Always on Your Side
Rating: K.
Pairing: IkutoxUtau
Warnings: Sad.
Disclaimer: Sheryl Crow wrote the song "Always on Your Side". i recommend it!
and if you are asking where this came from, they needed some love imo.

It wasn't like that. It wasn't, but people would always be people and that meant they would always get ideas; ideas that were not always the truth, either. They would watch her constantly. If there was anything wrong with fame, that would be it, no questions asked. People always watched, but if you were lucky that's all they'd do. Most people watched and then made inferences, more importantly voicing those usually untrue, sometimes malicious rumors to everyone. A star was always under scrutiny by everyone; even if those people actually knew nothing about what was truly going on behind the scenes, somehow they still felt they had every right to judge every little thing she did.

It really wasn't like that. Utau was not in love with her own brother, no matter what those stupid tabloids and news reports blasted all over everywhere. It was love, but not anything sexual. Wasn't she allowed to care for her brother? What was so wrong with that? What was so wrong and disgusting about loving that these reporters felt they had a right to bash her constantly about it? It was everywhere: incest, incest, INCEST. She cringed. Sometimes it covered her completely, drowning her in everyone else's opinion that she was in love with her own brother. But it wasn't like that. It wasn't.

Utau had never had the strength to speak out against the crowd. And it had cost her dearly.

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Maybe it had been the press that drove him away from her. Maybe it had been her constant overprotective nature, but that was only out of concern. He had asked her one day, and maybe it would all be different if she had clarified what she said or just not said anything to him at all. But she had never been able to lie to him; anyone but him because she knew that she was the only one who would ever be honest with him. Maybe that was what bothered her about the Hinamori girl—she threatened Utau's role. But she regretted her decision now. It pushed him away.

He asked her if she loved him. Of course she said yes. And then he was gone.

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

Why the hell hadn't he seen? It was so... so frustrating and aggravating and... and not to mention downright painful. Why? It just ripped her apart. It was just...

She hadn't heard from him in years. Years. Of course, her fame and fortune and glory only grew and grew. If he wanted to contact her, it would have been so easy. In fact, she had publicly asked for him to contact her. She had made it so easy, and what truly hurt her was that it should have been so easy. But she knew he had never even wanted to contact her in any form ever again.

Was it that disgusting to love someone? Maybe—she would admit it to herself and only herself—she did have a brother complex. But they had been together for so many years. They were family. Family loved each other endlessly, no matter what.

Why hadn't Ikuto gotten the memo?!

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Sometimes she wondered if things would have been different if they had never gotten involved in Easter. But how could she have avoided it? He wanted to. It was his decision. He was so sure it would turn out for the best and joining Easter would be the best thing that could ever happen to him. Not them, him.

And like a good sister, she obediently went with him. And then he got himself so tied up in contracts and debt that he was stuck. She hadn't known what to do, but she would never leave him alone in that god-awful company she'd come to hate with such a passion. She loved him too much. So she signed a contract, internally reluctant but her love for Ikuto finalizing her decision. Utau got to sing. She loved to sing, but it wasn't a fun singing. It was work.

He never once acted thankful. He never once acted like he cared she came with him. He never verbally told her she was important to him. And who was the one to get him out of debt? She was.

Of course those guardians found the embryo first. But she didn't lose to Ikuto—she was the one who freed him from Easter. She was the one who... the one who...

And he hadn't even acknowledged it. Just came up and asked her, and then left. That was it. And she hadn't heard from him in 5 years.

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

It had been awhile ago, right after they found the embryo. They basically... Ikuto had fallen into such trouble... so many contracts all twisted and full of small-print... She loved him, but he wasn't very bright. When the search was over, they told him, showed him what he signed.

"Lifetime contract," the boss laughed. "You can't leave. Ever."

Yet he was the butterfly now. She had such big dreams, but in order to give him wings she'd let them clip her own. It was worth it because she loved him. Even though he left her here without any contact at all, it was okay. She could only pray he was doing alright as she pushed herself through every day. It was hard, but she would rather give her life instead of knowing her brother would be forced to stay here. She could sing away her troubles, but he would just crumble within Easter. He would have lost everything that made him special to her. Utau would not watch them destroy her brother.

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be
No is it how it's really meant to be

Was it really how her life was meant to be? Of course not. But her dream was to sing, and Easter had given the opportunity to do so. They still did. If she wasn't sponsored by them, she'd be under another company's control. So it wasn't like she'd given that much up for him. She'd probably have worked with another company for the rest of her life anyway, so why did she always feel like he was so selfish? She didn't like thinking about how selfish he was, because that's not what she wanted to remember him for. She loved him for the way he'd 'maybe' show up. She loved him for the way he'd look at her with that 'oh please' expression, the way he laughed and could always make her laugh—or at least smile—even in the worst situations. She loved his hair. She loved being in his company.

Maybe Utau had simply loved him because she needed to love someone. She had no one other than him to love. Why not focus her attention on her brother, who always held his face in a way that screamed for attention? They'd been together for so long; loving him had become such an integral part of her being that if she stopped now, it might just kill her. He was what she lived for, as corny and ridiculous as it sounded.

And sometimes she would have liked to know if he would come to her funeral. It made her laugh; she knew he'd be late or wouldn't show up. If he did come, he'd linger in a back corner away from everyone. He wouldn't stay for the burial, just the speech part in the church. Or maybe he'd come to the burial, but not the boring church part. He wouldn't stay for both parts because he didn't care enough. For everything he was, he had no patience. At least not to her he didn't. But she knew he appreciated not having to put on a façade for someone. She was his sister, and he knew she'd love him no matter what. But of course, he'd never gotten the whole 'family memo', so maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her. Yes, that's what it usually was. Her thoughts always drifted to him because there was no one else for them to drift too. Friends and dating took away from work, Easter said.

Ikuto was the only one allowed to contact her directly. It was like Easter knew he'd never call her. And that hurt. Utau was so lonely it hurt.

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away

Where ever he was, where ever he'd end up, she could only hope and pray for his safety. He didn't even have to say much if he called. Just an "I'm Okay" would be ease her nerves. It was so out of character for her to even think about wishing on a star, but she (more often than not) found herself gazing at the stars and the moon. He was the moon. Looking at it made her feel closer to him.

Usually she would scoff. She had fallen that low. She was that desperate. It was pathetic.

Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life

And sometimes, in her lowest moments, she wondered if Ikuto even knew she was his sister. He didn't act like it. But why not? Didn't he know? Hadn't he realized? She was on his side. She had always been on his side. And right now, she wanted nothing more than to be by his side. Was it too much to ask for after all she had done?

When you know that I was always on your side

There was no one to comfort her as she buried her head in her hands and cried.

I always feel kind of bad for Utau.