Prologue
"What is Mesopotamia?" The jeopardy contestant was getting on my nerves. What is, the fertile crescent, you idiot. The annoying buzzer went off, signaling her mistake. The large, graying man standing behind the podium next to her slammed down on his button much too enthusiastically. He shot her a victorious smirk before answering Alex.
"What is, the fertile crescent?"
"That is correct," I mumbled along with the host before I clicked the remote control and the TV turned off. My head rolled back on it's own, resting on the back of the couch. I'd been in this hospital for fifteen hours. My eyes had bags, my teeth felt grimy and disgusting, I smelled, and the nurses kept trying to admit me.
However I was here for a reason and I had to stay. When Angela had called me at school I knew it was the baby. I shook my head sadly; this was too risky. Doctor Davis had advised her not to go through with this. He said her body not be able to do it. I had begged her to wait, to try again later. She wouldn't listen. Sweet as she was, there was no convincing her to give up that baby. It scared me to death, but I couldn't say I wouldn't do the same. As mad as it made me that she was risking her life, I admired her.
I was in calculus when my phone vibrated in my pocket. When I saw the small name lighting up my screen I freaked. Without a word to Ms. Hhanel I grabbed my stuff hastily and ran out to my car. I smiled at the thought of the car. It was an old, beat up Nissan. Green with rust and always a cherry scented air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror. I loved it the second Angela drove it into our driveway. That was when I was sixteen and Angela was eighteen.
"It has character," she told me. "Plus it's trash so it's not so bad if you crash it." But I never did crash it.
The loud click-clack of heels on the linoleum tiles brought me back to the moment.
"Miss Swan?" A hesitant voice came from behind me and I whipped around, instantly anxious. The nurse moved around the couch to face me. She was small and young, couldn't have been that much older than Angela and she looked scared. She played with her fingers nervously.
"Yes?"
"Your sister is bleeding out. The doctor is doing an emergency cesarean section. She asked for you," she said quickly with pity in her eyes. I didn't wait to thank her but ran down the hall to my sister's room. I knew that I shouldn't have left Angela's side. She had insisted I try to sleep out on the couch. I knew I wouldn't be able to but I left to please her. Even when she was in labor she worried about me. It was a difficult first few hours. Her contractions were too quick and she was in so much pain.
When I'd gotten out to my car I sped home to find Angela waiting for me outside the apartment on the front steps, bags and all. How she managed to stay so calm, I don't know. She was already practicing her breathing and everything. When we'd made it to the hospital I led her to the front desk where I checked her in and they took her to her room.
They'd gotten her all ready and judging from the contractions they thought the delivery would be soon. Everything was going great, they said. No need for emergency actions, they told me. She's tough, she can do this naturally without a doubt, they assured me. Even with their reassurances I felt it in my gut. I knew something was going to go wrong.
I ground my teeth together angrily, asking myself why she was being put through all of this. Hasn't she had enough? Tears filled my eyes, burning them. My heart was beating a thousand times a minute, my palms began to sweat and I struggled to control my breathing. When I reached Angela's door I paused outside the window. Inside I could see Angela finally losing her cool. She was grinding her teeth and bunching up the sheets in her fingers. Her pain scared me, but with a deep breath, I flicked a stray hair out of my face and marched in.
"Bella?"
Her face was drenched with sweat, the beads mixing with her tears. Her golden-brown hair was matted and in a sticky, messy bun on the top of her head. She was struggling, I could see, which scared me more than anything. I fought the urge to run away screaming and took my sister's hand.
"What's happening?" I demanded. The young doctor I'd met many times before with Angela was there, sitting on a stool positioned between my sister's open legs. He didn't look up when I spoke.
"Your niece doesn't seem to want to come out," he said to me, trying to remain calm but not succeeding. His voice shook a little with the struggle. I glared irately at him. I could have told you that twelve hours ago, dumbass. "We're preparing for a c-section now. We've given her some medication for the pain already, Miss Swan."
I looked back at the bed and Angela's hands had already loosened around the sheets. I nodded approvingly, at least her pain wasn't as bad, although I could still tell when she had a contraction because her legs twitched.
"Bella," she breathed. I leaned in closer to her and I could smell the sweat and tears on her face.
"I'm here, honey." I assured her. I didn't want her thinking she was alone in this. She had me.
"I know." A small smile flitted across her features and the tiny gesture gave me relief and hope. "The baby, Bella… Cassie."
I glanced warily at the doctor and he answered my unspoken question.
"She seems to be okay but we need to act fa-" he was cut off by Angela's shriek of long and unexpected pain. We all cringed away from the sound momentarily.
"Oh God!" She moaned and tossed in the small bed.
"What's happening?" I was panicking now. Full blown, no going back, fear. The horrified look on Dr. Davis's face made me a little woozy, but not half as bad as the puddle of blood at his feet did. He quickly stood and motioned at the nurse behind him.
"The baby's coming. Now." His voice was worried. My head started to spin and I knew I was fainting. I felt like I was sinking down, down, down. But my sister's strangled scream brought me to the surface like a lifejacket.
"So start the c-section already!" I begged, shaking my head to clear it. He glanced at me pitifully before pulling Angela's gown up higher, exposing her.
"It's too late for that. Your sister will have to give natural birth if she wants the baby to live." My heart stopped and then picked up double time.
"But she can't! It'll kill her!" I knew her body wasn't strong enough. She was too weak for this. I could tell by her glazed over eyes that she was fading now.
"No." She whispered to me, struggling to sit up in the bed. I pushed her back down angrily. What was she trying to do? Kill herself quicker? "Save Cassie, Bella. Save her."
"Shut up, you're being stupid. You can't expect me to let y-"
"Save. The. Baby." she growled, though her words were slightly garbled. "Bella. Please."
It only took a second for me to nod at the doctor before he started to poke and prod at her. It only took a second for me to sentence her death, to give my approval. Was I killing her? Angela moaned; I guess the medication wasn't working anymore. She's in pain! I wanted to scream. Don't just let her suffer! I needed to shout at them. So why didn't I say anything? Why was I stuck there at her bedside in shock?
"Okay Angela, I know you're tired but you need to push okay? Push for Cally." The doctor was looking frantic now. He was young, not even thirty and couldn't have had too much experience. A pang of guilt hit me hard. I should have gotten better for her. She should be completely relaxed, not feeling a thing in a large, comfy room with an experienced doctor saving her and the baby. Not in this small, cramped closet with a doctor hardly older than her.
"It's Cassie you idiot!" I snapped at him, holding Ang's weak hand in my own. She wasn't squeezing anymore so I did, trying to keep her awake. Her moans of pain hit me home.
I should have done better. I should have done better. I should have done better.
"Angela push! Push!" He panicked, ignoring me.
"I can't!" she shrieked, breathing in heavily and finally squeezing back on my hand. I ignored the pain as I focused on what I was about to do.
"Push Angela. Push for Cassie okay? You can sleep after this one. Just one big push and you can sleep. Just push for the baby." I whispered to her, not wanting the doctor or nurses to hear what I was doing to her. I was killing her now, wasn't I?
"I can't." She cried, chest heaving and legs twitching. I brushed back her hair.
I should have done better. I should have done better. I should have done better.
"Yes you can," I assured her. Tears spilled down my cheeks and I rethought my actions quickly. Did she really want to give up or did she want me to push her still to save the baby? Was she scared now? I was shaking of fear. What would I do without my big sister? She dropped out of college when our parents died to take care of me. She was all I had. We depended on each other. But this moment, as she lay there shrieking, I knew I was on my own.
I should have done better. I should have done better. I should have done better.
"I - I can'tahhhh!" Another fit of contractions pulsed through her body. I cringed away, but held her hand fast. I couldn't let go of her now. She couldn't do this alone.
"Come on Angela, push." Dr. Davis shouted over her shouts and my sobs, urging her while his hands moved under her gown. She moaned and writhed, the pain overtaking her.
"She can't!" I screamed back at him. Didn't he see her pain? My tears splashed on Angela's naked stomach. My eyes were fixed on the huge bump on her abdomen. Could it really have been just yesterday that Angela fell asleep on the couch while rubbing her belly? Was it only hours ago that our faces lit up with huge smiles when Cassie kicked her stomach playfully?
"She has to," he said to me, bringing my eyes back to his. I blinked at his pained expression. Once, twice, three times. "I can't deliver the baby without her."
My tears were coming down without delay now, cascading like waterfalls. I hunched over Angela and a few fell onto her face, mixing with her own tears. Her eyes were barely open. When the contractions ended, they left her body weaker.
"Angela! Wake up! Wake up now!" I tugged at her arm, slapped her face, shook her shoulders. She wouldn't move. "Wake up Angela! No, no, no!"
The sobs wracked my entire body now. I hung my head uselessly. That's when I noticed my shoes were blood red. The puddle of blood was more like a lake now, and still growing.
"Oh my God," I whispered. I blinked rapidly in shock.
"Nurse I'm going to have to cut."
I was spinning out of control. Red was everywhere. On the bed, on her legs, her stomach, her feet, the floor, the sheets, the doctor's whole front, my shoes. Blood, everywhere. She was bleeding dry. How was it happening so fast?
"Here, take her Nurse," he said. I heard a large splash, accompanied with the wetness I felt on my feet, the shrieking of a baby, and the heart-breaking sobs that ripped from my chest. No moans, only a sigh of pity and regret from the nurse who now held Cassie.
I stumbled back into the chair I'd sat in for hours, talking to my sister. Slowly, my eyes closed and I tried not to think of all of the red…
…she didn't even scream when he cut her, I realized. She was already gone.
A/N: So what do you think? I've been playing with this for a while now and I'm a little nervous letting you guys see it. Umm, I'm not sure if I'll continue with it but I definitely will if you want me to. I haven't been writing fics for a while, just lurking around, and I miss it. So this is my attempt to get back in there. Reviews are bliss, as is Edward without a shirt....oh, and Edward will be in this. I mean, I shudder at the thought of it without him.