A/N: Okay, I think this chapter should be a wee bit funnier. I'll certainly try my best!

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"I can't feel my hand anymore! This cannot be a good sign!"

It had been about three days since I had wrapped the tank top around my mutilated hand. At first it had really hurt, then it burned, then slightly throbbed, and now it was numb. The wrapping was so crusted with blood, that I couldn't even flex my hand even the slightest bit. My hand was stuck.

I was really tired too, to top it all off. I had not been sleeping well. Every time I would doze off, I would wake up again screaming. I was having horrible nightmares, and the bad part was they seemed real. One of the reoccurring ones, was that I was racing through the forest and the wargs were chasing me again. Or, an even worse one, the orcs caught me and were roasting me over a fire. I have just an incredible imagination. Can't you tell?

But, my hand was really starting to worry me. I didn't want to become a cripple before my twenty-fifth birthday, for crying out loud! I just kept getting these thoughts running through my mind.

What if my hand gets so infected they have to cut it off? What if I have to cut it off? What if no one finds me and I die a horrible death and the raccoons and dear eat my dead body? What if I am hallucinating this whole experience?

The last thought was really picking at my sanity. What if I wasn't even in Middle-Earth and I was just wandering around a national park thinking I was in another world? What if I had actually lost my mind?

I stopped my walking and just stood in thought for a while. It's not like I was really making head way anyway. I mean the trees kept getting thicker and thicker and they seemed to move around me. But, then again, that could have been my lack of blood.

I slumped to the ground, "I just don't know anymore. What if I don't see the guys again and I just die? Ha! At this point in time, I think dying would be a good thing. End my misery once and for all!"

I laid back and just stared at the trees and open blue sky above me. To fly, just fly away from all my worries. A bird…yes a bird…not a sparrow…no…something beautiful…or dangerous…a hawk…what if…

I blacked out.

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I slowly woke up. I mean this time, for once in my life, I didn't just sit straight up and demand to know what the hell was going on. I just lay there for a time and tried to place where I was. It was dark; I must have been out longer than I thought. Even worse, I could definitely hear something talking, or at least making noises like talking. But, I didn't want to sit up and get eaten right away. We all know how that goes. You do not want to surprise something until you know what the hell it is. I found that out the hard way.

I think I was finally thinking straight. I mean if I was still delirious, I highly doubt I would be thinking I should sit still and listen. I would probably jump right up and demand that they play hopscotch with me! At least I was somewhat myself.

Yes, there was someone talking. I think it sounded like at least two people, if not more.

I don't think it sounds like orcs. Their talking sounded like they were grunting. This sounds more gentle, musical almost. Should I sit up?

I was still debating about what I should do when I felt someone's hand on my forehead.

Lay still! Don't move! Breathe…breathe…nice and even…there you go girl. Make them think you are still asleep.

Suddenly I heard a soft voice, "Open your eyes little one. We will not harm you."

Damn! Okay, they know you are awake. Not only do they know, but they also know you can't act to save your life! Literally!

I still kept my eyes shut, but I tensed up my body. My good hand crept to the pocket of the sweatshirt—to the Mace. I finally got one in my hand and managed to pop off the top. I wasn't going to take any chances. Just because these guys didn't sound like they wanted to eat off my face, doesn't mean they wouldn't think my skin wouldn't make a nice rug on their living room floor.

"Small one, open your eyes. We know you are awake."

Small one! Little one! Kiss my ass buster!

I opened my eyes and whipped out my hand. I hit the spray button and let out the Mace. I got at least three of the guys standing around me and leapt to my feet. The rest backed up a safe distance and aimed their bows and knives at me. I think I was out numbered by only about ten. I could take them…

"Eat that!"

The three that I did get were rolling around on the ground clutching their faces. Not only does Mace burn the hell out of your eyes; it also works on the skin. I gave the guys a dose all over their faces.

One of the guys that I didn't hit walked cautiously up to me. As he was walking towards me, I started to back away.

"Stay back, unless you want to share your friends' situation. I'm warning you!"

I was still backing up when I hit someone. Immediately they pinned my arms to my sides and took the Mace out of my hand.

"Let me go! Damn it! Let me go!"

They just held onto me harder until it felt like my ribs were going to break. I could barely breath; I started to see spots on the edges of my vision.

"Can't…breathe…let…me…go!"

Ever so slightly the arms loosened up around me and I could breathe again. But, they didn't let go entirely and I felt a knife pressed into my back painfully.

I slumped into the arms. If they really wanted to hold onto me that much, well, they could hold me up too. I let the person hold me up and took great whooping breaths. When I finally was seeing straight again I looked over my shoulder at my assailant.

I could see next to nothing. The only thing I could see was that he was tall, yes, male, and there were more behind him. I tried to catch him off guard and run forward, but he then just tightened his grip until I couldn't breathe again.

"What do you want? Just leave me go! I don't have anything! Nothing!"

I felt one of the hands holding me captive slam over my mouth. I then heard a voice hiss in my ear.

"Do not speak until spoken to, witch."

What? They think I'm a witch? Why…the Mace!

I tried to bit the hand but he still wouldn't let go.

Fine, you want to fight dirty?

I stuck out my tongue and slobbered all over the hand. Instantly it was whipped away and I was shoved forward. I landed hard on my hands and knees and instantly rolled to my side to try and get my weight off of my hand. It hurt so much! It obviously was no longer numb. It now felt like someone had set it on fire, was poking it with needles and doing a tap dance on it—all at once!

I started to sob—a woman's best defense. Just start to cry and instantly most men will go to mush. There is almost not a single man in the universe that can stand to see a woman cry. Yes, I know it was dirty, but it wasn't like I was faking it! My hand really did hurt!

I tired to sit up, but I was pushed down again. But, the odd thing was, it was a gentle push, I wasn't slammed back to the ground. I glanced up through my tears and saw that most of the people were facing me were looking down. I think most of their looks were directed at my hand. Ah, now I know why.

I drew a shaky breath and started to beg, "Please, I am not a witch. Please, don't kill me! I'm too young to die! I want to live! Help me! Not hurt me!"

Yes, I know it was cliché, but my mind had shut down for the time being and all of the old movies that I have seen, just seemed to kick in. Even more amazingly, it seemed to work.

Two of the guys grabbed me under my armpits and gently hauled me to my feet. I started to fall again, so they stayed to hold me up. I was so terrified that I don't think I could have blinked!

"You are not a witch? Then how did you shoot liquid fire at my companions?"

I was shaking visibly. Just thank God that my parents had really potty trained me, other wise I would be watering the weeds right now!

"It's…Mace," I hiccuped. "It's to harm any…attackers."

"I see. Come, we are to show you to our leader."

Oh great! I come in peace! Take me to your leader! Idiots surround me!

"Will this…Mace…blind?"

"I dunno, read on the can."

The guy looked at me quizzically.

"Turn the thing in your hand over and read the little itty-bitty words printed on the back," I told him exasperatedly.

"Unic! Bring the torch here!" he ordered.

The guy that was standing to my far right walked over and positioned the torch so the guy could read. That's when I finally got a look at the guy that I had licked.

He was very tall and had white-blonde hair. In fact, all of the guys that were around me did. They all had bows and arrows, not to mention daggers and knives. But…

I was in complete shock.

No! It couldn't be! Not another one! Damn it! One's enough, thank you very much!

"Holy shit!"

He turned to look at me.

"You're a bloody elf!"

"Yes, we all are. Have you never seen an elf before?"

I snorted, "Nah, I've seen one before. I just really didn't want to see another one that's all. The one I know is really annoying. Kinda like the rest of the people I know, now that I think about it."

"What elf did you know? There are many of our kind that are bad examples of us."

"Aren't there always? But, anyway, Legolas Green-something or other. He's the prince of something Wood. Can't remember right now, give me a little bit."

All of the elves began to talk loudly in their language.

Okay, what did I say?

"You know Legolas Greenleaf, of Mirkwood?"

" Oh, Mirkwood, that sounds about right? Yeah, I know the guy. He can be really annoying at times. Kinda like the hobbits and wizard."

At the mention of 'wizard' all of the elves became very solemn.

"The group you talk about have ventured through this realm not half day past. Come, we will take you to Galadriel."

"Gala-wha cha?"

"Galadriel, she is the Lady of the Golden Wood."

"Right, didn't know why I didn't know that! Must have slipped my mind. Damn memory!"

I guess it is time that I meet their leader…

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A/N: There, was that funnier than the last chapter? I certainly hope so!

Leave a review and tell me what you think! It's hard to believe I am in Lothlorien already! I'm almost done with the first book! Can you believe it?

~A~

P.S.

Feel free to throw any ideas at me. I am a very open person with new ideas. Who knows, maybe I would use your idea. I would also make sure I credited it to you. I mean what would be the point in giving me an idea anyway? Duh! To see your name!

My intelligence astounds me!