Wowww, sorry guys, that took a long long time i know. I do have an excuse, seeing as i have just come out of two weeks of exams... but still... Sorryyy! This was an odd chapter to write, seeing as it is a bit of a filler. If anyone has any plot bunnies they'd like to share with me then feel free to review or PM me, coz i've been having a bit of trouble with writers block. I'll admit that i planned everything up to this point then didn't think about what i'd do when i actually got here...

Well... i hope you like this chapter anyway...

To Regret

Darien

I had heard the news.

Father had told me, he'd always been close to Mr. Grey, they were hunting buddies. Oh yes, I had heard all about the Greys. I'd heard what he'd done to them in his anger, as I knew he would. I'd heard enough to gather that 'that double crossing bitch' (who I came to understand was Mrs. Grey) had managed to get them away during the night. Funny, I'd always assumed she was on his side...

I was brooding.

Why did I keep doing that?

Snow was falling steadily outside my window, though I wasn't sure if I actually saw the little white flakes. A person can see many things; they can see the literal, the solid things that make up their world, at the same time as seeing their thoughts, as if you'd placed a transparent image over your eyes. Sometimes you want the fake image so much that it can become more and more opaque until you can't even see the real image. People can see what they want to see, they can see nonexistent lies in an innocent face or an admiring smile on a disgusted person. They can pretend not to notice the things that they don't want to believe. Knowing this was the first step to cunning and yet even the shrewdest can fall into the net.

You might as well be as blind as a flobberworm.

Sometimes I'd look across the great hall and think that I saw them looking at me. Maybe they were or maybe I just wanted them to look at me? They hated me though. I didn't have to be Dumbledore to know that. Sometimes however I saw it in their eyes, the flicker of remembrance and doubt, or at least I think I did. They had built up an image of me, obviously, as the villain and I didn't blame them. I was a villain, a betrayer. They wouldn't ever forgive me. They would be stupid if they did and if there was one thing that the twins were it wasn't stupid. Naive maybe but never stupid.

I had pushed myself far out of their redemption now, a pity I know.

Was I sorry? Did I care? They had been tortured because of me, didn't that bother me? What had happened that summer? Why had I done it... again?

I had been so angry. Simple as that. I'd seen them, so happy, content and so... perfect. Even when they were as scared as they were then they had both glowed with their life. I had acted instinctively, damn right Gryffindorish if you ask me. She had been on Lupin's arm and he'd held her so tenderly, her silver hair that once upon a time I would ruffle indulgently as she scowled good-naturedly. She found her place and I was here, nothing. But the worse was to come.

Alex. Ally.

I snorted.

Funny isn't it? Here I am, Darien Irvine the cold-hearted, steel-minded, up his own Slytherin with a sneer to match any Malfoy. Darien Irvine feeling like this when it was his own bloody fault. It was utterly ridiculous. I would take it back of course, everything I'd done to them I would take it back if I thought I could be a better person and earn his love. Except would I honestly do anything different? Knowing what I know now would I still do what I did? Probably. I was and always would be a coward. I had no right to feel jealous for the way he looks at Black; I had no right to be angry at that kiss, the way they held each other, faultless and seamless.

I remembered the days, before the world broke, that he looked at me like that, when it was my lips on his. I remembered the rough walls at my back and the desperation and the sound of his chuckles and moans next to me, so close to me that I didn't know where I started and he began. We had lived for the danger of it but I had always been scared of what would happen if somebody found out, perhaps that's what made me do it. Nevertheless, I hadn't protested when we together, it made perfect sense to do this, to be this way. We had worked so well together, he knew my mind so well he could pinpoint my answers before I even became conscious of my own thoughts. We could have conversations without saying a word, him hearing me and me seeing it on his face. We had been like that; we too had been faultless and seamless until I tore it apart.

Oh, I remembered all right. I told everyone it had never happened, that I had tricked him just that one time, proved a point. The evidence to support me was enough for their guileless minds because the carefully laid trap had closed around him, not me. It was no coincidence that Mrs. Cott and gossip worm Eloisa Vager had walked by just then or that his father had been waiting in the mistress's office but it was fine for me because the fatal lies and truths had been wound carefully beforehand to avoid me. An what did it matter if Eloisa told the school I was supposedly gay when I was leaving the next morning? What did it matter to me when Mr. Grey only saw the pure blood status and cunning to match his own, never seeing the whole truth in my eyes all because of a lazy smirk? My lazy smirk now.

When Ally realise what I'd done...

I remembered seeing the love leak out of the stab wounds I'd left and I'd felt malicious satisfaction. It was an odd thing to break a person. It was invigorating at the same time as crushing. It made you feel a sense of power over that person. He'd always been the one in charge between us. Oh, I am sure he didn't realise it, he probably thought we were always on equal terms but it wasn't true. It was his plans that we followed, his authority, and when we were together he was always the dominant one. A part of me always hated that so when I felt the control, knowing I had broken him with my words, that had felt good.

Duh. I was an idiot.

The irony was that only I knew it, but that didn't mean it was any less true.

Love is strange. I took it for entertainment with no strings attached, didn't realise the importance of it until I'd thrown it away and found that I missed it. Too late now, I'd made sure of that. I was sure he loved me just as much I still love him, even now, because love was strange and you had little choice. I hated it as much as he hated it, as much as he hated me. Didn't change anything though, I'd broken him and me but we still loved. We were like that.

Even so... hate was just as difficult to remove as love.

I had no delusions that things would ever be as they once were. Alex had a new love and it was definitely love because I recognised it in the eyes. Anyway, I would soon be married to that yammering, blabbering, snobby, pureblood girl with a flat nose and a simpering smile. Ugh.

Sure I was guilty, I stank of that clingy emotion, but it didn't stop me doing the same thing again. I was a bastard, I enjoyed watching the pain, I smirked at their wounded imploring gazes because I had to and it made me thrum, thrum with power. I pushed the ashes of their burnt trust to the back of my mind where it gathered. Guilt. I ignored it.

When would it catch up with me?

Alex

Opening the last present sent me into a deep ravine of memories that, as I stared at the front page, seemed to replay before my eyes over and over. It was from little Amy Farmer and was the twin of the one currently in the girls dormitory being looked at by my twin. A small diary with a grey leather bound cover and a complementary self inking quill in a pocket at the back. These sorts of things were not uncommon in the wizarding world and so it was not a surprise that I had already seen one like it before. I knew without reading the loopy note from Amy that anything I wrote in this diary would appear in the one with Lara. A perfect communication tool, though slightly pointless due to the fact I could already hear her thoughts from here.

I'd opened a present like this before. I'd held the package in my hands and known it was a book; I'd rolled my eyes and proceeded to pull off the covers. Finding the diary I'd been shocked. Why would I be given a diary for Christmas? When I'd read the note in the front cover… I had been so excited. We'd spent hours talking that way all throughout the holidays. Through it we had decided to meet up, the two of us, just us. Walking though the snow laden gardens hand in hand, for once not scared of being seen. I'd laughed as snow fell in your dark hair and made you look like you had dandruff and you'd retaliated by messing mine up with great satisfaction. An old Lady had walked past, a muggle wrapped up tightly in coats and she'd obliged to take a picture of us with the disposable camera my half-blood cousin had given me, the one which died two months later in suspicious circumstances. Underage as we were we didn't dare use magic even to cast a warming charm on ourselves so we'd settled for just holding each other close to keep in the warmth. We didn't mind.

"Al? You okay" A voice said near me and I looked up startled to see Siri's dark eyes probing mine.

I'd never doubted Darien just like I'd never doubted Sirius. I'd been wrong that time, could I be wrong now? You could never tell if a person would one day decided to betray you no matter how much you believe it wouldn't happen. What if Sirius did that to me? I'd known him so little time compared to the years I had known Darien. What would I do if Siri did that to me? I was already broken from Darien yet I'd still ran into this thing with Sirius with no though except that… that I'd fallen in love again.

Love is a strange thing…

"Al?"

"What?" I said dumbly "Oh, right yeah… just remembering stuff…"

I watched as frown marks appeared between his eyes and I felt his hand hold mine.

Lily

Lara was sitting on the edge of the bath, her head in her cupped hands as she shook and gasped. I thought for a moment she was having a fit but when she raised her head to look me her wide grey eyes were perfectly clear despite them being screwed up in pain.

"Lara! What's wrong?" I rushed to her side and awkwardly took one of her hands.

"It's this th-thing! I-I just can't g-get it on" She whispered brokenly and I watched as a bra slipped out of her hand and feel to the floor as she bowed her head in suppressed shame "I can't e-e-even dress myself!"

I bit my lip and tried to hold back my own tears.

"Shh... don't worry, its okay. It won't last long" I knelt down and picked up the bra. I couldn't imagine how humiliated she must feel to be faced with this problem but I was going to help. She was my friend and friends always stuck together. Always.

She slowly calmed down as I helped her into her clothes, she avoided my gaze and I pushed away any feeling of pity. She would hate that even more, she would hate to feel that in my mind. I didn't say a word as I slowly brushed through her long hair. She hadn't asked but I could see from the way she moved that to do it herself would be painful. The silver hair was so fine and silky; it reminded me of unicorn hair, the way it seemed to glisten.

When we left the bathroom she took my hand.

"Thank you"

I gave her a smile.

"That's what friends are for" I replied.

Remus

The library was deadly quiet. Nobody but us was in here, which was hardly surprising considering it was Christmas day. Lara had been quiet all morning, just as quiet as her twin. Those two had shifted, something about them had changed and there was a new quiet in their eyes. They were more reliant on each other now and it reminded me of when we first met them. Those first few days were clear in my mind. I remember all the times I saw their hands quietly grasp eyes other. I saw the way the way their minds connected constantly. They had been shy. It was hard to imagine my Lara as being shy now. As a rule she spoke her opinionated mind with little thought but she was quiet now. It was apparent to all of us. More and more often I saw the tell tale glaze in their eyes that showed their silent communication.

I was near desperate with suppressed guilt. She hated that. I just couldn't get over the fact it was partly due to our relationship that meant she had been- been...

I knew with all my heart that I was bad for her. I wasn't even human, I was a monster, a menace. When people pulled out a boggart many of them would see me. My Lara deserved a real man, somebody who could give her everything that she deserved. I could never have the family that Lara deserved and I could hardly provide for her one day...

But she wouldn't let me leave, though it was best for her, and even the thought of it turned her eyes to molten metal. She was too stubborn for her own good but I loved her for it. She broke any arguments I found on the tip of my tongue before I could ever word them. And I was too selfish to do what I should have done because I was madly in love with this crazy and vivid girl.

She was so quiet though and I would do anything to bring back the grin I loved so much. I was certain it would come back, the twins were survivors and they were as strong and as stubborn as the ground under my feet. It wrenched my heart to see her so... closed off.

All the same, we were together now, that was the important thing. We were together in the silence of the library.

I looked down at her. she was curled up around me, her head on my chest and her hand gently rubbing circles into my shoulder. Her hair was glistening in the cold light coming from the window and her pale face was peaceful and her eyes were distant. Her quiet breathing, slightly swifter than my own, soothed my soul. Before me my legs were stretched out onto the opposite seat and my arm wrapped around her delicate waist. I ignored the cut on her, it was there now and it didn't diminish the beauty of her. It wasn't how she looked that made her so beautiful; it was the slight glow to her skin, the soft hues of gentle pinks and creamy white, the sparkle of joy in her infinite eyes that was always there, even now in her silence.

Sometimes in moments like this I thought my heart with burst with the swell of my love for her. I could stay here for hours, just here in these perfect moments when the world hardly touched us. Me and her. My Lara. As if hearing my thoughts (which she probably did) she smiled gently and raised her face to kiss my neck. Gently, oh so gently.

"I have something for you" I said, reaching into my pocket to withdraw the small package I'd been carrying all day. I could sense this was the right time to give it to her, I had been playing with the idea all week.

It was small box, no larger than the palm of my hand, with a plain polished wooden surface and brass patterns inlaid on it. My mother had given it to me and she'd told me that it had once been my great-grandmother's. It had been in my family for four generations. She'd told me that when I found the girl I love, the girl I wanted to spend my life with, I should give her this. At the time I had suffered to pack it in my trunk at her wishes, I had felt dull with the belief that I would never find a girl who I could give this too...

It was hard to believe that in only a few short months...

Lara sat up in my arms and took the box carefully from me, her eyes wide. I watched her carefully as she ran her fingers over the smooth golden wood. She traced the delicate patterns with the tip of her long finger.

"I... I don't know..." She began but I raised a finger to lie against her lips.

"Open it"

Gently with exaggerated slowness she lifted the clasp and lid and I watched in great amusement as she gasped, shut the lid, looked back at me, opened the box again and repeated. Now there was something to remember!

"Oh Remus..."

I looked over her shoulder at what lay on the black velvet interior. It was simple, simple and beautiful. The silver chain sparkled on the black and in the centre a plain tear shaped sapphire hung off it. The gem seemed to change colour as I watched it in the light, sometimes a rich dark blue like twilight, sometimes a vivid royal blue. I knew on silver plating at the back of the jewel there were the words 'in corde Somnium' which my mother told me meant 'in the heart of the dream' in Latin. It wasn't large, just under an inch maybe in height, but it was pretty and it was important, it showed how I'd found what I thought would never be mine. When she looked up at me her grey orbs were glistening.

I suddenly felt very embarrassed about the whole thing and I felt my cheeks flush.

"It was my great-grandmothers. I- um- didn't buy it – you don't have to - but I thought that, um, well you might... if it's too, I don't know, um, gaudy well then that's fine, I just-"

I was swiftly interrupted, which was probably for the best. It didn't take me long to forget my previous nerves, here in the quiet heart of an empty library with Lara Grey.

So? Sorry if it is a bit short... do you think the Irvine part was okay? I'm always a bit nervous about writing the bad guys coz it makes them seem more human and less evvviill. In this case i dont think of Irvine as being a madman like Voldy and Mr.G, he's just a cowardly stuck up idiot with confidence issues and a temper.

Oh and if you want to see the necklace:

just go to flickr, type in Dreamy Vintage (make sure you search for people), and then go to their second page, it's the one called Pacific. Vintage Sapphire Blue Jewel Necklace. Isn't soo sooo beautiful... sigh...