CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

"You're what?" A light shower of coffee shot across the table.

"We're trial dating." House looked at his friend who was now wiping up the coffee spill and his embarrassment.

"What's that even mean?" Wilson knew House and Cuddy had gone on a date last night, but he was amazed at the speed in which they were now a serious couple.

"It means I get to dump her in a month and she can't bitch about it or make my life miserable. It's the perfect escape clause."

"And you think this is a good idea because…" Wilson left a blank for House to fill.

"Because it was her idea."

"Cuddy's?" Wilson didn't believe that for a second. "Lisa Cuddy? Our boss?"

"All of them."

Wilson thought about it for a moment. "She's a genius!"

"What?" It was House's turn to spit.

"Think about it House. She conned you into being her boyfriend. You're not going to be able to dump her in a month. This is Cuddy we're talking about. Cuddy who you've been fantasizing about and harassing like a school boy for ten years. Cuddy who is, let's face it, she's hot. And she's now your girlfriend. You'd have to be insane to throw that away, and she knows it." Wilson was on a roll now. "She's got you."

"No. I've got her. One month of free sex AND a month off clinic duty." House nodded proudly.

Wilson tried not to laugh. He'd already said too much. "Yeah, House, you got her alright."

House raised an eyebrow, but didn't think about it too hard. He was afraid if he did he'd realize Wilson was right, and then he'd go and do something to mess this all up. Let Wilson think House had been duped. Let Cuddy think she'd gotten the upper hand. House knew that it was he who was getting what he wanted from this arrangement. He was the clever one here, not them.

"Are there rules?" Wilson was finished with his muffin. He put what was left on House's dish.

"None that I'm going to obey." House wasn't a rules kind of guy. "You don't think she expects me to pay for all our dates do you?"

"Probably."

"She makes more money than I do. She should pay."

"That's not the way it works House. You want to get into her pants, you're paying for dinner." Wilson had been there and done that enough times to know how the game was played.

"Then how is dating different than prostitution?"

"You get a meal?" Wilson shrugged.

"It'd be cheaper to get a prostitute."

"Too late now." Wilson chuckled behind his napkin.

"I'm going to check on my patient." House tossed his napkin on his tray and got up leaving Wilson to clean their mess.

Carly was watching intently as Dr. Hadley prepared a needle. "Dr. House?" She brightened as he entered the room. "Do you have any news?" She glanced cautiously at Hadley. She wasn't sure how House felt about prying ears.

House shot Hadley a look that meant leave. She ignored it. "That look I just gave you, the one that made a path from you to the door, that look means leave."

Hadley glanced up at him. "This needle, the one I'm holding over the patient's arm, that means I'm busy."

House snatched the needle from her hand. "Now you're not. Now get out!"

Hadley left with a huff.

Carly giggled. "Are you always that mean to her?"

"Yes." House jabbed the needle into the girl's arm.

"OUCH!"

"Oops, did I forget the part where I say this is going to hurt?"

"I don't think you forgot." She narrowed her eyes at him playfully. She liked the fact that House was an ass, and that he didn't care who knew it. She wanted to be like that if she grew up. She had something she wanted to ask him but was trying to figure out how. "She's dying you know."

"I know." House pulled the needle out and put a small piece of cotton over the tiny hole. "Hold that."

"She thinks that means we have some kind of bond or something. She keeps trying to give me pep talks."

"Don't you want pep talks?"

"No." Carly made a face. "I want her to leave me alone, and I want Kutner and you to be my doctors. Can you make that happen?"

House saw the blush of a small crush, not on him but on young doctor Kutner. "I'll talk to their boss, see what I can do."

"Great. In the mean time, tell me everything!" She'd waited long enough.

"We had a nice date." House was evasive.

"No way. You don't get away with just saying you had a nice date. I want details!" House watched her as she pleaded. She looked healthy. Her color was back, and her voice was strong. A far cry from the pale mute who first entered the hospital a few days ago.

House pushed aside his doctorly thoughts, at least for the moment, and told her about the date, well, the parts suitable to tell a teenage girl, which meant he left out all the arguing and angst and kept in all the steamy stuff, but with innuendo and not too much detail. He even mentioned the agreement they'd come to.

"Oh!My!God! You're a couple! Awesome!" She was beside herself with excitement. "Oh!My!God! You need a name. One of those Brangalina type names. Oooh, what are your first names? Wait, how about Couse? Or Huddy? Or…what did you say your first names were?"

"I didn't."

"Then I think I'll go with Huddy. Couse sounds like couch which, no." She shook her head.

"Great," House said unenthusiastically.

"You don't sound like its great." She looked at him thoughtfully. "What happened?"

"I told you."

"You've got a hot girlfriend now, why are you so bummed?"

"I'm not…bummed." What a word.

"You are sooooooo bummed. Are you nervous?" He didn't reply. "Dr. House, she likes you. You don't have to be nervous about somebody who likes you. The hard part is over."

"The hard part has just begun," House countered.

"God, why do people make things so difficult? Look, you like her, she likes you, you did it...it was good, right? So what's the big problem?"

"Stamina. Teenagers don't know anything about stamina. You can prattle on all day about the most inconsequential things, like Gina's new hair style, or Tommy's jeans, all night long you can talk about nothing because at your age what you say doesn't matter. It's forgotten in a few days and…"

"You think what I say doesn't matter?" She looked deeply hurt by his words. "Then why did you listen to me when I said to ask her out? Huh?" Carly would be the first to admit she could be a bit of a flake, but the one thing she wasn't was a push over, and she wasn't going to let him just make general assumptions about her generation with questioning him about it.

House didn't answer. He regretted coming in and talking to her now. He was going to regret it more in a moment.

Carly pushed the attendant button and waited a moment for a nurse to rush in. "What's the emergency?" Nurse Linda looked at House and glowered. Was this one of his little tests?

"Get me Dr. Cuddy. I have a complaint to file." Carly grabbed House's cane before he could use it to get out of there. "You have to stay."

"I don't have to do anything." House sat down, realizing there were a lot of things in life he had to do.

Nurse Linda had left quickly, giddy at the thought of getting Dr. House in trouble.

"What are you going to say when she gets here?" Hostage House asked.

"Not sure yet." Carly tightened her grip, though she didn't have to. House wasn't putting up as much of a fight as she'd expected.

"What's the problem?" Cuddy burst into the room. She stopped cold when she saw the scene before her. "What have you done now?" she asked, turning to House.

House shrugged. "Don't look at me."

"Dr. Cuddy," Carly was at a loss for words now that the moment had arrived. "Um, Dr. House is being an idiot."

"What did he do?" Cuddy tried to remain professional, but she wanted to smirk badly.

Carly took a deep breath and carried on. "He's being an idiot." She realized this wasn't specific enough. "He only asked you out because I asked him to, but I only asked him to because it was clear he wanted to but he's too scared to just do it, so I had to push him into it."

Cuddy had too thoughts. One, House would not like being called scared, and two, no one can push House into doing anything. "Really?"

"Really. And I asked him how it went, and he told me it went good, whatever that's supposed to mean, but then he got all moody and idioty, which isn't really a word is it, but that's what he's being." She was talking a mile a minute.

Cuddy smiled. "You're clearly feeling better."

"I'd feel even better if I knew he wasn't such a hopeless case. So, I'm going to appeal to you now. Don't let him get away."

"What exactly did he tell you?" Cuddy was getting nervous now.

"Enough to know that he loves you, and he's a bonehead."

House kicked the hospital bed sharply enough for Carly to get the point. It didn't stop her.

"And what am I supposed to do about that?" Cuddy asked, intrigued.

"Don't let him out of this month thing."

"I'm not going to trap him." She was talking more to House than Carly. She didn't want him to feel a sudden need to run.

"You are for a month." House whined.

"If you feel trapped, House, you can end this now."

"What's the penalty?" He wasn't going to end it, but he was curious.

"The penalty is losing her you dumbass!" Carly couldn't take it anymore.

"And having to do double clinic duty for a month," Cuddy added triumphantly.

"Hmph!" House pouted. "Does this mean I'm supposed to take you to dinner tonight?"

"We can start with dinner. Now, if you're done, I've got work to go back to." Cuddy smiled politely at Carly, made a face at House and walked out.

"Remind me why I like her again?" House said, watching her bottom sashay away from him.

"Cause she's hot. And she likes you. I have a feeling not too many people do, so that's a plus."

"I'm going to have Kutner do a last check up then write up your release paperwork." House got up.

"Am I that annoying?" Carly giggled.

"Yeah." House left. If he hurried he could watch Cuddy walk down the hall until she vanished into the elevator.