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We bring you installment number three! Share it with your friends!
It was a new day, and Edward was cranky.
He grumbled as he stomped through the sewers to the Volturi's lounge room, where he could already hear the incest orgy taking place.
He shuddered, and shook his head to clear himself of the horrible mental images and the thoughts emnating throughout the walkway, almost making HIM horny.
Poncing up to the door, he rat-a-tat-tated the innocent little doorhandle.
The scuffles and giggles stopped, and 3 seconds later Alec opened the door with a composed face, but a huge and protuding erection that he half- heartedly attempted to cover with his six fingers and two hands.
"What do you want?" he asked stiffly (ba da tch).
Edward palmed Alec in the face, shoving him aside in his gay manner.
"Squeeze me darlink, but I'm coming through." he lisped.
Striding across the room, Edward glimpsed, from the corner of his eye, a band of hookers running around the corner and out of site.
Stalking on their thoughts momentarily, Edward bumped into an old skeleton.
"Ahhh!" he screamed.
"Ahhh!!" screamed the skeleton.
"Oh, it's just you, Aro." Edward looked upon Aro; his ribs protruded from his arse, making him look very disusting in a sexy way.
"I know right?" said Aro, grabbing Edward by the crotch and reading his mind.
"Yeah yeah whatever... Let's get this over with." sulked Edward, strapping on a kinky leather collar as he winced at the painful memory from earlier on in the day...
"Edward, I've had enough!!!" roared Carlisle.
Edward looked up casually, to see Carlisle, the peacemaker, literally steaming teapots and cows out of his ears.
"What's wong, daddy dearest?" he asked timidly.
Carlisle heaved and hoed, and exploded, whilst quickly reforming himself (because vampires can totally do that? Since when??).
"I'm not paying your taxes you son of a bitch!!"
"DON'T DISS MY MUMMY!!" squealed Edwards finely waxed eyebrow.
"Weird," thought Edward. Anyway, why would Carlisle not pay his taxes? That damn motherfucker.
"I know what you're thinking turkey shit, and that 'We have all the money in the world' trick won't do! I am NOT going to keep supplying you with money to waste on kinky yet erotic sex gear!!"
It was true that he had gone a bit overboard with the clothing line, thought Edward to himself, and looked disapprovingly at Carlisle.
"Well then, daddy, what do you suppose I do? Let Charlie come and take me away in handcuffs? Oohhh.." He came on the spot thinking of it.
Carlisle's nose wrinkled in disgust, and fell off due to plastic surgery.
"Eugh! No, I'm sending you to Aro; he's going to teach you a lesson. Also, I think your a turd nugget mcfaggot face and your taste in Diva wear is so childish that even a two year old would throw monkey shit into your face." stated Carisle as he pasted his nose back on with lube.
Edward had screamed and cried for a week, but eventually Carlisle picked him up and threw him across the sea to Italy, upon where Edward crashed in the sewers and began sobbing his way down them, to meet his fate.
Aro grinned at the memory, and jerked Edward to his knees, dragging him to his room, and Edward grumbled merthlessly the whole way.
During the night, Edward could remember taking an umbrella, wardrobe, grand piano, dog, parrot, the Opera House, Jesus, Little Donkey and Aro himself up his arse, and all he could do was scream and cry the whole way through, but sickeningly enjoy the masochistic behaviour.
Meanwhile...
Somewhere across the world, Bella woke up in a damp sweat, a disturbing nightmare where Edward was involved in a disgusting, arse chaffing but slightly erotic homosexual sex romp. Not being able to shake off the fearful image, Bella began to cry. She was yet to fully grasp the concept that Edward might not want her anymore, let alone have sex with various organisms. However, somewhere in the deep recesses of her Mary-Sue mind, she comprehended that Edward was gay
With this in mind, she began to formulate a plan...
Back in Volterra, Edward awoke under a mountain of sex slaves. He shuddered, both in memory of the scarring events and the feeling that someone, somewhere was planning something. Despite the slightly uneasy feeling that was causing him to quiver uncontrollably, he rolled over. Only to find that the quivering feeling was a gigantic, pink dildo stuck in his ear. Slight perturbed, he threw it at a random midget, causing him to explode from fangirl/boy lust/angst.
Sneaking out through the window, which was somewhat oddly placed in the underground lair, Edward excavated his way to the surface. Stopping quickly at a beauty shop to get a manicure, he then hired a cloaked vampire to throw him back to America, where he landed with perfect flair and Grace in front of Carlisle's desk. Carlisle shrieked like a pelican and threw Edward to Transylvania where he joined a whole new cannon of vampires and became the kinky love slave of one Count Dracula.
A/N; SHELBY HAS HERPES SHELBY HAS HERPES SHELBY HAS HERPES SHELBY HAS HERPES SHELBY HAS HERPES SHELBY HAS HERPES SHELBY HAS HERPES
That is all. Read and Review!!! 3