Disclaimer: the usual… I own nothing but my own characters!

Again, still sorry for the English mistakes: if any one want to volunteer to correct them… PM me!

Thanks so much for your reviews, I love them!! So… is Lena going to leave?? Tada… well, the answer is below! Enjoy (I hope!).

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Oh and to be sure that you follow me:

"Normal conversation"

Thoughts of Lena and only Lena

'Thoughts of the imaginary friend (?)'

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Chapter 8: A special bond

I had managed not to cry downstairs, but once in my room, I could not hold back my tears anymore. I had become attached to the Cullens, they were of a great support, and then, even if my decision was already taken, leaving Josh in this way was breaking my heart... I was going to rejoin my family but at what cost?

I collapsed on the floor, the back against the door, the face in my hands, spasms were travelling all over my body... when one last time, my imaginary friend resurfaced:

'If only you knew how much I miss you Lena... I want to see you, to talk to you, to hold you in my arms... but I'm so afraid of not being able to control myself...'

I had heard this same old thing for the umpteenth time: my imaginary friend was behind with the news, I had decided to leave! Oddly, hearing him saying it once again got me angry and I said out loud:

"But you still would have to try to find out..."

Steps stopped on the landing of my door.

'Lena? Do you hear me?'

"Oh yes I hear you, I've done nothing else than hearing you, I even think it's driving me crazy!" I sighed.

Then I heard someone leaning gently against the door and whispering:

"I would have never expected that!"

It's funny, the voice seemed stronger, as if it came from just behind the door, as if I had really heard... or...

"Josh!"

"Lena, sweetheart... I'm so sorry to make you suffer like this, I hate..."

"Wait, I'm not dreaming? Was it really you that voice?"

He took time to answer me: apparently he was as surprised as me.

"Hmm, I would never have thought you could hear my thoughts... The others took well care not to tell me. They must have had good fun..." He seemed annoyed, and I heard him stand up, as if he wanted to go to ask them explanations, but I did not want that him to leave!

"I do not think they were able to hear you" I hasten to say.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know... but when you were speaking to me, neither Alice, neither Carlisle, nor any other seemed to react. That really gave me the impression of being insane!"

He does not react to my attempt to relax the atmosphere. The house had become silent: the Cullens had certainly left to allow him to talk to me, but such as I know them, they must not have gone too far... I had almost forgotten my decision to leave, so relieved to be finally able to talk to him, even if it was through a door. Moreover, I had regained some confidence in my mental health!

"Do you hear all my thoughts Lena?" he whispered, suffering emanating from each word. But I did not notice his trouble: I was eager to see through this special bond which united us.

"No, actually you rarely spoke to me... I do not see everything that crosses your mind. This is different, rather as if you were calling me, that you were picking up the phone to talk to me..."

... without giving me the ability to answer.

A new heavy silence settled. I knew he was still here, just behind this damn door. All I wanted was to open it and throw myself in his arms but he would have disappeared before I could even turn the handle... It was really him however, he had finally come to see me, he was still caring about me... And what about this special bond, this 'one-way telepathy'... It was strange, why was it working only with me? What if he tried to contact the others...

"Lena, I feel so bad about all this you know. It's all my fault..."

"You tried with someone else?" said I, as if I had not heard anything.

"... if I hadn't took you in this damned forest..."

"You only have to focus on one of the Cullens."

"... I would never have become this monster able to attack you, to kill you..."

"Not Edward though, he hears you whatever you do..."

'Lena'

"Alice for example!"

'Lena!!' I started at the strength of his call. But I did not want to talk about it, I did not know what to do... The subject of his new gift was much easier to tackle.

'My love, listen to me, I... oh no, they're back, probably to ensure that I didn't kill you.' His thoughts also were sarcastic!

"Wait! Don't go, I..."

"Please Lena, I beg you, come back on your decision" Alice had emerged on the floor and was stroking the door as if it was my arm.

"Alice... not now" I begged.

"But I waited for at least an hour!"

"You are exaggerating there..."

"And you still haven't abandoned the idea of leaving..."

'Leaving?'

Oh no… in all the ways that I could choose to announce my departure to him, that would have been the last! Besides, I was not very sure of myself anymore...

"You're leaving?!!" he shouted, in answer to the lack of mine. He was angry, I heard him growling.

By reflex, I quickly moved away from the door, scared. He opened it suddenly: he was standing on the landing, staring at me with furious black eyes. 'You want to break up with me!' he howled in thought.

Break up? It was true that so far, I had never used that word... I was talking about going away, leaving but 'breaking up' was much more painful to pronounce... A new knot was forming in my throat. I slowly raised my head, afraid to face him.

However, as soon as he saw me, huddled up at the bottom of the bed, with cheeks still wet with tears and reddened eyes, all his grief and his guilt were mirrored in his face.

"Oh Lena, I did not want to frighten you, forgive me..."

He stretched his hand and took a step towards me. Still by reflex – stupid reflex! - I stiffened. He stopped dead, feeling hurt but looking resigned.

"I... I would understand if you want to leave me Lena. I would suffer terribly, but I would accept it."

I shivered at these fateful words 'leave me' but did not answer, keeping the lips closed for fear of letting out a sob.

Alice was staying in the background. She had intimated to Jasper and Emmett, who had rushed upstairs when Josh began to shout, not to intervene. She did not cease alternating between the present and the future, her eyes unfocused. At each return among us, she resumed her pained and imploring pout toward me.

Josh clearly did not appreciate to have an audience and was throwing dirty looks that they kept ignoring. He then fixed his gaze in mine and continued by the thought.

'I was so selfish, I was only thinking of my own suffering, my own pain, believing that you were coping better than me... except when I could perceive your sobs. Then I came nearer, I wanted to comfort you, to hold you in my arms and to rock you... but they never gave me a break! Always persuading me that I should not approach you, reminding me my revolting behavior the day of my awakening...'


You thought of me then? You were not indifferent...


'Of course I thought of you! You haunted my thoughts, so much so that some have even been able to reach you! You could even have haunted my dreams if I could still have any. But since that dreadful night, I'm so scared of myself, of my reaction if I met you. I contented myself with observing you from a distance, from the forest. My love, I beg you, forgive me... It did not even come to my mind that you could have thought this of me...'


So you still love me? Even if I am just a human?


'More than anything in the world my love!'

"But you..." I came to realize that I had only been thinking, not talking, and he had answered me! He also seemed to realize the strangeness of the situation. But his surprise was far from matching the one being mirrored in the faces of Jasper, Emmett and Alice. They had watched us, incredulous: they had seen me feeling little by little hopeful again, relaxing and even smiling while no words were exchanged... and they could not catch on anything!

Suddenly Alice rushed at me and held me tight in her arms, almost lifting me from the ground despite her small size.

"Yyesss! Lena it's great!" and, at the sight of our bemusement, she explained: "She changed her mind, she is definitely staying!!"

Again, I would have preferred realizing it by myself and especially announcing it myself! I was going to scold her but softened at a fascinating sight: nothing was more beautiful than the smile of Josh at this moment, the first since his awakening, and I hoped with all my heart, far from being the last one.

But what do I see, a very intriguing button... and so tempting... any vampire on the horizon? Let's try it!

(and while the mental health of Lena improves, mine dangerously worsens!! lol)