"No, no. That can't be," Ruth insisted. "I've been married for years. I haven't once gotten in a family way. Why now?"

"Providence, I suppose. God's timing and all that, but you're the one who would know about that, not me," Mr. Via said.

"It can't be," she repeated. But she knew it could be. She was late and she'd felt a little off lately, not quite herself. She supposed she'd been too preoccupied with everything: Kid's behavior, the loss of her grandmother, and now the Indian, that she hadn't paid any attention to the signs, but they were all there. Just exactly the same complaints her sister had described when she was first pregnant with Danny.

"Might be something else. I assumed you knew already," Mr. Via said placatingly.

"Oh, God," she said prayerfully under her breath. She was shocked because she'd already come to terms with the fact that she had to be barren and she'd stopped hoping every month, devastated because it didn't seem like divine timing to her mind, and a little happy despite the circumstances.

"Is something wrong? Most women are ecstatic when they find out."

"Oh, yeah. No, I am. Just a little surprised is all. Can we keep this between us for now?"

"Want a chance to tell him yourself? That's understandable. He won't hear it from me."

It was quiet after that. Mr. Via was watching for Kid's return and Ruth just couldn't seem to get past the 'I'm pregnant' that she was hearing in her thoughts. Kid came back a couple of minutes later.

Kid paid the man for his trouble. "What'd he say?" he asked after he was gone.

"Hmm?" she asked only half hearing him. Her mind was still reeling from the news.

"I said what'd he say?"

"Oh, uh. That he should be okay in a couple days assuming everything goes well."

"Well, that's good then. Why do you look so disappointed?"

Her eyes darted over to him. Was she so transparent? Had he guessed the problem already? "I'm not disappointed. Just tired. And hungry. I'll go see I can dredge up."

What she dredged up was the softened beef she'd used to make the tea, crackers, and fruit preserves that were a reddish purple color, a gift from one of the revival attendees, who'd proudly explained that it came from a prickly fruit that grew wild on the cactuses. If she'd tried cooking anything in her state, she likely would've burned herself. Kid brought a bench in for them to sit on.

The preserves tasted a little like a fruiter watermelon, not bad at all, but the important thing was it wasn't making her stomach turn. She left the beef to Kid and stuck to the crackers and preserves.

She had to tell him about the coming baby, but she dreaded the reaction it would cause. He would be even less happy than she was. She fought the desire to put a protective hand over where the new life was growing inside her. She would never wish the child away, but why had it been so long in coming? Why now when the future was so unsure?

"The crackers are stale," Kid commented.

She broke out into tears, which startled Kid. He hadn't meant to make her cry. Though he'd seen her cry before, Ruth wasn't generally the weepy type and it wasn't the worst thing he'd said to her lately either. It hadn't even been a direct statement against her, just a fact. "I'm sorry," he apologized immediately, feeling like an incredible louse and wanting to stop the tears.

She was embarrassed by her crying. She'd lost control over her life and now even her own body seemed to be conspiring against her. "No, you're not. Get out."

"Ruth," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. He lifted a comforting hand to her shoulder.

"Don't you touch me," she said before his hand had made it there and she scooted further down the bench. "Not unless you've changed your mind about the divorce."

He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. Of course, he hadn't. "No, I just-" He sighed. "I can't stand to see a woman cry. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I still want to divorce."

As Ruth fought to get her emotions in check, she thought more about the baby.

She'd wanted a way to fix her marriage and wouldn't Kid stay with her if he found out she was pregnant? 'Thank God we didn't have children', he'd said. He'd further said a baby would've made things harder. Harder how? Harder in that they would have to figure out a way to share him or her after the divorce or harder in that they would have to stay married for the sake of the child?

Folks did, of course. Stay together when the sparks of romantic love were long gone. Some had never had it in the first place. And it was good that they did stay together because, as she'd advised troubled couples in the past, everyone had highs and lows; it didn't mean the love was gone or couldn't develop. They just had to ride it out and work at repairing the broken relationship. God would help them, she had told them, if they asked. Now look. She was half of a troubled couple and she didn't know how to take her own advice.

The Bible made it clear that God didn't like divorce at all. He allowed it in cases of adultery, but even then he'd rather the couple work it out. 'Until death do we part' were not just empty words in a ceremony. Divorce would be a sin, not her sin alone per say since she wasn't the one insisting upon it but still a sin. And yet, if he wanted to go his own way, she loved him enough to let him because she certainly couldn't and wouldn't hold him against his will. If he wanted one, she wanted one, she thought stubbornly.

"I wish we'd had a baby. At least then this marriage wouldn't seem like a complete waste," she said, she was feeling out his reaction before she delivered the blow.

"That would be stupid. There'd be another mouth for me to figure out how to feed from afar and you'd have a child underfoot while you were trying to do your revivals." He said it and in a way he meant it because it was a practical viewpoint, but his nonpractical side would've loved to have had a child with her too. A legacy to live on after he was gone, a son or daughter who was a little bit of both of them. But it wasn't meant to be and there was no use dreaming about what would never happen.

At least she knew now. She wouldn't tell him because it wasn't going to change anything except convince him he needed to send her more money. It was clear enough he didn't want to know about it. And at least this way, when her son or daughter asked about its father, she could say that he hadn't known and her baby could believe its father would've loved him or her enough to stay.

But the baby still complicated things. She would be showing by the time they reached California and then he would know anyway. "I don't want to go to California. If we're going to get a divorce, I want one right here. It may be a little harder, but I'm not going to go on a wild goose chase across the country. Divorces are hard to get anywhere. We'll try here and if they won't give us one then just leave and let me get back to the Lord's work."

Now Kid was the one who felt like crying. He was stunned by her words. He was starting to believe she wanted a divorce more than he did, which wouldn't have taken much because he didn't really want one, but at least he would've had time to prepare himself for having to part with her if they'd gone to California. Who was he fooling though? He'd never be prepared. Maybe now was better. "But then how are you going to get remarried?"

"I told you once I'm not. Get that through your thick head. I don't need a husband to take care of me. God will. Unless it's you looking to get remarried."

"No."

"Then who cares what the law says about it? We'll be separated and that's all that will matter, right?"

Except she'd likely be a widow and not even know it. "I'd rather have the finality of divorce, so we can both move on. What are the laws here in Mexico, I wonder?"

"I don't know. Probably strict with their Catholic background, but laws are going to be strict anywhere and have you thought that a reason is usually required for divorce and a good one at that? Most times adultery is the only excuse, not just a simple marriage wasn't for me or that you find me too noisy or bossy. They'll laugh you out of court if that's all you have to say."

"I have thought of that and I'm willing to say whatever it is I need to say and take the full blame for it."

Again, she was struck by how badly he wanted away from her. What had she done to merit this? "Why? You would really lie like that? And under oath?"

"If I needed to." Kid felt a little dizzy. This was suddenly happening so fast. How was he going to make sure she was financially secure before she left?

He didn't want to leave her alone with the Indian, but the saloon was open and there was money in his pocket. The man was tied up after all and the neighbors a mere 20 steps away. He gave her his knife to be on the safe side. If he was going to a saloon, he needed his gun too much to leave it with her and she wouldn't use it anyway, knowing her. "I'm going out to earn you some money before this all takes place."

She wasn't protesting anymore about taking the money, which he thought strange, but he thought it was even stranger that she didn't ask how he was going to get the money. He supposed he had to get used to her not caring what he did. "I'll see you in an hour or two."

A strangled sob escaped her lips after he was gone. Ruth jumped when she noticed the black eyes on her. The Indian was awake and he was watching her. She tried to picture what the little domestic scene would have looked like if one didn't speak English. What did it matter? He seemed calmer. Though she was going to leave him tied at least until Kid got back.

Grateful for something to take her mind off her problems, she brought some of the crackers and preserves over. "You have to be hungry. I'm afraid I'll have to feed you, since you're all tied up. Is that okay?"

He only blinked at her, but he ate it when she brought one to his lips.

"At least, I don't have to listen to you complain that the crackers are stale," she told him and it could have been her imagination, but he looked a little sympathetic.

She spoke to God next. "Oh, Lord, thank You for providing us with something to eat and for allowing me to be here to help this man. Forgive us of our sins. I feel they're many lately. Me especially, Father. And help me focus on my countless blessings, which include this baby that You've given me. Look after Kid cause I'm sure he's going to be getting into some kind of foolishness tonight. In Christ's name, amen."