I Was Late
Rating: K+
Summery: Everything had to start somewhere; everything has to end somewhere too. Remus/Hermione OneShot
A/N: Be warned, this contains slight DH Spoilers, well not really nothing is given away, not even a minor plot line. It is just set at the beginning of DH so yep, there's your warning. If you haven't read it yet, and don't want to know nothing what so ever don't read it. I don't want people mad at me. Yep so just after I read DH I thought I would take advantage of a moment in the beginning and make the time after it my own. It's just placed in that time. I took advantage of it. Hope you all like it all the same, it honestly could be read not even thinking it was set in DH, but it was intended to without giving away anything. I personally think I succeeded in that. Review and tell me what you think. This is my first RmHr story, so tell me if If you like it. Oh before I go, it has some R/Hr in it, I don't like the couple, but I put it in to make the story flow.
It was cold, almost to cold to be natural, or even real. It wasn't the kind of cold that made you shiver slightly and reach for a warm woolly blanket. It was the kind of cold that captivated you, and ceased all usable senses. The kind of cold that froze your blood solid, like the unwavering ice in your freezer at home. But maybe what was even more captivating was the pure, unadulterated silence that fell about them. It seemed that all sounds, all whispering winds had silenced. The once creaking walls and moaning steps seemed dead .
The silence scared Hermione, perhaps even more than the cold that had fell upon them could at all. She remained stationary; the only moving part of her was her breath that fell softly from her mouth, forming falling crystals as it was cast to the ground. Her lips were just as cold and blue perhaps as the darkening walls about them. Her hands remained hugged around her at the chest, her fingers aching as the cold inflicted them.
It hung low in the sky, the crescent shaped figure glowing softly. Its pale yellow light cast upon the three huddled figures, sleeping in their separate, and rather small, sleeping bags. It seemed so close, enough to touch, yet still hundreds of light-years away. It was hard not to think of it, all the memories and such. She did every night, and still left just as guilty as she was every time she left him.
She dared to roll over, now facing the ginger boy beside of her. His lips, just as cold and blue, as hers seemed to be. She didn't know why she didn't light a fire, It seemed that it would be the best to do, but as she thought about lighting it, she didn't. She knew why she didn't, but refused to believe that as the reason anyway.
She tried to force herself to focus on the angelic figure in front of her. His pearly skin seemed to set off a unique glow as he huddled beneath his sheets. His slightly elongated nose, thinned lips, freckled cheeks, and his long eyelashes that laid softly upon them. But it was hopeless, she even tried to dare herself to brush his ginger hair away from his closed lids, but she couldn't force the memories away. It had never been this hard, to force them away before. But it seemed impossible to forget them. So in defeat, she rolled over feeling to guilty to watch her love and fell into them.
Flashback
It was dark, as the candles that adorned on the dirt-ridden walls had blown out long ago. No windows laid about the stairwell to let in soft light of the night, so she had to succumb to the darkness. It was cold as well, but not nearly as cold as it had been a few nights before. The snores, grunts, grumbles, and soft chattering slightly filled the hall that had been echoed out through the closed doors.
The stairs creaked and groaned as she patted her feet down them, making her way into the kitchen. She hadn't been able to sleep that night, but it wasn't anything new to her. She had just arrived at the headquarters two days before, but she hadn't got a proper nights rest since she arrived home on the Hogwarts Express.
The groaning footsteps died as her feet softly fell upon the cold stone floor of the kitchen. The house, although apparently cleaner than before, was still quite a mess. Mrs. Weasley had planned to clean up the rest of the kitchen, which had all been done except wiping down the counter and fixing the watering systems that when turned on, flooded the kitchen with a murky brown liquid that smelled highly of bat dung.
As she made her way to sit on one of the stools, it was only until then she noticed she was not alone.
He was peering out the window nearest to him, which was just visible through the thick layer of dust. Although at first glance his appearance seemed approachable, at second glance, he seemed hardened. Something in his stature seemed frightened, almost terrified. He was visibly more ragged than his time at Hogwarts; and if she ventured a guess, she would assume that he was wearing in fact the same cloak he wore when he departed from her the last time. His hair visibly more grayed than last time, and new scars seemed to pop out before her.
She had never been able to forget him, the man who had truly taught them during her time at Hogwarts. She had, as she had admitted to herself before, had a slight schoolgirl crush on him, and she felt as she watched him before her, two years afterward, her stomach and heart flip the same way it had in the past. She pushed the slight feeling of nervousness aside as she approached him, daring to sit next to him.
"May I join you?" she said in a slight whisper, not trusting her own voice.
His eyes averted to her, his expression slightly hardened at first but then visibly softened at the sight of her. "Of course Miss Granger."
"Professor, please call me Hermione," she said smiling.
"Alright, I will call you Hermione, if you call me Remus as well," he retorted.
"Seems fair enough," she chuckled as she took a seat on the stool beside him.
The silence was an awkward one; so awkward in fact that it began to bear on her nerves as she began to twiddle her thumbs. Thankfully, he broke the silence.
"Why are you up so late?"
"Couldn't sleep, yourself?"
He nodded before standing up, and for one terrified moment she thought he would leave. She was set at ease as he retrieved two mugs, and after cleaning them, filling them with steaming (and clean) water.
"You know," he started as he flicked his wand, "I find that Hot Chocolate is the best medicine to treat restlessness."
"I thought that it was suppose to keep you awake?" she mused.
"I won't tell anyone if you don't" he whispered, a gleeful glitter in his eyes.
She took a warm mug in response, and flashed him an innocent smile.
He took his place and watched the glowing moon once more. As he watched it, fear and hatred etching his features, the image pierced her heart. Slowly, she took his hand in hers. He first jumped at the touch, but then warmed to it, and began to grip her hand with the same force.
"Its seems like such a small and insolent thing to fear. But how can I not fear it when it makes me fear myself? It turns me into a beast- I am a monster because of it."
"You are not a monster, nor are you a beast. It does not make you who you are Remus. I have trusted you from the moment I met you, and I still do. I trust you just as much, if not more since then. It does not make you Remus, remember that. You are the smartest, kindest, man I have ever met and I trust you if my life lay in your hands. Werewolf or not- I trust you."
"Thank you Hermione, but others do not feel the way you do," he whispered in gratitude.
"Then they should. I do not look down upon you because of what you are, I look up to you because if it! I can understand the persecution you get, for I get it myself everyday by the same people who hurt you. Simple minded idiots such as Lucius Malfoy!"
"I am glad I know you Hermione Granger. You truly are the greatest witch of your time, you know that?"
"I have been told it before," She replied.
"Thank you Hermione."
"For what?"
"For understanding," he whispered, "You understand me like no one has before. Your words comfort me, but they can't make me stop fearing it."
"And you never will. I wish could change that Remus, but time turners do not turn back that far."
Every night afterward in Number 12 Grimmauld Place, the one or the other met the other downstairs, their cup of hot chocolate already steaming and prepared. She held his hand, and every night they sat in silence watching the moon. No words needed to be said; they would drain their hot chocolate slowly, just holding hands and would leave each other with nothing but a smile.
Hermione closed her eyes and let her hand drift to the amulet below her shirt. She gripped it in her hand, letting a lone tear leak from her eyes. He was married now, he was going to be a father. And as much as she wished it didn't, it slightly stabbed at her heart. This feeling made her feel guiltier than ever. She loved Ron with all her heart, but Remus Lupin truly understood her, they both feared the same thing. They both feared themselves, feared others thoughts of them. In a way they were both tortured souls, drifting on in life with a common goal.
They had grown close over that summer, a summer she would never forget no matter how hard she tried to. But she had to forget him, her feelings. Lately that's all that has troubled her mind. She needed to focus on Harry and the journey ahead. No matter how much she wished the three to become four, she knew it never would, nor it ever should.
It was the night before she was to set off to school, the last night she would see her friend for months to come and that slightly scared her. She had told no one of the newfound friendship, nor had he. But as they sat there, holding each others hands something seemed different, he almost seemed nervous.
"Hermione," he started, "I want you have this."
From his pocket he pulled a necklace, no doubt white gold. At the end of the white chain hung a full moon of diamonds, it glittered almost oddly.
"Remus I couldn't-"
"Yes you can, it's a friendship charm. I have the other one. When worn, only the other wearer can see the necklace. All you have to do is hold it in your hand, and speak the wearers name and if they so choose, will come to you through the means of holding theirs in their palm."
"Remus, I, you don't have to give this to me."
"I know I don't have to- I want to. Hermione you understand me like no one else has before. You have became one of my closest friends, maybe even almost as close as Sirius. I want you to have it. Sirius, James and I had them when we were in school. After we got ours we met Peter but Peter never got one. Sirius still has his, and I have mine, now you have yours."
"But Harry should have it, I-"
"We all agreed, if anything happened to us we would so choose who would get it next, and not giving to one just because they would be their child, if they had one."
"Thank you Remus, I don't know what to say," she whispered in tears of gratitude.
"All you have to say is, 'would you like to help me get it on Remus'."
She stood up, climbing over Harry and quickly made her way into the kitchen. Conjuring to mugs of hot chocolate, she took her place on her stool. Clutching the necklace, she whispered his name.
"Remus. Remus Lupin please come back."
The necklace glowed slightly, for several minutes it glowed steadily brighter until it suddenly dimmed and the glow vanished from sight. She looked for him, calling out for him slightly.
He hadn't come. He had chosen to ignore her.
Hot anger spread throughout her. He was probably to busy with Tonks to come to her. Guilt overcame the anger, guilt for thinking of any man but Ron. She truly loved Ron, she really did. She was happy for Remus and Tonks. But she couldn't help but feel a little jealous of her, she couldn't help but wonder if she had taken the step, if she would have been in her place.
She closed her eyes, letting the tears of guilt wash out , cleansing her.
She knew they were only one way to forget about him, only one way to pursue the future. She took the necklace unhooking it for the first time in two years, and softly laid it on the table in front of her beside the lone cup of hot chocolate. She drained her own, leaving it there. She didn't know why she was leaving them, maybe just as a testimony that she was ready to move on.
Hermione moved out of the kitchen slowly, but at the door frame she halted. Unable to move. She glanced over her shoulder watching the moon out the window.
"Goodbye Remus." She whispered softly.
And she turned back.
She laid back down in her bag, turning to face Ron who was lazily awake.
"Did I wake you?" she whispered half fearful.
"No, I just woke. Why?"
"I- I just got up to clean up."
"You look beautiful anyway you are," he whispered earnestly.
"Thank you Ron," she whispered blushing.
He took her hand, slightly kissing it before holding it his own. It wasn't callused as Remus's was, the hold didn't seem quite right. But after a bit, it was just as comforting as his has ever been as well. After a while, as his snores entered the air, their hands parted and Hermione fell asleep, not hearing the soft creaking from the kitchen.
The next morning, Ron and herself awoke to find Harry missing. Ron passed through the kitchen up the stairs without a mere glance around it. But Hermione did not miss the changes. The cups of hot chocolate still sat on the counter, both emptied, both drank down to the bottom. But the necklace remained along with something else, a letter of sorts. Picking up the sheet of paper she began to read.
I know I was late
But still I had hoped you hadn't gone.
I wish I could change time
To right just one wrong.
I wish I had acted on impulse
Just one time.
Maybe now, it would be different.
Different than it is this time.
I know I was late
But I still hope you aren't gone.
I wish we could change
To right our wrong
We lost our chance.
It has become the only regret
I harbor inside
Our only regret
I know I was late.
I wont stop wishing you haven't gone
I wish I could stop wishing we could change
To want to right our wrong
But I cant
The beast inside me wont let go
You alone are my fire
You share my soul
We love others
We know it is true
But all the same
I still love you
I know I was late
But I still had hoped you hadn't gone
I wish I could change time
To right just one wrong
I hope you care the way I do
I always will wait for you.
Loosing you is the only thing I fear anymore
It will always belong to you
-Moony
She dried her eyes as Ron called down to her. Grabbing the sheet she closed it, musing over the meaning of the last line. It will always belong to you. It had a double meaning behind it, this she knew. She held the necklace in her hand, turning it over slightly. She opened an empty draw, placing the letter and necklace at the back. Before she closed it she placed the cups inside as well, more of a cover for them than anything.
She would get it later, when she was ready and had moved on.
Everything had to start somewhere. Everything had to end somewhere too.