Disclaimer: We don't own Pirates of the Caribbean.

Please reviiiiieeeeww... BAH AT YOU. OM NOM NOM, NOM NOM PICKLE SHIT NUT TITTY BITCH

CLOWNS WILL DEVOUR YOU IN YOUR SLEEP

...

Later that day...

Will the smith entered the smithy, only to notice that the donkey was jittering around sluttily. Out of nowhere a golden topped pimp cane fell dangerously from the roof, which would have impaled Will's head had he not been so dim-witted and thick-headed.

''Not where I left you-'' he began to say slowly, until BAYUM! Jack Sparrow jumped him and humped his leg for a good 10 minutes, until Will kicked him off, squealing and the two started having a most dramatic fight.

Meanwhile…

Grace and Shelby were in the gallows, wallowing in pig filth and the blood of 1000 virgins. Shelby, being an attention whore, was wailing mournfully about rat shit getting in her eyes, whilst Grace searched about for a chance of escape. It took the unlikely pair five hours to realise that they were, in fact, out in the open and had mistaken the local pig sty for a prison. They had been aimlessly rolling about in the muck and blood until a scared yet angered villager told them to 'get the hell off of his property'.

The two of them looked ashamed and embarrassed and scuttled away with their tails between their legs.

Meanwhile...Again...

Will was about to meet his fate, as the Pimp Master had his golden and 'Jem' (like the actual kid out of 'To Kill a Mocking Bird') encrusted sword held high over his head, awaiting the que for him to put the blade straight through William's skull, until Jack realised that there was a child embedded in his sword and the movie had to stop temporarily to remove the now traumatised child.

Picking up from where they left off, Jack once again raised his sword dramatically, when ALL OF A SUDDEN, Will's drunken father (who had been ignored until this very moment) bashed a glass bottle over Jacks head, rendering the Pimp Master unfashionably unconscious. At this moment, the soldiers turned up (always of course after the dirty work) and then rewarded Will's father graciously with thousand's of bazillions of dollarz because of course, the old prick had taken all of Will's credit.

Later that night...

Jack Sparrow was sitting moodily (how hawt) on the dirty floor of a gaol cell. He had his rather gaudy pimp hat lowered over his eyes and his purple pimp cape wrapped around him like a blankey. He sure did love his creature comforts! In a primarily brown, red and grey toned scene Jack stood out like a pair of boobs in a church.

Later on a rather disgruntled Shelby and Grace were thrown unceremoniously into the gaol cell. After recovering from their previous shame, Shelby had tried to drown Grace in a kiddie's pool. Unfortunately, Shelby had failed because she can't swim. Luckily for her she already had two over developed flotation devices handy on her chest. Shelby was then arrested for attempted murder and taken to the same cell that Jack was locked in. Convenience at its best! Grace followed and fortunately for Shelby, Grace was punted severely into the wall and was knocked out.

Shelby's boobs tingled- her 8th sense was telling her that Jack was very near!

… She walked backwards two steps, tripping over him.

Jack immediately pimp-slapped Shelby and then some hay materialised in the cell, so they commenced stabbing at each others eyes with it. Grace however, had just woken up and was having a serious conversation with a grimy man in the cell next door.

All of these activities were rather rudely disturbed by cannon fire. The Black Spankin' Pearl, Master floating brothel, renowned all over the seven seas, was attacking Port Royal. Everybody was confused as to why this was happening. As if answering their silent questions, Elizabeth pulled her collar nervously and hid in her bedroom.

At this moment, a cannonball decided to destroy one of the cells and all the prisoners inside escaped. Grace's new friend declared, 'Alas! My love I cannot leave you!'

And because of his pigheadedness, the cannonball retraced its flight path and ran into him. Grace wailed demonically.

...

The town was in chaos. Pimp Masters were mercilessly whipping people and animals, punting children comically into walls, spraying Mortein Insect Spray into the eyes of soldiers and smoking so much grass that the whole town got high. One might have said it was an absolute disaster, until the townsfolk realised that the Pimp Masters of the Black Spankin' Pearl had actually come to kidnap Elizabeth. Rather then prevent the Pimp Masters from taking her, they willingly picked Elizabeth up and threw her into the mosh pit of Pimp Masters, all the while cackling in delight. When the whiny whore was gone, there was a huge uproar of rejoicing and a massive party took place in the butchery.

Fortunately for Elizabeth, William Turner was not so eager to lose sight of her fantastic chest and ran after her, screaming, "BOOBS!"

Unfortunately for Will, Grace and Shelby were coming his way at the time and Grace, still traumatised at losing the love of her life, had turned into a complete and utter psychopath.

Upon seeing Will running around like a turkey with its own head stuck up its arse, Grace flew into a fit of rage and sunk her teeth into his arm.

If one had been there, the scene would have looked rather comical- Will flailing around, squealing like a girl, as Grace was flung around after him, growling like a rabid bear.

Eventually, Will passed out from shock and the two girls moved away holding their noses, as diarrhoea began dripping down his leg rather unfashionably.

The girls stopped outside the Butchery and saw the massive party which had turned into some kind of orgy and were intrigued to see Commodore Norrington had gotten completely maggot ( incredibly drunk, rooted, smashed) and had now began running around with underwear on his head, making bird-like noises.

An old Chinese guy stopped next to the girls and gave them advice they would remember for the rest of their lives:

"You are the Kangaroo that boxes the King's genitals."

Grace passed out due to so much wisdom being in her head at the one time, giving Shelby the opportunity to play "Try to Kill Grace".

Shelby grabbed a bucket and flung it at Grace's head, but it missed and hit Will's head, who had recovered from his shock and was about to go save Elizabeth again until he was rendered unconscious.

...

A/N: Because Shelby fails to be online when I post these, I never really get to type up what she thinks in the Author's Note.

So let us improvise.

Shelby- Wow guys, I'm gay!

o.O

SHE WOULD SAY IT, DAMNIT!! Shakes fist

Real Shelby: You shall die a painful death for that –glare-