Ashkir Devereux no longer cared for Nyna. Yes it hurt, and pained him to come to a realization of that, but it was for the best. Nyna walked out on him, he didn't walk out on Nyna. Yes, of course he lied, but a true friend wouldn't take off like that, right? Did she even have a gorram clue how long it took Ashkir to even ever consider telling her? How long he sat in his room in the dark in tears wishing she understood. For four long years Ashkir wanted Nyna to know his deepest secret. For four long years Ashkir tried to work up the courage to tell her. For four long years he prayed for the courage to tell her. For four long years he had been covering up this lie, the hardest lie to cover up, ever.
Look how Nyna took it in response. Would he likely tell his parents? Never, defiantly not now. He knew his mom would come around, but his dad? He knew it wasn't worth the risk. How would he feel being disowned by his own parents? When his best friend, correction, ex best friend just walked out on him? No, it wasn't worth the risk. Nyna just walked out of Ashkir's life. It threw Ashkir in chaos. It added to his stress. Yes, Ashkir loved stress and all, but this type? He just lost a lifetime friendship, screw it.
Why was he in the quidditch pitch in the first place? He had no gorram clue. He was there with an expensive broom, one of the top of the line (okay it was a few years out of date), but he was there to practice flying. Okay, maybe not exactly practice, the boy had years of practice and still cannot fly in a straight line. Ashkir Devereux was just there as he'd rather to get hurt then think of some events that had happened previously. Not much he could do at all, but yeah, he had to accept it.
Exactly why he went to the quidditch pitch was ruined by two things. Mainly one, his mind couldn't keep its paws off of Nyna. He couldn't stand the thought, he couldn't bear the thought, but it was true. He lost his best friend. He had to deal with it, he would get over it one way or another eventually…eventually. But how? Not sure. Why? Because he needed to. For over ten years he had been the best of friends with Nyna Adustum. Those ten years are now down the drain, worthless. They held some of his best memories, of one of the two people who knew him better then anyone. The loss was too big for his heart to even compute. He desired to get over it, but he couldn't.
How he wished Cailey was there, closer to him. He wished he was just younger, being able to slide into her room at night, explaining to her, she in her loving self understanding on holding onto him like a good big sister. She was a wonderful big sister. She had done a remarkable job of standing her little brother even though how many times he had to come up with ways to humiliate her or torture her. She was always there for him; he was now just realizing that he should have been nicer to her. He was glad he didn't loose Cailey, but then again Cailey found out on her own when he was younger and accepted it. She even confronted her little brother making him spell his secrets. It meant a world to him that he was able to talk to somebody thereon after about his feelings and his social life.
He had no emotion on his face whatsoever. He was not even regretting the drop of the bracelet he had worn for so long. It meant a world to him at one time, he would turn a building upside down if he lost it, which he did once and realized he left it on the bathroom counter as he was taking a shower. Quite a mess he had to clean up. But now, he could care less about it. The worn leather, the yellow aging plastic letters, it was a lot of sentimental value to him at one time. That one time was just a week ago.
One of the bravest moves he had ever done, though harsh, was drop the bracelet in front of Nyna. He snapped it in half just nights before and held it until the perfect moment which has just happened. He dropped the bracelet into the grass, both pieces of it snapped right in front of Nyna. He knew it would hurt her. She knew he had it forever. That simple piece of material was a powerful blade. Ashkir couldn't even explain to himself how powerful of a move that would have been against him. He knew it would sting her heart as much as it stroked his.
Such a powerful mechanism as that, he had no idea what the outcome would be. He had no idea how Nyna would react to it, or even if she would react to it. After the dropping of the bracelet he brushed passed her purposely hitting her with his right shoulder. He meant for the scene to be hurtful, and painful, not for him, he was hoping it would get to Nyna, his ex best friend.
Before Ashkir was able to get further away from Nyna, she collapsed to the ground. He heard her. She started to weep. He ignored it. Hearing her words, he had no idea how to respond. After a few long hard thought out seconds he took a partial step back. He scoffed, and walked off. He was done with Nyna. Forever. He was done. As much as he went through with Nyna he couldn't handle anymore of this drama, this angst. She broke his heart, shattered it into pieces. His entire life was thrown into chaos. Ashkir couldn't handle it anymore. With the scoff, he was off. He was out of her life for good.
Do I even know you? Do I even love you? But I sit here…I know you, how can I realize that you are gone? Can you come; can you be here for me? Do you know what I went through while I was waiting for you? Do you even know who I am? But I know you; will you be here for me, in my time of need? Can you come? But here I am, sitting, you walked away and all I did was break into tears. Do I even know who you are? Were all of my memories just nothing? But here I am in despair, asking and begging for you back. Can you help me? As I call for you back…
The words in his heart were powerful. Those questions in a song like format pierced his heart. His heart was about to bleed. Ashkir Devereux couldn't handle the amount of drama in his life. The words were as a dagger. A dagger which cut through his body directly into his heart, with a tip laced in poison. For only a moment of standing there, not even looking back at Nyna, his entire lifetime of memories triggered. Everything he ever did with Nyna, everything he remembered, buried, all the good times, the bad times. Up until this moment.
Ashkir walked away. His right arm was wrapped around his broom; his dominate hand in his coat pocket, Ashkir could've cared less. He continued walking away slowly; he wanted this scene, to have his mark left behind. Yes it was cruel, but yes, he felt he needed it done. It was not a mistake. He felt heavy in his heart. Emotions overpowering him, but he forced himself to push them back, to keep a steady pace of walking away.
Such the words in his heart overwhelmed him. Repeating in a rhythm, a songlike format; the poison from the blade was spreading through his vary veins. Ashkir Devereux came to a halt. He turned around nearly instantly. Just staring at Nyna for a second, he knew what he was going to do. He just turned around and looked away, ready to walk off again, but he had unfinished business. He needed to attack her. He wanted to attack her, a final last move.
He dropped his broom stick and took his left-hand out of his coat pocket, he ran back with all he had. Nyna's back facing him. He ran, tackling Nyna down hugging her then pinning her to the ground, in the mud, which she was soaked in and Ashkir had some traces of it. The dagger in his heart was successful. He couldn't live without Nyna. He would return to her. Walking away slowly did not do what he had hoped for, it made his heart grow heavier with feelings toward Nyna. He loved her. He really loved her. She was his best friend for as long as both of them could remember.
As I remain here, I realize you will never break my heart again. I realize how much I have missed you. I just needed somebody, and that somebody was you, my Nyna, my best friend. Somebody knew, I knew, you would never break my heart again. Back down on my knees, I am yours forever, you can make whatever you want of me. The way we been through all we been through. Just tell me you missed me, the word will make me break. I love you more then you'll ever know. I will love you forever, my friend. You are a part of my soul, I am nothing without you.
Good gorram! Who knew this would be so hard. Ashkir Devereux had no idea what he was doing whatsoever. He was acting out of impulse, something he never did. It was the same kind of impulse as a defense mechanism like the time Nyna caught him and his boyfriend snogging two years ago, he acted out of impulse pushing the other boy away, saying the kiss was nothing, it was just practice. That he was just learning how to kiss. Well he was, and the kiss did mean more then that after all.
Ashkir Devereux's heart was heavy. Heavier then he was used to. Yes, it was known he loved stress. Nyna is officially the first person to know Ashkir is gay by making him feel guilty. Cailey found out on her own then later wanted to know if she was right, she found that out by extreme torture and pressure (she was his big sister, what do you expect?). Anya, his cousin found out by playing the 'girlfriend' card, and Ashkir did not want to lie to her again. He felt he was an adult and he should've just gotten it over with a long while ago.
He felt like asking, does he even know her? Doubt it, but Ashkir would follow her to the end of the world and of a thousand deaths. Somebody knew she would never break his heart again. Somebody knew...That was all the thought Ashkir Devereux needed. The dagger still resting in his heart, the poison even spreading faster and it was controlling his body. He had no reaction. He had no control.
Ashkir Devereux really had no idea how to react, he just did, subconsciously. His heart knew what was best for him. He isn't afraid to admit it, he's Nyna's forever. He loved Nyna. She was all he really had. He couldn't stand being without her, especially as he realized over the last week. He ended up leaning nearly directly on top of Nyna, but supporting his own weight, his knees on both sides of her waist. His face was directly over that of Nyna's, a clear smirk upon it.. Two words escaped his lips, carefully chosen. "Forgive me?"