And then I woke up.

I woke from my dream and for a second I was scared.

That part of me was terrible. I was sorry about what I did. Wasn't I?

I spent part of the day weeping and crying. Didn't I?

I went to the hospital willingly and got better.

Didn't I?

Didn't I even ask to see the girls I'd attacked, so I could apologize? They wouldn't let me, I know, but hadn't I asked?

Wasn't I thrilled to go to Hinamizawa where I could be a new Keiichi Maebara? Don't I love my friends with all my heart? I wouldn't do anything to hurt them, ever. Right?

That old Keiichi the one who could only love the sound and the fury

the sound and the fury

he's gone. I sent him back to wherever he came from, and now there's just me. The Keiichi who respects his parents, who plays games, and loves his friends.

I really love them all, but I think I've fallen in love with Rena. I remember kissing her a few days ago, and she seemed so happy. I remember that, don't I?

We were looking for treasure at the dump. Well, she thought of it as looking for treasure, I mainly just wanted a reason to be close to her for a while. When I first started accompanying her I chalked it up to being bored after school or being entertained by her weirdness, but after a while I figured out that there were other things to do and I saw enough weirdness during the day. It was special because it was the time we spent together.

"If you see anything cute, you just yell for me, Keiichi, and we'll get it together!" she chirped, full of energy as always. I nodded and started looking for things. Of course, I've never been able to pin down exactly what Rena finds cute, so I spent most of my time just watching her, seeing how her hair shimmered in the light of the setting sun and listening to her hum a nonsense tune to herself as she maneuvered deftly across the garbage heap. I remember thinking then, She's everything I'd want in a gi-

Friend, everything I'd want in a friend.

Oh, hell. Fine. A girlfriend. Everything I want in a girlfriend. Are you happy, unconscious?

I wondered to myself if I could date Rena at all. Would it change our relationship with the others? How? The only way I could see it happening was that Rena and I would spend more time alone together, but that wouldn't be too different, would it? It's not like we don't spend time together now.

And does she even like me that way? Didn't I stop to think of that? Didn't I try to decide what to do, now that I'd realized that I wanted to date Rena?

She called my name and snapped me out of my reverie. When I came over to her, I saw she was holding a cassette player. "Isn't it great?" she asked, practically glowing with excitement. "It still works, too! And the tape is foreign!" She went on about the thing's great features, and how cute the foreign language sounded.

I was listening, wasn't I? I listened, but at the same time I was thinking to myself, What can I do to show her? I tried to think of something clever to say, but all I could think of was sappy stuff. Would Rena like that?

Didn't that happen? I would never want to hurt Rena. I knew that I had to tell her then, but I knew that I'd have to be honest. I want to know everything about her, and that means her knowing everything about me. It means telling her about

the sound and the fury

not right away, of course, but if I want to love her, then we have to know one another.

"Are you okay, Keiichi?" she asked, her voice full of concern, the trinket forgotten momentarily.

I smiled. It's hard not to smile when she's around. "I've just got a lot on my mind, that's all."

She moved closer to me and her eyes shone with gentleness. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

I had to look away, or else I would have embraced her wordlessly. "Rena, it's about...the two of us."

"What about us?" she asked hesitantly. I thought I could see the hint of a smile on her face. I took that as a good sign. Did I imagine that? I couldn't have.

"I just...well, I was wondering if you ever thought about being more than friends. You know?"

She looked downwards and blushed as bright red as can be. She clutched onto the tape deck tightly, and I could see her knuckles turn white with the strain. "Sometimes," I heard her say softly. "A lot," she corrected a second later, and this time in a more confident tone.

I didn't know what to say. All that came to my mouth was "Rena" and she looked up at me. I put my hands on her shoulders, leaned forward, and kissed her lips softly. At first, I couldn't discern much of a reaction. Our eyes were open, but all I could see registered in hers was surprise. Vaguely I became aware of the fact that she'd dropped the tape deck, which had for whatever reason started to play when it hit the ground. I recognized the foreign song from hearing it a few times on the radio.

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy, dead

And the white knight is talking backwards and the Red Queen's

"Off with her head"

The music droned on until the tape stopped, the sounds mixing with the calming cries of the cicadas in the distant trees. The kiss lasted for (a couple of seconds? a few minutes? an hour?) before I drew back, ready to apologize. I hadn't really meant to do it, I just panicked. "Rena," I said again, but she pressed herself against me before I could do more than that.

"Keiichi," she said, her voice partially muffled against my chest. "I want to try." I felt the gentle pressure of her hands on my back.

And all I could think of as I wrapped my arms around her was "So do I."

We decided to go home after staying like that for a bit. On the surface, it wasn't much different from any other time. We held hands this time, though, and most of my mind was focused on how right it felt to be holding her hand. But in the back of my head it was there, raking its claws across my happiness, blasting forth

THE SOUND AND THE FURY

and so I let go of her hand. "Rena, there's something I have to tell you."

She stopped walking, so I did the same. She looked sad, but there was something else in her expression that I couldn't place. "What is it?"

I tried to find the words, but they were slow in coming. Normally I'm pretty glib, but today was just so confusing. "I haven't always been...this Keiichi Maebara you know." I expected some kind of confusion, but Rena's just nodded for me to continue. "I mean, I...I've done some bad things. Before I came her and met you."

I don't know what I expected to happen. Did I want her to ask more? Would I have told her if she did? What confused was the look on her face. I think maybe I expected the look I remembered from my parents' faces, the looks of disgust and horror

envy

but all I saw Rena show was understanding. "Don't worry," she said. "Who you were then doesn't matter to me."

"But you should know," I replied, looking away from her in shame. "You should know because we shouldn't have secrets."

And she reached out to my face and turned it towards her. She smiled warmly and said, "We all have secrets. When you feel ready, you tell me. I'll do the same. Whatever it is, the past can't change who we are now, right?"

And then I remember inviting Mion and Rena over for dinner two nights ago. I remember us telling Mion that we were together now, and I remember how happy she looked, and how unhappy at the same time. She looked confused, but I couldn't imagine why. Maybe she thought I liked her? My memory fades there, but we had a nice dinner

Rena got angry

No...no she didn't. Why would she be angry?

I made her angry

That's not true, its not true its not. I remember we watched some TV after dinner and I remember the dim light of the screen and I remember putting my hand over

Shion's

Rena's hand and her turning to me

in fear

and smiling so sweetly

Thats what I remember it is

And then they went home

game

And then I waved to them as they left

hide and seek

I remember seeing the leave the house

camera

I can see in my minds eye its nighttime and its late and there goes Rena out my door and shes alone oh god shes alone and Mions still with me that game couldnt have happened Im not like that Im not please please tell me that didnt happen

Rena wouldnt have let me into her house the next day if that had happened, right? She wouldn't have invited me over for the punishment game if I had made her angry the previous night, would she? After we told Rika and Satoko about our relationship, and Rika told me not to do anything indecent to Rena at her house and Satoko and Mion blushed, but not as darkly as Rena had and we all had fun that day, right?

On our way to Rena's house, didn't we even joke about that ourselves, in that way that people joke when they're being serious? And I was surprised that she didn't seem embarrassed, wasn't I?

And I asked her about the drawing that she had stated as the reason she needed me to help her, halfway expecting that there was no drawing, but she said there was and she needed me to help her and I asked her how I could help and she said I had to draw something and she said Youll see and she opened the door to her house and then and then

I cant remember why cant I remember what happened I said I was sorry Im sorry Im sorry and Im a good person now and I love Rena I do I love

the

R

sound

e

and

n

the

a

fury

And then I woke up.

And I shook my head and my thoughts went scattering about like a snowglobe, and then they fell to their allotted places in my mind and I felt like myself again. The sun shone irritatingly through my window and I squinted into the light. Another day, another level of my favorite game. I wonder if I'll ever grow tired of hunting, even if I get Mion and Shion. I doubt it. This is what I live for. This is what I was made for. Like the wolf among sheep, I move throughout the world and cultivate my pleasure where I like. And it just so happens that I'm here right now. But I'll never see Mion and Shion's equal, and that makes it all the more important that I conquer her. It's about self-realization, really: the key to mastering others is to master yourself.

Notes: And you thought Rena was the unreliable narrator, eh? Sorry this chapter has been a long time coming, I've had a lot going on. New semester and all. And I've been working on translating Higurashi in its many forms. It's actually easier for me to translate stuff into Japanese rather than from Japanese. The other day I did the "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow" soliloquy from Macbeth. That was way easier than any given chapter of Higurashi. Incidentally, I've become aware that the proper spelling should be "Keiichi." The "kei" part is "ke" with the "i" signifying an extended "e" sound, and then "ichi." Eventually I'll go back and change the rest of the story, which uses "Keichi."