Author's Note: This started off as a one-shot. Each chapter is fairly self-contained, as I don't know if I will add more or not. I want the story to remain independent as a whole so that if RL happens it won't read as a WIP. Constructive criticism is welcome. Thank you in advance for your reviews.

X X X

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Tony watched Ziva stride out the door toward the kitchen. The woman never simply walked – she sauntered rarely, stalked a great deal, and strode with purposeful intent almost always. And she mesmerized him. It seemed like just yesterday they'd been strangers. To know what it felt like to love someone – really love someone left him a little breathless and exhilarated.

"Are you coming?" Ziva asked from the doorway. Apparently, she'd returned when he hadn't immediately followed.

Standing, he tucked his crisp, white dress shirt into his slacks and slid his tie over the back of his neck.

"Yeah," Tony replied. "On your six."

"What were you thinking?" she asked after they reached the kitchen, and as he poured rich, black coffee into a mug. Nice and strong.

He thought about the question as he made a show of inhaling the thick aroma deep into his lungs. With closed eyes and a comedic expression, he took his first sip, flung his eyes wide open and said, "Wow! Now this is coffee."

"I'm serious," Ziva stated, stepping closer to him in the kitchen. From the look on her face, she was serious; and from the way she held her arms so close to her side, he could feel the nerves play off her – the whole loving thing was new to them both. While they reveled in it, they also mistrusted the intensity even though they implicitly trusted one another. Hell, at times even he worried that their friendship and romance would break, although time and circumstance had tried… and failed.

Staring into her eyes, Tony watched a myriad of emotions pool together. Few would recognize the insecurity of the woman beneath the fighter. Yet it existed. He'd come to accept it and to some degree even cherish it. Because it matched his own so closely.

Carefully setting the cup down with a clank on the marble countertop, he cupped her cheeks in his palms and stared deeper – harder. "I was thinking how lucky I am," he replied. "I was thinking how wonderful this year is going to be."

When she smiled in response to his statement, Tony asked, "Do you remember last Christmas? You started asking me about family. I didn't answer you."

"Yes," she softly responded. "You would not answer."

"No," he corrected, his voice a bare whisper. "I could not answer. It cut too deep."

A moment passed and they stared into each others' eyes. Finally, Ziva voiced the question nagging at her. "Tell me the difference between then and here?"

Chuckling, Tony drawled, "Now. Then and now." Rubbing a thumb across her lower lip, he watched as she turned her face into his hand and closed her eyes. How could he possibly explain? Yet since telling her how much he loved her, Tony had watched her insecurities rush to the surface. She needed to hear the words and the sincerity behind them, and he couldn't deny her.

"Do you remember last Christmas – after the entire team watched the movie together?" he asked.

"Yes," Ziva replied. "I came back hours later because I forgot something. You were still working."

With heat rushing into his face, Tony admitted, "You, McGee, Abby… even Ducky and Gibbs… no one asked me to do anything after the movie. You all went home or to parties, and I... It was too lonely at home."

"You could have come to my place," Ziva admonished with a stern frown. "You could have spent the night."

"I did," Tony stated.

"Only after I dragged you away from work, Tony."

Heaving an exaggerated sigh, Tony said, "I remember."

X X X

He still wasn't sure just how they'd ended up back at her place – particularly since he'd really been enjoying himself. The movie, It's a Wonderful Life, had always been his favorite. The joviality amongst the group of NCIS agents and scientists had been fun and relaxing.

The edge hadn't begun to cut into him until people started leaving. Pretty soon, Tony had found himself alone and sitting at his desk. A couple of times, he'd tried to leave, but Ziva's nagging questions about his life had dug that pit of sheer loneliness even deeper. Every time he thought about his apartment, he blew out a sigh and picked up more paperwork to complete.

"I forgot my present from Abby," Ziva stated as she bound into the bullpen. With a quizzical expression she asked, "Why are you still here?"

Without looking up, he retorted, "Working. What does it look like?"

It annoyed the hell out of Tony when Ziva snuck up on him.

"Come home with me," she whispered into his ear, making him jump. Turning his head, he glared.

When her lips quirked up in challenge, Tony weakly replied, "I should get these forms done."

"No," she replied, her voice dropping a seductive octave as she subtly leaned toward him – not enough to appear out-of-line on the security cameras, but enough to know she'd grabbed his attention. The slight swelling in his slacks betrayed her affect on him. She really liked the effect, too. After all, she'd had plenty of opportunities over the last weeks to experience it, since they'd begun their affair. What had started with the intent to burn out a flaming desire had only built it higher and higher. Both of them felt the addiction to the nights they spent together, and carefully put it aside in the light of day.

He vaguely noted the drive. Shit, he kept his eyes closed most of the time because if he didn't he'd die of a heart attack. The woman's driving was lunatic. In the first 2.7 seconds, he noted three different ways they nearly crashed. So instead, he shut his eyes and opened them when she pulled to a screeching halt in her parking spot.

Shooting out of the car, he started to grumble, only to find Ziva had already rounded the car. When she grabbed the lapel of his jacket and latched onto his mouth with hers, Tony groaned. She always tasted so good; and something about the texture of her mouth drew him in hard and deep. In seconds, he drove his tongue inside and ravished. So damn good.

"I want you," she panted with gulping breaths.

With a feral smile, Tony picked her up and felt her legs wrap around him. Screw the neighbors – screw the Mossad cameras that probably watched Ziva's every move. They wanted each other. If someone had a problem with that, too damn bad. Every heart beat singed his nerves and somewhere below the surface, desperation swelled.

Several minutes later, he carried her to her front door and reluctantly let her down. Everything about her made him ache. He'd become painfully hard as she'd ground into him on the way up.

Slamming inside her apartment, he barely remembered to kick the door closed. They tugged and yanked at each others' clothes, ripping some in the process. Neither cared. The feel and taste of skin was sought and found. Together they moved frantically to the bedroom.

She needed his weight on her. He needed her scent.

Everything became a frenzied blur until that moment when he lay between her thighs. Very slowly he slipped into her as her eyes closed. Inch by inch, he slid in until he'd buried himself in her wet heat. When her eyes opened a fraction, Tony felt empowered by the hazy lust shining intently.

"More," she groaned. As she raised her hips, he couldn't help but moan in response. It felt so good…

Withdrawing slowly, he thrust hard and fast, listening to the mewling whimpers that escaped Ziva. The sounds she made mixed with the scent of her sex in the air, leaving a lingering aphrodisiac that made him growl.

Tony began to move faster, harder, more intently, taking a moment to pay close attention to her breasts. Leaning down, he latched onto a hardened peak with his lips, and she suddenly clenched around him.

Groaning, he thrust into her harder, faster. Her walls began to spasm around him. Then he was spilling into her – the groan turning to a moan of release.

Panting, Tony collapsed onto her, crushing her into the sheets.

The feel of her lips gently kissing his shoulder made him turn his head and stare intently.

Without a word, he rolled off and gathered Ziva into his arms. Pulling up the blankets, he covered them and let himself slowly drift. This day – this season – would end, and another one would start. Just one thing nagged him as he drifted off to sleep.

Why was he still lonely?

X X X

"I had no idea," Ziva whispered, reliving that time in her memory. It had been quite a few months ago, but she recalled everything clearly. Their affair had been casual until then, and even after. Until not long ago, she treated Tony like a casual lover. The time they spent together breathed new life into her, and at the same time made her vulnerable. Sure, she recognized the weakness she had for her partner – she would be a fool not to acknowledge it. It was just that she never expected to find something so absolutely lovely in him, making him the one person she could not see living without. She never expected to fall in love with him.

That he showed her the pieces and parts that made up the weak, sad man in front of her humbled Ziva, because he didn't share easily or willingly. Yet, he gave her parts of himself in trust that she knew he'd given no other. Like his fears.

"I've gotten good at being… self-contained," Tony said. Lowering his forehead to hers, he whispered, "I know it's summer, but I keep thinking about Christmas – about how different this Christmas might be."

Smiling slightly, he pulled his head back and stared intently.

"Do you still feel alone?" she asked, matching his gaze.

"No," he replied, kissing her softly. Drawing her close, he held her tightly in her embrace and sighed.

"I haven't felt alone in awhile."