'I Wish I Hadn't Seen All of the Realness'

Harry whooped and cheered along with the crowd as Puddlemere United took the lead in the final seconds before the half-time mark of the game. He was seated in the Reserve Box, a private box for the "understudies" of the team. Unlike the Keeper or the Beaters, it was less likely for the Seeker to be injured in a game, so Harry knew his chances of playing were slim, but he was happy with that. It was his first game as an official member of the team and the massive crowd of die-hard fans were making him quite nervous, it was certainly a lot more pressure than playing for Gryffindor.

Harry remained in his seat as the intermission break began, he knew it would take Draco a few minutes to get through the crowd to meet him so he just sat back and looked around. He smiled in memory at the look Draco had given him when he had first seen him in his official team uniform that morning; the blond had been quite taken with the ensemble. Harry snickered, wondering if his new uniform would be requested in the bedroom that night.

"Hey Harry!"

Harry turned towards Tom, one of the reserve Beaters. "Yeah?"

"You have a visitor."

Harry glanced over to the open doorway to see Ron Weasley hovering there. Harry frowned as he stood and slowly walked over to stand a couple of feet away, arms crossed over his chest.

"What are you doing here?"

Ron's smile was hesitant but the redhead looked determined. "I came to see you."

"I'm not playing tonight," Harry replied pointedly.

"I know, but… I wanted to congratulate you on the position, and…" Ron fidgeted, shuffling his feet, his freckled face turning red. "I wanted to see if you maybe wanted to have lunch together tomorrow."

Harry blinked in surprise, he hadn't expected that. "Erm, I…"

Ron swallowed and pushed on. "It's just, I miss our friendship and… I wanted a chance to explain everything. And apologise."

Harry bit his lip and looked away. He didn't want to make this decision now – or ever. He didn't want to talk about the past anymore, he just wanted to move forward.

"You look good," Ron interjected into the silence.

Harry couldn't help snorting as he turned back towards his ex-best friend.

Ron cracked a real grin. "Sorry, that sounded odd. I just meant that you look healthy, and happy."

Harry sighed, feeling his reservations crack a little. "I am. I've been training a lot so I've been eating more and weight training…" Harry shrugged. "Just getting back into Seeker shape."

Ron nodded. "Well, I can't wait to see you in a real game. So, your sight…?"

Harry smiled a little. "Perfect, one hundred percent fixed."

"Wow, that's amazing," Ron replied sincerely. "I guess we have a lot to catch up on."

Harry ran a hand through his dark hair. "Yeah, I guess."

"Is that a yes to tomorrow then?" Ron asked hopefully.

"Just the two of us?"

Ron nodded.

"Alright," Harry acquiesced after a pause. "But no promises, okay? I'll come to lunch but I don't know if you can, you know, be in my life again."

"That's all I can ask for," Ron responded, satisfied.

Harry glanced up and finally noticed Draco standing just over Ron's shoulder. Draco mouthed, 'are you okay?' and Harry nodded.

Ron turned to see what Harry was looking at and his jaw dropped in shock. "Malfoy? What are you doing here?"

Draco smirked as he walked over and stood beside Harry. "Visiting Harry."

"Since when is he Harry?" Ron said, looking confused rather than outraged.

Harry smiled and deliberately slipped his hand into Draco's. "Like you said Ron, we have a lot to catch up on."

Ron gaped, speechless.

Harry couldn't help laughing at Ron's expression. It probably was a lot to handle considering their past history.

"Still want to be in Harry's life?" Draco sneered protectively.

"Of course," Ron replied, after swallowing a couple of times. "It's just a surprise, that's all. I… I'm just glad that Harry has, er, someone."

Harry was impressed at how quickly Ron recovered. "So we're still on for tomorrow then?" he asked.

Ron nodded. "How about the bistro in Diagon Alley?"

"Uh, how about Sciué Italian Bakery Caffe in Godric's Hollow instead?" Harry quickly suggested. He did not want to go anywhere near Diagon Alley - or Borgin and Burkes.

"Sure," Ron readily agreed. "Twelve thirty?"

"Twelve thirty." Harry nodded, feeling nervous about the date already. He hoped it wouldn't be an hour of stilted conversation before an explosion of emotions that ended up with someone getting punched in the face.

"See you then." Ron smiled and glanced at Draco before turning and walking off into the crowd, hands tucked into his pockets.

Harry turned to Draco and expelled the breath he'd been holding.

Draco raised a brow. "You sure you're up for that Harry?"

Harry flashed a lop-sided grin. "Yeah, had to happen sometime so why not now?"

"Do you want me to be there?"

Harry shook his head and stepped out of the way as one of his teammates passed through into the private box. "I'll be alright. If it gets to be too much I'll just leave and that'll be the end of it."

"Okay, I'd better get back to my seat." Draco leaned in and kissed him on the lips. "I hope Warren gets knocked off his broom."

Harry laughed and playfully shoved his shoulder. "I don't. I'm not ready."

Draco gave his hand one last squeeze before heading back to the stands with the rest of the excited masses.

Harry returned to his seat and tried to lose himself in the game, hoping to forget about tomorrow and his ominous meeting with Ron.

. . . .

Harry arrived at the café ten minutes late. He'd almost decided against going at the last second but was finally able to force himself out the door. Even if this meeting was to go horribly wrong, he wanted to get it over with.

He spotted Ron almost immediately at a quiet table next to the window. Ron raised a hand in greeting, looking relieved, and Harry made his way over to sit down opposite him.

"I didn't think you were going to show," Ron said, absently spinning his glass of water on the white linen tablecloth.

"Either did I," Harry admitted, unbuttoning his jacket and hanging it on the back of his chair.

"So…" Ron started. "Are you living in Godric's Hollow then?"

"Yeah, just up the road."

"With Malfoy?" Ron couldn't help asking.

"Yes," Harry replied with a challenging edge to his voice.

Ron smiled and shook his head. "Wow, he must have really changed since school."

Harry relaxed a little, sensing that Ron was fairly accepting of his relationship with Draco, or at least open to accepting it. "Yeah he has. He's grown out of that whole competitive thing where he always has to be the best and belittle everyone else. You'd be surprised at how caring and insightful he can be."

Ron nodded, absorbing everything.

"Not to pour salt in your wounds," Harry continued. "But he was there for me when no one else was; he was the only one there. I'm not saying this to be cruel," he quickly added when he saw Ron's remorseful expression. "It's just that I need you to know that he went through a lot to get me to where I am today. If you can't be civil to Draco then we can't be friends, because he's going to be in my life forever."

Ron's eyes widened at this last statement. "So it's pretty serious then?"

"Very," Harry confirmed without hesitation.

Ron nodded then broke into an amused grin. "I guess I'll have to get to know the git then."

Harry smiled, trying to picture the two of them in one room together without incident. "That should be interesting."

"I'll just pretend that we've never met."

"Probably a good idea," Harry agreed. "No pre-conceived impressions. I can't promise that Draco will behave though, he may be a changed man but he is by no means a harmless kitten now."

Ron snorted. "I know, the look he gave me last night confirmed that."

Harry shrugged. "He's just protective of me. It'll lessen in time as things get easier for me."

Ron looked out the window for a moment before turning back to Harry and asking quietly, "what happened to you Harry?"

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and sat back, as though trying to escape the impending conversation.

"The last time I saw you, you were going from job to job and basically just giving up on life."

"Sounds like a good time to dump a friend, doesn't it?" Harry bit out sarcastically.

Ron rested his elbows on the table and leaned in. "I know I was a twat, I admit it, but it was hard on us too Harry. Hermione and I were both trying to work and save money and buy a place to live… We wanted to help you, and we did as much as we could, but… at some point something had to give. You weren't cooperating anymore, you weren't working and you have to admit that you were pretty horrible to us as well."

Harry swallowed and averted his eyes. It was unavoidable remembering what it was like back then; how depressed and angry he'd been at the world, and at his friends who were not blind and could merrily go about buying homes and building a real life.

"I'll admit that I must have been hard to live with," Harry said slowly, forcing the words out through a tightened throat. "But no matter how horrible a friend - who was like family to me - was acting, I would never give up on them and leave them to die in the street."

"We didn't leave you to die in the street Harry," Ron contended. "We set you up in your own place; we were trying to encourage you to move on, to accept what had happened and to make do."

"Make do?" Harry repeated angrily, turning to face him again. "Trying to accept that all my life's plans and dreams were suddenly fucked was not an easy thing to adjust to. I had to go from envisioning myself as a professional quidditch player to not even being self-sufficient!"

"But that's the thing Harry," Ron said. "We didn't expect you to just accept what had happened to you overnight but it was years Harry, and you didn't even try to learn how to get around on your own. You wouldn't go to that training centre for the blind, you wouldn't sit down with a counsellor or a therapist to deal with what had happened."

Harry bit down hard on his lip, forcing back the tears that he could feel pricking the back of his eyes.

"As horrible as it sounds," Ron continued, trying to get it all out in a rush. "We both began to resent you. We didn't want you to be out of our lives but… we needed a break. We needed some space to focus on our own lives for a while. You wouldn't accept anyone's help so we got to the point where we thought if we just gave you a push and left you to it then you might start to heal and wake up to yourself."

"Yeah well, thanks for that push," Harry snapped, eyes blazing. "Suddenly having no one to turn to when things got really rough ruined my life."

"Harry-"

"No, you wanted to know so I'll tell you," he cut across him harshly. "I couldn't hold a job and was feeling absolutely hopeless when I met someone, a man, who I thought was someone I could trust. I thought he wanted to help me, that he cared for me, but it was all a lie. To make a long story short, he took all my money and left me broke – in more ways than one." Harry could feel the tears pooling in his eyes but he didn't care. "I literally was living on the street at this point and contemplating things that now scare the shit out of me. I was ready to throw away the sacrifice that my parents had made for me and just give up. Slipping into a never-ending sleep sounded pretty damn good.

Then I met someone else, someone I knew could not be trusted but that offered me a job of sorts to help me out of the gutter. So I took it. Turns out the job wasn't better than death, but the thought of my parent's sacrifice to keep me alive kept me going, although they would have been ashamed to call me their son if they could've seen me then. I was at Borgin and Burkes for twelve months, twelve long fucking months that ripped my soul out and shattered it completely."

Ron was speechless. Harry's eyes were haunted and broken, tears now running down his cheeks unchecked and dropping soundlessly onto the table cloth.

Harry broke eye contact and dropped his head into his hands, just wanting to disappear.

"Oh Harry… I had no idea," Ron whispered. "I guess I know the answer, but why didn't you come to me or Hermione?"

Harry laughed bitterly and raised his head. "I couldn't. My pride wouldn't let me at that point and then… then it was too late."

"Um, sorry to interrupt but did you gentlemen want to order something?"

Both boys startled, having completely forgotten that they were in a pubic restaurant, and looked up at their apologetic server.

Harry quickly wiped his face and cleared his throat. "I'll have the chef's soup with a bread roll, and a stiff drink."

"I'll have the same," Ron added quickly, not caring, just wanting the guy to leave.

The boy took away the unused menus and strode back to the kitchen.

"How did you get away from Burkes?" Ron asked in a hushed voice, hoping their conversation hadn't carried to any of the nearby tables thus far.

Harry expelled a shaky breath before replying. "Draco," he said simply.

"How on earth did he know?"

This was where Harry knew he was treading on dangerous ground. If he admitted to Ron that Draco was frequenting Borgin and Burkes then it might affect any possible truce between the two. He had decided earlier that a little white lie might be best for everyone.

"Someone Draco did business with told him I was there. He couldn't stop thinking about it, wondering how on earth I ended up there, so one day he showed up to see for himself."

"Did he say who he was?" Ron asked, fascinated.

"Not at first," Harry recounted. "I figured it out though. He kept coming back, trying to get me to speak, to wake up from the kind of walking coma I seemed to be stuck in." Harry stopped to take a sip of water, the memories were bitter-sweet but also warmed his heart. Draco had been so stubborn. It was one of the things he loved about him. "After a while I began to trust him and he decided that it was time to get me out of there, so he did. My knight in shining armour," he added with a smile.

Ron smiled in response, looking amazed. "Wow… I can't believe Malfoy did all that for you."

"And for himself too." Harry grinned. "I'm irresistible."

Ron chuckled and sat back as their meals were brought over and placed in front of them.

Harry dropped his napkin into his lap and looked back up at Ron. "I suppose if we're going to be friends again you should know everything."

"Yes?" Ron replied, ripping open the warmed bread roll and dipping it into the rich pumpkin soup.

"Draco had to use a very sneaky method to break the contract I was under," Harry said as he pushed back the sleeve of his jumper, revealing the brass bracelet.

Ron's brow rose as he leaned in to examine the metallic circlet on Harry's wrist. "Is that…a Grevillea band?"

"Yes." Harry nodded, pulling his sleeve back down and picking up his spoon.

Ron whistled and sat back, stunned. "I guess there's no denying that he really does care for you."

Harry smiled as he swallowed a spoonful of the delicious soup. "Mental huh?"

Ron laughed and nodded. "It's going to take some getting used to, that's for sure."

They ate in silence for a few minutes, both enjoying the delicious fare.

"So, what's going on in your life?" Harry asked curiously. "How's Hermione?"

"She's good," Ron replied hesitantly. "Uh, we're not together anymore though. Just friends."

"What?" Harry said in surprise. "But… how can that be?"

Ron smiled ruefully and shrugged his shoulders. "We just kind of drifted apart I guess. We were fighting more than we weren't, so it was just a… a mutual thing."

"That must have been tough," Harry surmised, sensing that his old friend was still hurting. "You were together a long time."

"Yeah," Ron replied. "It's better though. She's with someone else now, they're living together."

"Sorry to hear that Ron," Harry said sincerely. "You're mum must be devastated, she was probably already knitting booties for your children," he added to lighten the mood.

Ron smiled. "Yeah well, I think she took it worse than me."

Harry smiled and mopped up the last remnants of soup from his bowl with the bread roll. "How is your family?"

"Good," Ron said. "You should come for a visit, they'd love to see you again."

"Maybe," Harry replied ambiguously.

Ron nodded, letting the subject drop. He didn't want to push his luck. The redhead pushed his empty bowl aside and picked up the tumbler of Scotch, lifting it in a toast.

"Here's to new beginnings," he said.

Harry smiled in response and did the same, clinking their glasses together. "To new beginnings."

They both threw back the Scotch and set their glasses down.

"Whew!" Ron exhaled. "That clears the sinuses."

Harry laughed, feeling the warm liquid make its way down his throat to his gut. "Delicious," he said, licking his lips.

The two then ordered some dessert, chit-chatting about general subjects like quidditch and the weather. By the time they had paid and wandered out to the street, they were both feeling decidedly more comfortable around each other, almost like old times.

"Thanks for lunch," Ron said, wrapping his woolen scarf around his neck in the cool air. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too." Harry smiled. "We'll have to do it again."

"Maybe next time Hermione can come too?" Ron ventured.

"Yeah, that would be nice," Harry agreed.

"Well, goodbye." Ron smiled and waved as he turned to head off down the footpath.

Harry stood and watched Ron walk off into the crowd, a smile plastered on his face. He was glad that they'd made the reconnection. He hadn't thought that it was going to work but he was pleasantly surprised. He couldn't wait to see how Ron and Draco would be in one room together.

"Just how many lovers do you have Mr Potter?"

Harry's good mood instantly vanished as he turned to see Lance standing behind him. "What do you want?"

Lance blinked in surprise. "What sort of insolence is that? It's been a week, I'm here to collect you."

Harry ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Fine," he finally ground out. Without another word he jammed his hand into his pocket and grabbed the Buddha statue that permanently lived there.

Harry was instantly whipped away to the same private mansion in Provence, stumbling a little on his arrival in the red and gold bedroom. He sat on the large king-sized bed with resignation and waited.

Lance arrived only a couple of minutes later and Harry glared at him. "What's with you today Potter?"

Harry ground his teeth together and looked away. He thought he should probably avoid drinking alcohol in future before meeting with Lance, it only fuelled his obstinance.

"Nothing."

Lance narrowed his eyes as he walked over and sat next to him. Harry flinched as the other wizard stroked the hair off of his forehead. "I'll make it better baby."

Harry shuddered and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to think back to how he used to deal with the situation when he was at Borgin and Burkes. It was so hard to put himself back in that frame of mind now that he had so many good things in his life. He closed his eyes, forcing himself back into that world of eternal darkness.

"That's it love," Lance simpered, letting his finger trail down Harry's cheek and then down the side of his pale neck. "Remember our agreement, when in this room, I am the love of your life."

Harry swallowed down the rising nausea and nodded once. He tilted his head to the right, allowing Lance access to his neck. The blond immediately kissed the pale skin offered to him.

Harry opened that part of his brain that he used to lock himself away in and welcomed the detachment with open arms. His body became an automatic robot to Lance's commands and desires as the other man removed all of their clothing. He didn't even feel the cool air wafting in from the open French doors as it blew across his skin. He didn't even flinch when Lance pushed his way inside. He wasn't there, his consciousness was cowering in a tiny dark room with bars on the windows. The evil was locked on the outside as he crouched in the corner and kept his hands firmly pressed to his ears, eyes clenched shut.

He shook his head back and forth, pushing out reality and inviting in the nothingness….

Harry collapsed in a heap on the dusty floor of the shack, his breath coming in gasps. He threw the return portkey against the far wall with an anguished cry before dropping his forehead onto his arms and curling into a ball. His eyes were dry but his body shook under the unbearable weight of an onslaught of emotions that he couldn't bottle up.

Being in that place again had shaken him to the core. That little dark room in his mind was his saviour but also his own personal hell. Unspeakable acts that his body endured as his mind tried to revolt. He clenched his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms.

Harry yelled into the heavy silence, all the while keeping his eyes squeezed shut, nails pressed into his skin, attempting to use the pain to bring him back to reality.

Finally he was able to pry his eyes open and focused on a broken chair lying across from him. He lay there panting, focusing on this piece of furniture as his mind slowly dragged itself out of its own murky recesses.

He rolled onto his back and was finally able to breathe properly, dragging in large gulps of air, expanding his lungs and clearing the last of the fogginess from his head.

Harry lay there for an hour, just breathing and reminding himself of why he was doing this, filling his head with memories of Draco and real love. His time with Lance wasn't a betrayal, it was a job and that's all. He had everything he wanted at home. He'd come to learn in his young life that no one's life was perfect and his was as close to perfect as he could expect. He figured that for him to have all that perfection the universe had to make up for it somehow by giving him this burden to bear. Just as he was rescued from the Dursleys and given an adopted family at Hogwarts, he also had to bear the burden of being "the chosen one" to deal with the threatening evil. That's all Lance was; the new threatening evil.

He finally turned his head to see the sun beginning to drop in the sky.

Harry pushed himself back up into a sitting position. With great effort he got to his feet, feeling slightly dizzy as he straightened up. He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath.

After a moment, Harry opened determined green eyes.

He walked over and returned the portkey back to his pocket before heading home.