Allies...

Chapter 3 – Don't Look Back

Rodney rolled over and groaned. He had no idea how long he had been unconscious, but his parched throat and the hungry ache deep in his belly informed him that it had probably been a long time. His skin felt stretched and sore from the heat that had blasted him as he fell through the portal once again.

He opened his eyes and his hand twitched up involuntarily to tap his radio and call for help. He quickly lowered his arm back down and rested it over his chest as he remembered what had happened the last time he had used it in the other reality.

He steeled himself and pushed off the ground slowly with a grimace as he stood upright. He felt dizzy when he finally reached the vertical plane and rubbed his eyes to try and clear the tiredness. He blinked a few times and sighed.

Once again he grabbed his tablet from the floor and decided that he urgently needed to find some food and water or he would collapse and it was unlikely that anyone would ever find him. He closed his eyes tightly as he stood up straight again and staggered towards the door leading out of the lab.

There was a faint glow of dim light shining down from the ceiling so that he could see where he was going as he forced himself onwards. He stepped into the first transporter he came across and raised his shaking hand towards the panel showing a map of Atlantis. He pressed the image for the location nearest the mess hall and then everything went black.

Rodney opened his eyes and glanced blearily around the room he was in. He felt the softness of the object he was lying on and the warm sheets covering him as he lay there. His eyelids felt heavy and he closed them again as the darkness threatened to drag him back under. He frowned as he forced himself to stay conscious.

He looked down at himself. There was an IV line threaded into his arm which started to sting as soon as he realised it was there. He could not feel any bandages though. The only bare skin he could see was red and angry and there were a few small blisters on the backs of his hands. He winced as pain flared over his skin.

He allowed his eyes to close as he let the familiarity and safety of the infirmary wash over him. He felt relief that he was finally home after his short sojourn in the other reality.

A thickly accented voice called out to Rodney, "Oh, no you don't, laddie!"

Rodney frowned in confusion as he fought to stay awake. He heard the voice again, there was a strange familiarity about it, "He's awake. You'd better get down here."

He croaked, "Carson… where's Jennifer?"

Dr Beckett came over to him and passed him a glass of water.

When Rodney had finished sipping the water, Carson held Rodney's upper arms and gently shook him to wake him up, "Who's Jennifer?"

Rodney's eyes snapped open widely and he looked up at his friend standing so close to him with a look of disbelief and sadness. Rodney mumbled, "Oh, not here too!"

Carson frowned at him and shook his head, "The mess hall sent some food down for you. We should wait for the others before we talk."

He released his grip on McKay and went over and brought the tray over. Rodney grabbed the blue jello first and dug in while Carson watched him in awe.

Rodney ate a few mouthfuls before he glared at Carson angrily, "Why are you staring at me like that? Uh…oh…" Rodney coughed and grimaced. He suddenly sat forwards on the bed and held onto his midsection as he started to tremble uncontrollably. "Carson… I think…" The jello pot and spoon fell out of his hand and clattered onto the floor.

Rodney winced and wretched as he vomited the meagre contents of his empty stomach into the bowl which suddenly appeared in exactly the right place in front of him. He continued to cough as acidic bile burned the back of his throat painfully. He took the glass of water passed to him and swallowed some to soothe his sore throat.

"Uh, thanks," was all he could gasp.

Carson came back a moment later and frowned in concern at Rodney as he remained hunched over on the bed with his burnt face pinched together in discomfort.

Carson said, "You were dangerously dehydrated when we found you in the transporter outside the mess hall. Not to mention the burns and bruises all over you."

Carson shook his head and passed another pot of jello to Rodney, "Try to eat it more slowly this time."

Rodney nodded and absently spooned a much smaller portion of the food into his mouth. Carson continued to stare at him with a puzzled expression and it looked like he was torn between silence and blurting out a thousand questions.

Rodney swallowed and then he dropped the jello again and wrapped both hands around his throat. For he had felt the fatal tang of lemon as it passed over his taste buds. He started hyperventilating in panic and wheezed, "Are you trying to kill me! You know I'm allergic!"

Carson quickly came over and grabbed Rodney's forearms as his hands tightened around his neck. He pulled them away and said indignantly, "No, you're not. At least, you weren't."

Rodney coughed and closed his eyes as the phantom sensation of his throat sealing and blocking the passage of air into his lungs dissipated. He frowned in confusion and opened his eyes to look at Carson as he continued to grip Rodney's forearms and hold them away.

"I'm not allergic to citrus? How is that even possible?"

Carson let go of Rodney and raised his eyebrows, "You were never allergic to anything before and the lack of any anaphylactic reaction just then proves it."

Rodney glanced down guiltily at the upturned jello pot on the floor by his bed, "Um, sorry. I have to be more careful."

A thought suddenly came to Rodney; maybe he had lost his allergy due to the differences in the reality where he now was. Perhaps just as the events had been different in this place, the food was also slightly different and no longer deadly to him.

He turned his head at the sound of approaching footsteps and quickly said, "I'm still not going to eat it. Please don't do that again."

Carson nodded and spun around as the last person Rodney had ever expected walked into the room. He whispered in shock, "Elizabeth?"

She looked back at him with his expression mirrored across her own face. John and Teyla followed her into the room. The three of them came over and crowded around the end of Rodney's bed with Carson. They looked down at him in shock like they were seeing a ghost. John's smile quickly vanished and his face became impassive.

John frowned at Rodney and asked, "Where have you been all these years, McKay?"

"Uh, years? Right here." It suddenly dawned on him, "From those looks you're all giving me; let me guess, I'm dead?"

John remained stoic as he said, "No, but you are missing."

"No, I'm dead. Based on the very fact that I'm here and in the other reality I was also dead, then I must be!"

Elizabeth shook her head and spoke, "You were taken by the Wraith hive after our fateful alliance with them."

Teyla said, "Ronon was taken too. We never found your bodies."

Carson looked down at the floor, "Aye, we searched the hive for days, but found nothing. We thought they'd jettisoned you while they were in hyperspace, until now."

Rodney grimaced as he discovered the fate of himself in this reality, "Like a piece of trash?" He then turned to Carson, "So you're not a clone?"

The Scot frowned at him, but replied calmly anyway, "No, I'm the flesh and blood original, just like you."

"Oh," Rodney mumbled. He needed to find out how Alt-Carson had survived the explosion which had killed his friend in his own reality. The memory of it still hurt him. Now he had found out that his death in this reality had meant that the man had been unscathed somehow. He needed to know how, even though he knew he was probably not going to like the answer.

He looked at Alt-Elizabeth, "And you're not a Replicator or part Replicator?"

Alt-Teyla narrowed her eyes, "What is a Replicator, Dr McKay?"

Alt-John whistled, "Seriously, Rodney, where the hell have you been?"

"Obviously not in this reality."

How could this reality be better off without him there? Rodney could not endure looking into the eyes of his alternative reality friends for very long and he furrowed his brow as he looked down at his hands and started twisting them together nervously. He gritted his teeth and quickly desisted as the burns pulled and pained him.

His chest suddenly hitched and he held his middle as a sharp flare emanated from his stomach and he felt sick again. He coughed weakly and turned his watering eyes to Alt-Carson.

Alt-Beckett quickly passed Rodney another bowl and said to the others, "I need you to leave. He's still not very well. When he's stronger he'll be more able to answer all of your questions."

Alt-John frowned in worry, "What's wrong, Rodney?"

McKay was bent over the bowl in his lap and looked up at Alt-Sheppard briefly as he mumbled, "It seems like this whole reality doesn't agree with me."

He was then violently sick again. He closed his eyes and groaned as he clutched the aching muscles on his belly and continued to dry wretch.

He looked at Alt-Carson and muttered, "So, how did you survive?"

"I'm not sure. How did I die in your reality?"

Rodney was pleased Alt-Carson believed him so unquestioningly. He steeled himself to recount the horror and pain of the grief he still felt in his heart every day. "The radiation from that lab and the explosion as it turned two people into walking bombs?"

There was a slight pause before he spoke, "Aye, I remember now. Dr Zelenka came here after they were irradiated. He worked the whole night to make sure there was nothing untoward about the radiation."

Rodney was finding it increasingly harder to breathe as Alt-Carson continued, "We removed the tumours before they became dangerous. There was never any explosion."

Rodney closed his eyes tightly as his own guilt weighed his heart down so heavily it felt like it was struggling to continue beating in his chest. He decided he had to leave this reality fairly soon for his own sanity more than anything else. His eyes itched and stung with tears and he quickly rubbed them to get rid of the evidence.

The whole place just felt completely wrong. He could not live with the fact that Jennifer was not even there and dead people walked and talked like ghosts of the past he had tried so hard to forget by losing himself in his work. Ronon was dead too! He was barely coping with the loss of Elizabeth and Carson in his own reality and he knew that they both had to stay dead. A couple of years ago when their loss had been so fresh and intensely painful to him, he may have considered staying in this reality, but now he was not so sure.

Alt-Carson came back to him and spun a tablet around to show him some data.

Rodney sighed angrily and snapped, "I don't know what you remember about me, Carson, but I still don't understand medical gobbledegook."

"It's your test results. We did a full scan and blood test. I've only just finished my analysis."

Alt-Carson trailed off and pursed his lips. Rodney frowned at him, "Let me guess, it's not good news."

Alt-Carson said evenly, "We've discovered that your physiology just simply isn't compatible with any of the food we have. You'll die unless you eat soon, but we don't have any way to help you. The IV has kept you stable for now, but we can't expect you to remain with the line in you for the rest of your life."

A tight noose of fear encircled Rodney's heart and squeezed tightly as Alt-Carson spoke. It did not promise to let go anytime soon if he stayed in this reality. He glanced down at where the needle was still in his arm and winced, "No. The only way is for me to try out another reality and see if I can get back that way somehow. Do you have my tablet?"

Alt-Carson smiled, "Hassling me for your computer, just like old times?"

Rodney gave him a sour look and spoke patronisingly, "No, I need the one I was carrying when I was found."

Alt-Carson's face fell and he shrugged, "I don't remember seeing a tablet when we picked you up earlier. Radek may have it."

Rodney pushed himself upright and said forcefully, "Get me some proper clothes. I need to go and see him and then we can go down to the room with the archway."

Alt-Carson sighed, "Alright, but take it easy. The bruises and burns were not too serious, but not being able to eat anything will have left you feeling weakened. Don't push yourself too hard."

Rodney gave him a reassuring smile which rapidly fell into a grimace, "Um…"

Alt-Carson shook his head and sighed in exasperation.

Alt-Elizabeth came to visit Rodney with Alt-John and Alt-Teyla again later.

Alt-Radek had been just as awed and surprised to see Rodney as all the other people, until Rodney said he needed to leave this reality in order to survive.

Rodney picked at his uniform which was exactly like the one he had been wearing when he was kidnapped by the Wraith during the alliance. It made him feel like he was stuck in a bizarre time warp and even more out of place than he already did. It was good to see Elizabeth and the original Carson again but the unease over their return burrowed into his conscience too deeply for him to endure remaining in this reality for much longer.

Rodney looked up from his computer and spun around in the chair. He flinched when the IV line still in his arm snagged and shifted. He held his breath for a moment and let it out in a shaky sigh. When he opened his eyes again he asked the room in general, "So what happened? Without the Asurans I reckon it's been fairly quiet here."

Alt-Elizabeth answered, "Well, the Wraith are still around, but they're not much of a threat these days. What with the Daedalus and the Apollo looking over our shoulders. We mainly focus on exploration and understanding the technology we find."

"Oh," Rodney felt the guilt building up inside him again where he had tried and failed to keep it down and buried where it belonged. This reality really was much better than his own where he had had a major hand in destroying so many things and killing so many people. He stuttered, "Just don't go to M7R-227, which is also called Asuras, or everything will change!"

Alt-Radek glanced down briefly at his computer and then his eyes tracked over the people gathered, "This data is completely corrupted and indecipherable."

Rodney sighed sadly, "I know. Maybe just as I can't eat anything here, data from my reality can't be read here either. I'm sorry. I really need to leave before I starve to death."

Alt-Teyla nodded grimly, "It is very good to see you again, Rodney, but I do not wish to see you suffer for our benefit."

Alt-John nodded in agreement, "I'm happy to see you again too, McKay, but Teyla's right. Our Rodney's more than likely dead, but at least we know that in many other realities he's still alive."

Rodney did not say anything about the horrid guilt crushing him. He just nodded slowly and mumbled, "Okay, thanks."

Alt-Elizabeth's eyes sparkled in sadness as she watched Rodney in the room with the archway over the floor. He knew he could not stay there, even for her. It cut right to his core, but it was more than likely that he would die if he stayed and he really did not belong in this reality.

They had given him offworld gear and a rucksack full of supplies. Even though he could not keep any of the food down, they gave him some anyway in case it changed and became edible when it passed through the portal with him.

Alt-Teyla walked over to Rodney and gripped his shoulders. She tilted her head forwards and Rodney bumped foreheads with her. She squeezed his shoulders and said thickly, "Good luck, Rodney."

Alt-John merely shook Rodney's hand and slapped his upper arm. When their eyes met though, Rodney saw a deep sorrow in Alt-John and it made him furrow his brow sadly.

Alt-Carson removed the IV line from Rodney's arm and stuck a plaster over the hole left behind. He looked down and said, "I'm no good at this stuff."

Rodney smiled, "I know."

Alt-Carson then quickly raised his head and glared at Rodney intensely, "Ah, bloody hell. Come here." He then drew Rodney into a friendly hug and said shakily, "Good luck, Rodney. Whatever reality you came from, I hope you get back there."

Rodney patted Alt-Carson's back nervously and after a few seconds he was so uncomfortable he had to pry the Scot away from him. Alt-Teyla was fighting back a smile, but Alt-John was smirking so much he looked like a Cheshire Cat.

Alt-Carson blinked through shining eyes and stalked out the room while muttering angrily, "Always embarrassing myself…"

Alt-John and Alt-Teyla looked at Rodney one last time and then left him alone with Alt-Elizabeth.

She walked over to him and Rodney looked away as she wrapped her fingers around his upper arms. He stuttered, "Elizabeth, I…"

She looked at him sadly and then one of her hands moved up and held the side of his face. He lifted his eyes and met hers in confusion.

She smiled at him and raised her eyebrows as she said, "I won't tell anyone if you don't…"

Rodney furrowed his brow and frowned in confusion, "What do you…"

Before he could continue, Alt-Elizabeth leant right in a kissed him. Rodney's eyes widened and then closed as he kissed her back.

She soon broke away and then turned and stalked out of the room as quickly as she could, leaving Rodney with his mouth hanging open in shock.

It took him several minutes to recover and he went over and stood close to the archway and braced himself. He reached up and tapped his radio, "McKay to Control Room. I'm ready. Don't forget to shut it right down and seal the room after I'm gone."

"We know, Rodney," Alt-Radek replied. "Standby."

Rodney suddenly blurted, "Oh, remember; don't go to M7R-227!"

The portal activated and unstoppably dragged him through a moment later. He did not know whether they had heard and would heed his warning about the Replicators.

Ice covered him as he fell through and he rolled along the floor almost expertly. He only banged his knee on the ground as he landed this time. He sat up and as he rubbed his throbbing appendage, he grimly wondered what reality he had arrived in this time and whether he would ever get home again.

TBC