Identity…

Chapter 7 – One More Night to Live

Rodney sat with his back against the wall on the floor in the room with the archway and sighed. He had placed a torch on the ground next to him as the room was dark in this reality and the window was completely black. He had already been there for several hours and the tension over whether he was going to be found by the inhabitants of Atlantis at any moment was making him increasingly uneasy.

He picked up the hand scanner and pressed it against his arm. The screen lit up, but remained blank as the implant embedded inside him had still not been able to detect the frequency of the reality he was in. He placed the scanner down on the floor and picked up the half eaten wrapped food bar he had found in the bag the Ancients had given him.

At least he hoped it was food as he sniffed it to make sure there were no traces of citrus and took a bite. It had a meaty texture and was extremely chewy, but there was almost no taste at all. He swallowed and frowned in disgust.

After he had eaten the whole thing he felt full even though it had been fairly small. He shone his torch into the bag and noted that there were many more of them expertly crammed into the bag. He smiled, Telan had definitely been one of the kindest Ancients he had met or heard about.

After a several minutes he grabbed the scanner again and placed it near the implant once more. He waited for a few seconds and suddenly the readings appeared on the screen. He muttered in surprise, "Oh! Only a hundred realities short from my own one."

He wondered how large the differences in this reality would be as it was so close to his own. He decided to investigate rather than wait until the device had adapted for his passing and he thought it was safe to go through it again.

He held the torch higher, checked his gun holster and stepped out into the darkened corridor.

The nearest transporter was down, so he kept walking. He did not dare to use the Ancient radio he had been provided with. He had no desire to call down soldiers if he had once again been thrown into a hellish reality like before where everyone had only wanted to hurt and eventually kill him.

He retraced the steps he had made with his team on that fateful day when he had been in his own reality. He was unsure exactly how much time had passed since then due to his injuries and bouts of unconsciousness. He looked down at his feet and grimaced as he continued to walk. He thought of his team mates and wondered what they were doing. Were they looking for him? Or had they already abandoned all hope that he would ever return?

He sighed sadly and furrowed his brow. His thoughts soon turned to Jennifer. She had been absent in most of the realities and the one where she had existed… Rodney shuddered as he remembered her blank gaze when she had looked at him in the infirmary.

He suddenly found that he missed her and the others in the aching hole of loneliness in his heart. Telan had shown him kindness as had most of the other Ancients, but it was not enough to fill the gap. Not that he was a stranger to being shunned and left to fend for himself. Since he had been on Atlantis though, he now realised in fear that he had come to depend on his growing friendships. He felt the emptiness inside himself more sharply than ever before.

Rodney soon came to an active transporter and taking his life into his hands, he tapped the display for the Gate Room. He held his breath and tensed up in anticipation for what he was going to find in the new version of Atlantis.

Rodney stepped out of the transporter and walked into the Gate Room. It was dark outside and judging by the few people in the room, it was after dinnertime and approaching mid evening. He looked around warily and silence descended as more people noticed him. He glanced around nervously and said as nonchalantly as he could, "Um, hello?"

Mr Woolsey had spotted him from the balcony to the Control Room. He frowned and his eyes widened in shock before he tapped his radio, "Dr Keller, please come to the Gate Room. Colonel Sheppard, Ronon, Teyla you may want to come too."

Rodney breathed a sigh of relief. Jennifer was alive and on Atlantis. Things still did not feel quite right though. Unless they had just been waiting for him all this time.

He smoothed out his white jacket uneasily and looked away from the staring faces as he felt them scrutinizing him. Mr Woolsey came over to him as he stood still in the middle of the Gate Room.

Rodney asked, "So, what's been going on around here?"

Woolsey stopped in front of him and folded his arms over his chest. He locked eyes with Rodney and seemed to weigh up what he was going to say very carefully before he spoke. "Dr McKay? How did you get here?

"You mean, 'How did I get back here?'" Rodney asked as his heart rate sped up in panic.

"No, I mean, how are you here?"

Rodney opened his mouth and rolled his eyes, "Oh, I'm dead in this reality too, aren't I?"

Woolsey, ever the diplomat, did not answer, but merely continued to watch him uncertainly.

There was a sound of approaching footsteps a few seconds later and Rodney turned to face them. He smiled as he saw the woman he had been thinking about, "Jennifer? What's going on?"

She dropped her bag and came to a dead stop when she heard his voice. Her mouth opened in shock and her face paled. She looked around at the other people gathered and asked shakily, "Is it a ghost?"

Rodney shook his head and then pulled the hem of his shirt as her eyes returned to him in terror. He released an involuntary nervous laugh at the scrutiny and said, "No, I'm real, although I can understand your assumption from the way I'm dressed." He turned to Woolsey and said sarcastically, "The Ancients sure are snazzy dressers. I can imagine them tearing up the catwalks in their fashionable gear."

Woolsey continued to stare at him, unsure what to do. He then turned to Jennifer and ignored Rodney while he spoke, "Dr Keller, I want you to do a full examination and tell us whether this is Dr McKay or not."

Rodney frowned unhappily and his voice rose as he said, "I'm not a Replicator or a clone if that's what you're thinking. I'm not dead and by the way you're all treating me, I'm still not back in the correct reality, am I?"

Jennifer steeled herself and walked up and stood next to him. She put her hand on his back gently and said shakily, "Come on, let's get you to the infirmary."

Rodney felt his skin warming under her hand and a blush crept across his face. He turned to her and said sincerely, "At least no-one's tried to kill me yet."

Jennifer pursed her lips and her breath hitched as she looked away from him. Rodney thought he saw a deep shadow sorrow pass across her face before she turned and concealed her expression.

Rodney met John, Teyla and Ronon halfway to the transporter. They all stood still in the corridor and Rodney smiled sheepishly at them as John stared at him in disbelief. Telya glared at him intensely and looked almost angry. Rodney felt like her eyes were burrowing under his skin. Ronon had his eyebrows raised, but none of them said anything

Rodney squirmed slightly and released himself from Jennifer's grasp so that he could fold his arms over his chest. He winced in retrospect, but the stab wounds no longer pained him.

Rodney asked in annoyance, "So, how did I die in this reality?"

Jennifer rubbed her eyes and did not speak. Rodney could hear her soft breaths as she struggled to fight back her emotions.

John waved his hand in front of himself, "You've only been dead a couple of weeks. Neeva killed you."

Now Rodney understood the reactions of everyone around him and especially Jennifer. He was secretly proud of her for not breaking down. He knew he may well have done if she had died and come back to haunt him so soon afterwards.

He only released an, "Oh," as he remembered Neeva inside Jennifer's body as she very nearly pulled the trigger and shot him. He turned to Ronon and asked, "So you didn't get to me in time?"

Ronon shook his head and turned away. He mumbled, "No."

They continued to stand there in awkward silence for a few more seconds. Rodney twisted his hands together uncomfortably.

Teyla took in his appearance and narrowed her eyes. She asked, "Where did you get all that equipment, Rodney?"

John relaxed slightly and said, "Yes, it looks like you're an Ancient!"

Rodney nodded, "That's to be expected." He raised his chin superiorly and continued, "Considering I got all this stuff from Ancients in another reality."

John whistled, "Cool."

Jennifer grasped Rodney's upper arm painfully tightly as she tugged him. She said, "We need to make sure you're alright before you answer any more questions."

Rodney allowed himself to be guided into the transporter with Jennifer and she said to his team mates, "I'll call you when I'm happy he's not a Replicator or something else…"

John narrowed his eyes, "We better come with you, just in case."

They all walked into the transporter and headed down to the infirmary.

Rodney flinched as Jennifer drew some blood. He cried indignantly, "I swear if you vampires takes any more of my blood, I'm going to go into shock!"

Ronon smirked from where he was standing with Teyla and John a short distance away. He turned to John and said, "It's McKay alright."

Teyla said, "I am inclined to agree, Ronon."

John's face remained neutral as he watched Jennifer sticking a plaster on the inside of Rodney's elbow and carrying away the blood sample. He folded his arms and said, "I think I'll wait and see first."

Jennifer came back a moment later and she struggled to control her expression as her eyes remained skilfully averted from Rodney's.

He looked at her in concern, "Maybe you should ask someone else to do this? I don't mind."

Jennifer shook her head, "No. I need to be sure myself." She looked up at him and as their eyes locked, Rodney drew in a sharp breath. The sheer volume and depth of emotion visible in her eyes astounded him and shook him to the core. She kept looking at him intensely and then pointed to a bed under the Ancient scanner on the other side of the infirmary. She said, "I need to run some scans."

He got up and walked over, then lay out on the bed as Jennifer activated the machine and the lights glided over his body. She had an excuse not to have to look at him as she studied the data.

She turned around and widened her eyes at him in shock. "What happened to you?"

Rodney placed a hand on his chest and pressed. He then did the same to his side at the locations of his serious injuries. They were so recent that he could still remember the intense and sharp pain from the wounds almost as though they were still hurting him. He said quietly, "I got stabbed. It was probably only a few hours ago."

Jennifer visibly tensed up and pointed to the data on the scanner as she turned back to it. She translated, "There are still signs of the wounds to your chest and abdomen. Your blood pressure is quite low too. Not dangerously so or in any need of treatment, but I want… I'll need to keep an eye on you."

She looked down at the ground at her mistake and inhaled a deep breath before she continued, "There's also a foreign object attached to one of the bones in your left forearm. I'm not sure what it is, I think I'm going to call Dr Zelenka to come and take a look."

Rodney shook his head and rubbed his arm, "No, it's alright. The Ancients gave it to me. I need to keep it so that I can find my way home."

Jennifer returned her eyes to the data and seemed to calm down while she concentrated and worked. She left Rodney lying on the bed and he placed his arms on his midsection and shifted slightly in impatience.

After a while John asked, "So, is this McKay or someone or something else."

Jennifer shrugged, "As far as I can tell, he's Rodney. Not our Rodney, but definitely not a Replicator or clone."

Rodney sighed in relief and sat up on the bed. He swung his legs over the edge and Jennifer turned to him. She furrowed her brow and asked, "Are you in any pain?"

He frowned in confusion and answered, "Um, no. Why?"

"Because with the injuries still showing on the scanner, I wouldn't expect you to be up and about just yet."

"But the Ancients healed me!"

She indicated the scan of his chest on the screen and elaborated, "There is evidence of massive internal bleeding inside your abdomen and damaged lung tissue." She paused and frowned, "The Ancients healed your injuries?"

Rodney nodded. She rested her hand on his chest and gently pushed him back to lie under the scanner again, "Hold still."

The light ran over his body and he trembled slightly.

Jennifer exclaimed, "That's impossible!"

Rodney sat up quickly almost like her words had electrocuted him. His eyes darted between her and the screen and he asked in panic, "What?!"

She looked at him in a little fear and said incredulously, "Just in those few minutes between scans, the wounds have healed even further and your blood pressure has improved greatly."

Rodney muttered, "Telan did say it would take a few hours for them to fully heal after the treatment."

Jennifer squeezed his arm reassuringly and said, "I want to scan you again in a few more hours just to be sure, but I don't think you need to worry."

John came over and turned to Jennifer, "Can we ask our questions now?"

She nodded, "I'm going to analyse his blood sample." She looked at Rodney and said, "I want you back down here if you start to feel any pain at all or any other symptoms."

John patted Rodney's back and smirked, "I reckon he will anyway, even if he doesn't."

Rodney scowled at John and for a moment he was back in his own reality and his worries vanished. He belonged and he was home. The feeling quickly vanished when he looked at Jennifer and saw her downcast eyes as she gazed down at the floor sadly and her hair hung around her face.

Rodney reached across and took hold of her hand. He rubbed his thumb over the back and said, "I will come back down. I promise."

He felt a twinge of sadness in his heart as he left her standing alone in the middle of the infirmary. He picked up the bag and belt given to him by the Ancients as he walked with the others and they headed up to the briefing room.

"Wow! You sure have been through hell and back, McKay." John said incredulously when Rodney finished recounting his tale to the people gathered in the briefing room. He told them of everything which had happened to him since he was sucked through the portal in his own reality.

He rubbed his side absent-mindedly as phantom pain from the cold metal of the stabbing knife tore through him again. He flinched and said, "Yes. But according to Telan if I don't find the correct reality, I'm going to die."

Teyla frowned, "How can you be sure of that? You said that this reality is very similar to your own. Are your cells still breaking down?"

Ronon mumbled, "Keller didn't say anything about it."

Woolsey leant forwards and critically examined everyone in the room. He said at length, "I think it would be better if you stayed here, Dr McKay. There is no guarantee that you will ever find your own reality again."

John narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "But if his cells are slowly breaking down, he'll die before he can get back."

Rodney nodded as his eyes widened in fear, "That sounds like a very bad way to go! As much as I want to stay here, I can't. My reality is still missing its McKay and this one has already lost its."

John grinned but furrowed his brow, "I suppose we didn't really take care of ours very well did we, Rodney?"

"No, not really."

Ronon was looking down sadly at his hands as they rested on the table in front of him. John soon frowned and his face also fell in grief.

He turned to Rodney and said, "It would only ever be our own selfishness that would want us to keep you here."

Woolsey opened his mouth indignantly, but John cut him off before he could say anything, "It's no good us holding you captive if you're going to die anyway. We already saw you die once and that's enough."

Woolsey closed his mouth, but shot John a dangerous look.

Teyla said quietly, "I do not want to see you suffer again, Rodney. I am just glad that you are still alive in another reality. I believe we can take comfort in that as we continue to live without you."

Woolsey clasped his hands together firmly as they sat in silence. He said, "Very well. It's useless us keeping you here against your will, Dr McKay. I would like Dr Keller to make sure you are medically fit before we let you go to the next reality."

Rodney smiled at him gratefully and pushed his chair back as he stood up.

John followed him out of the briefing room as he walked down the steps in the gate room. He drew up alongside as Rodney paused and looked around indecisively. He said, "I can set you up with some quarters if you want to sleep here tonight before you move onto the next reality?"

Rodney asked, "Are my old quarters still available?"

John nodded, "We only just shipped your stuff back to Earth."

"Oh!" Rodney stood still and looked down at his hands as they trembled slightly. He then fixed John with an expression filled with hope and said, "You know, I think I might check in with Jennifer before I turn in."

John patted Rodney's back and smiled knowingly as he said, "We'll see you at breakfast tomorrow, right?

"Sure. If I can eat anything this reality has to offer."

John chuckled as he watched Rodney heading over to the transporter. Rodney had a fleeting vision of him turning away from him with a smirk before the transporter door closed and then reopened just outside the infirmary.

Rodney found himself lying flat on his back under the scanner for the third time in the last few hours. Jennifer was examining his results with a small smile on her face. She announced, "Completely healed! That's amazing. We need some Ancients around here."

Rodney grinned up at her as he rested his arms by his sides and nervously fiddled with the sheet underneath.

She turned to look down at him more seriously and rested her hand on his shoulder as she spoke. "Your blood test results came back and you're right, your cells are degrading, but not to such an extent that you need to worry about it for a few more days. But from what you said about Telan and the device in your arm, you should be home by then." She trailed off at the end and looked horrified.

"Jennifer?"

She shook her head as she grabbed his arm and then put her hand around his back unnecessarily to help him sit up. He stood and she continued to hold his forearm. Her hand slipped down and grasped his. She quickly let go and sighed before she turned away. She rubbed her forehead and said in a small voice, "Good night."

He nodded at her sadly when she glanced at him and then he walked away.

Rodney was halfway to the transporter when he felt something grabbing his upper arm. He spun around and saw that Jennifer had followed him and her fingers were curled around his arm.

She was holding him possessively, almost to reassure herself that he was solid and real. She turned him around in the corridor and pressed him against the wall with her hands on his chest. Rodney jumped in fright as she leant right in and her cheek brushed against his as she moved her lips next to his ear.

Rodney closed his eyes as the intoxicating and familiar scent of Jennifer entered his nose. His heart was pounding in his chest as she pinned him. She whispered, and even though she was so close to him, Rodney strained to hear her. "I loved you, Rodney. But you're dead. How can you be back here with me?"

Rodney felt her hands move down to his sides as she continued to hold him. He could feel his pulse quickening even more as she touched him, but it was partly in terror and a thrill of cold fear washed over him. He turned his head slightly and kissed her cheek affectionately.

Her breath hitched and Rodney soon felt tears running down her face and coming into contact with his skin. She moved her hands around his back and drew him into a tight hug. Rodney furrowed his brow as he wrapped his arms around her in return.

He rubbed her back and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Jennifer!"

She sobbed slightly as she cried and Rodney could only stand there in absolute shock at the reaction his death in this reality had caused. He felt himself being torn apart inside as a dilemma built up in his mind.

He did not belong in this reality. As Telan had told him, his cells would continue to break down the longer he stayed away from home. He did not want to leave Jennifer alone though. He turned slightly as she buried her face in his shoulder and continued to cry.

Rodney started to feel deepening discomfort and pried her away from himself. He kept hold of her shoulders as he watched her and felt horrible guilt as she looked into his eyes with her bloodshot ones. She gazed at him and even as she stood there, he saw more silent tears cascade down her face in torrents of sorrow.

She said shakily, "Stay here with me." Her voice continued to tremble in desperation, "I'm sure I could work out a way to stabilise the cell degradation."

Rodney looked away as he continued to hold her shoulders firmly. He suddenly had a fairly good idea what Carson felt like at every moment of every single day back in his own reality. Rodney felt like a complete outsider and like he did not really belong or deserve to be a part of the world around him. This realisation led him to his decision.

He said quietly, "I'm sorry. I can't." His heart felt like it was physically breaking inside as he told her. The look in her eyes passed through him like a searing flame and he furrowed his brow as he struggled to hide his shattered emotions.

Jennifer steeled herself and sniffed. She rubbed her eyes with her sleeve and gestured for him to leave first. It looked like she was fighting a valiant internal battle. Eventually she said in such an even and natural voice it made Rodney flinch, "Go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow."

Before he could reply, she pulled herself out of his grasp and ran away up the corridor. He sighed shakily and shook his head as the empathy he felt from her sadness intensified painfully inside him.

He quickly made his decision and jogged up the corridor after her. He called out, "Jennifer! Wait!"

He had to sprint to catch up with her and was breathing heavily as he grabbed her arm and stopped her. Her face was still shining with tears as she looked at him in confusion and panted.

He moved his hand down and squeezed hers as he leant in towards her. He hesitated for a moment as their breathing evened out. He then placed his mouth against hers in a kiss. She reached up and ran her hands through his hair and drew him closer as she eagerly returned the passion that he was giving her. She closed her eyes tightly and furrowed her brow as she pressed her lips firmly against his.

She broke the kiss and blinked the last of the tears away before she gave him a seductive look. Rodney was startled by the intense expression, but he soon smiled as she took his hand and led him towards the transporter without another word.

TBC