I want to let everyone reading that I have not abandoned this fic and I am still just as passionate about it as when I started writing it. Every story alert and review I get keeps me motivated to keep thinking of one-shots for Chair. Unfortunately, I write chapters for this fic when I feel inspired; there'll be something I see or something someone says that makes me think of a moment Blair and Chuck might have shared and I write it down as fast as possible. I'm sorry for the long gaps in between but my muse is ever changing for this fic so please bear with me and know I appreciate all you guys for thinking this fic is something worth reading.
As always enjoy the update and thanks for reading and reviewing.
Nate's been a bad boyfriend lately and Blair believes he's to blame.
He rolled his eyes; her best friend was the reason to blame. But Blair would never see that.
She was at his suite rambling on and on about how he has been manipulating Nate's precious time.
"Chuck, are you even listening to me?"
He sighed, "Unfortunately."
"You're just blowing this off. This is important."
It was always important. Nate forgot this, Nate missed that. Chuck was tired of it. You'd think that after three years Nate would've learned to cover his own ass.
"I don't know what to tell you Blair. Nate and I have been hanging out the normal amount."
She scoffed, "Normal? Every time I text Nate he says he's with you."
He looked at her through hooded eyes, pondering what Nate's texts meant.
He and Nate had been hanging out more but really only because Nate had dived head first into the social scene that Serena occupied.
Nate was never much of a drinker but lately he took every opportunity to cut loose. While Blair was busy focused on the PSATs Nate had managed to black out three nights in a row. It was a surprise the boy was still functioning much less talking to Blair about their relationship.
"This is serious Chuck," she sat on his couch, her hands wringing the fabric of her dress, "I think I'm ready to take that next step with Nate."
Chuck peered at her over his glass of scotch, "You mean you're thinking about oral sex…kinky Blair." He gave her a wink.
She glared at him, "You're such a pig Chuck. I hate that Nate talks to you about this stuff but…"
"But nothing. I'm the expert. Of course he talks to me."
"Well, I think I'm ready to go all the way with Nate," she replied bluntly causing him to nearly chock on the sip of alcohol he had taken. That was something he was not expecting. When she had mentioned going further with Nate he had been thrown for a loop but he figured it was time Nate got a little more out of the relationship.
He really didn't think Blair would take their relationship to that level, she'd never let her tights wear at the knees. He'd tease her and reassure her that everything was perfect with Nate and she'd be off. He definitely had not expected her to pull out sex.
She remained poised on his couch. Each designer piece she wore coordinating perfectly with the other. If Chuck had to describe perfection in one word, it would be Blair. And that was how she lived her life.
Perfect daughter, perfect grades, perfect role model, and perfect girlfriend. An appearance of nothing but perfection.
And to go along with her perfection was an imperfect boyfriend, though Blair had yet to take notice of Nate's imperfections.
It was ironic though because perfection was only at the surface. Blair was nowhere near perfect. She was so full of insecurities sometimes he wondered how she functioned. But she had learned well from her mother to mask any problems and walk with her shoulders back and head held up high.
She had a dream box; Serena had accidentally mentioned it while plastered ages ago. Blair had turned a bright red and denied its existence.
Only later when everyone else was off on the dance floor and Chuck and Blair sat alone did she felt the urge to explain herself. Maybe she knew he wouldn't judge her because he was the only one who always seemed to understand the world she lived in. Maybe it was because she was full of dreams and he had none.
There was a picture a New York brownstone that when she described reminded him an awful lot of Nate's abode. There were images of a few wedding dresses; all classic yet glamorous. And finally a picture of a ring, something antique she had said. Something old with tradition.
He had asked her why and she looked at him with no reply, her eyes blank. Finally she shrugged, that's just what she was. He thought it might have more to do with Serena being the modern one. Or maybe because her mother had told her that's what she was. That's what a Waldorf was.
He still remembered that box. The one hidden under her bed. The one that held all her dreams.
Everything would come in time she had said. Her life was a set of plans she had crafted at a young age. She struggled at times but never gave up hope because one day it would all come together.
If it didn't everything she did was for nothing. All the planning and tension and restriction would be for nothing. He wanted Nate to promise Blair he could make the dreams in that box real but he wasn't sure if Nate could.
Nate was a good friend, really the best. He threw down for his share of weed. He had a handful of contacts at bars. He was always down for cutting class and getting trashed instead. All in all he was the best friend Chuck could ask for. But that also may have made him a bad boyfriend to Blair. Nate did not prioritize well.
He felt guilty now, thinking of how many nights Nate had spent out with him instead of with Blair. The number of text messages he had written on Nate's phone when Nate was too plastered to call Blair to cancel their plans. He shouldn't have let Nate become this bad of a boyfriend.
"Are you sure?"
Her gaze was furious, "What do you mean am I sure? Of course I'm sure. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."
"Don't get your panties in a bunch Waldorf. I'm just saying this is a big step. I wouldn't want you to make in haste."
She got up and poured herself a glass of the sour liquor. She downed it quickly and after taking a deep breath, she finally met his eyes, "I just feel like Nate and I aren't connecting lately. Like he's somewhere else. And I know I've been stressed because of exams and Shakespeare Lit so maybe it's my fault but I just want us to be okay. And relationships are supposed to progress, right? This is just the next step."
He didn't know what to tell her. He poured himself another drink. He didn't know anything about relationships but all he did know was this was a step Blair wasn't ready to take, even if she had somehow managed to convince herself she was.
"Relationships progress but at the pace they're supposed to."
"Well, maybe I am ready. I've been dating Nate since seventh grade. He's the one. What difference does it make?"
He felt unsettled by her confession.
"It makes a difference to you. You want it to be perfect."
"But it could be."
He took a deep breath. It wouldn't be perfect. He knew that. Nate's head was in all the wrong places and there was no way Nate would say no if Blair asked. This was a phase, Chuck was sure. Nate couldn't keep up with the lifestyle. Nate wanted desperately to be immature and free and thinking he had found the one in seventh grade was beyond Nate's comprehension at this point. Eventually he'd want to go back to Blair and her routine but right now he was trying desperately to be a different person. Chuck knew what was going to happen was going to happen and he didn't want Blair to be collateral damage.
"When were you thinking about springing this on Nate?"
She shrugged her shoulders, "I was hoping you could help me with that. You know, give me some," she laughed nervously, "You know…tips."
He shook his head and took a step back, "Blair…I…"
"Don't make this awkward Chuck. If there's anyone that knows sex it's you and this is Nate we're talking about."
He almost felt like a bad friend to Nate. Was he actually cockblocking? But this was Blair. The perfect brunette who was the only person he'd ever met who deserved everything she dreamed about.
"I don't think Nate's ready. I mean, he wants it to be perfect too. And he's been under a lot of stress too lately."
She looked at him hopefully, "Really? You mean it's not me?"
He leaned forward on his elbows brining himself closer to her, his voice softer than earlier, "It could never be you Blair. You're the best girlfriend Nate could ever ask for."
"I don't know Chuck. I feel like lately I haven't been good at anything."
He nodded. He was the only one she could confide in about the small nuisances in her life. The little things that made her question keeping faith in her plans. They all eventually became the reasons she believed it would get better someday. What didn't kill her really did make Blair Waldorf stronger.
Her voice was quiet, "My parents are fighting again. He's been in town for a week and they're already at it again."
No one else understood Blair's parents. She couldn't let anyone else know that her perfect home life wasn't so perfect.
Nate's parents were perfect; or at least came off as perfect. Really Nate's father couldn't afford to not love Nate's mother. And Nate's mother didn't believe in divorce. It was as easy as that.
Serena was already cynical at the concept of love. She had given up on finding true love when her mother mother's third marriage had failed. If Blair confessed to Serena the truth about her parent's marriage she'd laugh and say she had known it all along. True love didn't exist and it was about time Blair stopped believing in 'meant to be.'
"Is it worse than usual?"
She nodded while pouring herself another glass. She never drank. And it was probably on an empty stomach. She was cured now but he knew she had other methods.
"Do you think Serena is alright? She hasn't called me in a week and she's always out with Georgina. And she cut class 3 days this week and the other two days her coffee was spiked. I'm worried about her…" She rambled off.
"Serena is a big girl. She knows what she's doing."
She shook her head, "I don't know if she does. I think her father's new marriage is really throwing her for a loop."
William van der Woodson's remarriage had been quite the gossip in the UES. And the fact that the girl was only five years older than his daughter had not helped in keeping things quiet.
"Serena hasn't talked to her father in years. We all know what it's like to have absentee parents."
She sighed and agreed reluctantly, "Yeah, I guess you're right."
She fidgeted slightly. Her hands wringing in her lap.
"What else is going on?"
"I don't know. I'm still stressed about Nate. Are you sure everything is alright?" her voice was quiet; "I just can't lose him. He's so great and so good to me. Daddy loves him and our families have known each other forever."
"Trust me. You and Nate are perfect. Now let me call my limo to drop you at home. It's getting late."
She moved towards the door. He was surprised she managed to stay steady given the amount of liquor her tiny body had consumed. But Blair was skilled in keeping it all together. At never faltering.
"Yeah. The Sheppard luncheon is tomorrow. I guess I'll see you at the wedding."
He nodded and gave her a sly grin, "Scope out the bridesmaids for me. You can let them know I am more than willing to make sure they get their share of attention at the wedding."
She shook her head and laughed, "I'll keep that in mind Bass."
She looked beautiful. And Chuck wasn't one to use that term lightly. He had met women who were sexy, stunning, irresistible but beautiful was a word he used only when he meant it. And right now he did. Her hair was in curls and open down her back. The dress looked like it was cut for her alone. He found her instantly in the crowd and never let her out of his sight.
Nate looked stoned but no one took notice given the lines of coke being done in the bathroom. Nothing was frowned upon when in the company of friends.
Both of them eventually came to a stop at his table after mingling with a few of their parent's acquaintances.
"I can't believe there's no alcohol. Who do these people think they are?" Nate asked discontentedly while taking a seat at the small table, his hand loosely holding Blair's.
Chuck gave a smirk before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a sleek flask, "Always come prepared Nate."
The blonde smirked and reached across Blair for the bottle of freedom. He poured the drink with a heavy hand and gently stirred the now spiked orange juice, "Where would I be without you man?"
Chuck merely shook his head. Nate would have a lot of things if it wasn't for him. Most of all he'd be having sex with Blair but that wasn't important. What Nate didn't know couldn't hurt him.
Serena stumbled slightly over to the table the three now shared. Chuck couldn't help but eye her legs in the short dress she wore. Her dress had gotten quite a few stares but upstaging the bride was probably part of the plan. She took the flask from Nate's hand and placed it at her lips, skipping the steps that involved mixing the liquor with a chaser.
"I'm glad someone brought the party because I ran out before the ceremony even started," she giggled and took another swig.
Blair's eyebrows knitted in concern and he caught the silent conversation that took place between them. Finally Serena broke the silence. "Stop being so pretentious Blair. It's a wedding, people are supposed to get trashed," the blonde snapped before taking another gulp of the liquid.
"Did you ever think that maybe the reason there's no liquor is because this is a wedding luncheon. No one gets trashed at 2 in the afternoon."
Serena rolled her eyes, "Weddings are supposed to have alcohol so all the people who had to suffer through two people entering into the sham called marriage can toast to the couple's happiness."
Blair sighed and didn't respond. Serena had seen enough marriages fall apart in front of her face to argue otherwise.
"Just be careful, k S?"
Serena shrugged, "I'm going to find more alcohol. I'll catch up with you guys later."
She stalked off and the table fell silent again. He looked at Blair who was watching Serena's retreating figure, "Don't worry about her. She'll be okay. And if she's not me and Nate will make sure to take care of her."
Blair nodded and Nate's hand found hers again, gently rubbing his thumb in small circles. He would have been pleased that Nate had learned how to comfort his girlfriend if he hadn't notice Nate drop Blair's hand when Serena had arrived at the table.
Harold Waldorf approached the table and asked Blair to dance. He watched her go off and noticed the strained expression on Harold's face. Chuck could only imagine what it might be about, another fight with Eleanor, another two month trip to France for business. He just hoped Harold would wait till later to discuss it with Blair. She seemed to have enough on her plate between Nate and Serena.
Nate gently punched him in the shoulder bringing him back to present company, "I'm going to check on the status of that alcohol. This place is way too stiff for me."
Chuck merely nodded and watched as Nate made his way through the crowd, following the perfume trail Serena left.
It was an hour after Nate left that Chuck had the sense to check on Nate and Serena only to discover the inevitable happening before his eyes. Two empty champagne bottles littered the floor and Serena held a third. He was surprised they could still function much less undress one another.
Their movements were rushed and Chuck was glad it was Serena who felt Nate's desperation and not Blair. He could save this; he had become well versed in damage control. This wasn't beyond repair, not yet at least.
This was the end, Chuck knew. There would be no more wild parties with endless sums of alcohol. This would be Nate's wake up call. He knew it would partially be Serena's guilt that would set Nate back on the right path but it didn't matter. Blair would have her boyfriend back, nearly in the same state as when they had started to drift apart. Nate could still give her everything she needed.
He made his way back to the luncheon and over to the table where Blair now sat alone. The tight curls had loosened and her posture was slightly off but she was still the most beautiful woman in the room.
He tapped her on the shoulder, "May I have this dance Waldorf?"
She nodded and took his hand. They made their way towards the dance floor and Blair placed her hands in all the right places and he made sure to keep his in appropriate places.
"Have you seen Nate? He disappeared while I was dancing with Harold."
Chuck nodded, "He went looking for alcohol. He and Serena got a little too trashed and were asked to leave via the back door." He felt her tense in his arms, "Don't worry. They're both okay. Nate texted me and asked if I could drop you off."
He had texted Nate telling him to go home because Blair wouldn't want to see him in the state he was, the message cryptic enough to prevent Nate from knowing Chuck had seen him giving in to Serena's charms but blunt enough to raise some guilt. Nate did love Blair, Chuck just wasn't sure it was enough to keep Nate from all the distractions life offered.
They danced in silence for a moment, moving in perfect unison with the music and one another. He wanted to tighten his grasp on her but with everything that he had witnessed today he knew better than to indulge his basal desires.
"Still thinking about our conversation from the other day?"
She nodded, "You were right. I love Nate but with everything else going on I know the timings not right. It would have been rushed and nothing like we've planned."
He breathed a small sigh of relief. A weight lifted from his shoulders.
"You'll know when it's right. You and Nate will both feel it."
"Careful Bass, that almost sounds like something a romantic would say."
He gave a soft laugh and shook his head, "It's not being a romantic. Sex has never been special to me. It's just a game but it can't be that way for everyone. Someone's got to experience all those emotions dead white men have been writing about for ages. It'll be you. I know it."
She leaned away from him for a moment, her eyes filled with uncertainty, the doubt that constantly filled her mind. "Do you really believe that?"
He nodded and she went back to dancing with him. They didn't need any other words. If someone as cynical as Chuck believed in her happiness Blair was content. She would never have to know the true reasons for his actions. He'd always do his best to keep the bad things from her.
The song ended and Chuck reluctantly let her go. She stood before him still so poised but less controlled. It was a perfect dance and for a moment he wanted to be the one to always dance with her. To know her body the way Nate one day would. But then he remembered her dreams and knew he could never make them come true. He'd settle for puppeteer.
"Thanks for not copping a feel Chuck."
He smirked, "I can be a gentleman sometimes. But only for short periods of time. Let's get out of here, the serious lack of alcohol and women is starting to work on my last ounce of self control. I am not responsible for the actions of a sober Chuck Bass."
She slapped him on the arm playfully as the two walked towards the doors.
They were greeted by sunshine and Chuck stood by the limo door, waiting for her to enter first. Perhaps he was only a gentleman around Blair.
She entered the limo and turned her attention to the Manhattan streets that sped by her. She looked calm finally, like a few of her worries had been lessened.
He captured glances of her throughout the ride, her attention never faltering from the window. Finally she spoke and he was given reason to keep his eyes on her, "Daddy sounded happier and I think I might have gotten through to Serena. I feel like things are finally getting better."
He nodded and looked out his own window, trying to see the silver lining Blair had found. He prayed it all would last but somehow he felt like it wasn't time for him to step away just yet. That she would still need him in those desperate moments. He wondered what would become of him the day she would stop.
Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are
I believe in your words and your eyes
and when you speak of your dreams
I realize that I will envy whoever you give your heart to
So in the end it s not just you with your memories and your scars
Fall on me if you ever forget how beautiful you are
And I will never let you fade away
And I want you to know that I love you
for all you are and all that you'll be.
Matt Nathanson lyrics
Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing this fic. It is one of my favorites to write because I can kind of be all over the place (and I tend to be very random). I had this update partially written for a while but some computer trouble and other things going on in life forced me to put the update on hold for a few weeks. So once again sorry for the wait but know I am an avid C/B fan and plan to update this as often as I can.
I know I wrote a post wedding scene earlier but I couldn't pass up the thought of Blair almost having sex with Nate to save their relationship, which is on the rocks because of Serena, and Chuck talking her out of it because he knows what an important step it is for her. He knows once Nate screws up enough he'll realize he wants Blair and everything can go back Blair's idea of "perfect." Plus I really wanted to write Chuck and Blair being together while Nate and Serena are trying to cover up their indiscretions.
And I loved the last five minutes of "The Ex-Files" because it hints to the lengths Chuck may have gone to in the past to get what he wanted (and in this fic it's Blair's happiness). It really showed the depth of Chuck's characters--and he was amazing in the post funeral episodes, if only the writers had given us more Chuck and Blair. I've been dying for some Chair so I thought I'd put my longing into fanfic, hope you enjoyed it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that next week we might get to see something that will fill the C/B void in our lives.
Thank you for reading and please review if you have a moment.