Title: Stranger In My Own Life
Author: Adian

Genre: Meredith Centric - A/U – It's canon except for a few minor differences until Epi 325 Didn't We Almost Have It All. From there the story is A/U.
Rating: T (Mainly for language)
Summary: What happens when you realize you don't know who you are anymore?

Notes:

This story has not had the benefit of a beta and it is written in the present tense for the most part.

I have done research on the medical issues that are in this story. I think I understand it but I'm sure there will be mistakes. I've never written a GA story and the medical aspect of it has been challenging.

This is not a Derek friendly story. Read at your own peril.

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is a creation of Shonda Rhimes and an ABC Studios Production. This story is meant strictly for entertainment purposes and no money is being made off of the forthcoming drivel.

Chapter 3

While Detectives Howard and Moore begin interviewing witnesses at the station a CSI begins her investigation of Meredith another team is at the church. Cristina Yang has used her power of medical proxy to limit the doctors and nurses access to Meredith. In addition, Vernon Davis has hired a security team to keep Derek Sheppard and others out of Meredith's room.

With security in place, Cristina finally leaves Meredith's room. She gets a taxi and heads to the church to get hers and Meredith's things. When she arrives there are police crawling all over the building. She finds Detective in charge and gets permission to go into the Bride's Room. Chaos abounds with clothes, make-up, and other girly things strewn everywhere.

Cristina begins packing her stuff then Isabel's until all that's left is Meredith's tote bag. She opens the bag looking for Mere's purse. Digging inside she finds keys and a book. Pulling out the book, she is surprised to find it is a journal. Sitting down she opens it to read 'Meredith's Book of Truths.'

Entry 1

Why is doing the right thing such a pain in the ass? I've picked up my life and moved from Boston to take care of the mother who never wanted me. I have to start my internship at Seattle Grace Hospital under my mother's shadow and the man who broke her.

I went to medical school and graduated top of my class but Ellis says I'm not cut out to be a surgeon. Why demand I go to med school then? I start my internship tomorrow and one of us will be proven right.

I'm in the old house I don't know why she kept it. The house holds so many bad memories. I don't know if I can stay here but the rent is the right price – free. I need a friend. Die isn't here so I'm going to find Jose.

Entry 2

OMG! My one night stand is my boss an attending. He asked me out and I told him no. I'm having enough trouble with my fellow interns because my mother is the Ellis Grey. If they only knew what a nightmare she is, they wouldn't be so envious.

I was in my first real live surgery. It felt AMAZING. It is such a high. I have a better understanding of why Ellis would rather be at work. The feeling is addictive. She lived to be in the OR.

Becoming a surgeon will hopefully help me understand Ellis better. I know I was an inconvenience to her so why did she have me? She never had time for me she was always busy. So why ask me to move to Seattle to be near her.

Nurse Bennie and some of the old crew are still here. It was so good to see her. She's a Floor Nurse now. Bennie has grandkids. My playmates are parents and I'm still a student. It's weird.

Entry 3

I carried around a penis almost my entire shift. My patient Allison bit off her rapist's penis. The looks on the Burke and Sheppard's faces were priceless when they realized what Allison had in her mouth. The rapist came to SGH for treatment and he'll be going to jail. I discovered I like my resident, the Nazi. She doesn't cater to suck ups and has a sense of humor.

I stepped across two lines today one with Derek Sheppard an attending who Cristina has christened Mc Dreamy. He was flirty and I kissed him in the elevator! He's my boss's boss, my teacher I needed him to have self-control. I don't and I know it. I have got to stop. I could be kicked out of the program. I have to stay away from Mc Dreamy, bars, and Jose.

Another intern George and I visit the newborns to cheer ourselves up. They are like crack. I was by myself and I saw a baby go blue. I checked the baby out. The PEDS intern got real pissy and I had to leave. I'm a doctor if I see someone in trouble I think I should help. The intern threw me out because I'm not in PEDS. How ridiculous is that? I went behind her back, talked to the parents, and got caught. Burke changed his mind and backed me up. I was right it was more serious than the PEDS doctors believed. Burke later accused me of trying to steal a patient from another service. As if! Right now that baby is pure, undamaged and will now live a long life. I could've gotten into a lot of trouble but saving that baby was worth it.

Every day is an adventure between work and Ellis. She thought I was a teen-ager again in my pink hair phase. Re-living the fights of yesteryear is exhausting. The arguments between us have never changed nor have the outcomes.

Entry 4

The Dead Baby Bike Race was on today. I've watched the race and drank at the bar but I had no idea what the true cost of the race was. I've done plenty of stupid things for the thrill of it to feel alive. I like to think my stupidity hasn't had consequences of this nature. But I just don't know. Izzie and I saved a brain dead man so his organs could be harvested. He died because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time being hit during the race.

I've left Jose alone and I'm trying this writing thing that one of my old therapists tried to get me to do. I'm an avoider. I deny. I don't share. I don't let people in but I have to have some outlet in a city that holds so many painful memories.

Every time I talk to Derek he flirts, his conversation is filled with innuendo. He watches me all the time. He knows it's wrong and he won't stop. I know, I know my kissing him in the elevator sent the wrong message but I've tried to be professional with him. Then the asshole stopped me from hitting Alex. That smug ass deserves a beat down. He thinks he's so much better because he has balls. Grrrr…

My perky ass roommates Izzie and George have been digging in my stuff and found my mother's surgical tapes. They didn't even have the decency to ask! My college roommates were better than this. It's only been a day and I'm ready to kick their morning asses out.

Thank god for Cristina Yang. I'd totally lose my sanity without her.

Entry 5

Alex stole a patient from me yesterday and let him go without fully checking him out. I tried to get Viper to stay for at least a CT but he signed out AMA so he could finish the damn Dead Baby Bike Race. He came back today in such a bad state that I had to straddle across him on top a gurney to keep his wound closed. Bailey let me scrub in and gave Alex a tongue lashing about his showing off in the Pit. It was fantastic! After Viper's surgery, she told his friends off about their stupidity in participating in the Dead Baby Bike Race. All hail the Nazi!!!

Sheppard was after me again today at work. He talked about my hair and my tiny ineffectual fists. He says it's not the thrill of the chase. I told him no again but it's getting harder. At times I dread going into work because of him. I can't deny the physical attraction but I'm there to learn. He has no discretion he pushes all the time. He doesn't seem to care about what I want or need. Having an Attending hitting on me all the time is not making my life any easier.

Alex and Izzie enter the room to get Izzie's things. They find Cristina in a chair clutching a book sobbing. Izzie immediately goes to Cristina hugging her murmuring reassuring words.

Cristina stands up breaking out of Izzie's embrace. "I'm her person why didn't she tell me how bad it was? Why…"

Alex interrupts, "Yang what is going on? Why are the police all over the hospital questioning us? Why are they here?"

Det. Brewton hears the raised voices and walks into the Brides Room. "Dr. Yang cannot answer any questions at this time."

Alex and Izzie stare at them in disbelief wondering what was really going on.

Det. Brewton asks, "Dr. Yang could you please come outside?"

Cristina ignores them and walks out going to the other side of the church. She gives Det. Brewton the book she's been holding. "This is Meredith's journal I read all of it. You will find it very enlightening."

Det. Brewton manages to keep his face impassive. "Have you found anything else?"

"I found the journal in her purse which is in the Bride's Room along with her car keys. I haven't been to her car or her house. Her housemates are the ones we left in the other room Dr. Alex Karev and Dr. Isabel Stevens."

Det. Brewton replies, "Howard talked to Stevens but not Karev. CSI is done with Dr. Grey's car if you want to take it."

Izzie and Alex walk out of the Bride's Room. Det. Brewton calls out, "Doctors could you please come over here."

They exchange a glance before walking over. Det. Brewton says, "Dr. Karev we are going to need for you to come in and answer a few questions."

"I don't have to be in until noon tomorrow. How about I come in at 9am?"

"See you tomorrow Dr. Karev."