It was a hero's welcome to which they returned to Forcena.
At least, for Duran, it was. For Lise and Hawk, they were content to stay quietly in the background.
They were captives no more, of course; they were guests, free to move around as they wished. Only problem was, neither really had any idea where they want to go, and they found themselves in a sort of limbo, whiling away the days with little thought of either past or future.
Lise found herself happier than she had been in some time. And that bothered her. She felt as if she was betraying her past, betraying the country that was still hers in her heart.
The Priest of Light had told Hawk to go to Forcena for allies, that something was threatening the world from without. She didn't know what that might be; nor did she particularly care. Rolante would have stepped up to a danger facing the world; but she was not Rolante, she admitted reluctantly. She was only one woman.
She lounged in her chambers, clad only in her shift, having shed the Forcenan clothing that she was still obliged to wear to avoid notice from the population in general. She was sitting on the windowsill, rubbing one leg against the other, enjoying the sensation of bare skin against itself as she stared out the window to the countryside beyond, longing to be out there once again. Somewhere out there, she could find what she really wanted.
If she could only figure out what that was.
A knock on her door startled her out of her reverie. "Lise?" came Hawk's voice. "Are you in there?"
"Come in," she called back. The maids were gone for the day, and she didn't have to bear their frivolous rituals.
Hawk snuck in quietly, closing the door behind him without a sound, even here his instincts impossible to shake. His eyes locked for a moment on her, being in the state of undress that she was, but for once it didn't seem the first thing on his mind.
Now that it was only the two of them, he paced the room in agitation, her eyes following him from her seat. "I've been thinking," he said. "That danger to the rest of the world the Priest was talking about – well, it's like we found out a few more things here, and I've been trying to put it all together. I think Bigieu's a part of it as well. I need to find out more."
Lise felt a knot in the pit of her stomach. "You're going back to Navarre." He only nodded. "I suppose that makes sense," she said, feeling suddenly unaccountably empty inside.
He swooped over, kneeling by her seat, crossing his arms in her lap and resting his head on them, looking up at her almost plaintively. She reached a hand out to stroke his hair affectionately.
"Lise," he began, "won't you come with me?"
She knew what she was going to say even before the words came out of her mouth. Suddenly, she had remembered what it was she was trying to do, and why, when she first met the man; and realized some things had not changed. Out there, somewhere, was the object of her hate, and her chance for revenge. She owed her country nothing less.
"Yes," she told him, and he smiled, suddenly throwing his arms around her waist to pull them both to the floor, she tumbling on top of him with a thud.
Laughing, he tried to sit up, but she straddled him quite firmly, and shoved him back down to the floor beneath.
--------------------------
Lise found her drive, her energy, renewed after that. Duran noticed the change in her, but when he told her he was pleased to see it, she brushed it off like it was nothing, feeling guilty for not telling him the truth.
It wasn't that there was any particular reason they had to make their plans in secret; and had they only asked, Richard would have certainly offered any aid they requested. No, it was simply the renewed bond they shared, the bond of common cause, something so close and so personal to them both that it did not feel right to involve others in it.
Still, the time came when their departure was imminent, and there was one person, at least, she could not fail to tell. Even so, she waited until the last chance they had.
It was an early morning, the sun not yet up, the sky still with the grey of faded night that had not yet become the morning's blue. They met together with their meager belongings in the grand entrance to the castle, a couple of servants eyeing them curiously, but knowing not to question their betters. Lise, for her part, was relieved to have left her foreign wardrobe upstairs, where it belonged, feeling practically naked in the short attire of the Amazons once again.
"Ready?" he asked her simply.
"There's one thing I have left to do," she replied awkwardly. He did not ask what; but the expression that clouded his face showed he knew well enough. Still, there was nothing else for him to do but nod, and wait.
She knew where she was going well enough, following the now-familiar passages of the castle. Every step seemed a difficult journey, but when the door appeared before her, it still seemed to her as if she had reached it too soon. She knocked once, then, without waiting for an answer, turned the knob and entered.
The room's occupant was awake. That did not surprise her; Duran had always been an early riser. But what was strange was that he stood there almost as if expecting her.
Lise took a deep breath. "I have something to tell you."
"You're leaving." It was not a question.
She nodded awkwardly, and he took two large strides forward to grab her forcefully, kissing her so hard she could barely catch a breath. It was a long time before he let her go, and when he did, he looked at her with heartbreaking disappointment and hurt across his face. "I have to go," she mumbled, turning away so she did not have to see his expression any longer.
He caught her arm before she could walk away, and though she tried, she could not squirm out of his grip. "Don't go," Duran begged her. "Stay here. We could marry. I could give you a good life here, you could forget the past and make a future here."
"Could I?" Lise wheeled on him with a vehemence she had not expected. "And forget everything, everyone who has died, forget the parts of me which have died and those which still live? I may not have a kingdom, but I am still a princess, and I won't rest until I find where I am supposed to be Queen."
"But in the meantime?" Duran asked. "Lise, you've told me how much you've lost, but you won't let anyone give you anything to fill in the empty space."
"I can't let it be filled," she replied. "Not now. Not yet."
"Lise… I love you..." he said, and she felt herself go weak.
She let his strong arms enfold her gently, giving herself only that split second to succumb to vulnerability before she forced herself to be strong once again. "I love you too, Duran," she began, "but... it's not enough."
She lifted her head from his shoulder to look first at now-pursed lips, then up into wide baby blue eyes. She saw he meant the truth, but that he knew the truth as well. He was going to lose her.
"Just one last thing," she murmured into his chest.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Don't say goodbye when I turn to go. Don't ever say goodbye," she said with heat. "I've said too many goodbyes already." She held those eyes for one long, final moment, where everything and nothing seemed to pass between them, then suddenly broke away before she could second-guess herself.
Lise forced herself to walk down the hallway with the gradual, delicate pace the ladies of Forcena cultivated. He honored her wish; Duran did not say goodbye, nor even call her name. It didn't matter. She could feel him drifting further and further away nevertheless.
-----------------------
Lise rejoined Hawk wordlessly, and together they headed out of the gates of first the castle, then the town, falling as one into a marching stride as they headed determinedly for their next destination.
He tried to reach for her hand in a friendly gesture; she tugged it away to run it through golden hair that felt haggard and unkempt. Or perhaps that was the way she felt herself. If Hawk noticed anything out of the ordinary, he did not say; but she doubted he had missed her frame of mind. He had always caught on to her fluctuating emotions the way few men would.
They walked all that day, towards Byzel, in relative silence, though still moving almost as one when the occasional monster appeared to cross their path. Night fell, and they stumbled into the port city, and Lise's head was on no straighter that it had been in the morning.
That night, Lise lay wide awake in Hawk's arms in the Byzel inn, he stroking her hair softly in that way that made her tingle, feathery kisses teasing her cheek down her neck. A princess, she thought. That was what she had told Duran she was; but was there really anything of the Amazon princess left? She would always be a princess without a kingdom, and a woman without a man. She felt utterly alone, the more so when Hawk gave up on her to roll away into slumber, leaving her staring into empty, silent air until nightmares replaced the waking thoughts.