"So you are trying to, never mind you actually did tell me, that you and the Merry Men have been following me for three days?"

Gandalf walked over and sat down besides me and replied, "Yes, I believe that to be correct. Boy, am I bushed!"

I swung around to see that he was trying not to laugh, the hobbits weren't even trying to hide it.

"You saw that didn't you? Damn bush." Needless to say right about now you can pick the brightest color of red you know and that about sums up the color of my face. I blush very easily and I was just slightly embarrassed by the comment.

Now all of them were laughing at me, and I stress the 'at' part. I sure wasn't laughing. "So for the last three days you have been following me and I assume that you have seen every stupid thing I have done, right?"

Boromir straightened up for a brief moment to answer my stupid question, "I especially loved the part when you were saying the deer and raccoons were going to eat you." He then dropped to his knees since he was laughing so hard.

"You know, don't you," I asked the now rolling man, "That you are leaving yourself open for a very painful experience? Just ask Aragorn, he can answer you first hand, can't you?"

I don't think I have ever seen a human being moved so fast. That boy was on his feet in seconds, and may I mention very defensively bent over? Score one Emily!

"That's better. Now if you haven't noticed I am half starved here. By the way, how long since we parted ways?"

Gandalf thought a moment and then answered, "I think it has been about ten days."

Shit, that blows my five day theory all to hell.

"Have you realized that since I left your company I have had only to eat: some berries, courtesy of falling flat on my face into them, some bark, it was willow, but don't even go into the aspirin point of view."

One of the hobbits asked, "What is aspirin?"

I just looked at him, "Something that I need very, very badly right now. Moving on… Then I think I have been chewing on some leaves too, but I could have been delirious form lack of food!"

"Well we do apologize for not helping you, but I seem to remember that you said that you could take care or your self perfectly well," Aragorn stated.

"No, I did not say that. Hey, no interrupting," Boromir was just about to let his big mouth open up, " What you heard was entirely different form what I was actually saying. I was merely implying that I could take care of myself. You should have known better than to let a poor defenseless maiden go out on her own. You bad, bad, men," I scolded teasingly. This was going to be good.

Aragorn dropped to one knee before me and hung his head in shame; "We are very sorry Lady. We should have known. Please except our humblest apologies."

I looked up and the rest of the Fellowship and even Gandalf were looking very remorseful at what they had done.

"Oh for God's sake! I was joking you when I just said that. If you would have tried to stop me I would have made sure all of you would be quite unable to have children, maybe even move," I said. I then added so they couldn't hear me, "I think."

I grabbed Aragorn and hefted him to his feet, which was no easy task might I add. That is not one small man!

Gandalf said, "You are a very strange Lady to be able to 'joke' as you said, about what you just went through. Most maidens would not have been able to do it."

I just smiled at him sarcastically and answered, "Yes I know, it was very difficult. The chucking a piece of wood and cussing out very existence does qualify as difficult. I'm so happy I could prove you wrong." I then rolled my eyes at him, I think he got the point.

The hobbits were positively falling over on themselves they were laughing so hard. "You know," I said to no one in particular, "I think I am really starting to like those guys. They recognize a good joke when they hear it. Even if they do act a little high when they do. But then again, can you blame them? They are walking around with you, you must have rubbed off! The horror!" I suddenly lost my balance and fell off the rock that I was previously standing on, and fell right into the arms of the guy standing under me--the blonde elf prince person.

"Oof! Thanks, I guess. You can put me down, I think I have now communicated with my feet enough for them to hold me again. Sorry about that."

He nodded and set me on my feet again. I hate feeling weak and the whole maiden in distress bit just makes me sick. Women, in a sense, can take care of themselves just fine. Except for brute strength I like to think we are evenly matched. But that's just me.

Finally the blonde guy spoke, "Even though you have told us this, you are in danger of collapse, from lack of food. You also weigh next to nothing so I would suggest that you eat something."

I raised an eyebrow at him and replied, "Sure thing. I'll just run right over to the nearest McDonald's, a McValue meal, a number nine I think. Yep, there's one now, I think I can just make it in my delirious state."

They all just stared at me.

"Whatever. Haven't you noticed that I have been complaining about chewing on leaves and here you are telling me I should eat something? Elementary, my dear Watson."

I flopped down on the rock behind me just making it, but I could care less at this point.

I noticed that the dwarf, Gimli I think, was turning a slow shade of red. All of them were for that matter. I looked down and just rolled my eyes. "Yes, don't you just love what I have done to my clothes? I think it really makes my eyes stand out."

My clothes were in tatters. A few incidents with a river, roots, sleeping in trees, and berry bushes will do that to you. One of the straps on my tank top was missing and the fabric had been ripped off at the mid-drift exposing my stomach. Yes, I know, the berry bushes did have thorns and they did get the best of me. I was also scratched all over, nothing serious, but yeah. My shorts were slowly developing holes and my sweatshirt was non-existent. I think I lost it in a tree, what can I say? I'm a space cadet. My hiking boots were okay for the most part, a little worn but not much else.

I was also freezing. As we had been talking it had slowly been cooling down and a bitter wind out of the north, I think, had started up. Here I was, in barely and clothes and I had goosebumps all over me. Not a pretty sight let me tell you.

Gandalf finally found his voice once again--the windbag. "I think we can find some clothing for you and some food. But only if you will accept the help that we are giving you freely."

Okay, so he saw the glare. I'm a very open person, what can I say?

"Alright, I accept. But let me tell you I would rather not rely on you for anything. I don't like this one bit." I slowly stood up once again on the rock. But this time I believed I would be able to keep my balance. I was wrong.

Once again, being the klutz that I am, I fell off of the rock and right into the blonde guy's arms, his name is Legolas I think.

I just stared up at him, "You're pretty good at this you know that?" He cocked an eyebrow at me.

With that I went into a faint.

I hate being a damsel in distress.

A/N: Yes, I know this is short, but I really can't help it. This story has almost, almost no plot line so I'm working with what I have. Nothing more! Please tell me if I am doing an okay job with the humor. Being the author I find this funny but I'm not sure that anyone else does. I would really appreciate the feed back.

Always the sadistic minded author,

Abskii