Well I managed to cobble this together somehow... not sure I like this chapter much...

To Admit

Lara

I was sitting in the library, Alex, Lily and Remus sitting with me. It was quiet, as ever, and the gentle hum smoothed me. Tomorrow was the last day of school before we broke up for half term, explaining the emptiness of the library. It was growing late and through the window I could see the orange purple of the setting sun. Lily next to me was becoming drowsy with every line she read, not that she would ever admit it.

I had been watching her lately, seeing the quiet blushed that stoked her face and the renewed vigour of James' sparkling eyes. It made me feel fulfilled to know I had helped push her just that little bit further. I could see it in her mind, the subtle changes in her reactions to the messy headed boy. She had sworn that she hated the boy so many times but that feeling was slowly twisting, turning and rearranging itself, if it had ever really been there.

Said girl stifled a yawn and closed the heavy book on complicated charms.

"Well I'm off to the common room. I'll see you guys later" she said, sending the book away with a twitch of her wand.

"Yeah I think I'll come too, I've got to finish that Potions essay. Slughorn will go ballistic if I forget" Alex said getting to his feet and sending me a quick smile.

Have fun he said sarcastically, sliding the blond hair boy opposite me a look, I stuck my tong out at him. He chuckled and bumped my rising fist with his.

"See you in a bit" I replied, I turned back to my book.

I tried to concentrate on the book in front of me. Don't get me wrong, it really was interesting; it was about the advantages and disadvantages of using spells compared to potions when healing. However it was just that what I found more fascinating at this moment was the occasional knock of a foot or leg against mine. The words about bone strengthening spells washed over me.

Bump.

I glanced up only to find my eyes meeting a pair of very blue ones. We both looked away. My cheeks warmed.

"How is your practising for the recital going?" his murmur caught me off guard.

"Huh?" I said dumbly and cringed inside at the stupid response "Oh yeah... yeah it's going fine, even if Alex doesn't stop trying to adjust the music. He such a perfectionist"

I looked at him again, this time without looking down in embarrassment. As usual, I found myself frowning. The dark circles had come back, dusting under his eyes, and I knew he hadn't been sleeping again. It was nearly a month since the last time and they were well due for their next 'visit'. I bit my lip gently.

Remus shifted uncomfortably and I tried to look away. I looked at his hands instead.

"You haven't been sleeping" The word sprang from my lips and silence settled around us.

"No" he whispered gently after a pause and I watched as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. A piece of feathery blond hair fell over his face.

Bad, he needs to rest... he needs to relax or, I don't know, sleep solidly for a couple of days... what is going on?

"Have you tried sleep-easy?" I said, the concern drenching my quiet whisper.

He nodded sadly, still not meeting my eyes. I sighed and shifted in my seat, my shoulders hunched and tense. I pressed my hands against my temples and stared uselessly at my book. In moving, my leg came into contact with his and the air around us seemed to ripple. I ignored it.

We stayed like that in awkward silence for a while, each pretending to read. I knew he wasn't either; I could feel the activity of his mind. I was trying to think of suggestions to help him sleep but nothing came to mind... if dreamless sleep potion didn't work then...

And then there was that ever presence of warmth on my left leg. It seemed to burn through my clothes, making the rest of me feel cold. The quiet sound of his breathing filled my ears and I found myself matching my breaths to his. We breathed in and out in time. His were less frequent than my natural speed, I came to note, but I didn't change it. It made me feel closer and more in tune with him.

What was going on? I felt as if the heart in my chest was expanding painfully, pushing its muscles out awkwardly. I felt light headed and breathless just thinking about him. Of all the many things that could be running through my head right now, all the homework, revision, Quidditch, music, why oh why was the only bloody thing that stuck in my head the fact Remus Lupin's leg was still plush against mine!

What was going on?

Lara Grey is in love! A quiet and sweet sing-song voice chimed in the back of my head.

I stilled. Surly that wasn't it? It was just a small crush, nothing more; I wasn't in love with him! Was I? No, I couldn't be. It was just a little, casual, teenage and quite normal crush... okay; well maybe it was quite a large one really... but it wasn't love. I'd only known him for two months. Just two tiny weenie months... I wasn't in love. I mean, I was only sixteen for goodness sake…

I glanced at him, seeing the crease between his shadowed eyes and his blond hair. His skin was pale and the muscles of his clenched jaw were tight. His hand looked soft and gentle as he held the delicate page of the book up, ready for turning, but I could see the net work of whitened scars. On his face I could see a slight dent of a scar on the edge of his jaw and another just above his right eyebrow. Hints of his mystery teased me.

See this isn't so bad... you're not in love with him. I tried to tell myself, though all of the evidence (the most prominent being the clench in my chest) disagreed.

I sighed and stared out of the window, just as the bell went. Fifteen minutes till curfew.

"I suppose we should go then?" he said, pushing the book into his bag, I wanted to cry I was so confused.

I didn't look at him as I too packed away, nor as we left the library and walked towards the common room. I was stuck in my thoughts. He didn't try and say anything. His own mind had become closed, hints of a sharp, rock hard emotion enforced around him. I didn't know what it was and I didn't push.

Regulus

I was lounging in one of the couches in the Slytherin common room. Everyone had gone to bed, well, nearly everyone. Darien sat lazily reading a book in a nearby chair. I was working up my courage to cross the unspoken line.

It had soon become clear to everyone, his closest friends most of all, that the subject of the Grey twins was not something to be mentioned. His eyes went cold and hard at the very sound of their names. Nobody really knew why, and nobody was stupid enough to bring it up. Darien Irvin had a presence that was sometimes compared to Lucius Malfoy; he was superior and icily cruel, he knew what he wanted and he knew he would get it. That's how he seemed.

"I heard from my parents last week" I started awkwardly (as much as I tried to keep up the snobbish facade).

"Hmm" He drooled, not even bothering to look up.

"Yes, they did. You are looking" (even if you're not looking) "at a betrothed man" I plastered smugness into my words.

This got his attention. He looked up at me and gave me a smirk like smile. It was the kind a man usually gave to another just after he'd scored… only warped slightly.

"Congrats mate, who the lucky girl?"

I ground my teeth, I can't believe I'm about to do this.

"Larissa Grey, know her? The good looking twin with silver hair who just joined" I said blasé, watching he reaction closely.

"Lara?" I watched as shock flashed in his face and then his jaw locked stubbornly. Oh, so it's Lara now? His voice became dead "Yeah, I know her."

He stared off into the distance for a while then blinked and he was back to his normal cold self and sneered.

"You'll have trouble controlling that one, stubborn as Fiendfyre and just a dangerous. Good luck. She is a beauty though and comes from a very good family, won't find a dusting of mud in her line, not to mention her father" he smirked viciously.

I found my self gulping, again.

"I admit I don't really know her, what do you know?"

He wasn't looking at me, but I could see his eyes darken.

"I know you need to practice your Occlumency"

I stared at him confused. Was he saying he thought she was a Legilimen? That she would break into my thoughts? He didn't elaborate; instead he got to his feat, stretched like cat, and gave me one last piercing look before going up to the dorms without saying a word.

James

We ran across the grounds to the forest, Wormy on Padfoot's back. Tonight was a good one, the air fresh and clear and Moony seemed more like himself. I could see him, inside the eyes of the animal he became, there in the gentle snort at the bouncy black dog ahead of us. I could see it when we exchanged looks; he was awake in here and fighting for control.

The trees of the forbidden forest no longer seemed oppressive and daunting to me. I cantered through the wide bodies of the trees, the werewolf just ahead of me.

I remembered the first time I saw Remus in this form, I remember the intense fear at the realisation that my friend, my quiet nerdy friend, had become a creature that wouldn't hesitate to kill me. I had to force myself that first time to see that it really was Remus not some raw animal. I was ashamed to admit that in that first moment I had seriously wondered what the hell I was doing. However that doubt was pushed aside when my eyes met his. They were the same eyes, the same sky blue, and I could see the suffering in them and the shame. Shame; yes that is what made me snap to my senses. This is my friend and friends stuck together.

We Marauders would never abandon each other, never, we were family.

Paddy circled us happily, his wet tong lolling out of his mouth, and Pete clinging to the thick black fir. I charged at them playfully and he bounced away, his tail wagging. Remus sat on his haunches and looked out into the dark of the forest.

Lily

Everyone was asleep, apart from me and Lara. I could see Amy curled up tightly on her side, her mass of black curls tangle around her small form. She always left her curtains open saying she suffered from claustrophobia and she usually woke up as a pile on the floor after falling out of bed. Tabby and Alice both slept peacefully from what I could hear behind their curtains.

Lara wasn't. She was sitting on her bed staring out of the window and I could see her nervously twirling and twisting her hair around her fingers. She knew I was awake but we hadn't said anything to each other.

I was thinking about James Potter, or at least I was trying to thing around him but failing. Ever since Lara had told me she disagreed with my long standing argument against the obnoxious boy I had been finding my self thinking about him. I just couldn't fit it into my head, or maybe I just didn't want to. How could he like me? After all the years of teases and plain annoyingness he surly couldn't.

'He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!' Sev's voice exclaimed in my head. He'd known and he'd tried to tell me. Why was I thinking about him? Severus hadn't been the boy I knew in my childhood for a long time and he'd stopped being my friend the moment he called me a mudblood. No, it was Lara's voice that I trusted.

I thought of the way my cheeks grew warm when he flirted with me now. I thought of how I'd found myself looking at him. No! I couldn't like James – Potter - I couldn't like Potter. I'd spent years deny it. What a fool I would look like if I succumbed to him after all the years of saying…

Are you a Gryffindor or not! I screamed at myself. I wasn't going to let what people thought influence my decisions. Not that I was making a decision.

I slid out of bed and walked to Lara, who moved over without a word or turning around. I climbed into the bed next to her and stared out of the window.

"What d-"

"Are y-"

We both started at the same time. We grinned at each other and Lara indicated I should go first.

"Are you sure you think Jay-um-Potter likes me?" I whispered uncertainly, looking up at the stars.

She didn't say anything for a while and I turned my head to look at her seeing kind understanding eyes meet mine. They seemed to glow silver in the grey light of the moon.

"Yes Lily, I am sure. More than many would suspect, even his friends. It's up to you though if you want to give him a chance. I'll admit that I can see your point; he really is an immature boastful boy but at heart he is so very loyal and loving. Why do you think me and my brother were drawn to them?" She said gently, a small sad smile on her lips. She leant in and wrapped a supportive arm around my shoulders.

I sighed.

"I don't know what to think any more. I just don't think I can suffer him when he struts around the school like he owns the place" I admitted.

"No, that makes sense; you need to let him grow up."

We sat in silence while I thought over what she said. Well, there was little denying now, I just had to figure out what to do with this information.

"How come you can't sleep?" I asked but she didn't answer, only sighed.

"Is it Remus?" She looked at me and slowly nodded.

"Do… do you believe them when they say they visit his mother?" She asked and I once again found myself thinking about Severus.

'There's something about that Lupin guy… have you noticed how he always get ill at-' I glanced out of the window again and saw the wide round moon sitting in the sky. Full moon. I knew what Sev thought and though I'd never admitted it to him I secretly agreed.

"Lily?"

I looked back the pale girl next to me. She was frowning and I tried to make my thoughts blank. I couldn't let I know, could I? It wasn't my secret to tell…

"Do you?" I asked quietly with a sigh.

She shook her head "I know that it's not the truth, I feel the lie in their words and the wariness written in his face. He doesn't sleep. His hands shake. His thoughts tumble inside his head" Her hands clenched mine "He was in the hospital wing Lily! The morning after the last time! What have they been doing? I feel like its staring me in the face and I am so worried for him. I…" Tears welled in her eyes and she leant into my shoulder.

"I don't understand why I'm so worried… I just am"

I wanted so much to tell her. It alarmed me how much she was suffering for him.

"I'm sure he can look after himself…" I said comfortingly.

"Do you… do you think that I… that I love him?" She whispered barely audible.

I was so shocked for a moment that it took me a while to reply.

"Why are you asking me?" I asked humorously and I felt her chuckle.

"Because Alex is refusing to answer me, a very big accomplishment I assure you" She laughed quietly before becoming serious again "Because I trust you to tell me your honest opinion and I can't figure out the answer"

I hardly had to think about my answer. It was obvious in the leaking corners of her eyes, the crushing frown and her words.

"Yes. I think you are" I said evenly.

"Alex was in love once and he was crushed" She said, her voice sounded uncertain and fearful.

"But you are not Alex and you cannot believe that just because one thing has happened before the same thing will happen again. Are you going to let that get in the way? That would be the worst thing to do. Remus is a kind person and he would never hurt you" I assured, not thinking about the implications of what she said.

"That is if he even feels the same way"

I rolled my eyes and squeezed her shoulder.

"You obviously don't believe me when I say he does. So I'll say this instead. You were put in Gryffindor for a reason: you're brave, so take a risk" I said sternly and felt her sigh.

Lara

I was the first to wake up the next morning, despite being the last to fall asleep. I was still thinking over Lily's words and the things she didn't say. I had this feeling that she knew what the boys were up to but didn't want to tell me. I still felt slightly uncertain about my feelings for him. Did I love him? I felt that I did and Lily agreed and yet a voice in my head argued that I couldn't. The struggle inside me was tearing me apart.

I climbed out of bed and jumped into the shower before pulling on a pair of jeans and a pale blue blouse. I ran a brush quickly through my wet hair and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

My large grey eyes stared back at me. I turned away and left the dormitory, going down the stairs two at a time.

The boys minus Remus are back. Are you going to the hospital wing? Shall I meet you in the music room? Alex called from his dorm.

Yeah, I'll meet you there at twelve. I sent back, walking out of the portrait (getting and earful from the Fat Lady as I did).

It was six o'clock and the corridors were empty, even the portraits were snoozing in their frames. I didn't meet anyone apart from Nearly Headless Nick who gave me a cheery smile and started to talk about his coming death day party. Why anyone would want to celebrate the day they died I'll never know…

Finally I reached the hospital wing where I hesitated. Poppy was inside, her usual busy mind familiar to me, and Remus was sleeping. I debated what to do before coming to my decision and lightly knocking on the door. It was just like a month ago when I did exactly the same thing; only this time I knew what awaited me.

The matron pulled the door open and looked at me in surprise. I wondered if she too recognised the situation and date.

"Larissa dear, why are you here? It's not your day for duty" she whispered, shocked.

I shifted my feet "I was wondering if I could see Remus, It's just that I know he's here"

Alarm flash across her face before she became soft and understanding.

"And do you know why he's here?" She asked slowly and sadly. I looked away and gently shrugged my head. "Well… you can see him but he's asleep, as should you be really"

I entered the hospital wing and she went back to her business, after pointing out the enclosed bed. I approached it and slipped between the screens. And there he was, fast asleep with dark furrows still under his eyes. I suddenly felt stupid. What did I think I was going to do? Admit my undying love to a boy completely out of it? Or uselessly standing here watching him sleep like some kind of stalker girl? He'd probably be completely freaked out when he woke and I was just standing here watching him. I sighed.

Well I wasn't leaving now. I sat in the chair next to his bed and studied him. He didn't have any bandages this time and he wasn't as restless, so that at least was good.

There was a window above his bed and through it I could see the sky begin to lighten. I could just see what looked like a children's moon, as I had heard Tabby calling them, the round, pale circle hung in the sky. It was a peaceful sight, strange but sweet. Tonight must a full moon then, if not the day after, or maybe yesterday. There was something about that that sent a chill through my heart for a reason I had yet to figure out. It was as if my reactions thought ahead of my brain but I felt as if I was coming over a rise, an idea at the edge of a hill. Full moon –

"Larissa? Could you give me a hand?" I snapped out of my ravine and the thought collapsed into my memory like soap bubbles popping.

"What?" I said stupidly, jumping to my feet in shock.

"Could you give me a hand with these order forms? There's so many" Poppy said as I saw her standing by the door of the screens.

"Oh... right, yeah sure" I said and relieved the Matron of her stack of parchment.

Sirius

I woke up very unwillingly the next morning, as ever after a full moon.

"Come on Paddy! Get your lazy tail out of bed!"

"Wah? Fie'm' minis" I grumbled, pulling my cover over my head.

"Nope that's not going to happen" Someone said and the cover was ripped from me, I shivered in the cold. I could hear Alex laughing and I cracked an eye open to see him sitting cross legged on his bed grinning. He was still in his pyjamas and his hair looked like a birds nest.

James was standing over me, already in jeans and a T-shirt, hold my quilt triumphantly. I scowled and crossed my arms over my bare (and very cold) chest. Prongs simply threw my covers to the floor and sat on the edge of Alex's bed.

"Late night eh?" Alex laughed.

I grunted, sitting up and glancing at James and Peter. They both looked tired too and Peter looked like he would have to tape his eyes open just to stay awake.

"So… how was Remus' mother?" Alex asked amused.

"Huh?" I said dumbly before realising what he meant, the others gave me evil looks. Whoops.

"She's fine, a lot better at the moment. So much so that Sirius here seems to have forgotten her already in favour of sleep and food" Peter said perched on the end of his bed.

"What can I say, I was very rudely awoken this morning" I shrugged and glared at Prongs who look annoyingly smug.

Alex just raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. I could tell he didn't believe a word we said, which didn't bode well. The other didn't seem to notice anything as they both jumped up and proceeded to walk out of the dorms.

"Hey! Where you two off to?" I called at them, dumbfounded at their speedy departure.

"Meet you at breakfast Padfoot, Alex" Peter called over James' chuckles and then they were gone.

"What just happened?" I asked Alex, really confused.

He shrugged his face slightly pink, he wasn't looking at me. I shivered and realised my shirtless condition. I jumped out of bed and grabbed a black long sleeved top from my trunk. I heard Alex get off his bed. I picked up a pair of jeans hanging over the end of my bed but I didn't recognise them.

"Hey Al, are these yours?" I said holding them up and turning to him. Just in time to see his pale bare torso.

I made my thoughts blank.

"Oh yeah, they are. Don't know how they got over there, sorry" I threw them to him and quickly turned away, trying to get the image out of my head. For someone who didn't play sport he sure as hell was well built. Damn him.

I fished around in my trunk and pulled out a pair of jeans and hastily pulled them on. When I turned again Alex was thankfully fully dressed and looking at me oddly (not so grateful of that one).

"What?"

He looked at me thoughtfully.

"Since when have you called me Al?" He asked curiously and my heat sank.

"Oh… um, I dunno… it just sort of came out I guess" I said rubbing the back of my neck uneasily and shrugging.

He was silent for a while then he shrugged too.

"I don't mind, just don't call me Ally" His eyes went dark.

"Why?" I asked confused (not that I had any plans to call him Ally), then a memory came to me.

"What's wrong Ally? Jealous? Do you want a little kissy too?" I shuddered at the memory. It seemed an odd thing to say though, now that I thought about it.

"Doesn't matter. It's just an old… friend used to call me that." He muttered and we walked out of the dormitory.

Review?