After rereading a few times I realized the original chapter didn't flow as well with how long it was so I decided to divide it into two. Sorry but this involves no new content beyond the original chapter 17. I should be finishing the new chapter closer to the holidays. Thanks for reading everyone.

"I've failed."

He kept repeating it in the exact same tone of voice. The guilt and horror just wouldn't fade, even slightly. He hadn't felt so helpless since he had discovered Monk Gyatso's body. Now he was forced to stand by and do nothing while his friends faced a similar gruesome fate. He wouldn't be there to protect them the way he wasn't there to protect his people from the Fire Nation.

"Aang," Roku said. "I'm disappointed in you."

That was probably the only thing that could have made Aang feel worse. He looked up to and admired Roku; his disappointment hurt.

Aang couldn't believe how badly he had messed up. "I know Roku. I've ruined everything."

"That's not what I meant," Roku replied. "You were reckless and arrogant. You insisted on fighting alone and relied too heavily on your own power. By doing so you played right into Long Feng's plan. That isn't like you at all. I don't understand what happened."

Aang was surprised by that response. He had been so fixated on the fact he had failed this was the first time he paused to realize why he had. He remembered how strongly everyone objected to him going alone and how he didn't listen.

"Roku," Aang began. "You of all people should know how it feels to be the Avatar and at the same time a husband and father."

Roku's face turned sympathetic. That seemed to put them on the same page. "Yes I certainly do."

"When I'm with Katara I feel like I have the normal life I've always wanted. I'm able to forget that I'm the Avatar."

Roku remained solemn. "Ta Min made me feel the exact same way. But being the Avatar is still your biggest responsibility."

"I know!" Aang shouted. "Ever since the day the monks told me I know! And then the second I get married and have kids I have to discuss with the other Avatars what that means for the entire world!" He hit the ground with his fist. "I'm sick of everything I do being for the fate of the world! I NEVER WANTED TO BE THE DAMN AVATAR!"

Roku stayed completely calm despite the suddenness of Aang's outburst. He understood the pressure he went through every day. Compounded with the pressure of being a new father and husband it would overwhelm anyone.

"Why?" Aang asked as he trembled. "Why did I of all people have to be the Avatar? Why can't I just live a normal life with Katara and my kids? Why couldn't someone better have been the Avatar, someone who wouldn't mess it up?"

Now Roku felt the need to speak up. "Aang it is no accident that you are the Avatar. There is no one better."

"Of course there is," Aang said with dejection. "Just look at how I've messed up. I wanted so badly to prove that I could be a good father and husband, that being the Avatar could actually be good for my family, that I was a complete idiot and thanks to me there will never be another Avatar ever again!"

Roku nodded in understanding. "So that's why you were acting like that."

Aang finally got to his feet and looked Roku in the eye. "How much of my life will be about rebuilding the damage from the war Roku? This civil war proves that defeating Ozai was just the beginning. With so many responsibilities to the entire world how can I possibly…?" He felt a painful throbbing in his head and put his hands to it.

Roku put his hand on Aang's shoulder, calming him a bit. Aang managed to finish his thought. "How can I ever give enough of my life to my kids? How can I ever have enough time to give them the love they need? It's hard enough thinking there won't be enough time with Katara but will my kids know I love them? Will they think I only had them because I needed to rebuild the Air Nation?"

Roku remained stoic. In many ways Aang's burdens were greater than any he carried.

"Katara always wanted a daughter who was a Waterbender" Aang added. "She wanted to name her Kya, after her mother. She'll never get to as long as she's with me."

"And yet she still married you," Roku reminded. "She knew what she was agreeing to. For the family of the Avatar sacrifices are always necessary to preserve the greater good. Katara understands that. She loves you enough to make those sacrifices. One day your children will understand that too."

Aang asked Roku something he had been wondering for a while. "Did your children understand?"

Roku turned his gaze down slightly. "Not always; I can't say it never caused problems. But I learned a lot from being the Avatar. In some ways it taught me to be a better father."

Aang's head dropped in sadness. "It doesn't matter anymore. Because I was so stupid now my kids will never even know me. Katara…when she finds out I've died she'll be so…" He had hard time not crying.

Roku grabbed both his shoulders. "Aang you can't give up yet! You must have faith."

Aang looked up. His response was curt. "Faith in what?" Roku looked shocked. "This is all…too much. I can't handle it."

Roku tried to press it. "Aang…"

Aang knocked his hands away. "Just leave me alone!" He was tired of being reminded of the many ways he failed. "…Please…leave me alone."

Roku seemed hurt. But he didn't argue. "All right Aang. I know that even coming from me being the Avatar can sound like nothing but a burden. I don't think I can be the one who can help you understand. Goodbye for now." He sunk back into the water and disappeared.

Now that Roku was gone Aang felt a little guilty for being impatient with him but he was still glad to be alone. He slumped to the ground, leaning on a tree.

How could he not give up now? Did anyone even know he was dying besides the people trying to kill him? And even if someone found out and tried to save him there was no guarantee the poison was even curable.

He wondered if he would feel something when his body died or if he would just stay in the Spirit World forever.

Something strange happened next. He heard someone laughing. It was a high, youthful laugh. It came from above him. He looked and saw what appeared to be a young boy jumping through the trees. He looked like he was having the time of his life. When he got closer Aang realized he was wearing Air Nomad clothes. That surprised him into standing up.

The kid jumped down from the trees and landed in the water with a big splash that hit Aang. He tried to use Waterbending to dry his clothes only to remember bending was impossible in the Spirit World.

"Oops" the kid said with a giggle. "Sorry."

Aang couldn't help but chuckle. He remembered being like this as a child. The boy in front of him appeared to be no older than ten. He was wearing Air Nomad garbs and had a shaved head but no tattoos. He looked a lot like Aang did when he was younger.

"Hi Aang. It's nice to meet you," the boy said politely.

"You know me?" Aang asked with surprised.

"Avatar Roku said you needed my help," he answered with eagerness. "I'm so happy!"

"You know Avatar Roku?" Aang asked. "Who are you?"

The boy's energy and happiness remained but Aang heard a small twinge of sadness in his voice. "I'm Avatar Rohan. I'm the Avatar that history forgot."

Meanwhile events continued to transpire as Aang feared in the physical world.

"And that is our plan" Long Feng said in summation, after a meeting with his two top lieutenants that had lasted several hours. "At the end of the day we will have total control of Ba Sing Se and our enemies will be dead."

Ping began clapping in admiration. He looked over to his brother to find out why he wasn't doing the same, only to be reminded by a dirty look that Ling only had one hand.

"Uh sorry Ling," he apologized.

Ling made a dismissive gesture with his reaming appendage. "Whatever."

Long Feng chuckled. "I hope you don't let your brotherly bickering interfere with out plan."

"Not at all sir," they said in unison.

"Very well," Long Feng continued. "All of our troops are currently en route to join us save for those necessary to suppress rebellious activity in a few of the more stubborn villages we've encountered. We've persuaded most civilians to remain idle for their own safety but there have been rumors of attempts by the rebels to unite lead by Tyro and his son Haru. It's highly unlikely they'd pose a real threat but still better safe than sorry."

"Brilliant sir," the brothers said. It was their standard response to any idea of Long Feng's.

"It's a shame," Long Feng said. "We've already had to mitigate so many men towards keeping the colony situation from boiling over but our strength should still far exceed that of the entire Ba Sing Se military. It's a shame we won't be able to resolve that dilemma before the fateful day."

"So you have figured out a solution then sir? "Ping asked.

Long Feng smirked. "Yes I've found a way to make that situation work quite to our advantage."

"You did sir?" Ping said with astonishment. Truly only a genius such as Long Feng could solve such a difficult problem. It would certainly be beyond Ping's abilities.

"Yes. But this solution must be kept top secret. Only our most trusted, highly ranked officers can know."

"Why sir?"

Long Feng explained the situation with clinical calmness. "I've promised my followers revenge against the Fire Nation. I cannot allow the colonies to remain in the Fire Lord's control. They are stolen Earth Kingdom territory. However securing loyalty from the colonies has proven impossible and what's worse talks of the race mixing going on in them have enraged so many followers that it's been very difficult to prevent rioting throughout the colonies. The fact is we cannot reconcile vengeance against the Fire Nation with accepting race mixing with Firebenders. So the only solution is to wipe the slate clean."

"What does that mean?"

Long Feng remained cold. "The Earth Kingdom's blood must become pure once more. So for the good of the nation the colonials must die."

Complete and total shock was Ping's initial reaction. "W…what?" he stuttered in disbelief.

"It's regretful," Long Feng said. Though he didn't put much feeling into sounding remorseful. "But it's the only option. Once the half-breeds are dead pureblooded Earth Kingdom people can move back into that land."

` Ping was still having a hard time believing he was really hearing this. "But the followers would never abide the killing of so many people with Earth Nation blood!"

"I know," Long Feng replied with pride. "That was the part that had me stumped for a while. It's the reason this measure will be so secret. You see we will covertly carry out the purification with the men who do so disguised as Fire Nation soldiers. We'll even burn the colonies for good measure. We'll say Fire Lord Zuko was willing to kill his own subjects to avoid returning control of the colonies. Thus the colonials will all become martyrs, part of the rallying cry of vengeance."

Ling stood up with excitement, looking positively ecstatic. "That's amazing sir! You've managed to find a perfect use for those filthy half-breeds!"

Ping spoke without thinking. "You can't be serious Ling."

Ling looked confused. "Why not?"

Long Feng looked angry. "Yes Ping why not?"

Ping finally realized what he had said. He was more surprised than them. But he kept speaking before he had time to think. "It's one thing to kill Firebenders but so many of the colonials are Earth Kingdom. We can't just kill all of them and lie to the followers about it."

Ling got right in his face. He sounded livid. "They are a bunch of half-breeds and traitors to their race. They gave up the right to live the second they chose to mate with Firebenders."

"Not all of them had a choice," Ping argued. "Firebenders took over their land and forced them to coexist. And besides how many horrible stories have we heard from refuges whose wives, sisters, and daughters were forced upon by Fire Nation soldiers? How can we blame them for that?"

Ling grabbed him by his collar and started shaking him. "You are such a coward! When are you going to grow up?!"

"Let go of me!" Ping ordered, prying Ling's hand off. He walked over to Long Feng. "Sir there has to be another way."

Long Feng remained far more composed than Ling but the rage buried in his tone was unmistakable. "Ping are you questioning me?"

Ping finally understood the impact of what he had been saying. He was mortified. He bowed his head like a beaten dog. "No sir I would never question you."

Long Feng was not completely placated. "Do you really think if there was a better way I wouldn't have thought of it?"

Ping shook his head. "Of course not."

"Do you think I like having to take such extreme measures?"

Ping got down on his knees and bowed in reverence. "No sir I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. It won't happen again."

Long Feng smirked. He was happy to be reminded how much control he had. "I know it won't. What shortcomings your softness provides your loyalty more than makes up for. You are forgiven. Stand up."

Ping rose to his feet and kept his head low.

"I trust all preparations are in order to keep the Avatar's wife secure during battle."

"Almost sir" Ping answered obediently. "I just need to be totally sure I can trust the guards assigned to her."

"What's the point of that?" Ling asked impatiently.

"I told you both about that guard who tried to attack her," Ping reminded. "If I hadn't stopped him who knows what would have happened? Since it's still our goal to preserve the health of her pregnancy I have to make sure that doesn't happen again."

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that," Long Feng said. "That man's been sent to the frontlines as punishment."

"But I have to make sure another guard doesn't…"

Ling started laughing. "That won't be a problem."

Ping was really confused. "How do you know?"

"Because I've ordered all guards not to lay a hand on her, "Long Feng said as if it was totally simple.

"But he disobeyed your order! Someone else might…"

Ling started laughing even more. He became hysterical.

"What's so funny?"

Long Feng seemed more than happy to explain. "I needed some way to provoke Aang to enter the Avatar State with no control so he'd lower his guard but killing Katara was undesirable. I knew I couldn't lie to him about what happened or he'd detect it."

Ping's eyes widened. As the realization hit him he felt like he couldn't breathe. "You ordered that guard to attack her."

Long Feng seemed amused. "Oh I wouldn't say ordered. But I knew about his rather bestial disposition. I simply informed him that as long as he kept it secret he could do whatever he pleased."

Ping was still short of breath. "So if I hadn't shown up he might have really…"

Long Feng clasped him on the shoulder. "Oh but I knew you would stop him my boy. I told you, it was no accident I chose you to guard her."

Ping looked up. "Then why didn't you just tell me?"

"I needed your reaction to be real," Long Feng explained. "Katara wouldn't have stayed complacent if she thought every guard around her was a potential threat. I needed her to trust you."

Ping was too afraid to say the next thing he thought out loud.

You…you used me.

Ling's laughter kept getting louder. Another horrible epiphany hit Ping. He turned around. "You knew didn't you?"

Ling simply grinned.

"You're not upset are you?" Long Feng asked, remembering his earlier attitude. "You should be happy you played such a vital role in my plan."

Ping took a second to turn back around. He took a deep breath. When he faced Long Feng he was smiling and calm. "Not at all sir; that was a brilliant plan and I'm happy I was a part of it."

Long Feng was content. He dismissed the both of them to make final preparations for battle. The two brothers left the room and began walking down the hall.

"You'd better not be mad," Ling warned. "I told you your weakness would only cause you problems. If you don't want to be lied to you really should toughen up."

Ping didn't even hear him. He was learning against the wall, walking slowly. He was clutching his chest and a cold sweat was pouring down his face. The weight of everything he just learned was crushing him

"What now you're not talking to me?" Ling asked.

Ping still didn't say anything. His breathing kept getting worse until he was hyperventilating. He dropped to the ground like a stone.

"Ping?" Ling asked. He realized his brother wasn't moving. He ran over to him. "Ping what's wrong?" He nudged his brother and saw he was unconscious. "Ping are you ok?!" he shouted with genuine worry.

Aang's meeting with Rohan was continuing in the Spirit World.

"You're an Avatar?" Aang asked.

Rohan sounded sad but not surprised. "You don't believe me do you? It's ok no one does."

Aang was worried he had hurt his feelings. "No no it's not that. It's just most of the Avatars I've met appear to me older than this. I didn't know they could change to look like children."

"They usually don't but they can control it," Rohan explained. "Avatars usually choose to appear in the age where they were strongest like Kyoshi does, or the age where they died like Roku…and me."

"You…were only this old when you died?" Aang asked with hesitance.

Rohan nodded. "Ten years old yeah." Now he looked pretty depressed. He sat down by a tree and pouted.

Aang felt sympathetic and sat down next to him. "I'm really sorry." He was reminded of how he had learned of his identity as the Avatar and lost his people at age twelve. It seems like being the Avatar had abruptly ended this boy's childhood too. "Did some enemy kill you young to stop you from ever being a threat?"

Rohan shook his head. "No. I wish it was that cool."

"Cool?" Aang repeated with incredulity.

"The way I died was really stupid," Rohan said. "It was just some lame accident."

"What do you mean?"

"I was an Airbender like you," he said. "But from the Northern Temple. I think I was the air Avatar before Yangchen but I have trouble remembering. It was like two thousand years ago or something. My guardian always warned me how fragile my glider was and that I should always check it for rips before I go flying. But my friends wanted to race and I forgot." He sounded very guilty. "One of the wings broke and I couldn't steer. I flew headfirst into a rock." He buried his head in his knees

Aang pat him on the shoulder. Feeling sorry for this child made it easy to forget his own problems and it was nice to talk to another Airbender. He also thought about how many times he forgot to inspect his own glider despite Gyatso's warnings. "I'm sorry. Even if you were young I'm surprised you didn't go into the Avatar State when you were in danger."

Rohan lifted his chin up and rested it on his knees. "It happened so fast I had no idea what was going on. Next thing I knew I woke up in the Spirit World. I was so freaked out. I didn't even know I was the Avatar yet." Aang remembered it was tradition to tell the Avatar his or her identity on their sixteenth birthday. Of course he didn't know at the time.

"How'd you find out?" Aang asked.

"When I showed up here the Avatar before me told me I was, not that it mattered much anymore."

Aang remembered how confused and overwhelmed he was as a twelve-year-old boy to receive that news. He had to admit this sounded like a worse way to find out.

Rohan continued on. "The monks never even told anyone I was the Avatar after I died. They figured it would make people freak out or something if they knew the Avatar had died like that. They only told the people in the Water Tribe in charge of naming the next one." He let out a sigh. "Some people even thought the Avatar just skipped an element in my generation. The Avatar who came after me was an awesome hero. So the world went on without me like nothing happened."

The world had gone on without him like nothing happened. When Aang had disappeared into the iceberg for a century the entire world went to hell. It had filled him with such guilt and shame. He couldn't imagine feeling like his absence meant nothing.

Rohan's sadness didn't stop him from continuing. "The Avatar after me united the Water Tribes into sister tribes. She also stopped a hurricane from destroying a fleet of ships all by herself! Oh she was so cool!" He sounded like he was talking about his favorite superhero.

"It sounds like you watched her a lot" Aang replied.

"You bet!" Rohan said, now sounding happy. "I watch all the Avatars! Being dead can get pretty boring and since I never got to do anything cool as the Avatar I like seeing the adventures the other Avatar's have. Oh and I love when they go into the Avatar State!"

"Why?"

Rohan was incredibly excited now. "When the current Avatar glows it up I get to experience everything with him! It feels like being alive again! And I even get to help him fight!" He calmed down a bit. "I mean sure, I don't have a lot of power, I never even mastered Airbending but that doesn't stop me from giving it everything I got."

Aang had never thought of the Avatar State like that before. He knew all the past Avatar's contributed their powers to him simultaneously but he never stopped to consider they were experiencing his battles with him. There were so many Avatars. Did all of them have their own thoughts and feelings about his experiences?

"Wow so you've been there every time I entered the Avatar State huh? Aang asked.

"Sure have!" Rohan beamed. "It was pretty hazy before you mastered the Avatar State. The first couple of times I couldn't tell exactly what you were doing I just knew you were angry, especially since you only stayed in it for a few minutes. But oh man when you fought Fire Lord Ozai that was so awesome! I had a lot of fun."

Aang laughed pretty loudly. He was terrified for his life in that battle. It was so odd to hear it described as fun.

Rohan suddenly turned a little shy. "I'm…I'm glad you didn't kill him."

That certainly surprised Aang. Pretty much everyone he knew had disagreed with his reluctance to kill Ozai. He found it refreshing. "Really? You are?"

Rohan nodded. "I hate when Avatars use the Avatar State to kill someone. It feels like…" He shook in fear. "It feels like I'm killing them."

Aang gasped in shock. It had been thousands of years since Rohan had died. The pain in his voice was so deep. He must have been forced to experience that several times.

"I'm like you Aang" Rohan said. "I've always been taught that killing anyone is wrong. But the Avatar ends up in fights where they have to kill so many times…."

Aang had completely forgotten about his own problems at this point. "I'm so sorry Rohan. It's not fair that you have to go through that just because you were born the Avatar."

Rohan turned his head suddenly, looking very surprised. "But I love being an Avatar!"

"…You do?" Aang asked. That didn't seem fitting.

"Of course!" Rohan insisted. "It's so great watching the Avatars make the world a better place. All of them are so cool. The hardest part is having to experience death repeatedly through their eyes, but that's one reason why…"

"Why what?" Aang asked.

Rohan gave a big smile. "I've watched everything that the Avatars who came after me have done and I've asked almost every Avatar who came before me to tell me about their lives. They're all so different and awesome and after learning about every single Avatar who ever lived Aang…you're my favorite Avatar of all!"