A new fanfic for Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII. Randomness shalt be involved. Normal Universe, as according to the unproven law of Cliched fanfictions, every five normal fics I write, twenty two AUs are made. Sad. This Fic is pretty much Zack being a smartass with his paperwork. A very big smartass. By totally screwing up his paperwork. And handing it in. I own the game Crisis Core, but not the characters. Zack/Cissnei pairing, but not mentioned much, so filed under "Zack". I don't own the essay, Peter Nguyen does. Type in "Jimmy McPerson" on google and click on anything, you'll get the normal essay, not the Final Fantasy VII'ified version.
Zack grinned. Today he had no paperwork! Huzah! He wandered around the SOLDIER floor, unknowing that.... "Where do you think you're going?" Zack stopped, and turned around. It was Sephiroth. Zack grinned nervously. "Erm, out?" Sephiroth laughed. "Nope, you're going to do paperwork." Zack groaned. He stalked of to his office of D00M to do paperwork.
Zack's Paperwork 1:
Currently, the temperature is lowering in Costa De Sol. Why?
Zack's answer:
Well, we can assume that the temperature is rising with the amount of people in Costa de Sol. But, less people are there, as we are at work. And as Cissnei said to me the first time I asked her out, "When Costa De Sol freezes over, then Zack, I will sleep with you," and considering that I slept with her last night, we can assume that is the reason the temperature is lowering, to freeze itself over.
Zack's Paperwork 2:
We are testing the reasoning of all SOLDIER 1sts. If the ball is going down a thirty-two and a half degree hill angle, and it accelerates by fifteen point one zero seven six two eight inches per minute, and the hill is five hundred feet long, how long will it take the ball to reach the bottom?
Zack's Answer:
It won't, there is an elephant in the way.
Zack's Paperwork 3:
Write an essay about a hero and who you think is the most influential person of the Second Wutai War.
Zack's Essay:
My hero from WWII is Jimmy McPerson. Jimmy McPerson isn't a well sung hero. He isn't in any history books, not many people have heard of him. Some might argue that he wasn't even a documented citizen. But what can't be denied is that he helped Midgar during it's most troubled time: The 2nd Wutai War. And it can be said, without a doubt, he definetely existed.
Young Jimmy knew from the beginning that he was destined for greatness. Born to a young black slave couple, Jimmy grew up in Sector 5, IE: The Slums. Like all young black youths, Jimmy joined a gang in order to get his "props". He and the rest of his unnamed gang in The Slums ran the streets with an iron fist. Times were good. Or were they? Times were indeed good. Until the Wutai performed a sneak attack on young Jimmy's town, killing his parents instantly. Jimmy swore revenge on all the Wutai, and promised to avenge the death of his parents, who were on the verge of curing cancer. Jimmy couldn't join the army, because Marten Lutor Kang Senior wasn't born yet and blacks couldn't join the military. So Jimmy formed a plan. A deadly plan. For REVENGE! Using a new name, Jimmy snuck into the Wutai base in Koketchka, and fought off countless stupid privates and sergeants, until he came face to face with the president of Wutai. "President Maximoto, you're going to pay!" Jimmy said, but little did he know that right behind him was Hitler! "Now you must fight us both!" Jimmy fought valiantly, but he was no match for Hitler and Maximoto, who wanted desperately to have buttsex with him, just like Reno does with Sephiroth. With his dying charge, he pushed Hitler out of a window, falling with him to his death, sacrificing himself in the process while avoiding getting raped. Jimmy McPerson probably saved the world, but since he used a fake name to do battle with China, his story was never released to the Midgarian public. Thus, Jimmy's efforts will go passed by, unnoticed by time and history. And that's why Jimmy McPerson was my choice for the most influential person and a hero from the Second Wutai War. The End.
Zack grinned and went to turn in his paperwork.
Good? Bad? Tell me what you think, as next chapter is Sephy's reaction!