A/N: Disclaimer time – The characters aren't mine, the things they do in this story are!
Interlude ~ Edward
I would always be amazed, when I came to think of that morning later, that no one saw me running flat out from Charlie's house with Bella in my arms. All thoughts of our attempts to stay inconspicuous fled the moment Bella fell unconscious.
When she'd fainted in the hospital, her first day back in Forks, it hadn't been pleasant, but it also hadn't been unexpected. I could smell the blood of Carlisle's incoming patient well enough to know the faint was coming. Standing out of her range of vision, I was still close enough to catch her before she hit the floor.
This morning, however, was quite different. I was as in the dark as I'd ever been around Bella. In the dark and suddenly feeling what could only be described as blind panic. Not for the first time, I cursed my inability to penetrate the veil that covered her mind. All I had to go on was the pain I'd seen in her eyes and the last words she'd said to me.
Thinking of nothing else but her, I'd snatched her up into my arms and jumped straight out her bedroom window. Then I ran straight to Carlisle.
They were, naturally, waiting for us. My family was crowded around the front door, well Rosalie wasn't there, but I hadn't expected her. Alice was the first to reach me.
"You need to answer your phone, Edward. Why even carry it if—"
My snarl of anger stopped her tirade mid-stream. I pushed past her without a look, running straight to where Carlisle was waiting for me, Alice, Emmett, Esme and Jasper following behind.
"What happened?" he asked, his arms reaching for Bella. I snarled again and he lowered his arms, settling instead for pointing to the sofa. I laid her there, setting a pillow under her head and seating myself on the floor beside her. I didn't relinquish her hand.
I heard the frantic and worried thoughts of my family and tried to find a way past the dread and panic in my own mind to answer them.
"Everything was fine. Just fine. Bella was upset over knowing only bits and pieces of her past and we were planning to spend the day together, to see what else we could uncover. She was in her closet, gathering up clothes to change into. Next thing I know, she's gasping, moaning in pain. I got to her just as she—" I broke off and glared at Carlisle, answering his thought, "no, she didn't fall or hit her head in there. There was nothing more than the sounds of clothes coming off hangers. When I got to her, she was clutching at her head, managed to tell me it hurt and then she..."
I broke off then, unable to continue along that track. Besides, it was quite clear what had happened next with Bella lying unconscious before us. I turned to glare at Alice. "You called me. What did you see? And why didn't you see it before this happened?" I snapped out the last with acid coating each of my words.
Alice, too accustomed to my temper to be affected, spoke clearly. "It came out of nowhere, Edward. I saw her fall, nothing more. I'm not as tuned to her as I once was. It's getting clearer, but she's still hard for me to see. I called the second I saw it, but..." she trailed off, her worried eyes on Bella. I had to work hard to remember that Alice loved her, too.
"I've got your bag, Carlisle." This was Emmett and I looked up at him. I was surprised to see Alice's concern mirrored on his face, but perhaps I shouldn't have been. Emmett had always liked Bella, almost as happy as Alice, Carlisle and Esme to have her back in our lives again. Rosalie, I knew, could have cared less. Jasper was. Well, he was Jasper. Having a human around was difficult for him, but it made Alice happy and that was all he needed to find a way to welcome her.
"Edward, you need to move if I'm going to examine her," he held up a hand in a flash move human eyes would never have caught, "and I'd appreciate if you didn't snarl at me again."
It was difficult, but I did as he asked. My fingers trailed up her arm, brushed her hair back from her forehead and then down her other arm as I shifted position onto the back of the couch. I couldn't break contact with her; I needed to feel the warmth of her skin under my fingers. It was the only thing keeping me sane.
I listened to Carlisle's evaluation as he worked over her and ended up just as confused as he was when we came to the same conclusion. There was nothing physically wrong with Bella.
"Except that she's unconscious," I said aloud.
"Yes, apart from that. All we can do is wait, Edward."
"Alice?" I said, looking over my shoulder at my sister.
I saw her eyes unfocus, listened to her mind as she searched the immediate future and we both sighed at the same time. Nothing. There was nothing to see, just Bella lying on the couch. The only difference between what she'd seen and what we saw now was the monitor and IV line attached to her.
"What does that mean?" I asked through clenched teeth.
"Her decision isn't made, Edward. Whatever's happening, it isn't physical, as Carlisle said. Her mind has closed down and until she decides to rejoin us, there's nothing we can do."
She didn't have to explain the monitor or the IV, I knew what those meant well enough.
"Bella," I said softly, my body leaning protectively over her, my cheek resting on her chest. And tried to let the soothing sound of her heartbeat act as panacea to my panic.
*~*~*~*~*
Bella.
The first thing that came back to me was feeling. Several feelings. Soft. Hard. Warm. Cold. Comfortable. Secure. I looked around for their cause, but there was no one with me. No one was holding me, no hands touched or soothed me. I was alone.
But I'd always been alone. Hadn't I?
I looked down at my body, amazed to see it not in shorts or cut-offs, not in the old sweats I preferred when hanging around the house. I was wearing a white, flowing dress. That was strange. I didn't own anything like this. Had Renee been forcing girl clothes on me again?
I looked around, but there was nothing there – just me, and an odd, swirling white mist. Nothing and no one. I was alone, but I wasn't afraid. The secure feeling was still there. I felt safe. A dream, then? It must be.
I remembered the pain then. Blinding, crippling pain that brought me to my knees and sapped everything from me as my body struggled to accept it. I searched for it, but came up empty. The pain was gone and I felt perfectly fine.
There was a glimmer of light ahead of me. I was sure it hadn't been there a moment before, so I moved towards it, curious. I didn't trip once, not even over the flowing fabric that tangled in my legs as I walked. Right, I was definitely dreaming.
It's been two days.
I frowned at the words that echoed off the dense mist surrounding me. Two days since what? I didn't know. The words made no sense, the voice unfamiliar. I listened for more, but there was nothing. Just the peaceful silence of my dream. I kept walking.
The light got brighter as I approached. It was a lamp, sitting on a desk in a small room. My room. Not the plain, childlike one in Forks, but my bedroom in Renee's house in Jacksonville. I frowned and looked around. Then I gasped.
"What...?"
I stopped because I didn't know how to ask what I wanted to know. How did you question yourself? Because it was me, sitting at my little desk in Renee's house. I was wearing the shorts I'd expected to see on my body when I'd awakened. The other me was smiling, not a happy smile, though. This expression looked more like pity.
"Hello, Bella," she said.
"Who...who are you?" It seemed a stupid thing to ask, but I asked anyway.
"I'm you, of course. In a manner of speaking," she answered.
"What does that mean?"
"I'm a part of you, a part of your mind. I'm the one that shields you from certain…outside influences." Then she reached into the pocket of her shorts and drew out something. It was a key ring.
A key ring? Why would she...I?...be holding a key ring? What would I possibly want to unlock?
The doors! Realization brought with it not only a host of images I couldn't quite grasp, but a need that ached in every part of me. My past, my memories.
I gasped and darted forward, trying to snatch it from her hand.
"I don't think so, Bella. You're not ready yet."
"The hell I'm not," I shouted back. "Those are my memories you're keeping from me. I want them back."
"Do you?" she asked, twirling the metal ring around her finger. "Then why haven't they all come back on their own then? They've been here all along, you know."
What's going on?
I'm not sure, she's mumbling something, but I can't make sense of it.
You said she talks in her sleep?
Yes, she does.
Edward. I knew the voice now. Knew it, embraced it, and yearned for it. My mind called up a myriad of pictures of his beautiful face and I felt like crying. I'd just found him again. Where was he? Why wasn't he with me?
My head whipped around but there was no one else in the room. But he had to be close if I could hear him. Right? Where was I? The last thing I remembered was...was...my closet. And music. And...
The pain came back, pressing on my temples like someone had caught my head in a vise. I moaned and clutched my head.
"Stop, please," I whispered. "Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because you're making the same mistakes, Bella. Your mind knows this. That's why it hurts, don't you see? Most people run away from pain, find a way to avoid it. Your mind is telling you that what you're doing will only lead to more. This," she twirled the key ring again, "will only lead to more."
"I want them back," I said through the increasing pressure in my mind.
"They disappeared for a reason."
"Why? Why can't I remember?" Something stirred behind the ache in my head. "...the poison?" That wasn't the right word, but it was close, so I went with it. "Didn't that...?"
"Does it matter? It's not like he'll ever let that happen again, ever let you be with him. He's too dangerous to you, he knows that. He left you, didn't he? Left you in Phoenix, stayed away when you came back to Forks? Hardly the actions of someone who claims to be unable to live without you."
An awful sound filled the air between us, a loud banging like a door being thrown open in a windstorm and I heard Edward's voice. Not the soft echo through the mist like before, but deep and real. This could only be a memory.
I don't think that that would be possible for us. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you.
I might not be a human, but I am a man.
"Don't you see, Bella? Do you really think anyone could live without that part of their life?"
"But he said...he said it was..." I couldn't think, couldn't remember what he'd said. Those memories were blurring now, too. I could hear, somewhere far behind me, the sounds of doors softly closing.
The memories were all blurring, even the ones I'd recovered.
No. No, no, no, no. The single denial was a scream in my head. I turned from the woman in front of me and stumbled off away from her, away from the pain. And tried to find a way out.
The blackness swallowed me again.
*~*~*~
Interlude ~ Edward
I watched the monitor's frantic beat steady, tracked every blip of her heart rate correspond with the beats I heard in her chest. I consoled myself that she could hear my soothing words, wherever she was, but I also knew I was a master at lying, even to myself. Carlisle hadn't given me good odds that my words penetrated into her unconscious mind. I didn't care. I still spoke to her, tried to soothe her when her distress registered in her pulse rate.
I could also hear Alice, sitting across the room from me. I didn't look up when her thoughts intruded into my vigil. It was just more of the same. Her latest attempt to see into Bella's future had found nothing different than the sight she saw in the present. I told myself this was a good thing, as it meant her condition wasn't deteriorating, but it was a very cold comfort.
Because Bella was still locked in her own mind.
I'd been here, right here, for two days. Two long, excruciating days with nothing to show for it but the completion of Alice's vision the day I arrived with her unconscious body in my arms. Bella was now hooked to an IV and monitor to track her physical well being and keep her body hydrated and functioning. I'd questioned the monitor – why bother if we could hear her heart just fine? But Carlisle had explained as he hooked it to her that there were other medical reasons for the monitor. Blood pressure, tracking trends in the increase of heart rate, and so on. I didn't pay much attention to the specific reasons. I knew the basics.
He was keeping her body healthy while her mind struggled.
I had only left her side once, for as long as it took me to call Charlie and explain that Bella had collapsed at my house and that she would be with us until she recovered. Carlisle had taken over then, lying through his teeth about the inadvisability of moving her in such a state. Charlie had accepted this, or at least pretended to.
Charlie Swan wasn't a stupid man, just a practical one. I could see into his mind, but only vaguely, like a radio out of tune. I knew he suspected something was off about us, but at the same time, he did nothing to voice those suspicions. From what I was able to gather, he'd chosen early on to simply not think about it too much. And, like his daughter, he stuck to his decisions.
I wondered then, as I did sometimes during the long, dark nights while Bella mumbled next to me, about the complexities of their minds. I'd never encountered anything like them. Humans, for the most part, were fairly simple to read. Simple and straightforward. The Swans...weren't. From Bella's closed mind to Charlie's ability to compartmentalize things he didn't want to think about...
Compartmentalize. What was it Bella had said? That she thought her memories were locked behind doors in her mind? Doors. Compartments.
And now Bella was locked behind those doors too, locked away from me.
I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead. "Find your way back to me, love. Find the key."
*~*~*~*~
Find your way back to me. Find the key.
"Edward?"
His voice. I could hear his voice, but it sounded so far away. An echo. My arms reached out instinctively, fingers searching through the haze. But there was nothing around me but smoke and mist.
The pain was gone again, as was the blackness. It was light again and I could see the bright spot in the distance. I didn't move towards it this time. There was only pain there. Pain and no answers.
I needed answers. Quickly. The longer I stayed in this...dream?...whatever it was, the more I lost.
As I walked through the great swirls that parted for me easily while I moved, I talked to myself to fill the silence. I called out to the echoing voice of Edward that reached me occasionally and recounted the memories I was losing the longer I remained in this cloudbank.
Had it been Edward in my hospital room? Or just a confused orderly?
"No," I said aloud, "it was Edward. Waiting for me to wake up. He didn't leave my side."
What was it the Cullens called themselves? Herbivores? That didn't seem right.
"Vegetarians," I said again, my fingers itching for a pen and paper. Or even just a pen. I could write these truths on my dress if I had to – anything to keep the rapidly fading memories with me.
There was something about my hand, too. Something wrong with it. I held both up, focusing on them through the mist, but there was nothing there; nothing out of the ordinary, anyway. Ten fingers, ten short rounded nails. A freckle on the back of one hand, my right.
"No. That's not right. That's not…there should be…something there. Where is it? Where's the…Where is it?" I was almost screaming the words now, panic flooding through me.
What's happening?
I'm not sure. She started thrashing around just now. Nearly pulled the IV line out.
Listen to her heart, it's out of control.
It happened once before. Bella, love, it's all right, you're safe. I'm here.
The memory came back, clear and sharp. A crescent shape on my right hand. I looked down, and there it was. Clear as it had ever been. My fingers searched it out and stroked it. I exhaled, my body calmed.
My scar. James' bite mark. I closed my eyes and saw the picture again, Edward's lips covering my skin, the pain of the venom waning as my consciousness drifted away.
Out of nowhere I felt a cold pressure on my left hand. No, that wasn't right. It was cold, that much was true, but it was warm, too. Warmth that lingered and spread through me. But this was a good burning, like standing in front of a fire on a cold night. My body hummed from the heat of it and my eyes cleared. I could see through the mists, see through the clouds that had blocked my path and sent me wandering aimlessly.
I was in a hallway. A corridor.
It was lined with doors.
~*~*~*~
Interlude – Edward
"Doors."
The single word, spoken so softly I knew even Alice and Emmett, sitting across the room from me, hadn't heard it. It was the first intelligible thing Bella had said. I was so accustomed to the indistinct mumblings that I hadn't recognized the word for what it was at first.
I drew in a breath through my clenched teeth when I did.
"Edward?" Alice asked. I waved her question away.
"That's right, Bella. Doors. Find the doors. Open them."
"Can't," her voice was still the soft murmur, but it filled me with a hope I hadn't felt in days. I wanted to speak again, but her lips were still moving. I went completely motionless, my entire being focused on the girl in front of me.
I waited, watching her lips move. "Locked."
I leaned down towards her, my hand on her chest to feel the increased rate of her heart beneath my fingers. Softly, I pressed my lips to her forehead.
"Can you find the keys?" I asked, low in her ear.
Nothing. Her lips were still.
"Bella?"
No response. Just the steady beat of her heart. Bella was quiet again.
I straightened, sighing. So close. Every time she moved or thrashed I allowed myself the hope that she was coming out of it. I hadn't realized how much I'd pinned on this hope until she went silent again. Silent and still as... No. I refused to let my mind go in that direction. She was going to come out of this.
I waited for another word, another sign from her, but there was nothing; just her slow deep breathing and the even, stable heartbeat beneath my hand.
"Come back to me, Bella. Please."
~*~*~*~*
Tears poured unrestrained down my cheeks as I stared at the corridor. My hands were red and raw, my shoulders ached, and I was breathing as if I'd run miles. My efforts, however, had been for absolutely nothing. Ever door along the corridor remained closed tight. Not one of them had so much as budged no matter how hard I pushed, pulled, kicked or shoved.
Please.
"I'm trying," I whispered back.
"Then why aren't any of them open?"
My head whipped up. She was back. The sneering version of me was standing at the other end of the corridor. She grinned at me, twirling her key ring around her finger again.
A burst of anger filled me and I pushed myself off the floor, intent on nothing more than rushing her and wrenching the keys from her by force. But before I could take two steps, I heard the voices again. Everything stopped. Even me.
I'm not leaving.
Edward, you've been sitting her for three days. I'll sit with her for a while.
Alice.
Edward.
The voices stopped with nothing more than a vague growling. The silence left in its wake was familiar for this place – wherever I was. I'd given up on the dream idea a while ago. If I was truly dreaming, I'd be awake by now.
I looked across to the other me at the end of the long line of corridors, my brow puckering when I saw the expression on her face. It was twisted like mine, but with an edge to it. I tried to fathom what her look meant; it looked almost like fear.
Then the music started. Soft, sweet. A song I'd never heard before…or had I? I had no real ear for classical music, I only knew the songs Renee played and of those I only ever remembered my favorites. This piece bore no resemblance to anything I'd heard Renee play.
It haunted the corridor, bounced off the mist surrounding us. Or, rather, me. When I looked for the other woman, she was gone. I was alone again; alone with the corridor and the doors and no keys – alone with my frustration. My hands came up to cover my face, to wipe away the tears coursing again down my cheeks.
It's all right, Bella. We're all right here. We miss you.
It was Alice's voice, her high soprano voice recognizable even in this gloomy place. I clung to it, tried to hold it to me, but I could no more grasp it than I could get one of the doors open.
Another voice then. Deeper, familiar, but with the same velvet quality I knew so well. Emmett.
Why're you playing Esme's song? If you're gonna play, play Bella's.
There was a sharp hiss somewhere close to me. Almost like a gasp. The quality of it made me think of Alice. I knew I was right when she spoke again.
Do it, Edward! Play it!
I heard it then, the change in the music filling the corridor, filling the very mist around me. It filled me, too. I felt it from the tips of my toes, spreading through my body until it was a part of me.
That's when the shaking started. I couldn't tell at first if it was me or the corridor where I sat, unable to move. The pain came back next, the same crippling pain I'd felt in my closet, in the room with the other me. I cried out, clutching my head, but it didn't leave. I didn't fall into the black again.
The music continued through the shaking and the pain. The music was the cause, there was no other explanation. I'd been fine before the music came. Fine.
But was I? No. I'd been far from fine, locked in this swirling mist hell and away from the people I loved. Locked away from Edward.
Edward. Thinking of him, his brilliant, beautiful eyes, his cold, comforting touch, the glass-smooth feel of his lips when he kissed me, the musical quality of his voice, his long fingers as they moved effortlessly over black and white piano keys when he played my...
Another shudder ripped through the corridor, jarring me back to the present. I stared around wildly. There was no place to go. I tried to stand, to reach for the doors again, to search for a way out, but I couldn't move.
Little tendrils of mist were now inching towards me. I saw them swirl around my ankles, but my legs wouldn't move. I looked up, trying to find the source, and my breath froze in my chest. It wasn't the white mist I'd grown used to seeing here, this time. The mass coming for me was black. Storm cloud black. Like the sky in Forks just before a big rain, the type that always threatened to wash the whole town into the ocean.
"No," I said softly, barely audible over the rise of the pain in my head, the music in my ears or the thundering shake of the corridor around me.
The mist continued forward and I screamed.
"NO!"
The answering crash was deafening. It cleaved through the pain and I felt my head split in two from the force of it. My hands flattened over my skull to try and keep it in one piece.
Then, like a crack of thunder from the approaching storm, every door in front of me burst wide open.
And I fell, tumbling through the mist and the black and the nothingness of where I was. Edward's name wrenched from my lips, from my very soul, tugging at me, tethering me, pulling me through the dark and pain.
Until I landed, soft and silent, with nothing but a steady beep to welcome me home.