DISCLAIMER: I own a small collection of potato chips shaped like famous people. No, that's a lie. It's actually just a packet of potato chips. No, that was a lie too. There are no potato chips - they are in fact rice crackers. And that was a lie to because my mum bought the potato chips so really she owns the potato chips that aren't potato chips at all but rice crackers and I'll just shut up now . . .
Not What You Think - Ready. Set. Go!
Syaoran checked and rechecked everything twice as he and Meilin boarded the plane to Japan. In less than twenty-four hours he would be meeting Sakura, and everything had to be perfect.
He wondered what she would be like. How she would smell, although he imagined she would smell exactly like her namesake. He wondered about her eyes and whether they were really as green as he imagined.
He wondered what she would sound like. I his mind her voice was soft and gentle like a flute and her footsteps as light as a summer rain. He wondered how she would move, imagining that she would float like a leaf caught in the wind.
But none of that really mattered because he knew everything important there was to know about her.
He knew that she was kind and patient. She loved children, especially her neices and nephews who she doted on like any aunt would. She love animals but she hated cats because she reckoned they were too mean spirited to be proper pets; she had a dog so it was only right that she side with him on such matters.
He knew she was almost deathly afraid of ghosts, but if one of her friends were in need it wouldn't even matter. She was brave and she didn't even realize it, which simply made her more amazing for it. She could be self-righteous but only when she knew that something was too important to be left to fend for itself.
She was naïve and optimistic, and even though he was cynical by nature, she made him believe as though he was a little child. She was selfless, but not a saint. She was proud, but only where she had a right to be. And in spite of being incredibly gullible, she was incredibly wise.
Syaoran had never considered that his perfect girl could have been found in such a simple way: by answering an email. But she had been found, and now he was on his way to meet her.
He felt so nervous. On the entire plane ride he had no idea what to do with himself. He tried watching a movie but he couldn't concentrate. He tried sleeping but he felt so restless. In the end he spent the entire flight with his laptop open re-reading her emails and going over his plan for when he arrived.
'Sakura,' he thought to himself happily. 'My Ying Fa.'
In order to avoid any confusion anything that is proposed to be true will be followed by a FACT: exposing the truth. You can think of it as Chiharu's rewrite – for Sakura and Syaoran's benefit, of course . . . : ?
TELL US ABOUT YOU
What time is it? It's 2pm which means that is probably tomorrow already in New Zealand as they are exactly 10 hours ahead of us FACT: NZ is not 10hrs ahead (it's maybe 4) which I think gives a very definite hint of who this is and where it's going.
*Name*: Takashi Yamazaki. I was named after the great Takashi Ming who defeated Genghis Kahn and the Mongolian hordes in 1276. FACT: it is highly unlikely that such a person existed as he totally just made it up. Secondly, Genghis Kahn died in 1229 and there are confusions about how he died although none of the speculations fall even close to this description. My favourite is the one where they say he gorged himself to death on his wedding night and drowned in a pool of his own vomit but only because to me its ironic.
*Nicknames*: TK – you know they named that digimon character after me right. FACT: yeah right.
*Parent's Names*: Okaa-san and Otou-san. FACT: . . . my god, that one is technically true (Chiharu faints . . .).
*Siblings*: One but we don't like to talk about her . . . especially when she's in the room hanging suspiciously near to my laptop as I type this email.
*Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake*: 0. After realizing that candles were draining the worlds resources of important wax type materials I have chosen to boycott all candles and candle associated products. FACT: he had an icecream cake but it was left out too long and in the end the thing was too soft to support candles. As far as I can tell there is no candle related environmental crisis to justify a boycott although I am happy to be proven wrong on that point if anyone can actually be bothered to do the sufficient levels of research.
*Date that you regularly blow them out (birthday):* July 1st. Did you know that aside from being the day that yours truly was born, that this date is a very significant day in history? It was the day that the treaties that ended the American revolution were signed however, due to the administrative imperatives required to properly formalize the documents the official day to which the end of the war is attributed and thus the celebrations commenced is July 4th – better known as Independence Day. FACT: the treaties that 'lines for eyes' (A/N: or as I prefer as I think of him as analogous to Brock from Pokemon, 'no eyes') were signed on September 3rd not July 1st and although they signify the day that America were free from the British, I doubt that the choice of date for Independence day has anything to do with administrative errors or the like. Rather it is to do with the signing of the Declaration of Independence and therefore has nothing to do with the British either (which I suspect is the point of the whole thing to begin with).
*Pets*: I wanted to get a red-eared turtle but decided against it once I found out about all the requirements for proper turtle caring. You can't just keep them in a little glass bowl like they do on TV. You need proper equipment and lots and lots of space – they recommend something like ridiculous like 10 litres of water to every inch of turtle and those things get up to 12 inches (I don't know why they don't just pick a single system of measurement to utilize but that's how they talk on the internet) and you have to have separate areas for basking and eating and what not. It's no wonder that they sell them so cheap – they must be making an absolute killing on all the equipment and landscaping costs of executing the perfect turtle habitat.
Anyway, the moral of this story is that I decided to get a fish instead, however they keep dying of over feeding because neither of us have a long enough attention span to remember whether I fed it or not.
FACT: all true, at least according to the Internet; but I can neither confirm or deny it's validity.
*Height*: 5'11'' which actually makes me exactly the right height to be a member of the South American Royal Militia (also known as the SARMi – clever right). FACT: seriously, you believed this? There's nothing even remotely close to this existing.
YAMAZAKI: What if it's a secret SARMi?
FACT: Ok, let's assume that it's a secret militia. What kind of secret militia would set the exact height of 5'11" as the only condition of entry?
YAMAZAKI: I didn't say it was the only condition.
FACT: -_-*
*Eye colour*: . . . FACT: I think he's trying to be ironic . . .
*Piercing*: Did you know the first historical record for . . . wait I think I've mentioned this before. FACT: ARRRGHHHHhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
HAVE YOU EVER...?
*Had the drink Calypso Breeze*? A calypso breeze is a cocktail consisting of 4 parts coconut rum, 2 parts fejoa vodka shaken with 1tsp of sugar, 2 shakes of Agnostarius Bitters and a sliced lime. It is then served over ice and topped with lemonade. FACT: that sounds like the most foul concoction I have ever heard of and I once drank a Flaming F**king Smurf. I'm assuming that this is all lies only because it is too vile to contemplate.
*Been in love*? Yes I have. There was this wonderful girl from Indonesia who I felt I really connected with on a spiritual level and then one day she tells me 'click-gu-mulaluga' and the whole things over. I was devastated. FACT: Yamazaki does not speak Indonesian and apparently neither does 'this wonderful girl from Indonesia'.
*Been toilet-papering*? Did you know that the first historical reference to a 'T-P'ing incident is in 1872? The incident was reportedly at the home of John Wilkes Booth – not that John Wilkes Booth but rather the name of a model/actor who went by the stage name of JWB. FACT: This boy has been watching far too many Ben Stiller movies *sigh* and he even forgot to tell you when his most recent TP-ing incident was. And you wonder why he gets strangled so often?
THE FUTURE:
*School*: Well next week I'm starting my observation at our old middle school – I suppose that counts to some degree. FACT: it's technically a school that he'll be attending in the future so I guess I can't really quibble over the minor details, like that so not being what the question was asking.
*Where You Want To Live*: I want to live in Amsterdam. In the last WHO survey it was given the highest rating for happiness, health and general well-being. Where better to live than in the land of the happiest, healthiest and generally well-est beings in all the world. Although we should probably keep this a secret as if everybody knew about it then they would all want to live there and I suspect if there were too many immigrants they wouldn't be nearly as happy, healthy or generally well at all. FACT: To start with he seems to imply that Amsterdam is a country which isn't really a good start to thing. The most recent survey's on happiness were not conducted by WHO (as they are coming from a medical/biological paradigm from which happiness cannot be measure objectively) but a university in the US and according to them the happiest country is Denmark, not the Netherlands so that puts a bit of a damper on all his reasoning. Sorry Yami-kun.
*How Many Kids You Want*: Like 11 or 12. I intend to sacrafice at least one to the church – although I haven't decided which church yet – four to academia, one to the government, one to a respectable, but loveless marriage, one to foreign military powers in exchange for my own life, two to a group of travelling gypsies passing through and I think that accounts for most of them. FACT: I'm pretty sure he's joking but sometimes its hard to know.
*Girl names*: Cassandra after the great prophesier who foresaw the fall of Rome. FACT: Cassandra did foresee the fall of a civilization, but it was Troy rather than the Romans.
*Boy names*: I'm going to call them all Takashi after myself and number them in order to distinguish between them.
*What Kind Of Job You Want*: I'd want to be a Superintendent. I read this book once, and it sounded really fun. FACT: LIES! Takashi has never read a book in his life, especially one that didn't have pictures. I suspect that I am aware of what book he is referring to, but I have no idea how he would know of the contents of said to a sufficient extent to recognise them as 'fun'.
*You Want To Get Married*: Not really, and before you ask, I have considered the problem of my 11 or 12 kids and I was reading some research yesterday which suggested it might be possible to produce a child asexually in much the same way as aphids. FACT: Read above, although he is right about the bit about aphids being asexual, but only when it suits them.
WHO:
*Makes you laugh The Most*: Leonard L. Church. The second L stands for Llewellyn, which is Welsh for 'the indestructible'. FACT: I don't know that much about Red vs. Blue but I really doubt that Church's middle name is in fact Llewellyn. What I do know is that Llewellyn (and I'm not even sure that that's the correct spelling but I'll let it go for now) is a Welsh name meaning "like a lion" and NOT indestructible.
*Do You Go To For Advice or to talk About Things*: Oprah. Last week she said that perms were in and I wasn't really sure about it, what with my complexion, but when she told me that perms need not be permanent I knew that at the very least it was worth giving it a go.
*Who Do You Hate*: Oprah. That b***h was soooo wrong. FACT: He's never had a perm in his life. I think he's trying to be funny again. You know I really wish you would stop doing that Takashi.
*Knows the Most about You*: Oprah. That's why I think I can never truly hate her. She knows me better than I know myself and she's always inspiring me to do new things. The other day she was like: 'you, get off of that couch girl, and get yourself a mamogram' and I was like, 'sure, what the hey', you know. FACT: -_-*
*Is Your Best Friend*: Chiharu, my thousand springtime's, you.
*Has It Easier, Guys or Girls*: Girls for now, but we are currently working on the technology to even things out.
WHICH ONE?
*Croutons or Bacon Bits*: Croutons in salad, bacon in soup. You know the first person to serve croutons was Miles DeFoe and he hadn't actually served them with either. He originally served them with a fish dish rather than bread crumbing the fish itself. FACT: he's just making up people again.
*2 doors or 4 (on a car)*: I say the more doors the better. You can never have too many doors. Although I suspect if you can take the entire roof off your car, then extra doors become a little defeatist.
Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper*: Really an unnecessary question. In 1984 Coca-Cola™ bought the majority share in both companies, thus instituting changes to the composition of both drinks so that they tasted similar to the original recipe but were both of a substandard taste and quality to Coca-Cola™'s flagship product, that is, Coke. (A/N: this is not defamatory as it is obvious from the context that he is LYING and that it is not the opinion of the author who honestly doesn't give a shit about either drink).FACT: Mr. Pibb has always been a product of Coca-Cola™ so I don't know what he's on about here. I have no idea what's up with his crazy conspiracies sometimes.
*Coffee or Ice-cream*: Icecream. My favourite is Cookies'n'Cream.
*Shampoo or Conditioner*: Judging by the answers of all my female friends, this conditioner stuff isn't the 'hot-shit' that this question leads us to believe. In spite of you all insisting on not really answering the question, it is quite apparent from your answers that you do in fact favour shampoo as you consider shampoo to be something essential for the subsequent use of conditioner. Now you must all bow down to my irrefutable logic. Ha ha.
*Bridges or Tunnels*: Tunnels. I think that tunnels deserve a lot more recognition given the effort that goes into making them. Tunnels require far more effort (particularly administrative effort) than a mere bridge and I think it's about time that everyone just stand together and give it up for tunnels. FACT: It really depends on what sort of tunnel and what sort of bridge you're comparing. For some weird reason I feel as though he had the Chunnel in mind as he answered this question.
*One pillow or two*: Two, unless it's one really big pillow then that changes things. You know that the pillow is considered one of Sir Thomas Edison's lesser inventions – he invented it in 1879, just two months before the invention of the light bulb (well technically the light filament), which seemed to just overshadow it completely.
FACT: reading this I can kind of understand how people can believe him when he does this. For starters he usually hangs it all on something concrete, that is, something true in the middle – for example the fact that Thomas Edison really did invent the light bulb in 1879 although he does seem to have him confused with Isaac Newton with the 'sir' business (American's do not get knighted Takashi). And he's right about Edison not technically inventing the light bulb (as someone else came up with it earlier, but his was the first workable one or something). The bit where he falls apart is the pillow business – it is simply ridiculous to suggest that there was no such thing as a pillow until 1879. He should have picked someone older like Gallileo or Pythagarus even, to make his story a tad more believable, although if not for the time frame business, it would be an acceptable premise to believe that Edison invented something useful like the pillow.
*Adidas or Nike*: Adidas.
*Nike or Reebok*: Reebok.
*Adidas or Reebok*: Adidas . . . there is nothing interesting you can say about any of these brands in question. I suggest that the question be amended to feature someone interesting like Pomado – after all they were founded by a communist dictator. FACT: They weren't . . . mostly because he's making up names again. Really Takashi!
WORD ASSOCIATION (FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND)
*Rock*: 'Rock the Casbah'!
*Green*: 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'! I love that the title was so self explanatory – with a lot of shows these days you have to actually watch it to work out what the shows about, but with TMNT they just gave it to you all in the title.
*Wet*: 'Water World' – well I for one liked it. FACT: He never even saw it to my knowledge.
*Cry*: 'The Crying Game' – the book not the movie. I'm trying to include all forms of media. FACT: 'The Crying Game' was never a book, at least, not before it was a movie
*Peanut Butter*: 'Charlie Brown' – or rather the 'Peanuts' comic strip which started it all.
FAVORITES:
*Salad Dressing*: I make my own dressing using ½ an egg-white mixed with 2 teaspoons of oil and a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar with just a dash of lime juice and soy sauce. FACT: urgh . . . if he's going to make up recipes for things I wish he would do just enough research so as not to inspire a gag reflex.
*Colour of socks*: I'm not sure it matters . . .
*Memory*: The days I discovered the internet. Such a good day.
*Toothpaste*: the simplest one possible. I hear that all those fancy toothpastes are actually harmful to your teeth – a lot of them cause sensitive teeth which is quite concerning. FACT: I've said it before and I'll say it again – there is no bloody toothpaste conspiracy!
*Food*: Anything as long as Chiharu didn't cook it . . . ;)
*Song at the moment*: Well I'm listening to 'Brown Sugar' by The Rolling Stones at the moment (although when I started I was listening to something else) so I guess that makes it the winner. You know that The Rolling Stones are illegal in China – I think its something to do with them not paying taxes. FACT: once more he's got it all wrong. The song 'Brown Sugar' was one of a few songs that couldn't be played at a concert in China due to censorship and suggestive lyrics. Not really sure where he got the taxes thing from.
*TV show*: I love quiz shows. Did you know the word quiz was invented in 1791 during a bet? Some guy bet his friends he could introduce a word into the English language in a day so he just wrote it everywhere and people just sort of stated using it and made up their own meanings until they came to some sort of agreement. FACT: I looked this one up because the story seemed kind of familiar to me, but apparently it's not true. Apparently they have records of the word 'quiz' in use since the early 18th Century so either they got the date wrong in the story, or it was all made up.
*Toothbrush*: I feel the same way about toothbrushes as I do about toothpaste . . .
*Subject in School*: World History, although our teachers always looked so haggard when I tried to answer a question. I never understood why.
*Flower*: Amaryllis belladonna which is one of the most useful plants in human history. The plant is used in teas, for medicines, for flavour, for decorations, for paint and for various other things I can't begin to get into here. FACT: I have no idea what he's on about here because I'm pretty sure that Amaryllis is poisonous if you eat it, though I'm sure that didn't stop people using it for medicine or drugs – as far as I know it's a narcotic so it might have been a primitive form of anasthetic and if so I guess that makes him right about it's usefulness, just wrong about the uses.
*Colour*: Red.
*NON-ALOHOLIC DRINK*: Non-alcoholic, now where's the fun in that? I have nothing interesting to say about 'not alcohol'. Now, alcohol . . . alcohol was invented by the ancient Mayan's completely by accident and was originally made out of chocolate. FACT: except that it was obviously available to the Greeks who predated the Mayan's by at least 1000 years so things really fall down there. World History may have been his favourite subject, but he was never particularly good at it – he seemed to have problem with dates and time lines would you believe?
*Sport to Watch*: Cricket, but only Eriol and myself understand why . . . (A/N: this is another Hitchhikers/Douglas Adam's reference. I really suggest you all read these books)
*Country Song*: 'Cotton Eyed Joe'. Some reckon that Joe was 'cotton-eyed' because of syphilis. FACT: it's a reasonable theory.
*Sesame Street Character*: I know he's not technically a Sesame Street Character because only some Muppets are SSC but he was my favourite Muppet and I didn't really like Sesame Street all that much anyway, so I pick Fozzie Bear just cos.
*Disney Character*: Jack Sparrow – hey at no point did they say it had to be classic Disney, it's not my fault the rest of you are so caught up in the past here.
*Warner Brothers*: Foghorn Leghorn. I bet he would have really liked 'Cotton Eyed Joe' too; it was apparently a very popular song down in the South.
RANDOM QUESTIONS
*When was your last hospital check in*: Is a mammogram a hospital check, because Oprah said . . . FACT: -_-*
*Do You Drink*: whenever possible ;)
*How many times did you fail your permit and Drivers License Test?*: Never thank you very much. FACT: twice. He hit a parked car right at the start of his test the first time. And the second time he pulled over in the middle of the road when he spotted a radio station giving away free stuff. He did win tickets to the Fall Out Boy concert so I guess it was worth it.
*Where do you see yourself in 10 years?*: I see myself managing the Guide from Alpha Centauri (before the Vogon's got there of course).
*Who is the last person that you got mail from before this one*? A letter from the administrators of Wikipedia asking me to please refrain from trying to update any more of their entries . . .
*Have you ever been convicted of a crime*? Not lately. I try to make a habbit of only commiting crimes which they no long prosecute for, like swearing in public and wearing large hats a the movies. FACT: not a crime, but maybe it should be. I always get caught behind the large hat guy.
*Which single store would you choose to max your credit card*? The library . . . of congress . . .
*What type of car you drive now*? I'll take your SUV and I raise you my Humvee. Read it and weap blue boy!
*What do you do most often when you are bored*? Update Wikipedia entiries . . . well maybe not anymore.
*Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you*: I have friends in very far away places but I don't want to make you all jealous.
*Are You in A Gang or Club*: Does computer club count? I am still technically a card-carrying member (although we didn't really have any cards because it wasn't something you advertised too much if you didn't want to get beaten up but you know what I mean). Maybe I'll start a group on Facebook about it.
*What Is Your Favourite Kind Of Clothes*: T-Shirts. I really like t-shirts. The 'T' in t-shirt actually stands for 'time-off' as in, the shirt you wear when you are not at work, rather than 'torso' as most people believe. FACT: it's called a t-shirt because it looks like a 'T'. There is no other reason.
*Are you Close Minded*: Only when I know I have the right to be.
*Are You Open Minded*: Most of the time.
*Are You A Player*: I too am a player of things. I could name a few but I feel that Eriol's list was comprehensive enough.
*Can u be in love with 2 people at the same time*? I guess, but I'm not sure that I accept your initial premise. I believe that love is a chemical reaction in the brain to certain stimuli in the environment, and the above question is only necessary if you believe it to be something else.
*Humiliating Moment*: When everybody else discovered the internet. It was about the same time that I developed my irrational fear of search engines which was the only rational thing I could do.
*Who do you think will respond to this fastest*? I think Chiharu will respond very quickly. Her response will look something like this 'LIES! LIES! ALL LIES!' FACT: Yes that is essentially what my initial response was.
*Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to send back*? There are a few of you I have in mind.
*what time is it now*: Later.
*who's most likely not going to read this*: The administrative staff at Wikipeadia. They just keep bouncing back my emails these days like a bad check.
*goals for this year*: Create my own encyclopaedia website – oh just see if you can stop me Wiki, you'll miss my edits when they're gone.
"Here," Tomoyo said as she handed Sakura a white box tied with brown string.
"What is it?" Sakura asked, intrigued by the box.
"Your dress for tomorrow," Tomoyo explained. "But you're not allowed to look at it until tomorrow ok?" Tomoyo made her promise.
Sakura nodded. Some things never changed.
"Are you nervous?" Tomoyo asked.
Sakura nodded. She felt positively sick to her stomach. All of her internal organs seemed to be jumping about without her permission, and her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her toes.
Tomoyo smiled comfortingly. "It'll be ok."
"So what time are you leaving here tomorrow?" Tomoyo asked, finalizing the details for Sakura's big day.
"I'm leaving here at 11 to meet him at 12, which means I've got about ten minutes to spare in case of traffic," Sakura replied with a reassuring smile, not entirely sure who that smile was for.
Tomoyo smiled again as she gave her best friend a quick hug.
"I'll come by tomorrow before you go just to give you a quick pep-talk," Tomoyo told her, "but after that you're on your own so . . ."
"I know," Sakura said quietly, her stomach doing a quick flip flop at the thought of being alone with Syaoran.
Tomoyo let a deep breath she hadn't even been aware she was holding.
"I don't know which of us is more nervous," Tomoyo sighed.
Sakura smiled, "it's me. It's definitely me."
"Alright," Tomoyo smiled. "I better leave you to your beauty rest. Don't forget to set your alarm."
Sakura nodded and Tomoyo was out the door.
For the first time in her life Sakura was determined to wake up on time. She went to bed early to be safe and set up three different alarm clocks at full volume at different points in the room. One sat on her dresser, one on her and one under her bed. They were set to stagger, that is, the first would go off at 9:30, the next at 9:35 and the last at 9:40 to ensure she woke up.
Everything she needed for tomorrow was set up so that she wouldn't waste any time looking for anything. She showered that evening, just in case anything unperturbed happened, like maybe she ran out of water and wasn't able to wash out her conditioner. There wasn't anything she left to chance, except maybe Tomoyo's dress, but she trusted her best friend to pick the perfect dress.
And so Sakura drifted to sleep with a clear conscience and a light heart, dreaming of the man she would meet tomorrow and a future they could dream of together.
~ to be continued ~
Yamazaki's is really one of my favourite entries. I love the idea of him and Eriol sort of bouncing things off each other so thus the continued reference to Hitchhikers.
Now you all have two options here - you can either review or you can immediately go out and read/download and listen/download and watch the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I suggest read only because they're my favourite. The Cricket reference is in the third book/radio serial. There's no mention of it in the movie, although they have based the look of Marvin on the Cricket robots rather than on descriptions of him in the book - I think it was an effort to match him to the Heart of Gold. Sorry if none of this is making sense again, but read it and you suddenly understand a lot more about me.
I will assume that all hits in excess of reviews are busy reading hitchhikers and be happy.