My queen
I still remember your face, your smile gracing your soft features. I remember how I first laid my eyes upon you, a young maiden barely blossomed. I saw you dancing on the meadow, your feet touching the ground like leaves in the wind. Your laughter a melody to your dance. A tune I do remember so well. I remember. And my heart leaps. In pain. In longing. For it is no more and no more will it be. There is nothing left of you, no body, no grave. You disappeared into darkness to never be found again.
No ship took you to Valinor, no grace brought you peace. You are gone and my longing stays. I cannot leave this world, never when there is still a glimmer of hope buried deep in my soul. A glimmer that sometime, anytime I will behold you once more. Even if it is you in a broken form, a shell of your former glory. Only to see you, to feel you… I want to hold your body like I embrace the memory that lives on in your son. Our son. Beloved. Beloved.
I remember how small your feet were, how glowing your skin. Delicate hands held flowers so bright it matched your pale grey eyes. Golden hair like rays of sunshine lightening my heart: For hours I stood mesmerized. Watching you. Barely able to breathe. Barely containing the wish to touch you. I had never wanted anything so desperately as I had longed to touch your face, to kiss the lips that promised so much sweetness.
I remember your taste, grapes ripened in a late summer sun. I can still taste it in the most sweet of wines I so adore these days. I see how they look at me because I drink too much, not out of despair, not out of joy but to remember. I drink a draught to find peace with you again. Your kisses imprinted in my mind. Dearest. Beloved. Queen of mine. I drink another sip out of my glass and I say a toast in your name.
Do not leave me again for my days are dark since we parted. I have let statues baring your resemblance be overgrown with ivy not to be reminded of what has become of my life. No one but me will be allowed to witness your soft features any longer. Legolas does not remember. I see the questions in his eyes, questions I cannot answer. I told him you had died to protect him, but I lied. For nothing is sure and all is lost. You are gone never to be found. I searched and searched. I despaired. I lingered on. All is lost but here I am. A king without a queen. And soon a father without a son. One day Legoslas will leave with all the others of our kin, but I will not.
I will never leave this earth without you. I will rather die, I will rather despair than to leave without the one I had loved more dearly than everything a kingdom has to offer.
Where are you my queen? Where have you gone? Where is your body? Where resides your soul? My queen. My companion.
Why does it hurt so much? Drowning in hurtful contempt I dare not think about the pain others might have inflicted upon you. My dearest soul. I dare not because I fear for my mind, insanity lies in midst these thoughts. Dearest. Beloved. Queen of mine.