretend."
"Well, I wasn't pretending. Why didn't you tell me how you felt sooner? How long have you felt this way?"
"A long time, but I ain't going to leave you destitute. I promised to take care of you and I'll see to it that you have no financial worries."
"Money?" she stuttered. "That's what you think I care about right now? I don't want it. I was fine before you came and I'll be fine when you're gone."
Her words were like a knife. "You're young yet. You got time to find someone else." It killed him to say it, but he didn't want her going through life alone.
Her mouth fell open in hurt and shock. "How can you even suggest that? Besides, no one'd want to marry a divorced woman."
"That may be true on the east coast, but you know as well as I do, that it's different on the west coast where women are scarce."
"You trying to ease your conscience? Well, you can forget it. The last thing I'm looking to do is get married again. You want a divorce? Fine, but that ends your having to worry about what I do or don't do."
It hurt Kid that he had her onboard with it so quickly, but hadn't that been his aim? "I've heard divorces are easy to get in California," he mentioned.
"Well, good," she retorted, her Celtic temper showing in the color of her cheeks. "The easier the better. Tomorrow work for you?" she asked, not caring she had a revival scheduled.
"No sense in putting it off," he agreed. "Might as well pull out of here." He handed over the flour he still carried in one arm, but she didn't take it when he released his hold, causing it to fall to the floor and for some of the white flour to spill out.
"Fix your own dinner. After all, if you're going to be a bachelor again, you might as well get used to it." On those words, she slammed the door behind her on her way outside.
He had to fight the desire to chase after her. Oh, how he wanted to tell her it was all a mistake, a temporary moment of insanity.
He watched her climb into the wagon through the window, no doubt she intended to sleep out there. She couldn't even stand to be under the same roof with him now.
Well, what did he expect? He'd driven her to be angry with him on purpose and he was going to have to argue with her a lot more in the coming days. It would serve to distract her from noticing anything amiss and it was the best way to make a clean break.
Ruth's anger dissolved into tears away from prying eyes. She pulled out a lace handkerchief, a gift from Kid, that made her cry harder. She'd talked big in front of him, but she knew she had to have done something to make him feel the way he did. A person didn't just wake up one day and decide marriage wasn't for them after all, not unless the person had did or had failed to do something. "Lord, show me what I've done and show me what I can do to save my marriage," she prayed.