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Here it is: there may be some mistakes, I had difficulties to find the proper word sometimes… but it should be still understandable!

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Chapter 7: Stupid Joan of Arc!

All these emotions had exhausted me... Sleep caught up with me: it was almost midnight. But my head was still full of questions to let me rest. The violent reaction of Josh had shocked me, although the Cullens had warned me. I had imagined he would be able to control himself, that it would be different with me... I was requiring perhaps too much of him: he had just 'reborned'. How could he have got as much self-control as the Cullens, vampires for over half a century for the youngest? I wanted to see him again; I needed to stay awake, to wait for his return...

I half-opened my eyes gently. The scene had an air of déjà vu: the pale yellow room that had become familiar hosted the dayspring again; I had fallen asleep and someone had carried me upstairs. I sighed.

And you wanted to stay awake until his return eh?

I walked down to the living room, having heard voices: it's true, vampires do not sleep, and yet I was always a little surprised to cross some at dawn! I even thought to hear Josh voice: I shivered, divided between the excitement of seeing him and the fear of triggering further hostility. But as soon as he caught sight of me, he went out hurriedly, without even saying a word. I felt like being stabbed right in the heart: I really had not expected that. I could understand that he did not want to get too close to me, but to run away like that, without even saying a single word!

I began to doubt the excuse of the tantalizing blood... What if there was something else? If he no longer wanted me?

No, he had screamed my name, he wanted to see me...

But was it to join me or just to check that I had survived? Maybe he did not want me to stay, maybe he would prefer that I...

"Shut your mouth or you're going to swallow a fly!"

I had not realized the time I spent remaining there, frozen and dazed, but long enough so that Emmett noticed it.

"Emmett!" Alice came and took me gently by the hand to lead me to the kitchen, where a cup of tea was waiting for me. I could not help but notice Rosalie giving a nudge to Emmett: I really must have been inducing pity for her to react like that!

The day seemed to unfold in slow motion: I spent my time waiting on the couch, leaving from time to time my thoughts and my doubts to check the clock, hoping for the return of Josh... I was determined to stay here until he came back, to confront him: I wanted to understand! In turns, Alice, Esme and even Carlisle came to comfort me, to assure me that it was only for my protection, that he would join me when he felt ready and that it might take a while...

Then Alice proposed me a fitting session, the very same one that had been shortened the day before, but I refused politely, deferring it to later. In front of her pouting, I had found nothing better than to answer:

"Alice, you can wait a bit, it's only clothing and it won't expire!"

Bad, very bad idea: she spent the whole hour to explain that a garment may well be "perishable" especially since a few decades during which fashion changes so fast...

I was only half-listening, still mulling over the events of the day. Besides the attack, another fact was disturbing me: this voice that I heard when he left. It was his, I was sure of it, but he had not spoken and he was too far, and above all I was the only one to have heard it... the only one? It seemed that Edward had stared at him, looking surprised at this moment... but maybe he was just surprised to hear his thoughts, to hear his resolution to no longer see me, to leave me... And here again, I began to cry.

"Oh Lena, I'm sorry, I did not mean that you have bad taste, but just that regarding fashion, I think I know all of it, better than you, that's all..." Alice was completely off the mark...

"No, it's not that, it's just..."

'This is not what you think'

"Pardon?"

"No, I am the one to apologize, I really..."

I raised my hand, enjoining her to shut up. I desperately wanted to hear again that voice, his voice... but nothing, as though I had imagined all this: I was pathetic.

Joan of Arc, leaves this body!

I heard chortle: it was at this very moment that Edward chose to return...

Don't even consider to make one remark...

"Ooouuuh, you could almost frighten me... Joan!"

"Joan?"

Alice did not have time to ask for more explanation. I grabbed the first object within my reach, a book, and threw it with all my strength at him. He was of course able to dodge it, with his vampire speed, unlike the beautiful vase behind him. The sound of his crash drew the rest of the household: it is not common for a vampire to be clumsy. Jasper and Emmett seemed disappointed to have missed the scene, while Esme was contemplating the remains of her magnificent vase, vestige of her time.

"Oh Esme, I'm so sorry, I did not want to... well, I was not aiming at it..."

Needless to continue, the damage was done. Yet Esme was quick to put a smile back on her face:

"It had a pretty long life. I've seen a beautiful sculpture which will be very nice on this piece of furniture... and Edward, stop the teasing, it's not very nice to use your gift like that!" It was I who had made a mistake and it was he who was being scolded! Now we've seen it all!

Or they have so much pity for me that they dare not upset me...

"However this manual of mechanics is brand new and I hope for you it is not damaged!" snapped Rosalie, retrieving her book. She threw me a dark look before returning to the garage.

... or not.

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A week passed, seven long days during which Josh was carefully avoiding me, Emmett was trying to cheer me up, and Alice had made of me her new Barbie, much to Bella's relief. I had not seen her since the reawakening of Josh, Edward had been too afraid that he might hurt her... In short, a quite monotonous week.

The only notable events were the single chess game Jasper proposed me that I lost, of course, even if he was playing in apnea so as not to be tempted, and my poor attempts at cooking. It was Esme's idea: I had to feed myself and as she didn't know how to cook, she asked me to teach her. Unfortunately for her, I did not have such knowledge, a proper fried egg was my best achievement! So she bought cookbooks and encouraged me to try recipes. In one week, I managed to prepare a bitter chocolate cake, a ratatouille, or rather mashed vegetables, and a Bolognese sauce without meat, this one had not survived cooking... Fortunately for me, I was the only one to taste my masterpieces and did not have to face the mockeries of the Cullens.

My life had become almost ordinary, if there were not that great emptiness created by the absence of Josh, and these pathetic moments of 'temporary insanity' as I called them. I felt so lonely that I heard from time to time voices, his voice... as an imaginary friend, an "imaginary Josh", which comforted me when I doubted, or when I cried. Pathetic yes, but it helped me to bear the situation. And I was going to need it today...

I woke up later for once: someone was getting worked up downstairs and the voices got louder. I quickly recognized Josh as being the one that was losing patience. Curious to know what was happening, I hurtled down the stairs to join them and, I confess, to finally see Josh. But as usual, he was out before I arrived in the living room.

"What's happening?"

Embarrassed silence in the room, nobody wanted to answer me... I was going to demand explanations when a page of a newspaper caught my attention: it was lying on the ground, all crumpled, and it was not the kind of Esme or any of the Cullens to leave it there. I bent to pick it up when Alice said:

"Leave it to me Lena, it is not for you to do the housework, you are our guest! Rather come to take your tea!" Her tone was a bit nervous and too hasty, she wanted to distract me... Had this page of newspaper triggered the altercation with Josh? She was going to tear it from me but too late, I had read the headlines:

A COUPLE HAD DISAPPEARED WHILE HIKING

Distraught family launches A last call for witnesses

before arrest of research…

with just under a picture of us...

This newspaper article awoke a latent sorrow, the pain of no longer seeing my family, my friends... so I was here in my bubble, cut off from the outside world, focusing on my own turmoil, that I had forgotten the rest. Meanwhile, our families were mourning us, each day losing hope a little more to see us alive again. I had been used to the idea of leaving them, but had not wanted to imagine the effect of such a decision: how selfish I was!

I was hiding, like a coward, and for what? To stay with the love of my life, which, this last week, was more like a ghost than a vampire! Perhaps it was a sign, a sign telling me that I had waited long enough, that it was time to let go... If Josh wanted me to stay, he would have said so, or at least wrote it! No, he also was a coward: he dared not tell me that he wanted to break up... we were a couple of cowards, actually no more a couple...

I finally realized: it was over, no more waiting. I had to resign myself to give up, however difficult it may be... At least I would meet my family, my friends: they would be there for me, they would accept me and love me for what I am, always...

While I was making a decision, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme were watching me worriedly. Edward went in pursuit of Josh, so as not to leave a newborn alone. Emmett had even stood up, waiting for me to collapse... but this time I would not break down, my decision was taken. I needed to leave, I was suffocating in here.

"No!" exclaimed Alice, but I did not react. I took a deep breath and immediately climbed the stairs to collect my stuff, not giving her the opportunity to reason with me…

What's this? A green button? Hmm…

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