Title: Stranger In My Own Life
Author: Adian
Genre: Meredith Centric - A/U – It's canon except for a few minor differences until Epi 325 Didn't We Almost Have It All. From there the story is A/U.
Rating: T (Mainly for language)
Summary: What happens when you realize you don't know who you are anymore?
Notes:
1. This story has not had the benefit of a beta and it is written in the present tense for the most part.
2. I have done research on the medical issues that are in this story. I think I understand it but I'm sure there will be mistakes. I've never written a GA story and the medical aspect of it has been challenging.
3. This is not a Derek friendly story. Read at your own peril.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is a creation of Shonda Rhimes and an ABC Studios Production. This story is meant strictly for entertainment purposes and no money is being made off of the forthcoming drivel.
Chapter 4
Derek walks into the Police Station looking for Det. Howard. He tells the officer at the front desk he has an appointment with Det. Howard. A few minutes later, he sees Det. Howard wave him back.
He walks into an interrogation room just like the ones on TV. His stomach sinks as he sits down across from Det. Moore.
Det. Moore smiles asking if he needs anything to drink, he shakes his head no afraid to touch anything.
Det. Howard says, "We'd like for you to tell us what happened the day of Preston Burke and Cristina Yang's wedding."
Entry 6
I met my mother's scrub nurse Liz Fallon. I tried to do the right thing and give her mom's regards and she called my bluff. I tried to play it off. Later I showed Ellis pictures of her with me and my father and she didn't know who we were. I told her I met Liz and Ellis knew exactly who she was. She doesn't remember me I don't know why I'm surprised I'm only her daughter. I don't know why I let it hurt me. You'd think after two decades of her indifference I'd be immune. Liz is right my mother is a bitch.
Mark walks up to Derek carrying two cups of coffee. He sits down next to him giving him a fresh coffee. Mark asks, "Any news?"
Derek stares at the security guard in front of Meredith's door. "No the mountain is unmovable and informed me that he is a real cop and if I try anything I'll be arrested."
Entry 7
I held a heart in my hands. Mom signed everything over to me. I popped a glove. I got put on probation. I got drunk. Mc Dreamy came to Izzie's party. We had sex in a car. Bailey caught us. I still can't wrap my head around all of this. Ellis has left me, ME in charge of her money, her medical care, etc. She really has lost her mind and I'm not far behind.
Both contemplate the smirking officer before them. Derek asks, "Did you get any news out of the nurses?"
Mark says, "Not even the promise of a night with me made them talk."
Derek snorts, "Mc Steamy failed?"
Mark grins. "I am hurt that you have so little faith in me. A few were tempted until Nurse Bennett reminded them that if they talked they'd lose their jobs."
Derek exclaims, "What?"
Mark explains, "I'm telling you bro Yang has pulled out the big guns and they have all been warned by the Chief himself."
Entry 8
I've been avoiding Sheppard. What the hell was an Attending doing at an Intern party? He invited me to dinner and I turned him down so he comes to the party instead. He's not getting censured for our behavior but I am. Bailey's pissed. This is exactly why I didn't want to get involved with him. He said he'd be the better man and walk away if I wanted him to. I talked to Bailey and explained fat lot of good it did me. Bailey talked to him and he was an ass to me.
"I was questioned by the police this morning."
Alarmed Mark says, "What did you say?"
"I explained what happened and I told them it was an accident." Derek begins choking up. "I didn't mean to hurt her. I love her…"
"I know you didn't mean it Shep. I know."
Entry 9
I've avoided this book for a while because I know what I'm doing is wrong even tho it feels right. I don't do relationships but I can't stay away from him. He's different. I feel different with him. I feel more than I ever have before. It's more than the best sex of my life. I actually feel. He's chipping away at the walls. I'm terrified but I'm not stopping.
Everyone knows about him. Izzie and George saw him leave and they couldn't keep their mouths shut. Now Bailey's making me jump through hoops giving me twice the work everyone else has. I'm still thinking about kicking Izzie and George out. They have no right to judge my private life. If this is going to continue, they're going to have to go.
Later that morning Derek is called into the Chief's office. Patricia lets him in immediately. Chief Webber is looking out the window watching the rainfall. He doesn't immediately turn to greet his guest.
Derek says, "Chief?"
Sighing Chief Webber turns around and studies Dr. Derek Sheppard. He takes in the bloodshot, puffy eyes, the rumpled suit, and the lack of a shave. Sheppard looks horrible. The Chief sits down behind his desk. "Dr. Sheppard it is the Board of Directors decision to suspend your surgical privileges until the police investigation is completed."
Entry 10
I caved. I'm actually letting myself have a real grown-up relationship and he tells me to have faith in him. I who have faith in nothing. I actually want to know who he is the details of his life. He finally took me to the trailer where he is staying out in the middle of nowhere. It's peaceful, beautiful, and best of all no roommates!
He told me his mom's maiden name that he has four sisters, and plenty of nieces and nephews. He told me a random thing like his favorite color is indigo and he likes coffee ice cream. He asks me to have faith that all the details are gravy to be discovered in time. There's so much he won't tell me. I'm used to everyone thinking they know me because of my mother. I've never been able to hide because of her shadow. I've always been measured against her and found to be lacking. Does he have a shadow to be measured against? Is that why he won't give me details?
Derek exclaims, "Why?"
The Chief explains, "Derek there were Board members at the wedding. They saw what happened. The police also questioned them last night. They are concerned about your emotional state, your ability to perform, and publicity. Until this matter is cleared up you need to leave this hospital."
Desperate Derek says, "I don't care I just want to know how Meredith is. Yang hired security guards to keep me out. She has instituted a gag order and no one will tell me anything. I love her. I can't live without her. I have to know how she is doing."
"All I can tell you is that she is alive."