Title: Stranger In My Own Life
Author: Adian
Genre: Meredith Centric - A/U – It's canon except for a few minor differences until Epi 325 Didn't We Almost Have It All. From there the story is A/U.
Rating: T (Mainly for language)
Summary: What happens when you realize you don't know who you are anymore?
Notes:
1) I have done research on the medical issues that are in this story. I think I understand it but I'm sure there will be mistakes. I've never written a GA story and the medical aspect of it has been challenging.
2) This is not a Derek friendly story. Read at your own peril.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is a creation of Shonda Rhimes and an ABC Studios Production. This story is meant strictly for entertainment purposes and no money is being made off of the forthcoming drivel.
Chapter 7
Dr. Mark Sloan walks down one of the halls at Seattle Grace Hospital no one will look at him they barely look at each other. Since Derek's arrest, the mood at the hospital has gotten progressively worse. At first sides were taken but everyday that Meredith remains unresponsive the more Derek is damned. He is at a loss as to what to do. Except for the first day, Yang had not made any accusations. The guards in front of Meredith's door said it all. It is an open secret that Meredith is in a coma. Her prognosis is what no one knows. Meredith's whole group of friends has remained uncharacteristically silent.
For the first time ever Yang has been assigned to his service. He has her for a whole week. Yang had almost no Plastic Surgery hours documented and she had to make up for her lack before becoming a Resident. Every eye was going to be on them for the next week. It was going to be hell and there was no way around it.
He watches Yang walk up to him. She looks so cold, so remote her eyes are unreadable as always. She says, "Dr. Sloan I'm your intern for the week."
"Dr. Yang I have two special patients that need to be monitored. The first in room 4020 is a burn victim. Her vitals need to be monitored closely and her intake of pain meds. Until she is stable I can't begin the skin grafts." He hands her the chart and continues, "The patient in room 4022 needs to have his jaw reconstructed. The kid is so small we've been having trouble. His vitals keep on dropping. I have two simple procedures scheduled for today but if one of these two becomes stable enough for surgery they will become the priority. I need you to keep me updated on their status throughout the day." He hands her the second chart. "I have a few other patients to check on. I'll be back to answer any questions after you've familiarized yourself with their charts."
Dr. Sloan walks away leaving Cristina reading. The watching masses are relieved and disappointed that nothing had happened.
Entry 16
We had a guy come in with his pregnant wife claiming to be pregnant. Psych claimed him without really checking him out. He had a distended abdomen and the Psych Intern just said it was male hysterical pregnancy. If Shane had had a thorough exam, they would have found the mesenteric teratoma. It's extremely rare in an adult male. It became a three-ring circus thanks to Cristina and Izzie. They sold floor space in the surgery it was ridiculous. They know how bad it is for me at the hospital with everyone knowing my private life and they inflicted it on their patient. I was so pissed. Still am pissed. I kicked them all out and took care of the remains myself after surgery.
Sometimes I just don't understand. We all want to be on the cool cases but to exploit the people we are supposed to be healing is wrong. Maybe Mother is right and I'm not cutthroat enough for surgery.
He chose her but he won't leave me alone. He broke my heart. My soul hurts. Why can't he leave me alone?
All week Dr. Sloan and Dr. Yang have endured extra scrutiny from the Chief on down the expected and in some quarter's anticipated knock down drag out fight had yet to happen. Mark had run into Yang coming out of Meredith's room and the brief glimpse into her eyes before the barriers went up had kept him quiet all week. The depth of pain and grief he had seen made him wonder how she was keeping it together. He loves Derek had missed Derek when he left for Seattle but his feelings about the current situation seemed a mere drop in the well compared to hers.
His whole life he had kept anyone who wasn't a Sheppard at a distance but here in Seattle he was truly on his own. The last few years he'd come to know a different side of Derek. He knew they'd never be the brothers they once were. The Sheppard family had not forgiven him for betraying Derek.
He didn't know if he was finally growing up or if it was the air in Seattle but he is changing. He actually had women friends one of whom he'd never even slept with. He'd toned down his manwhorish ways. He is actually letting himself care about people who aren't Sheppard's. He is realizing that the labels he'd always used no longer fit. Derek was always the good one and he the bad one. Derek had changed as he is changing they no longer fit in the black and white world of their youth. He is learning that you never really know anyone sometimes including yourself.
He stares at the paper in his hands and knows a life defining moment has occurred. His world has changed. He has to testify before a grand jury about his lifelong friend Derek Sheppard. He has to account for his actions and the part he played in forming the Derek Sheppard who sits in jail today.
Entry 17
I had the Sorrento's today and she is dying of cancer. They've been married for 60 years. I've never been able to imagine wanting to spend that much time with one person until Derek. In a few short months, my whole view on relationships changed. There is this void filled with an unending ache where he used to be. I hurt mentally, physically, emotionally. I see him every damn day. He chose his wife. He gives me those dreamy looks, he smells my hair, and he's forever trying to talk to me. I see her touching him. I have everyone watching me just waiting for me to breakdown or go mental.
What if he is my otter? Will I end up like my mother cold, bitter, and alone?