(A/N) Holy crap! Not only was the update on To Have Loved and Lost late, but this one was too! Sorry guys; I'm being a horrible slacker lately. D:
Holding On
Chapter V
The next few months that I spend together with Cloud are pure bliss; I don't think I've ever been so happy in my life. I wear the locket he gave me every day, and that simple gesture seems to infallibly put a smile on his face when he sees me in the morning. We spend most of our days hiking together, usually ending up on our hill, and I gradually get used to his touch and the way he leans over to kiss me softly when we're alone.
We were hesitant to tell our parents about the change in our relationship for the first couple of weeks after it happened, but when we finally did it went over better than I expected. My father took it surprisingly well, nodding and saying he didn't mind, though perhaps only because he had gotten used to me spending all of my time with Cloud, and he already trusted him. Cloud's mother, on the other hand, was completely thrilled, and hugged us both while she offered her congratulations.
Everything has been as close to perfect as it could possibly be, at least up until the last few days, because Cloud has been acting distant lately. We still go to the hill together, and he still kisses me like he usually does, but something seems off with him. His hand feels tense around mine when we walk together, and he avoids eye contact with me a lot; seeming to be trying to hide something that is on his mind, because he knows that I can normally tell what he's thinking by looking at his eyes.
I figured that I'd give him a few days to tell me what was wrong, but he hasn't yet, so I've decided to ask him about it today. It's late in the afternoon now, almost sunset, and once again we're lying in the grass on our hill. It's starting to get colder in Nibelheim, and the light wind of the approaching autumn season is making the branches of the tree sway over our heads, causing the different colored leaves to rain down around us. Cloud is lying close beside me, holding my hand, so I roll over onto my side to look at him.
"What's wrong?" I ask, watching his eyes closely to try and find a clue.
Cloud sits up, pulling me with him, and he stares down at my hand that he's holding in one of his, brushing over my knuckles with the pad of his thumb. He hesitates for quite awhile before speaking, but he finally exhales deeply; seeming to be giving up on trying to avoid answering my question.
"I'll be turning eighteen in a week," he says quietly.
My eyebrows pull together in confusion, not understanding him. "Why are you so upset about that?"
He finally turns to me then, staring at me seriously with a solemn look in his eyes. "I'm leaving, Tifa," he nearly whispers. "ShinRa is coming to recruit on the day of my birthday, and I'm going to go with them."
This news catches me so off guard that it's like a harsh slap in the face; the sting it leaves behind, at least, is much the same. I vaguely remember wondering about whether or not Cloud would be staying in town when I first began talking to him, but I came to the conclusion that he'd probably be staying here for his mother, so I put it out of my mind. I hadn't even known when his birthday was, and the fact that he's leaving so soon makes this even worse. I'm sure he knew a long time ago that he was going to join ShinRa, but he probably neglected to tell me for fear of my reaction.
I'm having a hard time processing this information and what it means for me, or for us, so all I can think to as him is, "Why?"
Cloud glances away again, seeming almost ashamed, because he knows I'm upset. "I have to do something with my life, Tifa," he says earnestly, looking out at the setting sun on the horizon.
I know he must have more to say, so I wait silently for him to finish, and squeeze his hand gently to let him know that I'm here for him. He still refuses to look over at me, but I notice when his other hand, the one that isn't in mine, clenches into a fist.
"My father abandoned our family when I was little," he says, speaking almost inaudibly.
His voice is husky with emotions that I've never seen him express before; anger, and bitter resentment. That actually surprises me more than the clarification of what really happened to his father, because it's so unlike him. When he continues though, the anger seems to have faded, and in its place is determination.
"I have to be better than him, and I have to make something of myself so that I can take care of my mom," he says eagerly. "And you," he adds, his voice softening.
He finally meets my eyes then, and gives me a weak smile. I hang my head, knowing that I can't, and shouldn't, argue with him about this. It's going to hurt to have him go, I know it will, and it will be hard for his mother too. He's doing this because he wants to become a better man though, and to take care of me, so how can I ask him to stay? It would be selfish of me to try and keep him here, I know that, so I quickly decide that I'll just have to find some way to deal with it.
I swallow, trying my best to hold back the tears that are threatening to break free from my eyes, and give him a small nod in agreement.
Cloud touches my cheek, making me look up at him. "I'm sorry," he says softly.
"It's okay, I understand," I say, though my words come out in an almost unintelligible mummer, because my throat is thick with unshed tears.
I've never cried in front of him before, probably because I've never had the need to, since he usually makes me so happy. I don't want to risk him seeing me cry now though, because I know it will make him feel bad about his decision, so I lean forward and crawl into his lap where he can't look at me. I hold onto him tightly; resting my cheek against his shoulder and hiding my face in the crook of his neck.
His arms slip around my waist, rubbing my back in a soothing way. "It will be okay, Tifa. It's only for a few years, until I have everything I need to take care of you," he assures me. "We'll be together again soon, I promise."
xXxXx
We stay there on the hill for a little while after that, and he holds me close to him the whole time, but after the sun sets we decide that we better head back into town. Cloud takes my hand on the way home, but although he tries several times to distract me from his dismal news by uncharacteristically chatting about unimportant things, nothing is able to lift my mood much.
At first I thought that I wanted to be alone so I could get all of the crying out of my system while he wasn't around, but when we reach the front door to my house, I realize that I don't want him to leave.
"Cloud…" I trail off, but my eyes don't leave his.
He waits wordlessly for me to continue, seeming to understand the look of need on my face.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" I ask tentatively.
A frown appears on his forehead at first, and he appears to be thinking it through as he glances over his shoulder and towards his house; probably calculating the odds that both of our parents will be asleep and he won't get caught sneaking into my room with me. I shift slightly on my feet, worried now that he will think I'm being ridiculous, or he'll tell me that he can't. When he looks back at me though, he gives me a nod, which somehow gives me an instant feeling of relief.
"Give me a few minutes," he whispers; his voice so quiet that I almost can't hear him.
I dip my head in agreement, and turn to open my front door after he disappears into the darkness, walking in the direction of his house. It's completely silent inside my house, and fortunately as I creep up the stairs, I hear the reassuring sound of my father snoring loudly within his room. I go into my room first to grab my pajamas, and then I head into the bathroom to take a quick shower and brush my teeth.
When I return to my room I'm startled to see Cloud sitting casually on my bed, though I decide not to ask him whether he somehow was able to climb up the side of the house and in through my window, or if he was brave enough to just come through the front door. He smiles at me, though it doesn't quite light up his eyes like it does when he's really happy, but I find myself smiling back anyway as I walk over and sit on the bed next to him.
There is a lot of awkward fumbling and shifting around at first, but we both eventually end up under the covers together where I curl up against his side, resting my head on his chest and enjoying the warmth of his body and his comforting smell. I notice that it's mixed with the scent of soap now though, so he must have taken a shower like I did before he came over, though I couldn't see what he was wearing because of the lack of light in my room.
As I'm lying there with him, all of my walls slowly begin to break down, and those tears that I've been holding back for the past couple of hours, since he told me he'd be leaving, start to slip free of my hold on them. They streak silently down my cheeks, and end up soaking into his shirt. I pray that he won't notice, but I'm sure that he does, because he runs his fingers through my damp hair and down my back, obviously trying to calm me.
I do my best not to think about what the future holds, and instead try to focus on him; the comforting sound of his heart beating beneath my ear, his even breathing, and how wonderful it feels to have his arms around me. It takes me awhile to stop my mind from thinking of unpleasant things, but before long all of the good, soothing things that come from him being here with me overpower my thoughts, and ease me enough to start making me drift off to sleep.
To be continued...
(A/N) I have played the original Final Fantasy VII game a long time ago, but I can't for the life of me remember what was supposed to have happened to Cloud's father, so I apologize if my take on it was incorrect. O.o This is an alternate universe story though, so I suppose that gives me the right to change it if I am wrong. ;P Anybody know what really happened to him though? I need to play it again…
Anyway, as you can probably tell, this is where the tragedy part of the story comes in. It's far from over though. :3 Oh, and please don't make this part into something sexual, because it's far from that. I don't do that in my stories, and they're teenagers, damn. XD
Anyway, thank you all so much for the reviews! :D Don't be shy about sending more my way. ;)
-punkiemonkie