Have You Shagged in Front of Your Potions Master Today?
Severus was not a happy camper.
He wondered in which of the Seven Hells he had heard that absurd Muggle expression. Severus had never been happy, and he had certainly never done such a dirty thing as Muggle camping.
But nevertheless, it fit his current mood.
He had just been told by Minerva McGonagall that she wore tartan because she knew it was his favorite color.
He curled his lip in disgust. Tartan was not a color, it was an abomination no doubt created by a color blind wanna-be Dark Lord.
Mayhaps Voldemort had invented it, as to torture unenthusiastic new recruits. It sounded like something the bald bastard would've done.
On top of that horrifically untrue statement (his favorite color was, by the way, an attractive shade of ebony), she had then attempted to dry-hump him. In the staff room. In front of Dumbledore and his damned eternally twinkling eyes.
Severus had immediately removed the old hag from his person, and regally paced from the room. He immediately broke into a run once past the door. He hurried to his dungeon, where a lovely bottle (or five) of firewhiskey awaited to melt his brain. Just what he needed.
He pushed open his door, and for the first time in his life, dropped his jaw in shock.
On top of his bloody desk (HIS bloody desk!), his most prized student was engaging in intercourse with his most annoying student. He blinked, to make sure he wasn't under a Vision spell. Nope.
Draco and Hermione Granger were still fucking on his desk. Loudly, sloppily, and having a damned good time, it looked like.
Severus was disturbed, to say the least. He had never had any inclination towards voyeurism, and definitely had never wanted to see Granger's naked writhing body.
He may have dreamed about Draco's body when he was very drunk, but that was a different story.
He was debating in between yelling at them and cursing him, when a distinctly Slytherin idea hit him.
They were fornicating on his property, were they not? And was it not within his right as a property owner to, say, take pictures of his furniture? Or even videos?
He sneered as he muttered an incantation unheard by the busy couple. A video camera appeared in the corner of his room, taping the deed.
Severus swept towards his private rooms, now seeing that Firewhiskey as a reward for his cleverness. He felt rather generous towards the world, yes, even to McGonagall.
Who knew? Maybe in three bottles, she would look good enough for him to shag.
A/N: Written for CoMiCalMe, who wanted a naughty Snape. I know I said I would use a certain line ("Sigh. I never should've brewed that Lust potion."), but I had a better idea. ;)