Middle Earth Virtual Tours
Author's Note: I'm not very familiar with Rohan, which was why this took longer and, sadly, may not be as humourous. Replies to reviews will be given later as the Author is currently feeling a bit nervous having to introduce a place which she is not very familiar with.
Disclaimer: see first chapter.
Rohan
Welcome, everyone to one of the lands of Men and perhaps the safest city in Middle Earth as there are no high places that warrants the need to have railings. Horse lovers will absolutely love it here, but unfortunately, none of us are allowed to settle in here because none of us speak their tongue and cannot thus convince King Eomer of our harmlessness, especially as certain rumours on fanfiction claim that the King has had encounters with Mary Sues. Do note, however, that some of the residents here know a little of the English language, particularly things related to horses, so please refrain from saying that you would like to eat anything which word has 'horse' in it, from horse meat itself to horse radishes. You will not be looked upon kindly and may be asked to leave. Once all of us are clear on that point, we will now proceed with the tour.
Fangorn Forest
We start off this tour in the outskirts of Rohan, a very important patch of woodlands known as Fangorn Forest. It is rumored that the trees in this Forest are able to move about, a rumour confirmed true as a an Explorer filmed a tree carrying two hobbits around. In addition, security cameras at Isengard have also filmed trees bringing down the city, thus further confirming this fact. Here, we advice you not to brandish any sharp pointy objects in the shape of an axe, or we won't be responsible if a tree attempts to kidnap you. Unfortunately, we cannot promise you that you will be able to meet an Ent, being a highly endangered species; however, if you have any news of female Ents, you may say that out loud to increase your chances of catching a glimpse of Ents moving. For those of you who wish to grow taller, you may attempt to drink from the Entwash river, though the effects may vary as we are not hobbits and this is not the strongest of Ent-draughts. We regret to say that as none of us at the agency are Ent experts, we are not able to point out to you the exact tree which Merry and Pippin was on. You may try to take a picture by climbing on random trees, but given the lighting in here, it will be surprising if your picture turns out better than patches of black ink.
Gap of Rohan
The Gap is essentially just the entrance into Rohan that is flanked by two hills. It was here that the former Prince of Rohan, Theodred, fell, so it holds a certain place in each Rohirrim's heart. It was also here that Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli first met King Eomer, who was exiled at that time. Random travellers who happened to pass by at that time remarked that the encircling feat by the soldiers was truly excellent and reminded them of a certain LOTR spin off where the horses stood on two legs and danced around the trio. It was also a difficult feat to have everyone pointing spears at three people without accidentally spearing any of their own kind. The first conversation between the two parties was less than courteous, though the Author felt that King Eomer is not the one responsible as he has the right to question the three trespassers and be suspicious of them after being chased out of Rohan for being loyal to the King.
Helms Deep
This is the place where most of the action in The Two Towers took place. It is said that this place is one of the best fortresses in Middle Earth, but looking at the map, one cannot help but wonder why the fortress is nearer to the entrance of Rohan than Edoras itself. Contrary to popular belief, the Battle at Helms Deep did not see the arrival of Lothlorien elven archers, and Haldir most certainly did not die there, for he is currently enjoying his time in Lothlorien. Legolas also did not slide down a shield because that would just have exposed him as a better target, being the only glowing form that can surf shields. However, businessmen in Rohan have taken this money making opportunity and have set up a shield surfing stall, so for those of you who would like to try out shield surfing, you may do so, though the agency is not responsible for any broken bones and emptied purses.
Amidst all these rumors, at least one thing is true: the rather childish game of killing orcs between Gimli and Legolas did take place in the Battle. For those who have seen the Extended version of the Battle of Helms Deep adaptation, Gimli won the game, though it must be said that Legolas, being a gracious elf Prince and the one with more fangirls, did not begrudge him for it. However, it should be wondered why only 40 plus orcs were killed by each of them, seeing as the Battle must have taken place for more than 6 hours, and so averaging about 1 Orc every 10 minutes when Legolas can fire an arrow accurately in a minute. Perhaps they forgot to count the number of orcs killed when Legolas pushed the ladder away from the wall, or did that just counts as one? Or was that someone else? Nevertheless, we will stop here for now to take some pictures and, for the more adventurous ones, try out shield surfing.
Rohan (city)
A typical countryside village, the houses in Edoras are mostly made out of wood and span across a large area. Restoration work is still taking place after a large part of it was pillaged and burnt, so if any of you are able to give a helping hand, please sign up here. Your contributions will be taken into consideration should you eventually decide to apply to stay in Rohan, though you will have to build your own house. Also, by signing up to help out for the restoration programme, you might just be able to slip into the royal horse barns and take a picture of Eomer's horse since the city is contributing all its horses for manual work in a bid to clean up the village as soon as possible.
The Golden Hall
Undoubtedly the grandest house in Edoras although possibly the least grand of all the royal houses in appearance in Middle Earth, the Golden Hall has just about every thing a person needs except for light in some important rooms; indeed, even a small fireplace in the healing room was unable to light up the entire room. Considering how important light is, the technicians in Edoras have invented a new lighting device and will be installed soon, making the healing rooms as bright as the hall itself for practical purposes. Amongst the numerous things the House is changing, the King has specially installed new ropes to tie flags to their respective poles to prevent any flags from flying off and breaking people's hearts at appropriate times.
As we enter the throne room, you will undoubtedly be drawn to the new display corner only recently established by the King featuring the important swords in battle. The one at the top is Herugrim, King Theoden's sword, and the two swords to its left and right is Guthwine, Eomer's sword and the sword Eowyn used to kill the Witch King, respectively. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to touch them, but should you like a replica, you may purchase one just outside the Hall for one gold piece.
We will proceed to the dining hall now for lunch, where the best and most representative dishes of Rohan will be served soon. If you would like to pose as Aragorn, Legolas or Gimli when they had their meal here, please do so quickly so that the rest of the tour members and I do not have to starve. Yes, this is a free service because you have already paid for it together with the meal you are about to have. Before we leave you to savour the delicacies of Rohan, the agency regrets to say that its sole employee will be extremely busy with work from now and will, for a long time, be unable to bring you anywhere. I hope you have had a good time with us, and do subscribe and follow us to get the latest update of this agency. Should you have any tips or feedback to improve our tour packages, please contact the employee by clicking on the review button.
Middle Earth Virtual Tours: the only tour that is free, fast and 100% safe. Maybe.
Replies to reviews :)
Thank you all for reviewing! I realised that many of you mentioned that Shelob wasn't actually killed. Oops. I guess she was playing dead at that time then. Lucky she didn't decide to eat us all alive at that moment. Must have been all the Torchlights :) Oh, and roasting marshmallows are welcomed, but as the Author has accidentally set a marshmallow on fire before, she decided to have them delivered separately so that she doesn't set all of them on fire accidentally.
To icprncss: Yes, I suppose it would have been eight and a half ringwraiths. However, certain rumours on fanfiction have claimed that Sauron might have been able to revive the Witch King, making it nine and a half ringwraiths.
To Lily Lindsey-Aubrey: Sauron is pleased that you liked his colours. He has always thought red and black was rather fashionable. I hope you enjoyed this tour to Rohan!
To horseyyay: Oh deary a minion! Well at least we survived :) I'm sure Frodo will be able to cope well, or the story will have to be re-written.
To sian22: Oh wow, a geologist! *bows down* Thanks for pointing out the errors, I never knew about all that! Haha, I am glad you enjoyed the trip although we risked vaporization :P
To KathyG: :O Where would you like to do then? The Author might consider bringing people around during her holidays :)
To Mirlasse: I'm looking forward to your story! Yes, Elrond and Isildur never went into Mount Doom, which is why that was merely a rumour :)
To OneSizeFitsAll: I hope you managed to take a peek into the room and join us on this tour :) Thanks for supporting and loving these trips :)
To Teapot of transformation: Another consistent supporter for mine :) Thanks so much for your review!
To Aria Breuer: A lake? Now that is interesting, given the temperature of Mordor. Yes, unfortunately we need fire proof suits in case any of us decide to come in close contact with the lava. Thanks for liking this story!
To ccgaylord: The Author wanted to visit the tower at first, but as she was planning the tour to the tower, an orc spot her, so for safety sake, she decided to steer off that venue. Thanks for enjoying the tour!
To Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant: I hope you took pictures of Shelob! Maybe you can pet a miniature figurine of her sold at the outskirts of Mordor instead. And I look forward to your updates :)