My Before-Chapter 7

Cristina turned away from Owen as she swung her legs to the side of the bed. She rose from the bed and let the sheet fall from her body before throwing his shirt around her shoulders. Owen did not speak. Just watched her as she walked across his bedroom and out the door. She returned quickly with two bottles of water. She handed one to him and returned to his bed to sit beside him with her knees drawn up to her chest. Owen turned toward her while leaning back against his head board.

She was obviously trying to prepare herself for what she was about to say and he found it almost agonizing to watch. He reached out and touched her arm ever so lightly.

"You don't have to get into this with me if you are not ready" he almost whispered to her.

"No. I am ready to tell you, I just need a minute"

Owen continued to watch her as he lightly stroked her arm and patiently waited.

"I was engaged. To another attending. He was a cardiac surgeon"

"Ok"

"He was my boss. Like you. It was sudden and it just happened"

"Ok"

She threw a glance toward him as if to ask Is that all you're going to say, but then realized that there was nothing he could say.

"We had only been dating for a very brief time when he asked me to move in with him. Which I did. And then he asked me to marry him. Which I agreed to do"

Owen had to admit that he was a little bit shocked. His Cristina had moved in with a man that she had only dated briefly and had also agreed to marry him. This didn't sound like the woman sitting beside him. At least not the one he knew.

"But………the day of the wedding, he called it off, at the altar, moved his stuff out of our apartment and left. I have never seen or heard from him again. But, apparently he is doing very well because we did receive word a few months back that he won the Harper Avery Award of Excellence"

Wow. He didn't know what to say. While he enjoyed the brief summary, there was obviously a lot more to this story than what he was hearing.

"Cristina……"

"I don't think I ever loved him"

"I loved his status. And his title. And what I thought I could get from him. The surgeries"

"Did you learn from him?"

"Yes. He got shot. In the shoulder. It caused a tremor in his right hand and prevented him from performing his surgeries. I kept his secret and I performed his surgeries for him. No one else knew"

Now this did shock him.

"YOU performed his surgeries? And no one else knew about this? How did you keep this from the Chief and everyone else?"

"I practiced. A lot. And researched constantly"

"That explains why you're such a great surgeon. So, he obviously taught you a lot about cardiac surgery. Right?"

"Yeah. He taught me a lot"

He could not get past the fact that she moved in with this man but didn't think she loved him. Why had she done that?

"Cristina…………if you knew you didn't love him, why did you agree to move in with him and then marry him?"

No one had ever asked her this question. She had never truly thought about it.

"I didn't know I wasn't in love with him. I didn't know until you. Until I actually fell in love. I didn't know"

This was a profound moment for them. He knew he had never loved another woman like he loved her, but she was telling him the same thing. She had never truly been in love until him.

"I think I just wanted to please him"

"So you sacrificed your happiness and what you wanted just to make him happy?"

"Yes"

"That doesn't sound like the woman I know" Owen sat up and turned her toward him. "This doesn't sound like the Cristina I know"

"I am not her anymore. I don't even remember who that person was"

Owen didn't know what to say. He had a lot of questions, but just didn't know how to approach them right now. She would not look at him. Just kept her chin resting on her knees.

"Cristina, I have the utmost respect for the person that you are. I will never try to change you. I want to help you learn to be a better surgeon, but you don't ever have to worry about me trying to change the person that you are. I love who you are. I would never want to change that about you"

She finally allowed her eyes to meet his and did realize that he would never try to mold her into the person that he wanted her to be. He already loved her just as she was. With all of her faults, and his, they melded together as one. They were content with the people that they both knew they were. They both had problems, but somehow in this huge world, they had found each other.

"I know. Because mistakes are how you learn. Isn't that what you told me?"

"That's right. We all make mistakes, but if we learn from them then they were worth it"

"Always remember that you come to love not by finding the perfect person but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly"

She allowed herself to relax and leaned into his shoulder. He stroked her hair and held her tight. They were both in love and wanted nothing else in the world than to be in each other's arms.

Owen wondered to himself when would be the appropriate time to tell her about his complicated past. He knew it wasn't now, but that it was inevitable.