Woow! Sorry this took so long! So much for being quicker during the holidays! Also I lied a few chapters back about how many chapters were left - sorry bout that - it turns out (as usually) my plan has completely collapsed and so this is likely to continue stretching a fair bit...

THANK YOU THANK YOU all my reviewers - you make me so happy! Caley3324, MarieStar, hplvr235, BB-chan, Nikk, Airlady, Me (with their original name...), wRiTeR'S bLoCK is AWFUL, ladymacaroni, awesomegrl77 and all the rest...

To Observe

Severus

There was something going on. I didn't know what and hell would I admit, even to myself, that I was curious. Nonetheless, there was definitely something out of place. First it was the covert glances of some of the boys in the common room. They would sneak glances at the youngest Black and there was something in there gaze that shouted Slytherin cunning. It was like they were waiting for something or like they were getting ready to pounce at the slightest stumble. That most of them were known DE's, at least in training, didn't particularly help my suspicions.

Regulus himself wasn't looking all that good and spent many hours sitting in the corner with Irvine talking in hushed voices. His eyes carried dark bags and sometimes, if you stayed long enough into the night to see him head to bed, I could see the way his hands shook. Irvine came to be a constant presence around him, his cold mask effectively challenging the sliding looks of suspicion. There was something oddly protective in the way the ice prince watched over the younger boy and anybody with two brain cells to rub together could see where not to pick a fight.

Darien Irvine was one of those people.

I tried once to talk to Regulus. We weren't friends, few Slytherins above the age of fourteen would be able to call anyone around them friends, it was too competitive for that, but we had an agreement. I hated his brother and he had to hate his bother, we were a good pair.

"They're all watching you, you know that right?" I'd whispered, slipping into the seat opposite him.

He looked up, scanned the room casually and turned back to me.

"Yes" was his simple reply.

I'd paused then, feeling the words trying to push themselves out of my lips.

"Be careful. These people won't hesitate to throw you to the wolves, I know them" I had whispered breathlessly to him. My voice had been cold, frank and realistic.

When he'd raised his head I knew that he was perfectly aware of what my words really meant and I think, I think, I may have seen gratitude there.

It was odd. I had given the boy advice, warned him against the very thing I was meant to support. What did I care if the Dark Lords servants were keeping an eye on my semi-friend? I was meant to trust his word, wasn't I? I had to work for my own skin, for my own cause.

If I didn't know better then I'd say that Regulus was working on a mission. A mission for the cause. A mission working against Muggles, mugg- mudbloods, blood traitors and similar ilk.

So why was it that I suddenly felt the need to root it out? I was over Lily and anyway, she was different to the others. So why did I feel like I should be trying to prevent… it?

Unbidden a voice returned to my ears "your opinion was not based on the facts but one of the above prejudices"

Why was I thinking that? What did that even mean? What did that have to do with anything?

I'm not going to think about that, it was dangerous.

"You're still talking to Larissa Grey" Regulus said suddenly without taking his eyes off his book and I jumped, thinking he'd heard the voice in my head.

"Unfortunately" I drawled although unable to quiet sustain the usual venom.

Was it so bad that I didn't mind the stubborn traitor's company so much anymore?

…Did I ever really protest though? If I did then why was that? I didn't ever know her then…

Dangerous thoughts. Dangerous thoughts.

I don't know her. She's a blood traitor; she's dating a werewolf for Merlin's sake! I don't enjoy… her company, I don't think about her words over and over in my head. They don't challenge me, those words. No, because that would be… wrong. Yes.

"Have you thought about learning Occlumency, out of curiosity?"

That certainly pulled me up short.

Alex

I knew he was still confused and hurt that I hadn't told him aboutDarien. His eyes, though softened, were still cold and I knew I would have to talk to him. I wasn't looking forward to it.

If it were just a case of me and him being in a romantic situation then I wouldn't have cared but when it came toDarienit was about so much more. It wasn't about a single relationship, not with us; it was about my life, my sister, my family. It was about our childhoods and backgrounds. It was about his betrayal. It was that that I didn't want to speak about though I knew there was no better person to understand it than Sirius.

He was like us. He too came from a family that had great expectation and shady ideals. He never spoke of his family, or childhood, but I knew the reputation of the Black family and I knew from my own experience and knowledge what parent like his could be like. They were just about as dark as you could get and they didn't hide the fact. It was funny, now that I came to think about it because the Blacks were, well, black. My family, Grey, was neither on the side of the light nor black (or that's how it used to be). We preferred subtlety so that people didn't quite know where to put us, even my sister and I had dabbled a bit with black magic but held the firm beliefs of the light side. Of course we had been raised knowing the dark arts and our school had not exactly been squeamish either. To us, my entire family that is, magic was magic, to be used whatever the type. Our surnames were well suited don't you think?

I sighed.

Sirius sat across from me next to James as they enthusiastically planned some prank involving three roles of double sided spell'o'tape, two jars of raspberry jam and a disillusionment charm...

I don't want to know, to be honest.

I lost myself in my thoughts until I heard a cry from James. It didn't take long for me to understand what was going on when I felt the familiar presence of a certain redhead just behind me.

"Lily! You left your Charms essay- I mean book. Here, I have it here, see?" he said enthusiastically, jumping up and spilling one of the jars of jam onto an essay that Peter left before. He cried out and I rolled my eyes, twitching my wand at the mess as he uselessly flailed his hands "Not the jam!"

I heard Lily laughing as the sticky red stuff flew back into the jar, leaving the parchment slightly pink and gluey to touch. Prongs fished out a book from his bag and passed it over to her with coloured cheeks.

"Thank you James, well... I guess I better go then..." she said shyly and she sent us a small smile.

So it's James now, eh?

James, still standing, shifted as she turned away and walked to the portrait hole. I looked across at Siri and he calmly, with a black face, raised three fingers and periodically dropped them.

Three.

James bit his lip.

Two.

There was the sound of the portrait hole opening.

"Wait! Lily, I'm coming too!" James rushed towards the red head that'd turned and was now smiling with relief in her mind.

"Bye guys" he called to us vaguely.

I caught Siri's eyes and we sniggered.

"Little Prongsy is growing up, bless him" Sirius said with a sigh.

"I bet they're together by August"

"Nah, June"

"Five Galleons?"

"You're on"

We shook hands with secret sly grins on each others faces. His hand was calloused in mine, worn from playing Quidditch, and tanned. My own hands were as pale as the rest of me and my fingers were long and look strangely delicate, though I knew they were pretty strong from years of playing music. Sometime, when I sat next to my boyfriend, I though I was going to fade away. He was so bright, so full, whereas I was monochrome and quiet. Sometimes I felt like I a ghost. Sometimes I would see myself in other people's thoughts and they would often wonder at my cool exterior or the way that I just seemed to drift. Lara was similar but she was the one out of the two of us that could truly shine with life. She was the star light and I was the star shadow.

We'd become quiet as I stared at the brown hands in mine. I looked up and saw again the uncertainty in Siri's eyes. I coughed and looked away.

"…Al?"

"I'm sorry I never told you about Darien" I cut in and I felt his hand clench slightly around mine "At Amalia's being gay was… indecent, I was so used to hiding the fact. After we left there though… it hurt too much to speak about him, so I didn't"

"I'm not-" he tried to break in and I could tell he was uncomfortable but I squeezed his hand gently.

"He wasn't always like he is now you know?" I said and he twitched "I grew up with him; he never used to be so cold. He had a mask, of course, but it was never… like this. Underneath that he was our friend but he was a coward, he did what he did for his own sake because he didn't have the strength to do anything else. He used to, and probably still does, hate war and killing but he doesn't have much choice."

Sirius was quiet and when I looked at him he was looking back at our hands. Finally he nodded, looking up at me, he nodded.

Lara

"What are you reading?" I asked the boy who sat across the table.

He looked up briefly with half a sneer and raised the thick book off the table see I could see the title. It was a plain dark blue book, slightly scuffed and aging, which was titled in a small silver print MAGIC OF THEE MIND: Edwin Marble. I arched an eyebrow, seeing where this was going.

"Occlumency? Ah, of course. Has anyone told you it's impossible to learn from a book?" I asked with a chuckle. Of course he was trying to protect his mind, I bet it really riled him that I could hear his thoughts.

"Yes thank you. I know that" He said curtly before continuing to read.

I could hear is mind buzzing opposite me and I cocked my head to the side. He did know that he couldn't learn on his own but he seemed to be preparing for something. I frowned.

"You know Severus, you are a very difficult person to understand" I mused out loud "and I don't just mean personality wise either... and Merlin knows that's hard enough to figure out anyway"

"What do you mean" He said slowly.

I thought about how to phrase it.

"Well, put it this way. I've never met a person whose open mind is more difficult to read. People's minds are complicated three dimensional things and what I do is only read the first few layers but with you... Okay, imagine this: say every mind is a oblong, now on most minds the outer side has quite a large surface area so you don't have to delve too deep to reach the thoughts but your mind is like a long thin oblong which means I would have to go through more layers to understand the same amount as with others. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah... sort of" He said unsurely.

I nodded.

"That means that you have a great advantage when it comes to Occlumency because a Legilimen who is only testing the first few layers will find it harder to find a lie" I briefly wondered if I should be saying all this but to my mind it wouldn't make any difference either way. Knowing about it wouldn't increase it.

Besides, if my plan worked it wouldn't matter anyway.

"Does that mean when you force through more of the layers you can hear more of my thoughts then?" He said and I could tell that he was curious but really he should have chosen his words better.

I kicked him under the table and he cursed.

"What do you mean when I force through. How dare you presume that I try to deliberately read your thoughts" I sent another kick.

"Would you stop kicking me? For Salazar's sake how do I know if you're not reading my thoughts?" He said angrily.

"Because it is completely rude and you may not have noticed but I don't actually mean you any harm, I thought I had already got that across?" I said in exasperation.

He pursed his lips in a threatening manner, clearly thinking that he didn't think it bellow me.

Then something else came to my mind and I smiled cheekily.

He didn't seem to like that.

"...What?"

"I just kicked you" I said happily.

He blinked.

"Really? I hadn't noticed" he said sarcastically and as ever my eyes were induced to roll.

"Sarcasm is the lowest for of wit" I said.

"Yeah- well. Like you have any wit" He scrambles and I laughed. I saw his own lips twitch and tried to hide the triumph – speaking of triumph…

"I just kicked you though" I repeated earnestly but it didn't look like he was going to get it "Last time I did that you said:" I pushed my face into a scowl "I swear to Slytherin that the next time you kick me I will hex you till you can't even remember your own name!"

He grunted and clamped his hands on either side of his temple.

There was silence apart from the distant sound of whispers and turning pages. I raised my eyebrows.

"Well?" I asked, slowly feeling a sense of success rising in my chest.

"Well what? Do you want to be hexed?" He asked with growing scorn.

"Not particularly but I'm wondering why I'm not"

He paused, a deadly (but not particularly scary anymore) glare coming to his face.

"We're in the library" He said stubbornly.

I couldn't help it this time. I chuckled.

"Right, funny. You and I both know that there are ways to curse people without drawing attention, so what is it?" I replied, watching closely as his face twisted.

"I'm beginning to lose the point of this conversation" Damn this stupid Gryffindor.

I smiled but this time it was sad as I shook my head. That would be his reflex reaction – pretend not to understand.

"Only because you're not looking for it"

Alice

"Check out the big bad Slytherin boys" I muttered to Frank as we sat by the lake.

It was a sunny day and we, like pretty much every other (at least a little bit) sane non-busy person in this place, had jumped joyfully into the blissful light and warmth (literally and metaphorically). It so happened that at this exact moment I had a splendid view of just a few of these slightly sane people and it was currently the green snakes that drew my eyes.

There was a little group of them (to my left, looking decisively unsure of whether they should relax in the sun or not) and it was three in particular that I found myself eyeing. There were several things that linked them (aside from wearing clothes that were too dark for the weather). For one they were all sitting ramrod straight with black-or-nearly-black hair and tense as… something solid and unmoving, I guess, and they were all staring straight across the lake. What really caught my eye were their expressions. Usually I didn't take too much heed of the grumpy Slytherin boys and gals, they could be just as unpleasant as they wanted just as long as they stay the hell away from me, but even I could see that there was something odd about them right now.

It was all the same. Irvine (hissss!) pursed his lips just like the others. Snape (hooked nose and all) crossed his arms in exactly the same manner. Even the furrows of mini Black's eye brows were the same. Was I really the only one who noticed?

Frank just looked over at them then turned to me with a shrug.

"Which ones? They all look big bad and, if I must say so, damn uncomfortable" He said and I nodded in agreement.

What was it with them and wearing all that black and stuff? They must really be steaming in there… the prices some will pay for fashion I guess...

"Irvine, Snape and Mini-Black" I replied, taking my eyes off them to scan the rest of the people around. My eyes settled on a group to my right – opposite the Slytherins – a group which I knew very well.

There was Black and Potter talking enthusiastically to each other as the former played with his boyfriends hand and the latter snuck looks and a certain redhead. Said redhead was chatting to Lara who had her boyfriends head in her lap. There was also Eliza Attia who was talking to the very odd Xeno Lovegood enthusiastically.

I glanced back at the staring Slytherins and frowned.

"They do look very annoyed and thatFlintgirl is pouting like somebody insulted her nose" Frank conceded.

"Hmm... it's all very odd" I said and my boyfriend laughed at the tell-tale gossip radar that must have gone off in my eyes.

Lily

"Ben?"

"No, too boring. Elliot?"

"Cousin's called that, Tristan?"

"Hmmm... I like that..."

"Nathan?"

"Really? It's a bit, I dunno..."

"I've always liked the name Harold"

"Harold?"

"Harold!"

"Yeah, it's pretty"

"It's an old man name Lily"

"What about Harry?"

"Yeah! That's sweet!"

"Yeah maybe... what about girls?"

There was a pause as we thought.

"What the hell are you three talking about?" came a small scared voice and we all turned around to see a shocked looking Remus standing next to us.

I grinned widely as I saw Lara's face heat up.

"Baby names. Want to join?" I said and the boy spluttered.

"Join? Baby- why- what?" he croaked out, his eyes moving from his girlfriend, to me, to Alice and back to Lara, his eyes widening.

"You're not-?"

"Remus!"

Alice and I burst into laughter as Lara turned a rather prominent pink and Remus just continued to look baffled. Lara's voice had gone up and octave and Remus was turning more and more plum coloured by the second.

"We haven't even-"

"Right well-"

"How exactly could I-"

"Good- I mean-"

"Don't you think I'd have mentioned-?"

"I'm just going to, um-" He ran out of the room, nearly tripping in his haste.

Lara huffed and turned back to us (still giggling us) with a scowl.

"Great. Now he's going to be up there thinking about babies and families and why he shouldn't-" She broke off sharply and tugged at a piece of her hair.

I raised my brows, wondering what she'd been about to say. Why he shouldn't what?Alice, ever the curious one jumped on the slip.

"Why he shouldn't what?" she chirped and Lara squirmed.

"Oh, well. Um. You see he has this odd thing about deserving stuff" She muttered and I nearly gasped with understanding.

Of course! Because he's a werewolf, he must not want a family or thinks he can't have one. Does she know about him than? Lara's eyes locked on mine and she rolled her eyes and nodded. I sighed.

Alicewas watching us with confused eyes.

"What am I missing?"

"Doesn't matter" we said as one.

Remus

Baby names? Baby names! Why the hell are they thinking about baby names! Do girls usually do that? Are they serious? Baby names? Is that, does she think- does she expect-

I needed to calm down. We hadn't even been dating for that long, just five months, she couldn't surely be thinking about that sort of thing. I mean, I love Lara, I really did and not just because I'd found somebody else who accepted my condition. I had hardly thought about after graduation. Of course I'd love to still be with her then and I didn't doubt we would but... could I do that?

After we left school I'd be living off my inheritance money and I just knew that I'd find it difficult to find any steady job. What if she wanted to, um, marry me? Oh Merlin. Calm Remus, deep breath. If she wanted that then could I give it to her? I wanted to, oh Godric how I wanted to but I was a werewolf. I was a werewolf dammit! This was my life; I wasn't the same as everyone else around me. Being in this school made me forget how different I was, Lara made me forget. I couldn't give her a proper home, I couldn't support her and I could support a child. A child!

Breath...

How could I have a child? How could I bring something so innocent into the world and force it to be chained to my reputation. Merlin! What if it was like me? What if it was a werewolf? Oh damn. I couldn't do that. I couldn't. Lara deserved so much more; she deserved normalcy and safety not the pressure of prejudice on top of everything else. Werewolves were hated, despised. I couldn't do that to her or a child.

A child...

I wanted it so much...

It hurt, just to think about it, it hurt so much. I couldn't have that, I could have a family to love, to call my own. I couldn't, ever. That sent needles into my heart that twisted in my chest like nothing else. I wanted to have that. I wanted...

But I couldn't.

And I couldn't give Lara any false pretences.

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