Chapter 4: I Have Lived So Many Lives Though I'm Not Old

"Hmm…" Snape squinted as he examined Harry's eyes with a small torch.

"Yes?" Harry questioned when Snape was not any more forthcoming.

Snape flicked off the torch and returned to his desk. He sat down and took up his quill, replying to Harry's question as he scratched out some notes on his parchment. "I need to make some alterations to the potion."

"Why?' Harry asked in confusion. "I thought it was working."

Draco frowned from his position on the lounge. "If you alter the potion don't you risk losing the progress he's already made?"

Snape glanced up from his notes, looking irritable. "I'm not a fool. It seems the potion was working to a degree but has hit a barrier. On closer inspection, it seems that the curse afflicting Mr Potter may be centred in the occipital lobe and not in the eye itself."

Draco glanced at Harry before speaking. "And what may I ask is the occipital lobe?"

Snape returned to writing his notes as he explained with a heavy sigh. "The occipital lobe is the visual processing centre of the brain. In other words, it is the part of the brain that registers the fact that you are looking at an object and then proceeds to identify that object based on shape or familiarity. There are wizards out there who have nothing physically wrong with their eyes but will have diminished sight due to a damaged lobe. The potion Mr Potter is currently taking seems to have cleared up the site to such a degree that it is now possible for me to see the physical evidence of the curse."

"So… Voledmort's curse damaged my occupetal lobe?" Harry ventured slowly.

"Occipital," Snape corrected swiftly as he set down his quill. "And yes, I do believe the curse is centred in your so-called brain and not your eyes."

"Is this good news or bad?" Draco quickly interjected before Harry could respond to Snape's little jab.

Snape leaned back in his wooden chair and steepled his fingers together thoughtfully. "I believe it is encouraging news. We know that it is the caecus curse and now where it may be attached. We will continue with the potions to eradicate the curse as attempting to remove it with spells or any type of stronger magic may cause damage to Mr Potter's brain. Though we may not notice any difference."

Harry glared in Snape's direction before standing and silently proceeding to the fireplace. "Draco?" he said tersely, ready to leave.

"I just have a few more questions Harry," Draco replied. "Why don't you go home and I'll see you there?"

"Fine." Harry disappeared in a flurry of bright flames.

Draco turned back to Snape with a sigh. "I wish you wouldn't antagonise him."

"I do nothing of the sort."

Draco smirked and shook his head. "So, what else can you tell me?"

Severus closed his notebook and slowly stood up. "There isn't much else to tell Draco, you'll just have to keep an eye on him and alert me to his progress. It is a fairly safe assumption that this new potion will address why Mr Potter's progress has hit a wall in the last two weeks. I'll start on the modified potion now and it should be ready for collection tonight."

Snape leaned on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms over his chest.

"How is your relationship with Potter faring?"

Draco smiled a little. "Better, actually. I don't think we'll ever have a 'normal' relationship, but I think the wall between us is slowly crumbling."

"Still no intimacy?"

Draco narrowed his eyes. "Not that it's any of your business, but no. I think it'll probably be at least a year before anything more than a kiss occurs." Draco's expression softened slightly. "And somehow I don't mind."

Snape nodded. "Good." He picks up his notebook before turning to face Draco again. "I will begin work on the modified potion. I assume you will be here tonight to collect it?"

Draco stood and wrapped his heavy black cloak around himself. "Of course. So he should begin taking it tonight?"

"Yes, one morning and night. Throw away anything you have remaining of the old one."

Draco nodded and stepped into the fireplace. "Thanks for everything Severus. I know Harry doesn't say it but he really appreciates all your help. You're giving him a life he never thought he'd have."

"As are you." Snape replied, giving him a level look.

Draco smiled before disappearing into the floo network.

. . . .

Harry stormed out of the fireplace and paced the room a couple of times before throwing himself down onto the couch.

He was in the midst of grumbling about Snape under his breath when the doorbell rang.

Harry blinked and headed for the front door, wondering who on earth it could be. He tried to squint through the peephole but his eyesight wasn't nearly good enough for that sort of clarity yet.

With a sigh, he unlocked the door and swung it open.

"Harry, how are you?" greeted a smooth voice.

Harry quickly placed the voice and general shape as that of Lance Waverley, the aristocratic PR man from Draco's dinner a few weeks ago.

"Mr Waverley." Harry nodded in greeting. "You must be looking for Draco."

"Yes, is he at home?" Lance enquired pleasantly, glancing over Harry's shoulder.

"He'll be home in a minute," Harry replied. "You can come in and wait if you'd like."

Lance smiled as Harry stepped back to let him pass. "Thankyou Harry, don't mind if I do."

Harry led the way into the lounge room and Lance took a seat on the couch, watching as Harry took a seat opposite him. "Did you want something to drink?" Harry offered, feeling slightly awkward, not used to playing host.

"No I'm fine thanks Harry," Lance replied lightly. "We can have a nice chat now. You know, I know absolutely nothing about you."

Harry fidgeted, a flutter of trepidation running through him. "There's not much to know really," he replied, forcing a smile.

"Nonsense," Lance dismissed easily, leaning forward. "You are a complete mystery Harry." He leaned back against the back of the couch and crossed one leg over the other. "How did you meet Mr Malfoy?"

"Through a mutual friend actually," Harry replied. Draco had already spoken to him about Lance's keen interest and the story he'd told him at the party about their first meeting.

"Hmm…" Lance nodded interestedly. "And you've been together how long now?"

"Erm… must be about four months now," Harry said slowly, trying to remember if Draco had mentioned it.

"And it's serious?"

Harry nodded. The man was being pleasant enough but Harry didn't appreciate the interrogation as though he were doing an interview.

"Anyone special in your life?" Harry hurriedly interjected.

Lance smiled. "Alas no, I haven't been so lucky as Draco to meet someone as special as you."

Harry smiled awkwardly, wondering if the man was joking.

"Maybe Draco could set me up with someone," Lance continued. "Did you come from some sort of agency?"

Harry forced a laugh, feeling as though this conversation was taking a strange turn.

Lance laughed. "Sadly I don't really have a time for a proper relationship, I'm married to my job."

Harry nodded, wishing Draco would hurry up.

"Do you normally wear glasses Harry?'

Harry blinked, his heart hammering in his chest. "What do you mean?" he asked, his mouth dry.

"You seem to squint a lot," Lance replied. "You may want to get your eyes checked."

"Oh." Harry nearly breathed a sigh of relief. He'd thought for a second that the man knew he was Harry Potter. "Er, yes I've been meaning to."

Just then the fireplace burst into life and Draco stepped into the room.

Harry thanked the gods under his breath as he stood to greet his boyfriend. "Draco, Mr Waverley is here to see you."

Draco looked over as Lance got his feet with a smile. "Good morning Mr Waverley. How are you?"

"Very well," he replied with a glance towards Harry. "Just having a little chat with Harry here. He's a very gracious host."

Draco nodded, his gaze flicking to Harry for a moment. "I'll be with you in a moment, I just have to change."

"Not a worry," Lance replied, waving a hand dismissively. "How about I head over to your office and meet you there?"

"Of course. I won't be too long."

"Goodbye Harry," Lance said, putting out his hand. "Lovely to see you again."

Harry took it and shook tentatively. "Goodbye Mr Waverley."

Lance stopped shaking and held onto Harry's hand. "Please, call me Lance. I'm sure we shall meet again."

With a final nod at Draco, Lance swiftly exited the flat, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Harry followed Draco to their bedroom and watched as the blond tossed his cloak on the bed and retrieved a tie from his chest of drawers.

"I don't trust him," Harry finally said into the silence, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh?" Draco replied distractedly as he slipped a silvery blue tie around his neck.

"He was asking a lot of questions."

"About what?"

"About us and me," Harry said. "Like he was interrogating me."

"What did you tell him?" Draco asked, looking up.

"As little as possible," Harry said with a shrug. "I didn't want to give too much away but I didn't want him to think I was being deliberately evasive either."

"What does he know about your past?" Draco asked sharply, slipping into his suit jacket.

Harry blinked, taken aback by Draco's tone. "Hardly anything, he doesn't even know my surname. Why?"

Draco came to stand in front of him. "Because I don't need him distracted or put off from doing business with us. He's very important to the company's future success."

Harry frowned. "And you think he will change his mind if he finds out…what exactly?"

"Your past of course," Draco replied, adjusting his cuffs.

Harry's frown deepened. "And which past is that? The famous Harry Potter past or my whoring past?"

Draco finally looked up and noticed Harry's insulted expression. "You know I didn't mean it that way Harry."

"How did you mean it exactly then? What about me would cause you to lose business?"

Draco sighed impatiently. "Harry, I just meant that your past is a little dodgy and he won't like associating with people whom he can't account for every detail of their character. It's just an investment thing."

Harry's green eyes flared. "So I'm a poor investment? What the fuck does that have to do with you?"

"It would demonstrate that I make poor decisions Harry." Draco stopped. "I didn't mean I've made a bad decision, just that he can't… trust my judgement. Look Harry, can we discuss this later? I really have to go."

"Fine. Whatever." Harry turned and strode to the front door without waiting for a response, ripped it open and immediately Disapparated direct to the quidditch stadium.

"Poor investment…" Harry muttered angrily as he ripped open the change room door and headed for the test broom cupboard.

"Harry, what a pleasant surprise."

Harry stopped and blinked at Oliver who was just emerging from the shower room. Even with his foggy eyesight he could still see that the muscular boy was only wearing a towel strung around his hips.

"Er Oliver, sorry… I didn't know anyone was here," Harry stuttered, feeling flustered.

Oliver smiled. "It's fine Harry, you're welcome here any time, you know that. I was just training."

"On your own?"

"Yeah, we have a bit of a break and I didn't want to get flabby," Oliver kidded.

Harry smiled. "I don't think that would happen within two weeks Oliver."

Oliver chuckled and walked over to his locker. "What brings you here today? You look a bit flushed."

Harry sighed, his anger still simmering just below the surface. "Kind of had a fight with Draco."

"Ah a domestic dispute," Oliver grinned. "And you came here to blow off some steam?"

Harry nodded, running a hand through his hair in agitation.

"You want to talk about it?"

Harry hesitated then walked over to the bench in the centre of the room and dropped onto it. "It's just… he's got this big business deal thing going on but I don't like the person he's doing business with."

"How come?"

Harry sighed and looked up as Oliver sat down beside him. "I don't trust him. He came over when Draco wasn't home and just fired questions at me the whole time, asking a lot of personal things. He was friendly enough but… it didn't feel right. Like he knew things about me already. And it kind of felt like he was flirting with me too."

Oliver smiled a little. "Does he know you're Harry Potter?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't think so. He didn't ask for my surname though, which is a bit suspicious."

"Hmm… that is a bit strange. He may already know if he's as good as he thinks he is. Would Draco have told him?"

"No," Harry replied. "That's sort of what we were fighting about. Draco was adamant that I didn't tell Lance anything about my past or who I am because he says I would be seen as a bad investment and that Draco obviously makes poor decisions."

"Wow…" Oliver blinked in surprise. "Are you sure you're not exaggerating? I know Draco is a strict businessman but he also cares a great deal for you and I can't imagine he would be so hurtful."

Harry shrugged and looked down at his hands as they twisted in his lap.

Oliver smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry Harry, all couples have arguments and sometimes say things they don't mean. I'm sure he'll apologise the minute you walk through the door."

Harry sighed and nodded. "Yeah I suppose."

Oliver stood up and returned to his locker. "You want some company out there?"

Harry smiled as he got to his feet. "No I'll be alright thanks."

"So what do you think of the new model?" Oliver asked over his shoulder as he got dressed.

"Yeah it's good," Harry replied enthusiastically as he walked over to the cupboard and withdrew the shiny new prototype. "Best one yet I think, very lightweight. Have a name for it yet?"

Oliver pulled his jumper on over his head and turned around. "No not yet. Any suggestions?"

Harry gazed at the broom thoughtfully. "Hmm… maybe you should name it after yourself?"

Oliver laughed. "How about the Oliver Special?"

Harry chuckled. "How about Hard Wood?"

Oliver laughed loudly. "Love it! We can stock the sex shops as well."

"There'll be a surge of females buying quidditch brooms!"

"And homosexuals!"

The two boys laughed and Harry felt the tension of his argument with Draco easing.

"No offense Harry but I think I'll leave the branding to the PR department," Oliver chuckled.

"None taken." Harry lifted his broom and headed for the exit. "Thanks for listening," he said, turning in the doorway.

"Anytime Potter," Oliver replied sincerely.

Harry gave a wave and walked out the door and down the corridor to the grass field.

He took a deep calming breath before sitting astride the new broom and gently pushing off from the ground.

He took a few leisurely laps, enjoying the wind on his face, cooling his heated cheeks.

Harry stopped in midair at the far right side of the huge stadium. His heart rate increased in excitement as he leaned low to the handle, an intense gleam coming into his green eyes.

He shot off at high speed, the wind stinging his eyes and forcing tears down his cheeks, as he bolted straight for the other end of the expansive oval.

He pulled up at the last minute with a grin of triumph. His vision was limited but he could quite easily make out the surrounding walls of the stadium and the turf below.

Harry turned the broom and took off for the other side, faster than before, imagining the flickering gold of the snitch just out of reach.

After more and more turns around the stadium at frightening speeds, Harry was finally exhausted and happy. He slowed his broom and began to float downwards when he noticed that he wasn't alone.

Harry paused, squinting at the dark outline of someone standing just on the outskirts of the grass oval. He slowly flew over and landed a few meters away.

"Hi Harry."

"Ron…" Harry walked over and stood before him, his broom gripped tightly in one hand and good mood instantly vanishing.

Ron smiled hesitantly. "Wow, you're still an amazing flier Harry."

"Thanks." Harry replied shortly, unsure if he wanted to speak to his ex-friend or not. "What are you doing here?"

Ron shuffled his feet, his gaze dropping to the ground. "I was hoping to run into you here. I knew you were working for Oliver now." Ron looked back up, eyes searching Harry's face. "I… I really want for us to be friends again Harry, or at least accept my apology for…for how we treated you back then."

"We?" Harry questioned.

"Hermione and me," Ron clarified. "We both feel awful. We feel like it's our fault-"

"It is."

"I'm sorry, mate," Ron said quietly, looking thoroughly ashamed. "We shouldn't have let you push us away."

Harry sighed and shifted his weight. He didn't know what to do. He felt as though he were years older than Ron now, like he had aged and gone through so much in their time apart. The redhead would never even begin to relate to him anymore.

"I don't think we can be friends Ron," Harry finally said. "I've been trapped in a nightmare these last few years and only barely made it through alive. You don't know me anymore; I'm not the same Harry I was."

Ron nodded sadly. "I know… but couldn't I get to know you? Hermione too."

"It's never going to be like it was..."

"I know you have a whole new life but couldn't we be a part of it too? Even in just some small way?"

Harry tried to imagine having them round for tea at his flat with Draco and shook his head. "I don't know how…accepting you would be of the new me Ron."

"What do you mean?" Ron asked, bewildered.

"I… I'm living with someone now."

"Oh, it's Oliver right?" Ron asked, a smile stretching across his face.

Harry coughed, trying to hide his surprise. "No, it's not Oliver."

"Oh? Some other bloke we know?"

"Erm… I'd rather not say," Harry said evasively.

"Okay," Ron accepted quickly, then after a moment asked, "are you happy Harry?"

Harry paused, reflecting for a moment. "Yeah, you know I probably am. I hardly remember what that's like though."

Ron winced.

Harry sighed heavily and rubbed at his temple, feeling very weary all of a sudden. "Look Ron I'm not making any promises, but could I just think about it for awhile? I… It's not a good time right now."

"Of course," Ron readily agreed. "Take your time."

Harry nodded, wanting to leave. "I'll send an owl with my decision."

"Alright." Ron smiled, pleased that Harry was at least listening to him. "Hey Harry, have you… it just seems like, er… like you can see again. Is that true?"

Harry's gaze immediately dropped to the ground as he replied. "I can see a little bit. It's not a hundred percent but it's better."

"Wow, why's that?"

Harry really wanted the conversation to end, he could feel the beginnings of a panic attack rising within him.

"Potions. Look Ron, I have to get going alright?"

"Yeah sure." Ron nodded, trying not to sound too hurt.

Harry nodded in farewell and walked past Ron into the wide corridor without looking back. He walked quickly to the change room and dropped the broom to the concrete floor with a clatter as he collapsed onto the wooden bench. He held his head in his hands as he leaned forward onto his knees, his breath coming in quick pants.

He closed his eyes and tried to rein in the irrational panic that was welling within his chest. He couldn't stand talking to Ron; all he could think about was that time in his life when all he wanted to do was turn to a friend for help and comfort - and neither of them were there. His two best friends felt uncomfortable around the new blind Harry Potter.

Yes he was angry back then but he had every right to be didn't he? All his dreams of being an Auror – or anything of consequence – were smashed to pieces. He was destitute of vision and of joy. He remembered a time when all he wanted was to die.

Harry shook his head, the tears squeezing unbidden through clenched eyelids and slipping through his fingers to the floor.

He took a deep shuddery breath and slowly released it. He forced himself to open his eyes and stand up. He did not want to sit here and wallow in self pity.

He grabbed up the fallen broom and stored it back in the cupboard.

He could quite easily tell Ron no, that he wasn't interested in having him in his life anymore; the very thing that Ron did to him years ago.

They were no longer the Gryffindor trio and never would be again. He had a new life now.

Harry absently scratched at the skin beneath his bond bracelet, a faint prickle of irritation was beginning to tingle. He had been away from Draco for only a few hours, he shouldn't be feeling the effects this early.

Maybe his body knew what he needed most right now as his heart swelled at the thought of his blond-haired partner. Draco could be a right prat sometimes but he was still the one constant in his miserable messed-up life. The Slytherin had put a lot on the line to 'rescue' him from his predicament. He'd really turned into a good man.

Harry smiled at the thought. He quickly strode to the Apparation point that the players used to get to and from the games and Apparated back home.

"Draco?" Harry called out as he walked into the flat.

Silence was his only answer.

Harry wandered into the lounge room, unsure of what to do. He sat on the couch and glanced longingly at the television. He would love to just zone out and watch some telly but his vision wasn't nearly good enough yet.

Harry sat back with a sigh. It was hard not to replay his conversation with Ron over again. A small part of him craved the closeness they once had, wanted to simply forget about his betrayal so that he could have that brotherly friendship once more. Hogwarts was such a tumultuous time in his life but he missed it; the simplicity, the feeling of having a proper family, friends, and most of all, it was a time when he felt strong and important. Nothing like the empty shell he was now. He felt impotent and scared and hopeless and lost…

Harry absently stroked the warm bracelet on his wrist, finding comfort in the smooth metal.

Draco was something good in his life. He always felt decidedly more human when the Slytherin was around, like he was still important, at least to one person. Draco was the sole reason that he hadn't yet been swallowed up by the desolation that threatened to consume him at times.

Harry pressed his lips into a thin line. He regretted suspecting Lance Waverley earlier. If he was important to Draco and to furthering the company then he would do everything in his power to make it happen. It would be a way of repaying him for everything he'd done for him so far.

Harry stifled a yawn as he lay down on his side on the couch. He was exhausted from flying for so long, he'd pushed himself much harder this morning than he had in a long time.

Harry closed his eyes and snuggled into the pillow. He was asleep within minutes.

"Harry?"

Harry stirred in his sleep with a frown.

"Harry?"

His name was called again, accompanied by a gentle shaking. He slowly dragged his eyes open to see Draco kneeling beside him on the floor. The light in the room had definitely dimmed into evening.

"What time is it?" Harry croaked, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

Draco sat back on his heels with a smile. "It's about six o'clock. Sorry I'm so late but I stopped by Severus' office to pick up your new potion."

Harry smiled and rubbed his sleep-filled eyes. "S'okay."

"Harry," Draco frowned as he took Harry's wrist in hand. "Why is your skin red?"

Harry squinted down at the skin beneath his Grevillea bracelet but couldn't decipher any colour change himself. "It was a bit itchy earlier, don't know why, you weren't gone that long."

Draco frowned in concern. "Do you need some cream on it?"

Harry shook his head with a smile. "It's fine now, don't worry about it. It doesn't hurt now that you're here."

Draco stroked the skin softly and looked up at Harry's content expression. The brunette seemed very calm and relaxed, quite the change from their argument this morning.

"About this morning…" Draco began uncertainly.

Harry shook his head and placed a hand over Draco's mouth. "Forget about it, I was just being paranoid. I know how important this deal is to you."

Draco removed Harry's hand and kept it clasped in his hand. "To us, Harry. This deal would mean increased income, double the profits, hiring more staff – which means more time off for me. We could travel the world anytime it strikes our fancy."

Harry smiled at his partner's enthusiasm. "Sounds good."

"Good." Draco kissed Harry's fingers before releasing his hand. "Are you hungry? I'll go make some dinner."

"Starving," Harry said, blushing at the tingles in his just kissed fingertips.

Draco smiled and stood up.

"I'll be in charge of dinner tonight," Harry decided in determination.

Draco chuckled. "And how are you going to do that Mr Potter? You can't read labels."

Harry stood with a smirk. "We are going out Mr Malfoy."

Draco laughed and followed Harry into the front hall where they grabbed their shoes and coats before heading out to their favourite Italian place in the village.