Chapter 4! Hope you are enjoying it so far. Please don't forget to review and let me know what you think of it so far. It is just getting started!
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Beep, Beep, Beep…..
I was cold and my body felt heavy. Even though my eyes were closed, I still felt dizzy and I was slightly nauseated. I tried to open my eyes, but they were too heavy to even blink.
Beep, Beep, Beep….
I wasn't sure where I was, heaven or hell. I remembered what I had done, so I figured I was dead. It was a very peaceful way to die, hearing the soft velvet voice call my name and seeing his beautiful face, even though it was a little blurry. What isn't very peaceful is that damn beeping sound. Where was it coming from?
Beep, Beep, Beep….
I really wanted to open my eyes to see where I was. I wanted to see where I would be spending the rest of eternity, but I couldn't. I couldn't even move, so I just laid there and listened.
Beep, Beep, Beep.
That beeping was seriously getting on my nerves. I wanted to yell for someone to do something about it, but I couldn't open my mouth. It was an oddly familiar sound, but I couldn't figure out where I heard it before. Everything felt disorienting, I could hear what sounded like someone breathing I think. It was soft and even. I wanted to look to see who was breathing so close to me, but I couldn't budge.
Just then I heard the sound of a door creak open and someone walked in and shut the door swiftly but quietly behind them.
"Is she going to be o.k.?" Asked a smooth velvet voice. "When is she going to wake up? She has been asleep for over 24 hours."
I waited to hear the response, but no one answered. The velvet voice sounded very upset, I could hear the pain in his voice and I wondered who he was talking about.
"Yes, I know she is very lucky, I don't understand what she was thinking. Why would she do this to herself? This isn't Bella, Bella is to smart to want to kill herself."
The voice, the sweet familiar sounding velvet voice, was talking about me. As beautiful as his voice was, it held so much agony and despair. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, tell him I was ok. If eternity was going to be spent with the velvet voice, I was happy that I did what I did. Maybe this is heaven.
"Yes, I know. She is very lucky." said the velvet voice. " I am just glad I got to her in time."
It was silent, then the velvet voice responded to a silent question. "Yes, I will call for you when she wakes up. This is all my fault." It sounded like the person talking was now sobbing.
I heard the door open and close again. I could still hear the breathing of the person that the velvet voice belonged to, however it was much for ragged then before. Whoever was not talking must have been the one to leave the room. Maybe it was God that had come to check in on me. Maybe God could just put thoughts in your head so he didn't have to communicate out loud. I wish I knew what he had said, I wish I knew who belonged to the velvet voice. It must have been an angel with a voice that was so sweet, but why was this his fault? I am the one who killed myself.
Beep, Beep, Beep…..
Damn that beeping, is driving me crazy. I willed my eyes to flutter open. The room was very bright and it was hurting my eyes. I blinked rapidly trying to adjust my eyes to the bright lights. Once I could see clearly, I realized I was staring up at a ceiling with one long fluorescent light. I tried to sit up quickly but something was in my way restricting my movements.
"Bella! Oh God Bella, don't move, just lie down." It was the voice, I was finally going to see who the sweet velvet voice belonged to.
I turned my head towards the voice and I was staring into the most dazzling pair of amber eyes, they seemed so familiar. I stared deep into his eyes for what seemed like hours, I am sure it was only minutes, but I couldn't get enough of them. They reminded me of Edward, I must be in heaven.
"Bella, how do you feel?" I looked down to the mouth of the velvet voice. His lips looked smooth, perfect and delicious. Part of me wanted to sit up just to taste them. I couldn't talk, only stare at this perfect creature. I took in every inch of his face, it was so exquisite. His bronze hair was mused and hung a little onto his forehead, he looked just liked Edward.
What was Edward doing in heaven? Was he just a figment of my imagination I brought with me? He must be, but I wanted to touch him to make sure. I lifted my hand to try to touch my imaginary Edward, but I got tangled up in something. I really didn't want to take my eyes away from the beautiful creature standing next to me, but I wanted to see what was keeping me from touching him.
I looked down and saw a bunch of tubes and wires attached to me, it looked like I had an IV in my hand. At that moment everything seemed to click, the annoying beeping that I had heard before, the bright room that was just like a hospital room, and the IV that was stuck in my hand. I wasn't dead, I was in the hospital.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no! Shit! This isn't happening!" I said out loud scrambling to try and get out of bed. I had failed, I failed at killing my self. Wow, how pathetic was I, I couldn't even kill myself right.
"Bella, what do you think you are doing? Lie back down right now." The velvet voice demanded.
Wait a minute, I thought. I must be dreaming cause that beautiful god next to me is Edward. Wow, I must really be losing it, I must really have an over active imagination. He seems so real. Again I tried to touch him but all the tubes got in my way again, so I just stared.
Edward put his hand on my forehead. I flinched at how real he felt, how cold he was. I looked at his face, he was staring at me with so much pain in his eyes it hurt me. Why did he look so upset? I wanted to make his pain go away, I wished there was something I could do to make him feel better.
"Bella, will you say something? What were you thinking? Why would you take so many pills?" Edward asked searching my face.
"You are so realistic. My dreams have never been so vivid, I hope I never wake up." I said more to myself than the imaginary Edward.
"Bella, love, you are not dreaming. I am real, I am really here. Please Bella tell me why you tried to kill yourself." Edward asked pushing some hair out of my face.
What was he talking about? He wasn't real, he couldn't be. Edward left me because he didn't love me any more so why would he be here now? Edward was off pursuing his distractions, this was my way of torturing myself even more. I guess I could play along, I didn't want him to disappear so maybe if I continue talking he will stay fresh in my mind. I would just humor my imagination.
"I tried to kill myself because I couldn't take the pain any longer. Everything just hurt too much. First you rip a whole through my heart by leaving me, then Jacob goes off and imprints on some random girl who is now his soul mate. It all just hurt too much." I could feel the tears starting to spill over onto my cheeks. As much as this dream was going to haunt me later, I never wanted it to end. I liked having Edward here, even if he was imaginary. He really did seem so real. That must be a result from all the pills I took.
"Imprint? Bella what do you mean Jacob imprinted on someone. I don't understand." Edward asked wiping some of the tears from my face.
"Oh well apparently, werewolves imprint on a person and that person automatically becomes their soul mate for life, therefore leaving the other person they were supposed to love i.e. me behind to be miserable and alone for the rest of my life. So, since you obviously didn't love me and Jake found an automatic soul mate, I decided to put myself out of my misery and everybody else. I just couldn't take it anymore, my heart just isn't strong enough." I said all that with more sarcasm than I thought I even had in me.
"Now, will you stop making this dream so painful. Normally my dreams and fantasies are happier when you are in them. Of course they don't usually take place in a hospital but rather some place more secluded, but I will take what I can get. Besides you are a lot more gorgeous in this dreams than you have been in past dreams. " I continued.
"Bella, please believe me, you are awake, I am really here. I should have never left you. I am so sorry, Bella please, please believe me when I say leaving you was the most stupid thing I could ever do, especially knowing you were going to start hanging out with wolves. Do you know how dangerous they are? Do you know how unpredictable they are?" Edward said with what sounded like both disgust and sorrow in his voice.
"Oh please, for one if you are real I would rather just pretend you weren't cause your just going to leave me again any way and for two, Jake and I have been together for the last two years. He was there for me when you weren't. We fell in love, of course I would never have loved him the way I loved you, but that is beside the point. Now will you shut up and stop trying to ruin this fantasy." I said closing my eyes.
"What will it take for you to believe me that you are awake Bella? What do I have to do to prove to you that I am here? I am sorry for hurting you, I wish I could take it all back, but I am here now. I am here to stay, I love you Bella. Being away from you was pure torture, I should have never left. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought leaving you would keep you safe, I was wrong, I was stupid. Please forgive me." Edward said practically collapsing onto my bed sobbing.
I couldn't say any thing. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Could this really be happening? Could he really be back? If so why would he be here? Why would he lie to me and say he loved me? If he really loved me he wouldn't have ever left me. My mind felt overwhelmed with this knowledge and all the emotions that came with it.
Before I could pull my thoughts together, Edward was leaning over me, his face only an inch from mine. My heart was racing, I could hear the heart machine go crazy with beeps. He leaned his head down and put his lips to mine. I was stunned, if I was dreaming this was the best dream ever, if I really was awake and he was really here, this wasn't right for him to be toying with my emotions like this if he didn't really want me, if he just planned on leaving again.
His lips on mine were smooth and hard. He moved them over mine with such force. He smelled just the way I remembered. His taste was sweeter than bliss. With that kiss, there was no doubt that Edward was real, that he was really here with me. I knew I could never have a hallucination that felt this real. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, devouring his lips.
Edward pulled away just as I was getting into the kiss. So much emotion went through me in that moment. All I could get out was "You are real."
He looked down at me and smiled his crooked grin at me. I wanted to yell at him and scream at him. I wanted to tell him what he had done to me when he left. I wanted him to kiss me like that again and I wanted him to hold me and never let me go. I wanted to tell him I hated him and I loved him. But before I could do any of that. His head shot up looking towards the door.
" Crap! Charlie! I have to go." He was gone and out the door before I even knew he had moved. He had left me again.
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