Brucas, A Love Story.. or Something Like It
Season 1 – The Beginning
Lucas: You don't mind being my rebound while I secretly harbor feelings for your best friend right?
Brooke: No prob.
Lucas: Alright cool.
Brooke: Wanna make out?
Lucas: Definitely.
Emotional Connections - Part I
Brooke: I am so jealous of your relationship with Lucas.
Peyton: Emotional connections are overrated, B. Davis.
Brooke: I mean all we have is.. you know.. the benefits part.
Peyton: I know. *vomits previous week's breakfast and lunch*
Brooke: You okay?
Peyton: Yeah, I'm just secretly harboring feelings for your boyfriend and the idea of you and him together makes me retch.
Brooke: Okay, but enough about you. How do I get an emotional connection with Luke like you have?
Peyton: Have things in common. Talk to him.
Brooke: Are you like, serious?
Peyton: ....
Emotional Connections - Part II
Brooke: So I saw you two last night, acting all cozy.
Peyton: I was horrified, trust me.
Brooke: I mean you were with two guys I wouldn't mind sharing the sack with.
Peyton: Brooke, one of those guys is my father.
Brooke: He's hot though.
Peyton: You are really trying to make me bulimic. Anyway, they were discussing dead poets and crap.
Brooke: But you got to sit between them! That's like an emotional connection!
Lucas, the Cad
(Insert cheating scenes by Lucas here)
Lucas: Please, Brooke's great and all, but she's not you!
Peyton: You have horrible timing.
Leyton Lovers: *swoon*
(Alarms sound: Haters have been activated.)
Leyton Lovers: Oh. Shit.
Leyton Haters: Peyton is such a two-timing bitch! How could she steal Lucas away from Brooke!?
Lucas: She didn't exactly drag me away kicking and screaming.
Leyton Haters: We don't CARE! She has corrupted your mind!
Lucas: But I went into the relationship knowing Brooke was a rebound.
Leyton Haters: SHUT UP! She was not! You LOVED her.
Lucas: I repeat "Brooke's great and all, but she's not you.."
Leyton Haters: You need to lay down. I think you have a fever.
Mark: So maybe I should have planned this whole Leyton hookup thing better.
Leyton Lovers: No shit.
Peyton's Red Room of Records
Brooke: Omgpeytonihateyouforeverbutwillhookupwithlucaslate reventhoughhecheatedonme.
Peyton: That's cool. If you don't mind I have creepy drawings to work on. Close the door on the way out.
Brooke: Did I mention that I hate you? I'll remind you every chance I get!
Peyton: Can't hear you. iPod in the ears.
Brooke: UGH!
TBK's Note: This was the start of SIX years of EXTREMELY pointless Leyton vs Brucas and Peyton vs Brooke debates.
Season 2 - The Interlude
Lucas: Hey Anna, I like you and I think you like me..
Anna: Um, about that..
(5 Minutes later)
Lucas: What do you mean you have the hots for Peyton!?
Anna: I don't think they heard you in China!
Lucas: Was I that bad at making out? Did I turn you gay? Please tell me I didn't.
Anna: No.
Lucas: Well.. you know since I have been secretly harboring feelings for Brooke for a while... you being a lesbian isn't so bad. You have great timing, Anna! This is great!
(Lucas leaves)
Anna: Uh thanks?
Post-Peyton's Mega Depression
Lucas: Peyton, I called Jake.
Peyton: Are you out of your MIND?
Lucas: Probably.
(And this ends the only Leyton scene in S2)
Leytoners: You have got to be kidding me.
Jeyton Lovers: Yay!
Brelix: The Worst Coupling Ever
Brooke: I hate the pool boy.
(Lucas carves "LS and BD" into five hundred trees.)
Tree Hill Trees: He's dangerous and must be stopped!
Brooke: Now that I think about it.. Felix is kinda hot in a "biggest asshole in the world" way. Maybe I should give him a shot.
(Insert hundreds of scenes of Lucas pining over Brooke and secretly plotting on Felix's life)
Brooke: Brelix is the new Brangelina!
(Insert ten Brelix making out scenes in a row)
Lucas: Why have you forsaken me!?
Mark: I get kicks out of pissing off all of the shippers.
Naliens/Brucasers/Leytoners/Lanna Lovers: ORLY?
OTH Fans: Why hasn't Felix been killed yet?
Mark: I need someone else to be the scapegoat. Do you know how much hate mail I get!?
The Leaving Song
Lucas: You can't leave because I love you!
Brooke: Anyone tell you that you have horrible timing?
Lucas: Peyton did when I told her how I fe--Whoops.
Brooke: Now I'm definitely leaving! You must be the biggest ass on the face of the planet.
Season 3 - The Beginning of the End
Brooke: Non-exclusive.
Lucas: But I love you!
Brooke: Take it or leave it.
Lucas: This is silly, pretty girl.
Brooke: You have five seconds.
Lucas: Bu-but…
Brooke: 3.. 2.. 1..
Lucas: Ok! OK! How much of the relationship is friendship and how much of it is benefits?
Brooke: Glad you see things my way!
It's Just Keller's World and We're All Living In It
Chris: In nine months, dude, I promise.. It's not mine!
(Silence)
Lucas's Heart: *breaks*
Brooke: *horrified*
Chris: Chris Keller's work here is done. *whistles*
Baley's Apartment
Brooke: I was really really drunk.
Peyton: You slept with Chris Keller?
Haley: And you didn't even get a lousy t-shirt?
(silence)
Peyton/Haley: LOL
Mark: On the DVD there is one deleted scene of me dodging pitchforks thrown at my head by a select group of Tree Hill fans.. Hint, the name of this group begins with 'Bruc' and ends in 'as'.
The Scott Porch of Emoness
Peyton: Did you really have to massacre your own door?
Lucas: I'm angsty and broody dammit.
Peyton: But Brooke loves you dude.
Leytoners Keeping Hope Alive: What the hell, Peyton!? Cease and desist!
Lucas: She has a funny way of showing it.
Karen: Good morning Peyton, Luc--What did you do to my door?!
Lucas: Angsty and brooding.. Angsty and brooding..
Later....
(Insert thunder and lightning here)
Lucas: What I'm saying is.. I love you!
Brooke: What? It's loud out here!
Lucas: I. Love. You.
Brooke: I have water in my ears! What?
Lucas: I LOVE YOU.
Brooke: Did you have to yell so loud?? Sheesh Broody.
(Insert copious amout of Brucas make out scenes here)
Brucas Lovers: Sweet Victory! Endgammmmeeee!
Brucas Haters/Leyton Lovers: Worst. Season. Ever.
Post Brucas Endgame Bliss
Brooke: I'm just waiting for you to cheat on me with Peyton again.
Lucas: What?
Brooke: Are you doing it now?
Lucas: No..
Brooke: How about now?
Lucas: No.
Brooke: Just tell me when you plan to do so.
Lucas: *sighs* God....
Brooke: Is watching you. Just remember that when you sneak off with Peyton to break my heart again.
Lucas: wtf.
Breyton
Peyton: How's everything?
Brooke: Why? Planning to steal Lucas again?
Peyton: Not yet. We still have a lot more of your insecurities and general Brucas angst to get through.
Brooke: Are you sure?
Peyton: Eventually I'll ruin things. Can I pencil you in for the "Conclusion of season 3?"
Brooke: Sure. How's the evening sound for you? The moonlight will accentuate the tears that are about to spill when you shatter my world.. again.
Peyton: Perfect. See you then.
Post School Shooting
Brooke: You got saved by Lucas again.
Peyton: Because I was bleeding to death.
Brooke: The girl I love got saved by the boy I love. How can I top that emotional connection?
Peyton: You can get shot twice..
Brooke: P Sawyer, bullet holes would be hazardous to my pores! And blood is kinda icky… *starts crying*
Peyton: What's wrong now?
Brooke: You're going to steal Lucas again!
Peyton: With one leg too. Talk about efficient.
Brooke: Peyton!
Peyton: Dude, I'm going to cover up my deep rooted feelings for Lucas by proposing to Jake.
Brooke: Oh thank God.
Savannah
Peyton: Marry me?
Jake: I don't know about this..
Mark: You aren't supposed to be indecisive!
Peyton: Take all the time you need, Jake.
Mark: Uhhhh.. I need a plot device.. I got it! *grabs Jenny and holds up a series of signs*
Jenny: Momma? Peyton? Momma Peyton!
Mark: I am a creative genius.
Jake: My mind is made up! Yes, I will marry you!
(Next morning)
Peyton: I can't wait to be Mrs. Jagielski.
Jake: Yeah.. about that.. You know you love Lucas right?
Peyton: I was really hoping you wouldn't notice that.
Jake: But you wrote it in a note and left it on my pillow before going to bed. And then you said it while you were asleep. Then you woke me up in the middle of the night and whispered in my ear "Lucas is pretty hot". In fact, this morning, the UPS guy came to deliver a "10 x 17" neon sign saying "Peyton Elizabeth Scott"..
Mark: That's me being subtle.
Jeyton Lovers: This is such utter crap.
Leytoners Keeping Hope Alive: Love it!
Brucas Lovers: … Hey who turned off the light at the end of the tunnel??
Mark: And in this deleted scene, I am holding the extension cord for said light at the end of the tunnel.
Peyton: Since my deep rooted feelings are out in the open, I'll tell Brooke.
(Alarms sound: Haters have been activated.)
Mark: Oh you should have seen the hate mail coming in by the truckload at the end of this scene.
Leyton Haters: Peyton is such a…
FCC: Thank god for the 5 second delay. *dubs all over*
Leyton Haters: Peyton is such a.. (Dubbed Robotic Voice: A. Mean. Person.)
FCC: Someone has to think of the children.
Brooke: So.. have you..
Lucas: No, I haven't cheated on you with Peyton yet!
Naley's Engagement Party or Whatever
Peyton: I proposed to Jake and he accepted.
Brooke: Congratulations!! I can't wait to make the wedding dress..
Peyton: Sike! I actually love Lucas with all my heart. Ever since the day I almost made him roadkill.. Didn't see that coming huh didya?
Brooke: Am I on Candid Camera?
Peyton: Nope. Just to clarify: I wouldn't mind being Luke's baby momma.
Brooke: I HATE YOU! *slaps*
Peyton: Nikki slapped me much harder.
Brooke: YOU BACKSTABBING TWO-FACED—
FCC: Not again. *dubs all over*
Brooke: YOU BACKSTABBING TWO-FACED— (Dubbed Robotic Voice: I. Am. Disappointed. Pey. Ton.)
Brooke: I knew it, you love Peyton!
Naley Wedding
Lucas: It was only a kiss, she was dying! You had to be there!
Brooke: WHAT!?
Lucas: She didn't tell you about the kiss in the library huh...
Brooke: Do you make out with every soon-to-be corpse in Tree Hill!?
Lucas: Um.. only the hot ones?
Brooke: OMG! Way to break my heart again, ass!
Season 3 Ends/Start Season 4 Here
(5 Episodes, 4 Angsty Scenes, 3 People, 2 Fights, and 1 Take Out Box Later)
Lucas: So..
Brooke: Not meant to be.
Lucas: Great. See ya tomorrow.
Brooke: Could you at least pretend to be sad?
Lucas: That takes actual acting. I was just biding my time until I could be with Peyton anyway.
Brucas Lovers: *heads explode*
Brucas Haters: Best. Season. Ever. Which couple is the endgame now?! In your face bitches.
U.S. Postal Service: We don't know what the fuck you did, but we don't have that many carriers to deliver all of your hate mail!
Mark: It all started three seasons ago.. I had this guy love two girls.. a love triangle if you would call it that..
WB (Whoops) CW Mods: What do you mean the show has been renewed for season 5!? God. Help. Us.
Mark: Since the triangle thing has been working out so well we should go bigger, better!
OTH Fans: … Damn. He has an idea again. Quick, someone hit him with a car!
Mark: Season five will have an unprecedented romantic twist.. introducing the love square! Tune in to see which new female will fight for Luke's attention.
Leytoners/Brucasers: *facepalm*
Mark: And everyone loves angst right?? I'm breaking up Naley too! Great idea huh?
Naliens: *facepalm*
Mark: And Mouth will get more screentime!
OTH Fans: Now you've gone way too far.