Chapter 8 – And Ever Mourn This Day

Rodney awoke with a start. His heart was pounding in his chest and blood rushed past his ears noisily. Jennifer was lying next to him under the sheets and she had her arm resting on his belly. She spooned him from behind and held him close, even in sleep. Her legs were also entwined with his and his heart rate slowed down as he drew in a deep breath and felt the reassuring touch of her smooth skin against his.

He tried not to feel guilty about being with her as she was still the same person as his Jennifer. He had just been a lot luckier in his own reality. He closed his eyes, but did not really feel very tired any more after his initial shock upon waking up.

He looked across at the clock; it was 5am. He then glanced out of the window and saw the dawn breaking in a thin orange line of cloud close to the grey horizon.

He gently moved Jennifer's hand away from where it was pressed against him. He rolled over and kissed her forehead before he carefully untangled her limbs from his own so that he could move. She shifted and moaned, but did not wake.

He had no idea what had woken him up and he pushed back his half of the sheet and swung his legs over the side of the bed as he sat up. He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. He did not think it had not been a nightmare as he could not remember anything. He thought it had been more like a sound he had heard from somewhere; either in his head or externally to have shocked him so badly.

He had been in this reality for at least 12 hours, but he did not know how long he had spent in all the others due to being incapacitated for a lot of the time. Fear started to build in him as he wondered what would happen if he stayed where he was for too long.

As the panic made his breathing faster and his eyes widened, he started to feel a dull ache throughout his body. He could not pinpoint the source of the nagging pain, but it felt like it was in every part of him and pulsing from his very bones. He winced and bunched his hands into fists as he sat there nakedly and tried to keep as still as possible, praying that the pain would subside. He held his breath for a moment and then hissed through his teeth as he forced himself to stand up.

A voice suddenly came over the intercomm, "Dr McKay to the Control Room!"

He grabbed his headset from the bedside table and replied, "I'll be up in a few."

"What's going on?"

Rodney turned around and saw that Jennifer was looking at him sleepily as she pulled the sheet up to her chest.

"I'm not sure yet." Rodney replied as he hunted around the room for his clothes and hastily pulled them on.

Jennifer sighed and pushed away the covers. Rodney was puzzled until she gave him a knowing look, "Well, I'm not going to let you out of my sight just yet." She turned the lights on, gathered up her own clothes and put them on.

"Oh!" Rodney exclaimed as he leant over and picked up his shirt. A sharp pain had just shot through his abdomen and into his chest. It was not unlike the knife wounds he had recently received, but it kept getting worse and it soon radiated out from his centre and into his arms and legs. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as the burning sensation ramped up even more. He wrapped his arms around himself and trembled.

"What's wrong?"

Rodney hissed, "It hurts!"

She furrowed her brow at him and asked, "Where?"

"Everywhere!" He gasped, "It's like there's acid in my veins."

Jennifer watched him in concern and quickly came over. He was still holding his shirt in a bunched up fist, but the pain seemed to have peaked now and it had started to fade away.

He shook off her hands as they grasped his bare shoulders as he felt the horrible sensations from the assaulted nerves in his body being replaced by annoyance at his own helplessness to stop it. He was also quite sure that she would not be able to do anything to help him either.

He tugged the material over his head and smoothed it out. He clipped the gun belt the Ancients had given him around his waist and grabbed the bag of gear he had dropped on the floor in haste the evening before.

Jennifer rested her hand on Rodney's back and held his upper arm as she guided him over to the door. He could only look down at the ground miserably. She kept her own eyes straight ahead after they both left her quarters and were walking up the corridor towards the transporter.

Rodney suddenly stopped and turned to Jennifer. His pale face was sheened in sweat and he shivered. He then straightened up and his breathing evened out a little. He felt confusion as the aching pain subsided even further from moving, "I, uh, it doesn't hurt so much now. I don't know what it was."

Jennifer rubbed a circle on his back and said, "I think it's the first symptom of the cellular breakdown. I can give you some painkillers, but until I complete my research, you'll need to go into stasis."

"I need to get to the Control Room first." Rodney said as he fixed his eyes on the floor and hung his head down.

Jennifer suddenly planted both hands on his chest and shoved him backwards. He dropped his bag in shock just before he slammed into the wall with a dull thud and coughed. There was a loud bang as a shard of metal fell down from the ceiling and landed right where he had been standing only a moment ago.

He reached up and gingerly felt the back of his head where he had hit it. He then drew his hand down and rubbed his fingers together as he checked for blood. There was none, but he still grimaced.

He looked up at Jennifer with a hurt expression at first and then his eyes widened in shock when he saw the edge of the metal buried in the floor. Her mouth was open and she picked up his bag before she walked around the fallen piece of debris and grabbed his hand. She pulled him away from where he was slumped against the wall and tugged him into the transporter.

She said in alarm, "We need to hurry!"

He simply nodded and rubbed his head indignantly. He was too afraid over what had just happened and he did not say anything.

When Rodney and Jennifer reached the Gate Room in the transporter it immediately started sparking and smoking. A tendril of electricity shot out and narrowly missed Rodney as Jennifer pulled him back out of the way. It left a blackened scorch mark on the wall.

He grimaced and hastily dashed out of the small chamber before another bolt caught him. Jennifer kept hold of his hand briefly until they were both clear and then let go.

Rodney begrudged the loss of her reassuring touch for a fraction of a second, before a strip light on the wall he was passing fell down and struck him on the left side of his chest. It remained horizontally protruding from the wall.

He cried out and staggered backwards with his eyes closed under the force of the blow as he had walked right into the falling light. Jennifer frowned and wrapped her arm around his shoulders as she moved them both away from the obstruction, which was starting to crackle dangerously with energy.

Rodney winced and coughed. Jennifer held him firmly and asked, "What's going on? Why is Atlantis falling apart like this?"

Rodney opened his eyes and looked at her in sadness, he gasped, "I don't know." He drew his arm up and rested it over his chest as the breaths he took made him shake and furrow his brow. "Control Room."

Jennifer nodded, "We need to hurry and then you're going on a trip to the infirmary with me to check for fractures after that little mishap."

They quickly walked into the Gate Room and where halfway up the stairs to the Control Room when the one of the steps Rodney had just planted his foot on gave way. There was a loud cracking sound as the floor split in two where he had just tried to walk. He lost his balance and flailed his arms uselessly as he fell forwards and landed heavily.

He lay completely still for a few seconds and breathed through the pain of the fall as the sharp edges of the steps he had landed on dug into his already bruised ribs and added some new contusions to his arms and legs. His foot was caught where it had fallen through the shoddy Ancient workmanship.

Jennifer called out, "I need some assistance!"

Rodney felt her hands on his back. He muttered, "Oh, I hope you've got some Ancients handy to mend my broken bones."

She said evenly, "No, just me."

Rodney winced as he pulled his foot and worked it out of the hole in the steps. Jennifer tried to stop him, but he had soon freed himself and rolled over so that he could lessen the pain from the uncomfortable steps. He sat up and wrapped his arms around his chest.

The rest of Rodney's team were standing nearby, along with Radek and Woolsey.

John looked at the hole in the steps incredulously and said, "You know you're going to have to pay for that one, McKay."

Ronon, seeing that the scientist was alright, grunted and then mumbled, "Knew you should've stopped eating so much or something like this would happen."

Rodney looked at them with a hurt expression as his pain from their comments and his body started to make his eyes water.

Jennifer carefully removed his shoe and tested his right foot and ankle. She asked him a few questions while she worked. She frowned for a moment and then smiled, "As far as I can tell it's not broken but you've got a nasty sprain. I'll need to check it under the scanner to be sure."

A medical team arrived, but Rodney pushed them away as he remained seated and asked the gathered people, "Why did you call me here?"

Radek exchanged a glance with the others and then turned to Rodney with a serious expression. He said, "The city is not working properly. It makes no sense, there are malfunctions occurring which are too improbable and many are downright impossible."

Jennifer passed Rodney some painkillers and a bottle of water. He swallowed them while she wrapped a bandage securely around his ankle.

He looked at the hole in the floor and said, "Has it tried to kill anyone other than me yet?"

John shook his head, "Well… Zelenka first noticed a major power fluctuation close to Dr Keller's quarters. He fixed it, but then some of the lights and parts of ceiling fell down in the same section and around the Gate Room."

Rodney flinched just as Jennifer finished her work on his ankle. He furrowed his brow and asked, "Can't you stop it? It feels like Atlantis is trying to kill me!"

Radek replied, "No. I have tried, but it does not respond. The main visible malfunctions have only occurred around you so far, Rodney. There was another build up of energy in the conduits where you have just been, but we managed to siphon it away before it became dangerous."

Rodney nodded in gratitude, but his face fell as Radek continued, "We are unable to stop the falling lights and pieces of the city."

John cut in, "And breaking steps."

Radek muttered, "It is completely impossible!" He raised his hands up and rolled his eyes. "I cannot stop Atlantis breaking apart if I do not know what is causing it."

Ronon frowned at Rodney and then said, "Maybe this reality is trying to adjust for something, or indeed someone, who doesn't belong here."

Rodney grimaced, but agreed, "Yes, it's almost like this universe has become sentient and it's trying to get rid of the anomaly of me being alive when I was dead."

John raised his eyebrows and said, "So the whole universe is out to get you?"

He nodded and patted away Jennifer's hands with a grimace as she moved forwards to try and check his ribs. He complained, "I can breathe for now and the pain has diminished to a crushing vice around my chest, rather than the whole 'not being able to breathe at all' thing from a moment ago."

As Jennifer reached for him again, so he crossed his arms over his chest lightly and would not let her touch him. He knew that she would only hurt him further if he let her examine him for broken ribs. He had had enough pain over the last few days; almost more than he could stand. She pressed her lips together in a thin line and turned to the others for help.

"Let her help you, McKay!" John said, with a warning look.

Rodney's mouth turned down even further as he shook gently. He slowly lowered his arms, but as Jennifer moved in, the gate suddenly activated.

"Unscheduled offworld activation!" The technician called.

Woolsey walked up the stairs and Rodney stood up before Jennifer could stop him. He pulled his shoe back on with a hiss and limped after the others. He fisted his hands and gritted his teeth to stop himself from making any sounds which would concern her.

She said indignantly, "If you don't want my help…!" She then sighed in exasperation and followed them all. The medical team stood nearby looking bemused. She told them to return to the infirmary and that she would find a way to bring her stubborn patient down to them later. She kept hold of the medical kit they had brought.

Rodney smiled grimly at Jennifer when he turned around to look at her. He knew that he needed to leave or the city would find a way to kill him in some way or another. At the current rate of its attacks against him, it would not be very long before one of the improbable events got lucky.

The shield was not up and the technician shouted, "I can't raise it! No IDC!"

Rodney turned his back on the gate as he slowly made his way to the top of the steps. Jennifer suddenly ran at him and quickly grabbed his waist and urged him to move faster up into the Control Room. He could not bite back the whimper and audibly released it to everyone around him.

A moment later, as she positioned him behind the others in the Control Room and guided him down into a seat, he realised her need for haste. A Jumper had come through the gate and had landed on the floor in the Gate Room. The gate itself was still active and as he watched, several blue bolts flew through and exploded on the walls around the room.

Rodney flinched and covered his head with his arms as one of the blasts flew past and slammed into the control panel immediately behind him. He felt his skin smarting where the heat of the energy had burnt him slightly.

He winced and curled up in the chair as he leant forwards to dodge another blast almost deliberately aimed at only him.

He cried, "This is hopeless! I need to move to another reality before this one gets its way and kills me!"

Jennifer turned to him and furrowed her brow, "So there's no chance you could stay here now?"

"No. You're all in danger too the longer I stay here. If you put me in stasis to try and cure the cellular breakdown, there's no guarantee that it will correct the universe. And dying in that chamber probably won't be too fun."

He could imagine his body being liquefied or rapidly aging like a grim parody of Wraith feeding when the stasis chamber malfunctioned and finally smoothed out the Rodney McKay sized glitch it had found in the universe.

The gate shut down suddenly and not a moment too soon for Rodney who tried to make himself even smaller to avoid the shots, but had now reached the limit of how far he could double up and still keep on breathing. He closed his eyes as he straightened and Jennifer looked at him sadly.

Before she could speak, the Jumper powered up and flew forwards. It slammed into the steps and ploughed a deep furrow up the Ancient footway. The staircase shattered and crunched under the belly of the ship. The Jumper then smashed through the glass at the top of the stairs and shards rained outwards in a dazzling display in the early morning sun which had now risen above the horizon.

Rodney shielded his head along with the others, but he was pelted by tiny pieces of broken staircase churned up by the ship and grunted in pain as they hit him.

Jennifer was watching in shock as the pieces seemed to gravitate towards him and only the less hurtful pieces found her and the others.

Rodney had his mouth open and his face was tightly screwed up in abject terror and agony after the Jumper had finally passed.

Woolsey was barking commands into the radio and the technician was frantically carrying out his orders. Radek was sitting at one of the laptops, trying to figure out what had happened. He paused for a moment and turned to McKay.

"You are correct, Rodney. You must leave or the next impossible event may well kill you. I am glad to have seen you once more and good luck getting back to the reality where you belong."

Rodney smiled at him bravely and stood up on shaky legs. He had small cuts on his arms from the fragments, but nothing serious enough for him to need stitches. He limped over to the top of the stairs and Woolsey nodded at him with his face grim when he turned back.

He said goodbye to his team mates in a similar way as he had done previously. Except Ronon hugged him until he could hardly breath through the pain of his bruised chest. It felt strange as he knew he would probably see them all again. Although, he still felt sad when he saw their dejected and mournful faces just before he turned away and retrieved his bag from Jennifer, before she helped him down the half destroyed staircase. This only made him more apprehensive about what her reaction was going to be when it came to the time that they had to part forever.

He shared one last look with John, but the Colonel was tensed up and had his jaw set in steel. Rodney did not think anything could have broken him at that moment.

He hobbled along and left the Gate Room. They eventually reached the transporter after what felt like an eternal, torturous ordeal to Rodney. He frowned as he looked inside the chamber and backed away slightly. Jennifer took advantage of his hesitation and grabbed his hand. She stretched out his arm and cleaned the cuts with a wipe from the medical kit. He drew in a sharp breath and squirmed to get away, but she held him fast, grabbed his other hand and did the same.

Rodney winced and narrowed his eyes when he saw the extent of the bruising on his bare arms underneath the blood as Jennifer expertly wiped it away.

He shuddered and finally freed himself from her grasp. He shot her a deeply hurt look and muttered, "You know you've actually made it worse now!" He pushed past her as she watched him sadly and stepped into the transporter.

Time was short and he knew he was risking his life using the transporter again, but then he also knew that the longer he stayed in the reality the less likely it was that he would survive.

He did not think he could make it down hundreds of steps on a sprained ankle and live to tell the tale anyway. Jennifer followed him inside and he tapped the control for as close to the archway room as he could.

Jennifer walked alongside Rodney to make sure he did not fall over as he limped on his damaged ankle. She was still carrying the medical kit and he had the bag he had received from the Ancients clutched in his hand. She had a frustrated expression which kept shifting to sadness whenever she looked across at him.

The transporter had not malfunctioned, although more lights had fallen down as they proceeded. She had managed to keep Rodney out from underneath the falling objects without causing him too much grief from his existing bruises.

Rodney looked up warily as they approached the door to the arch room. It was closed. He swept his hand over the sensor and as it opened, he felt rather than saw, a massive pressure wave approaching him. He inhaled a breath in shock, grabbed Jennifer's waist and turned her around so that she was shielded.

They were both knocked over by a strong blast of air which had come from the room where Rodney needed to go. Jennifer dropped her med kit and rolled away expertly. She quickly sat up and rubbed her elbow.

Rodney had not been so lucky and he had not had a chance to roll. He was slammed into the ground and absorbed the entire impact through his already painful arms and chest. His ears rung slightly from the sudden pressure change, but his hearing gradually returned as he lay sprawled on his front with his head turned sideways getting his breath back.

He coughed as he turned and flopped down onto his back. Jennifer crawled over to him and as he had his eyes closed he did not see her coming. She took advantage of his weakened state and pushed up his shirt so that she could finally check his ribs.

Rodney choked slightly as smoke came from the room. He narrowly opened his eyes so that he could monitor the corridor. He thought at least then he would be ready and see it coming when something else tried to eliminate him from this reality.

There was a dark purple line of bruising on the left side of Rodney's chest. He shivered and cringed in pain and screwed his eyes tightly closed as Jennifer felt along his ribcage.

She sat back on her heels when she had finished and said, "I can't feel any fractures. Although, you've got several bruised ribs which will be sore for a while. I can give you some painkillers to take with you through to the next reality. They should help with your ankle too."

Rodney opened his eyes as she pulled his shirt back down and gently smoothed it out over him with her hands. He drew in a slow breath and nodded, "Thanks."

Jennifer rested her hand on the side of his face and said, "I want you to promise me you'll get yourself properly checked in the next reality. Ask whoever is there to examine you under the scanner."

"I will. Help me up."

Jennifer took his hand as he reached up and leant back to pull him upright.

Rodney picked up the bag of Ancient gear he had dropped while Jennifer rummaged through her medical kit. She passed him a packet of tablets and some bandages for rebinding his ankle when necessary. Rodney grimaced, but packed them into his own bag anyway.

Jennifer left her med kit behind in the corridor as she followed Rodney into the room. The smoke had now cleared, but he was still cautious as he approached the control panel. There were some black marks on the floor, but no fires or energy blasts to show what had caused the minor explosion.

Before Rodney touched any of the controls he turned back to Jennifer and opened his mouth. He could find no words though, as she stared at him with her eyes shining. She rested a hand on her lower belly and then looked away from him in sadness.

Rodney put his bag down next to the console and went over to her unevenly as his painful ankle made walking properly difficult. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her in a closely as he could. He ignored the bruises on his chest as they flared red lines of pain through his whole ribcage. His breathing was ragged for a few seconds, but then he forced it to even out.

He would have liked nothing more than to stay with her in this reality as it was so close to the one he had lost. She moved her arms around his lower back and hugged him back.

Rodney still had no idea what to say to her and he knew if he did speak, it would be like walking on eggshells. He kept his silence as he did not want to see her cry again or the sorrowful look in her eyes as she gazed back at him.

Secretly though, he did not speak because he was unsure whether he would be able to control his own emotions. He knew it could very well be the last time he ever saw her as well. In all likelihood, he would die before he made it back to his own reality and never see her again.

She whispered, "Rodney, we never got the chance to…"

"Don't. Please don't, Jennifer," Rodney begged her in alarm.

She continued anyway, "…we just hadn't been together long enough for me to even think about it… obviously I stopped taking the pill when you died, but now… I really hope… I wish…"

Rodney was feeling increasingly confused at her hesitant speech and was a little surprised when she suddenly moved backwards and grasped his hand. She fully opened it out in both of hers and then placed his palm against her belly. She looked at him intensely, willing him to understand and then he suddenly realised what she meant.

"Oh, Jennifer! Last night!" Rodney was shocked at first, but then the bitter sadness he was feeling inside was lightened by the sense of calming happiness flooding him. He even found that he was able to smile at her.

She let go of him and placed both of her hands on his face as she drew him in for another passionate kiss. When their lips parted for a moment she said, "Thank you," and Rodney felt his knees getting weaker. He shifted onto his good ankle as she continued to kiss him.

Rodney suddenly heard an unnerving sound of tearing metal and he opened his eyes and saw the archway on the floor behind Jennifer tilting dangerously towards them. He parted their embrace and with Jennifer's help he half hopped to get away quickly enough. The arch crashed onto the floor where they had been standing only a moment ago.

Rodney said in panic, "I really need to leave now! This universe is unravelling around me and I can't hold it together any longer!"

Jennifer furrowed her brow and held his hand so tightly that he could feel the small bones grinding together. He winced and she firmly rested her hand on his side to hold him in place.

She pleaded, "Can't you reconsider?"

Rodney quickly blinked as his vision blurred for a moment and then he shook his head and said shakily, "If I stay here I'm fairly certain something is going to kill me and soon."

She nodded, but no tears fell from her eyes this time and her expression of sadness melted away into something so calm and neutral that it scared Rodney. She seemed to be dying inside as he watched her and he said, "I just don't belong here."

It did not help and she blinked slowly and then just stared at him blankly. Rodney shifted uncomfortably and flinched as he put his weight fully on his sprained ankle. This seemed to make something snap in Jennifer and she drew him into a final hug and said, "Alright. Good luck."

She then kissed him one last time and walked away. She then did the bravest thing Rodney had ever seen and something he knew he would never have been able to do it if he were in her shoes.

She turned around briefly, smiled at him and then left the room without any tears or any more words.

Rodney approached the console in shock and then rubbed his eyes until he saw white spots. He glanced at the archway as it lay flat on the ground, but he knew he was going to be pulled through when it activated no matter what orientation it was at.

He located the control he needed to give it enough power to activate and then slung the bag over his shoulders securely so that he did not lose it between realities. He activated the console and held his breath as he was pulled backwards.

He fell over and was dragged along the floor in a haze of pain radiating from his chest and ankle. He collided with the edge of the arch where it was on the ground and lost the breath he had been holding. The pull was so strong that he was yanked over the edge with a pained cry and through the fallen archway into the unknown once again.

TBC