Here is chapter 3. Sorry if there are any spelling or gramer mistakes. I tried to catch them all but I am sure i missed a few. I don't have anyone right now to proof read for me.

I hope you like this chapter. It was a hard one to write.

I don't own twilight, but i would love to own Edward!!

I drove in a daze down the highway, before I knew it I was on the familiar dirt road that led to no where. I got out of my truck grabbing my backpack and throwing it over my shoulder and started walking in the direction where I knew I would find the meadow, our meadow.

I tried not to think about what I was about to do, but I was still shaking, so I thought about Edward and the last time I was here with him. I had hung onto his back with my arms tightly wrapped around his neck. I used to marvel at the way we would fly through the forest never hitting a tree, but Edward always assured me he had good reflexes. Those times spent with Edward, were the happiest times in my life.

I also thought about the last time I was here with Jake. We weren't flying through the forest at top speeds, rather just walking and enjoying each others company. Jake never got impatient with my slow human speed either. Those were good times, anytime I had my own personal sun with me I was happy and content.

I didn't need a map anymore to find the meadow, I had come here several times on my own. I never told Jake, I didn't want to explain why this place was special. I knew that would hurt him, but for some reason I felt closer to Edward here. It wasn't the same without him, but it was a place I could come and day dream with out interruption.

The run in I had with Laurent here did not scare me away. In fact it did the opposite. It pulled me in wanting and hoping I would run into another vampire. Any vampire at that point. I needed to be reminded that vampires really did exist and that Edward wasn't just a figment of my dreams.

The forest was loud with life, I could hear the birds humming in the trees and critters running along the forest floor, it no longer seemed scary to me. I continued walking through the tree's, the brush loud beneath my steps. I knew I had been walking for several miles and the meadow would soon appear.

A few minutes later I walked through the arch created by two vine maples pushing through low brush into the meadow- our meadow.

It was just how I had been remembering it, I still marveled at it's perfect symmetrical circle. I took in it exquisite beauty as thoughts of Edward rushed into my head.

I walked a little deeper into the meadow to the spot where Edward and I would always lay together. We would lay there for hours just looking deep into each others eyes and holding each other close. I loved it when it would be a sunny day and I could watch him sparkle in the sun light. He was like a diamond, a beautiful diamond. When the sun would hit him the right way, he would cast tiny magnificent rainbows off his body.

When I thought about a diamond, I remembered Jakes ring. I threw my backpack down and sat next to it, I pulled Jakes ring from my front pocket and examined it closely. Reading and rereading the words that were in scripted in it. I imagined him putting the ring on my finger looking deep in my eyes, I could picture us on our wedding day, saying I do, our first kiss as husband and wife. I laughed to myself at the thought of shoving cake into each others faces, I am sure that would have gotten messy. I could picture sweet little dark hair, russet skinned babies, growing up on the reservation, playing down on the beach, running off into the forest to be like their dad.

Everything that could have been, but never would be, at least not with me. I wasn't the girl Jacob Black was meant to marry.

I took out the pills from my backpack along with the vodka. I took a deep breath and opened the pill bottle, stuck two pills in my mouth and chased them with a big swig of vodka. It made my stomach burn and sent a chill up my back. I never really drank much before. Every now and then, Jake and I would have a romantic picnic dinner down on the beach and he would always have a bottle of wine. He wasn't twenty-one yet so I just assumed Sam had bought it for him. I would only have a glass or two, cause I didn't have a very high tolerance for alcohol and that was enough to make me tipsy.

I wonder what Edward would think if he knew I killed myself. Would he even care? Probably not, not after what he said to me the day he left. He made it clear he did not want me anymore and that he didn't love me, But that didn't matter, I still love him, I always would.

Edward had become my whole world, how could he expect me to just move on like he never existed? I tried to, I really gave my all to Jake. I wasn't whole to begin with but I tried to love Jake. I did love Jake but he saw through my whole façade. He knew how much I still loved Edward, yet, he still wanted me, cold and broken. I just couldn't understand it. I hated myself for how much I must have really hurt Jake.

I was starting to feel a little light headed and dizzy from the Vicodin. I took another big swig of the vodka and cringed. I took 2 more Vicodin chasing it with even more vodka. I wondered how many pills I would need to take for it to work. I filled my mind with thoughts of Edward and swallowed two more pills.

It didn't take long for the whole meadow to start spinning violently. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my mom would take me to the state fair. She always insisted we rode the Spinning Thunder right after stuffing our mouths with funnel cake and nachos.

I was starting to feel a bit nauseous, so I laid down. My heart was racing and I had sweat dripping down my body. My stomach felt sick, but I tried to ignore it. I continued to dream about Edward and the life we could have had. The hole in my heart was throbbing at this point from letting all the painful memories of my true love into my head.

I had opened the flood gates, there was no turning back. Ever memory of Edward that I had tucked away into my subconscious when I was trying not to remember came rushing back in. His butterscotch eyes, his crooked smile, his sweet smell. His beautiful velvet voice, his thick bronze hair. The way he would hold me while I slept and the way he hummed my lullaby to me night after night.

My body felt heavy and I could tell the end was near. I felt my self slipping, my eyes getting heavy. The darkness trying to grab a hold of me dragging me to the depth of unconsciousness. I didn't care, I just kept thinking of Edward and even Jake. They had both stolen my heart then broke it to pieces, from that I could never recover. I forced myself to take two more pills and another large shot of the vodka.

I was sinking in to the darkness never to return. Just as my eyes were about to close, I saw Edwards face. It was very blurry, but their was no way I could ever forget his beautiful face. I knew I must be dreaming, but I didn't care, this was exactly how I wanted to die.

"Bella! Oh God no please Bella!" I could hear my angel calling me. It was just like all the other times I put myself in danger, this was no different, all a product of my subconscious, this however was the best hallucination I have had yet. I could see his radiant face, even through my blurry vision his face was still beautiful.

"Bella, what have you done? Why would you do this to yourself? Please Bella stay with me." It felt like Edward was holding me the way he used to. Cradling me to his chest.

"Please Bella, open your eyes, stay with me." Edward told me

I was trying to do what my imaginary Edward told me, just so I could continue seeing his face, but it was hard. My eyes were so heavy, I tried to look at him one last time before the darkness over took me. It felt like I was flying. Maybe I was on my way to the after life. I wondered if I would be going to Heaven.

"I love you Edward, I am sorry. I will always love you." I told the imaginary Edward.

The last thing I heard was the beautiful velvet voice scream "Bella No! I love you too."

Then it was gone. Everything was gone except the eternal darkness that surrounded me.

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