Part Eleven
"You know, one of these days Lily's going to demand to meet Jake," Robin said, rolling up on her elbow to face Barney. "Mmm-hmm," Barney murmered with closed eyes, snuggling deeper into the pillows on his bed. Robin smiled and lightly ran her fingers up and down his forearm sticking above the covers. "Barney…" She said softly. No response. "You said that, in order to prove I'm not just another one of your bimbos, you would actually talk to me in bed, on occasion." Barney just smiled mischievously; eyes still closed, and tilted his head to catch her fingers with a kiss as they grazed over his shoulders. "And I want to talk," she said quietly, inching closer and closer to him.
"I was planning on talking to you, Scherbatsky, but I can't help it. It's your own damn fault for giving me the most comfortable pillow cases in the world," he said, mocking frustration, and flipped over onto his stomach, burying his head under a pillow and wrapping the covers tightly around his shoulders so none of him was exposed to the harsh reality of the waking world. "Hey!" She exclaimed, "Not fair!" She heard a quiet laugh escape from underneath the pillow. Barney raised one arm under the covers, inviting her in. She smiled with a surrendering, "Fine… We'll talk over brunch," and wiggled in close to him. His arm wrapped around her tight, surrounding her with the comforter. "Wait… brunch?!?" An alarmed, if muffled, voice rang out as she scooted closer. "That's pretty coupley of us." Robin laughed as she got comfortable. "Well, that's what you get, Stinson."
******
"I can't believe you talked me into going to brunch with you," Barney said in disbelief, staring down at the menu in his hand. "Seriously. I am breaking SO MANY awesome rules right now… I'm ashamed of myself." Robin laughed, amused at Barney's brief self-loathing. He set the menu down and looked at Robin, eyes wide. "I'm not even wearing a tie, Robin! I haven't ironed this shirt today! I am barely suited up!" She continued to laugh and took a sip of her mimosa. "Whatever. I think it's sexy," she said, arching an eyebrow at the man sitting across from her.
He mirrored her expression, "Well, maybe I'll go sans-tie more often, then," he said in a deep, suggestive voice. "Or maybe, you could wear my tie…. Note to self…" Robin's laughter was interrupted by the waiter coming to take their orders. "So, as I was trying to get you to talk about earlier this morning," Robin said when he left, "They're all going to start wondering when they can meet Jake. I keep using him as an excuse every time I stay with you."
Barney nodded, frowning in thought. "Well, you obviously have no Jake to show them. So just fake a break up," he said, shrugging. Robin looked at him, slightly surprised. "Well, that eliminates the Jake problem, but then what will be my excuse when I stay with you? Ted will start asking questions." Barney dropped his glance, suddenly intent on straightening his silverware. "Well, it's none of his damn business, is it," he muttered under his breath.
Robin leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. "This again?" She breathed, exasperated. "Barney, I have told you over and over that nothing is happening with Ted. And nothing will happen with Ted. He's just… Ted." She shrugged. "Nothing for you to be worried about." Barney gave a nervous laugh, "Worried?! Not worried. Just, you know, looking out for your privacy. You're not used to having roommates…."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." Their food arrived and the two started eating silently, suddenly incredibly hungry. Robin was grateful for the distraction. Lately Ted had started to act a little bit… different around her. More like the Ted he had been back when they were dating. He even had started using the nicknames he had used for her when they were together, which Robin hadn't… really protested. And they had started to become more affectionate towards one another, which she was sure Barney had noticed, but that was merely them mending their friendship. They had been "just friends" once upon a time… Right?
"Robin?" Barney asked quietly, breaking her thoughts. She looked up. His food was untouched. "It's ok. We're not together," he said. "We can be with anyone we want, remember? And that includes Ted," he admitted, silently kicking himself for his honesty. "I'm just telling you, as a friend, and nothing more, that I think you and Ted getting back together would be a bad idea." Robin nodded, taking a bite out of her bacon. "You're right…" She reached out and touched his wrist lightly on top of the table. "And thank you. For the… freedom." He smiled at her touch. "Hey, that's what makes us so awesome, right?" She smiled, glad the moment had passed. "Right." "Non-committal five!" He exclaimed, sticking his hand up in the air.
"Barney? Robin?" Lily's incredulous voice approaching the table froze Robin's hand in mid-air. The two exchanged horrified glances before slowly lowering their arms and turning to face their friend. "Uh… What up?" Barney said, suddenly straightening his collar and fixing his hair. His voice was sharper, Robin realized, as he was suddenly "awesome," as he would say, and there was a nervous smirk on his lips.
"What are you guys doing here?" Marhsall asked as he followed his wife to Barney and Robin's table. "Are you… eating brunch together?"
"NO!" Barney said quickly, too loudly, avoiding Lily's questioning eyes. "Yes!" Robin admitted at the same time. The two stared angrily and each other before Robin quickly snapped her head back to Lily. "Jake broke up with me!" She cried quickly, feigning devastation. Lily and Marshall instantly softened and pulled up two chairs from a nearby table. "Honey, what happened?" Lily placed a soft hand on Robin's arm. Robin stalled for time by taking a big gulp of mimosa and exchanging panicked looks with Barney over the glass. "He – he – he called me last night. At the office. Called me!" She sobbed, willing herself to tear up just a little. She had to sell this. "And told me that I just 'wasn't good enough' for him – do you believe that?" She chugged the remainder of the mimosa and slammed the glass on the table and wiped her eyes, checking to make sure there were tears starting to swell. "And he just dumped me, just like that, over the phone at my office in like 2 minutes!" She reached over to grab Barney's glass of mimosa and caught him throwing a very faint, proud smile her way. "He didn't even give me a chance to talk!"
She downed the rest of Barney's mimosa, giving herself time to think up the rest of her tale as Marhsall and Lily made understading, apologetic agreements. "So… I was upset last night," she resumed, taking a breath to steady herself – these mimosas were surprisingly strong – so I just threw myself into my work. I didn't realize what time it was until Barney found me in the office this morning.
"Uh… Yeah," Barney slowly agreed in response to the glare Robin was throwing him. The married couples' eyes were now on him. "Yeah," he said again, more sure of himself. "I actually spent the night in the office, too…" He straitened his shirt and winked at them. "I had to get something in… The SECRETARY! Office sex five!" He said, extending his hand towards Marshall. Lily rolled her eyes and turned her focus on Robin, while Marshall grinned and gave Barney a small high-five in response. "So… Barney found me this morning, asleep at my desk, and said he would buy me breakfast to cheer me up!" Robin said, finishing their lie.
She turned to face Barney who was grinning wildly at her. "Yup!" He agreed cheerfully. "Well told, Scherbatsky," he said, crossing his arms and tilting his chair back slightly. Robin smiled for a moment then remembered she was supposed to be upset. She buried her hand in her hands to hide her smile and held her breath, hoping they would buy this.
A brief pause. Then, "Oh, honey, I'm SO SORRY!" Lily exclaimed, giving her a tight hug. "Yeah, that sucks," Marshall said sympathetically. "But way to kick ass at your job." Robin smiled, still in Lily's embrace. "Thanks, Marshall…. I'm just sad you guys never even got to meet him – he was so sweet," she said wistfully, pulling away from Lily. "No, he was NOT!" Barney said, suddenly once again becoming the center of attention. Lily, Marshall and Robin looked on inquisitively. "You met him?" Asked Marshall. "Yeah," Barney said, looking at Robin, "He came by the office once or twice to take Robin out to lunch. Real jerk, if you ask me." Robin raised an eyebrow. "I mean, the dude broke up with you over the phone, Robin. Over the phone. Broke up with… YOU. I mean," he continued, motioning for the waiter to refill their mimosas. "If anything, you deserve to be dumped in person. Think of the hot, hate-filled sex that guy missed out on."
The three shot him a disapproving glance. "Well, despite his… reasons for being in the office so late, Barney surprisingly did do the right thing. You do need to be cheered up!" Lily said. "We were going to wait for our own table, but we'll just join you for brunch!" Marshall smiled, eying Robin's Belgian waffles hungrily. "And then, you and I will go shopping!" Lily finished, smiling at Robin. Marshall glanced at her sharply. "Or… You'll shop and I'll tag along!" She corrected herself nervously.
******
"So Jake broke up with you, huh?" Ted asked that night as Robin was brushing her teeth. She nodded and continued brushing, afraid to discuss it further in case the lie unraveled. He lingered in the bathroom, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. "So… You must be pretty broken up about it, right?" Robin ducked her head and kept brushing, nodding again. She wasn't sure she liked where this was going.
Ted walked up behind her and started rubbing her back soothingly. "There, there, it's fine," he murmured. Robin froze momentarily. What was Ted doing? She just nodded again, standing up straight and smiling. "I'm fine," she said through a mouth full of toothpaste. Now if you don't mind, I need to use the bathroom. She turned and started spitting into the sink. "Hey, no problem… Roomie," Ted said awkwardly, pointing at her and winking like he had just told a joke, and strolled out of the bathroom.
Robin closed the door and locked it quickly. Dammit. Barney had been right. She hated it when Barney was right. This was not good. She took a moment to collect her thoughts, taking her time as she washed her face and changed into her pajamas – the least sexy thing she owned, long-sleeved flannel pj top and XL flannel pants – and walked out of the bathroom. Thankfully, Ted wasn't in the living room or the kitchen and his bedroom door was closed. She breathed a sigh of relief and made her way to her bedroom.
"Hey, Roomie!" Ted said cheerfully, calling out to her right as she was about to open her door. He walked up to her, resting against her bedroom door. Robin's eyes widened as she held he breath nervously. "Listen, I was thinking we could watch a movie together or something." He held up a DVD in one hand and a 6-pack of beers in the other. "Or, you know, just have a couple drinks." Robin looked at him, annoyed, then at the clock on the wall. "Ted, it's 3 a.m. I need to get to bed. I am tired. I have had a very long Saturday, and I'm already sufficiently tipsy from McLaren's. So just… calm down, ok?' She leaned possessively against her bedroom door, edging him away, and crossed her arms. She clenched her teeth, hoping he didn't try to open the door…
"Well, fine, your call," Ted said, defeated. He stood up in a huff. "I was just trying to cheer you up from the break-up," he said. Robin smiled, humoring him. "Well, that's very nice of you Ted, but I'm just fine. It's not a big deal." Ted looked at her, not buying it. "I promise," she said reassuringly, placing a hand on his arm. "I'm fine." Ted nodded in acceptance. "Ok, but if you ever need someone to comfort you… You know where I am," he smiled, pointing at his door. Robin smiled and laughed nervously, "Uh, yup! I'll remember that!" She waited until he was back in his room before she opened her door. "Good night, Ted!"
She quickly entered her room and locked the door behind her. Barney slowly stood up from where he had been trying to hide behind the bureau. "Well, that was close," he said quietly, straightening his tie nervously. "Yeah," Robin agreed, crawling onto her bed and collapsing. "I was just so tired, I didn't want to have to deal with his 'I'm-your-best-friend act' tonight." Barney nodded silently, kicking off his shoes and loosening his tie. "Yup…" Robin looked at him as he sat next to her, leaning into the pillows. "What?" Barney just smiled wistfully. "Nothing, Robin, I'm not even going to say anything any more." Robin nodded, finally admitting that she knew exactly what Barney was talking about. She snuggled her head against his chest and looked up at him, "Yeah… He wants me." Barney just nodded, not making eye contact. Robin sat up, forcing herself in his line of vision. "But I don't want him." She said firmly. "And now I'm done talking about it." Barney smiled, "Fine." He leaned over and pulled something out from underneath Robin's bed. "Now… I brought you a present."
Robin's eyes widened. It was a bottle of scotch and travel-size edition of Battleship. "I was thinking… strip Battleship?" Barney suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. Robin smiled and reached for the bottle. "You're on."
Part Twelve
"I can't believe you told Marshall about our conference calls," Robin said, straightening her blouse. "Well, it's not like I meant to – he forced it out of me," replied Barney, taking a swig of beer. He looked out over the city from the roof of the Ultracell building. "But it's not a big deal. It'd be fun for him to join us, don't you think?"
He turned and faced Robin, who was leaning over and strapping on her shoes. She looked up at him, not amused. "Uh… NO, Barney, it would not be fun. He's married." Barney laughed and took another swallow. "Ha – No, not the roof sex. For the beer afterwards part." He smiled and leaned against the wall, raising an eyebrow at Robin. "Interesting that you only said no because he was married though…" He gazed into the distance, "I wonder if I found an unmarried individual… Female, of course…"
Robin straightened and cut him off. "Save it, Barney," she said, rolling her eyes and grabbing a beer. "But you're right, it would be fun for Marshall to join us for beers."
Barney nodded, pulling his iPhone out. "That reminds me," he said, glancing at the time, "Marshall should be up here soon." Robin looked at him quizzically, shrugged, and twisted off the top of the bottle. "Whatever," she said nonchalantly, looking over the skyline and enjoying the view.
At that moment, the door to the roof slammed open and Marshall walked out, smiling broadly. "Automatic reminder in Outlook? Nice," he said appreciatively at Barney, grabbing a beer, shrugging off his jacket, and leaning against the wall. "Hey, Robin!"
Robin smiled and nodded silently. They three made their way to a higher part of the roof, beers in hand, and sat on a flat area to survey the scenery. Several moments of contented silence passed between the friends until Marshall spoke up. "You know, now that Ted's on board with the new building, he can join us on conference calls, too." Barney, attention still directed at skyline, gave a lopsided grin, "Yeah." Robin nodded.
Marshall turned to look at Robin, waiting her reply, when something unusual caught his eye. "Uh, Robin?" She turned towards him, eyebrows raised, "Hmm?" "Why are you wearing Barney's tie?" Marshall asked slowly, pointing at the dark blue fabric loosely hanging around Robin's neck. Robin's hand shot to her throat and her eyes grew wide, "I, I, I…" She stuttered. "Is that chick naked?!" Barney suddenly asked, incredulous, and leaned forward, squinting at a building across the street from them. Marshall and Robin both instantly focused their attention on the adjacent building. "Where!?" Robin asked excitedly, still a bit panicked. Barney pulled a pair of mini-binoculars out of his suit pocket and offered them to Marshall who waved them off, "I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife," he started repeating over and over, squeezing his eyes shut. Barney shrugged, then offered them to Robin, throwing her a conspiratorial wink. "About the third or forth floor about that landing with the red chair on it." He pointed, leaning closer to her. "We're gonna have to be more careful about that next time," he whispered, his lips brushing her ear. Robin leaned forward with the binoculars, pretending not to notice. She glanced quickly back at Marshall, who was still squeezing his eyes shut.
Barney reached over and slipped the tie off and quickly tucked it in his pocket. "Dammit, she left," he said loudly, sighing. Marshall opened his eyes. "Good." Robin made a disappointed noise and passed the binoculars back to Barney. "Well, gentleman, I believe it's time to get back to work," she said reluctantly after her Blackberry vibrated loudly. The friends sighed, finished off their beers, and headed back in for the rest of the workday.
******
"Hey, is there any extra shrimp sauce in that bag?" Robin mumbled through a mouthful of chicken fried rice. She nodded a thanks when Barney found a packet and handed it to her, and continued digging through her Chinese take-out. "I can't believe we're still here," she sighed after swallowing, turning her attention to the computer screen. Barney glanced at the clock in her office from his perch on the chair in front of her desk. 9:34 p.m. "Meh," he shrugged, slipping off his shoes and stretching his legs up to prop on the edge of her desk. "Not the latest I've worked," he said nonchalantly, returning to his take-out.
The couple had been at work for the past three hours constructing a comprehensive message for the investor relations presentation Robin was going to deliver the following morning. Amidst the announcement that the economy was officially in recession, Ultracell had been bombarded with calls and questions from the media regarding their quarterly earnings and potential lay-offs. As one of the largest employers in the city, Robin had been working 11 hour workdays and barely eating or sleeping. She hadn't seen the rest of the gang in about two weeks and only saw Barney at work, too tired to drop by his apartment when she finally left the office. Thus, Barney had taken to working late too so they could spend time together at the office – for the past few days he'd surprised her by bringing her favorite foods in for dinner while she worked.
Robin was silent for a few moments, and bit on her chopsticks absentmindedly as she contemplated the words on the screen. Barney smiled quietly and watched her, engrossed by her work. They had fallen into a groove over the past two months or so – they ate most of their meals together, they talked on the phone when he was away on business trips, and she spent the night at his apartment most nights when she wasn't too tired. They had even started texting each other in the middle of drinks and MacLaren's when they were surrounded by the rest of the gang – both claiming it was "work." Marshall was too distracted by Lily's ever-changing desire to want to have a baby (She changed her mind every day – as far as Barney could tell, the only thing holding her back was the realization that they didn't make designer maternity clothes) to wonder why he wasn't constantly receiving messages from the office, and Ted was too distracted by Emily (the girl Robin had introduced him to in order to stop his flirting with her) to wonder the same.
Robin was so engrossed reading the document that she didn't notice the shrimp sauce about to drip from the end of her chopstick onto her lap. Barney smirked and grabbed a napkin to catch it before it ruined her new skirt – which he had bought for her and hung in his closet, silently encouraging her to leave stuff at his place. Robin's eyes flitted from the screen to his hand with the napkin, quickly shot him a smile when she realized what had happened, stuck the chopsticks into the now empty take-out box, and went back to the document. Barney smiled again, collecting the empty boxes and cleaning up their mess. He had realized two weeks ago that he and Robin were dating. Neither one had really said anything to initiate an official "are we/aren't we" conversation, it had just happened. After realizing that he was in a monogamous relationship, Barney had freaked out and run straight to the bar, making out with the first bimbo he saw. But he hadn't been able to seal the deal, thinking the whole time of sleeping with Robin in his arms that night, and had left the bar the moment the blonde had gone to the bathroom. That night, he had told Robin about it, and when she gave him the whole "it's ok, Barney, we're not exclusive," he had shut her up with a look and said merely, "Well, I am." Later that night she had whispered "I am too" as they drifted off, wrapped around each other.
Barney broke out of his reflection when Robin suddenly sat up, ran a hand through her hair and tiredly said, "I think this is it." She hit the print button and started organizing the piles of papers on her desk. "You know, as tired as I am, I still think we could make it to MacLaren's," Robin thought out loud, yawning. She closed her laptop and locked it in the top drawer, desk now organized. "I haven't seen them in so long, you know?" Barney nodded, getting up, and straightened his tie with a wink at Robin. "True, we could do that," he started, arching his eyebrow. She smiled, questioningly. "Or…." He leaned forward and swept all the papers she had just organized off her desk onto the floor and jumped onto the desk. "We could do something else entirely." Robin laughed, putting a hand to her mouth. "Well…. Since you already made the mess, it would be a shame to waste the empty desk," she smiled.
******
"Where's Robin?" Ted wondered, glancing around the bar. "I thought you said she was going to be able to make it tonight," he said, directing his gaze to Barney. Barney took a sip of scotch before replying. "And she WILL be here, Ted," he said condescendingly. "She had to give a big presentation to the investors this morning," he explained, glancing at Marshall who had been present. "Yeah, and she kicked ass," Marshall contributed. Barney nodded, holding back a proud smile, "And as we were leaving to come over here this afternoon, Randy said he had to talk to her real quick. She told me she would just meet us all here." Barney set the glass down, shrugging casually at the mention of Robin's boss. "I'm sure it's not a big deal, he probably just wanted to applaud her. Marshall's right, she did do a great job."
Lily and Ted nodded and went back to the menu. In celebration of Robin's presentation, or as Lily called it, "Release back into the Real World," now that she would be able to leave work at a reasonable hour, they had all decided to meet at MacLaren's early for dinner. "I'm thinking we get cheese sticks for appetizers, yes?" She asked the group, not waiting for a response before Wendy the Waitress walked up and Lily ordered them anyway. Marshall smiled at his wife – mozzarella sticks had been his favorite food since 6th grade. An hour went by during which the friends ordered two more appetizers waiting for Robin. Finally, 8:30 rolled around and Lily looked at Barney. "Are you sure she's coming?" She asked pointedly, ready to get some real food. Barney shot her a look, "Why are you asking me?" Lily sighed, unwilling to get into the argument that she had figured out that the two were obviously dating, although Ted and Marshall somehow still seemed completely oblivious. "Just call her, Barney." He shot her another, more intense look. "Fine."
He pulled out his phone and tapped it once before putting it to his ear. Lily, sitting next to him, smirked. Robin was #2 on his speed dial. "Hey, Scherbatsky," Barney said casually. "What up?! You comin or what?" He smiled at his watching friends as he spoke. A moment later his face dropped. "Wait, what?" His voice was quiet and sincere. He stood and walked toward the opposite side of the bar, looking for privacy. "Why? Where are you?" The gang heard as he leaned against the wall, worry creasing his forehead.
The three remaining at the table exchanged worried looks, but kept quiet as the tried to overheard Barney's conversation. "But…. Robin, you can't just do that…. it was all of…. how did they find… ok?... baby, I'm coming… there in a minute." Pieces of their conversation floated back to the table, but for the most part, the three were in the dark. Barney slammed his finger on the iPhone, ending the conversation, and went straight to the bar to get a shot from Carl. Stalking back to their table, Barney slammed the now empty shot glass on the table. "Dammit!" He was pissed. "What's wrong?" Lily asked, placing a calming hand on his arm. He didn't sit or look at any of them as he pulled out his wallet. "The one problem with iPhones is when you're angry you can't slam them closed," he snapped. Lily waited calmly for the rest of the story. Barney pulled out some cash and threw it on the table. "Robin was fired," he snapped, wincing on the last word. Their eyes went wide. "But WHY?" Marshall asked, shocked. "She was great." Barney nodded, clenching his jaw. "Apparently someone found out about our conference calls and linked it to Robin. Randy said he couldn't condone drinking on company time." He rolled his eyes, spitting out the last sentence. Ted was shocked, "But he's a drunk!" He exclaimed. Barney pointed at Ted. "Bingo." Marshall and Ted exchanged looks as Barney downed the rest of his scotch that had been sitting on the table. "Well, are we fired?" Marshall asked, echoing the question they had both been thinking. Lily's eyes widened as she looked up at Barney.
Barney slammed the empty glass on the table, avoiding their eyes. "Nope." He said simply. "She took the hit for all of us, said she was the only one doing it." With that, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of MacLaren's.
The three quietly looked at one another, taking it all in for a minute. Marshall stared hungrily at the remaining mozzarella stick, but knew it was not an appropriate time to give into his hunger. After a few moments of silence, Ted sat up, voicing what Lily had been thinking. "Wait… Did he call her baby?"
Part Thirteen
"I didn't even do anything wrong," Robin muttered, slamming an empty shot glass on the counter. She glanced up at Barney. "Again."
He nodded slightly, using every Jedi mind-trick in the book to control a smirk. He silently filled the glass again for Robin, reminding himself that this was a bad place for Robin. She was not happy. She had just lost her job, and it was actually his fault. A fact he should be ripping himself to death with guilt over. But instead, he was completely unable to think about anything other than how damn cute she was when she was angry and drunk.
"And it's not like Raaandy even blamed me for it, you know," she said in the voice a drunk person uses when they think they're being quite logical and everyone around them is a complete idiot. She sat up straight, her head high and chin up. "He knew." She stated simply. She wagged her finger at him. "Oh, ho-ho, he knew. Believe you me, my friend. Believe you me." She took the shot and placed it back on the bar. Barney nodded again, faking a cough to cover a laugh that just had to escape. "Another please, sir!" He filled the glass with more tequila. "What did he know, Robin?"
"About us." She said simply. Barney's eyes widened, momentarily panicked. Robin caught the look and paused, the shot halfway to her mouth. "No, no, no, no, no! Not about us us silly," she slurred, taking the shot and placing a reassuring hand on Barney's exposed arm, shirt sleeves now rolled up to protect the expensive fabric from cleaning up Robin's first spilled drink. "About us, the four – wait…" Robin squinted, pointing at imaginary figures in front of her. "Ted, Marshall, Barney, Scherbatsky, four." She dropped her finger, proud, and looked back up. "Yeah, the four of us, being on the roof. I don't think he knows who the other guys were, but he knows I wasn't alone." Barney couldn't help himself. He smiled broadly at hearing Robin refer to herself as Scherbatsky – even though it was her last name, Barney considered it his pet nickname for his girlfr… Well, girl. His girl. He'd work on the title part later. That was future Barney's problem.
"So… I told Randy, ya know what?" At this point, Robin just leaned forward and grabbed the tequila bottle straight out of Barney's hand. Barney reached out, briefly planning to snatch it back to avoid another spilled drink incident, but thought better of it and pulled his hand back when he saw Robin possessively wrapping her arms around the half-empty bottle. "I told him," she paused and took big swig of the drink. "I told him that it was just me, and I was sorry I had let him down, but I hadn't realized it was a big deal… Played dumb, ya know?" She took another swig. "I guess he didn't buy it, eh?"
Barney crossed his arms and leaned back against the fridge, giving up on trying to limit Robin's alcoholic intake tonight. Clearly the woman was intent on getting full-out plastered, so he may as well enjoy it. She did look really cute, in a disheveled kind of way. Her hair had fallen out of the bun he had watched her fix that morning, laying in bed and watching her go through the steps of getting ready for her day. She was still wearing a work blouse, now unbuttoned low enough that Barney could catch a glimpse of his favorite bra on her, but she had apparently decided that the work skirt that matched the blouse was too restrictive, and had already changed into ultra-short pajama shorts before he had even made it home. Where he had found her snuggled into a corner of his couch, quietly nursing a beer and staring off into space.
After talking her through the momentary panic attack, calming her down from the brief depression, and reassuring her that she was an amazing, amazing worker and if he hadn't been so stupid to start the conference call idea, she would still have the job, Robin had moved swiftly past the sad phase directly into the "get drunk" phase.
Which is why Barney was now watching Robin, amused, from behind his bar. He had had a few drinks himself, in order to drown out his overwhelming sense of guilt that he was the one responsible for getting his girlfr… his girl fired, but only a few. He wanted to remain alert enough to take care of what was quickly becoming a very drunk Robin.
"But he said we could come to an arrangement," she said, snapping her fingers at Barney. "Pay attention!" He looked up, smiling, "Yes ma'am!" She resumed, "I asked him what kind of arrangement did he mean, and he said the kind where I could keep my job, and I said I liked that arrangement, let's do that arrangement, uh-huh, I'm on board, Raaaandy," Robin rambled, slurring the man's name intentionally, as Barney stiffened. He squinted at Robin, dreading what was coming. "And then I said what kind of an arrangement do you have in mind, eh?" She paused, taking another swig. "And then he said, 'oh, I can think of many arrangements I'd like to put you in,' you woulda been proud, Barn, it was real sleazy, great line, it was." Barney clinched his jaw, commanding himself to remain quiet until he heard the whole story. "And then I said, 'oh-ho-ho, mister, I don't think so, I'm not gonna do that!'" Barney's jaw relaxed slightly, proud of Robin. His hands balled into fists as he visualized exactly what he was going to do to Randy's face the following day…. Or, he reasoned, at least what he was going to tell Marshall to do to Randy's face.
He leaned over the bar and gave Robin a quick kiss on the forehead, "Well, I'm glad you said that, baby. I don't think I would've been able to work in the same office as you two, knowing that you…" He trailed off, unwilling to visualize it. Robin looked up him, eyebrows raised. "Well, I'm not done!" Barney raised his eyebrows. "Ok. What happened after you told him you weren't that kind of girl?" She smiled broadly. "I punched him!" She raised her right hand and spread her fingers, showing off knuckles that were still very pink. "He totally deserved it! I made him bleed!" She said proudly.
Barney laughed, a little thrown off. He had known Robin could take care of herself, maybe even had a bit of a violent streak but… "You punched him hard enough to bleed because he said one suggestive thing?" Barney smirked, "Damn, it's a good thing I kept a filter on all the things I wanted to say to you for the first 3 years of our friendship…" Robin smiled, still proud. "Yup! I punched 'em, just cause 'a what he said." She frowned for a minute, brow furrowed thinking, "Oh yeah, and, well, this." She pointed at her thigh and took another swig. Barney frowned. "What?" He leaned over the bar but couldn't see what Robin was pointing at. He walked around the bar to see where Robin was pointing, at a handprint-sized bruise on her thigh.
His eyes widened and he grabbed Robin's shoulders. "Robin!" He looked up at her, eyes wide. She looked at him, eyes equally wide. She put down the bottle on the counter. "What?!" He got down on a knee, looking closer. "Robin! Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" Robin's eyes grew wider. "Uh… Yeah. I'm fine." She held up her hand again. "I punched him, remember?" Barney stood, cupping her face in his hands. "So he grabbed you? Is that all that happened? Did he…" he swallowed, fearing the worst, "try anything else?"
Robin shook herself free of the upset man in front of her and grabbed the bottle, finishing the last drop. "Geez, Barn, no, nothing else happened. He grabbed me and I hit 'em. He should know better than to rumble with a Canuk." Barney didn't even crack a smile. Instead he stood abruptly and started pacing. Anger was burning through his veins. He couldn't believe that guy had touched Robin. He was going to kill him... He was actually going to kill him. He felt like punching something, hard. He looked around the room. If Robin hadn't been there, he probably would have punched a whole in the wall. Or at the very least thrown something off his balcony – he'd done it before. He briefly wished, despite the circumstances, that Randy was there, right then in the apartment, just so he could both beat the guy and impress Robin. But he wasn't.
Robin sighed and stood. "Well, if you're done throwing your little temper tantrum, I'm gonna go sleep now," she said, grasping the bar for balance. She focused on a point on the floor for a moment, then looked up, satisfied that she could stand. "Night, Barn."
Barney remained in the living room, livid and pacing. He kicked the couch a few times, careful to remove his shoes so as not to scuff the leather. He had ruined Robin's life. He had gotten her fired because he wasn't mature enough to understand that you don't drink on the roof of your office building. He was the one who got her a job in Randy's department… Randy, a notorious drunk and womanizer. Barney paused briefly to recall how well, up until Robin's confession, he had always gotten along with Randy. Shaking his head, Barney resumed pacing. He should never have gotten involved with Robin, he was bringing her down.
"Barney?" He stopped pacing suddenly when he heard Robin's voice coming from the bedroom. "You comin' or what?" Barney half-grinned as he made his way to the bedroom. He may not deserve her, but he was with her. And she was perfect. Barney slipped under the covers to wrap his arms around her. She snuggled closer. "What would I do without you, Barney?" She sighed. He stiffened. 'Be a lot better off,' he thought to himself. "Well, you'd probably smell a lot less like Spring Break right now," he said, "and smell a lot more dirty bar." She smiled, turning towards him and giggled. "Yeah." She agreed. "And I'd probably be still in Tokyo – all alone and sad." She looked into his eyes. "Thanks, Barn." He looked at her, only inches away, and raised his eyebrow. "For what?" He asked softly. "For being with me…. I… I like it. A lot." After the confession, Robin quickly shut her eyes and snuggled into Barney's chest.
Barney squeezed her close and stared blankly across the room. He was not one to cry, ever… But he maybe understood why some people could, in moments like these.
******
Robin, Barney reflected, incredibly impressed, could really hold her liquor. Sure, she wasn't 'vomit free since '93', but neither was Ted, the lying bastard. And Barney had seen Robin drink before, but never this much, and he was impressed that she didn't throw up or even fall over once the next morning. She had awoken with a minor hangover, but a tall glass of water and a bagel later, she acted completely normal. Barney shook his head in a combination of admiration and disgust. Some people were just born perfect.
After a shower… maybe together… the couple discussed their days. As they got ready, Barney offered to help Robin start the job search, make a few calls, call in a few favors… But she had put her foot down. She said she had been getting calls from various companies recently, anyway, following-up on the resumes she had submitted back when she quit Metro News One.
"You know how it is with those big companies," she said, "It sometimes takes months for them to sift through resumes." Barney nodded, still not convinced, careful not to nick himself while shaving in the mirror. Even if Robin didn't want help finding her next job, he sure could do something about how she lost her last one. Barney already had 5 different elaborate plans to thoroughly and completely kick Randy's ass and ruin his life, career, and social status. He smirked. It was going to be legen – wait for it – "Damn!" He had been smiling so much at the thought of a bruised and broken Randy lying in the gutter somewhere that he had cut his chin. He grabbed a towel and dabbed at the mark.
"Barney, I appreciate the help, I really do," Robin said, toweling her hair off as he stood in front of her, moving on to brushing his teeth. "But I think I just really need to do this for myself, you know? And I apologize for being… Less than awesome last night." Barney smirked, slightly, careful not to spill any toothpaste. "I just needed to forget everything for a little bit, so I guess getting hammered was the quickest way to do that," she reasoned, hanging the towel – the one he had quietly bought for her a few weeks ago – next to its matching towel on the rod. "I'm fine now. I have a bit of clarity, you know?" Barney nodded, spitting into the sink.
Robin looked in the mirror, reflecting on her situation. "I'm fine." She breathed a big sigh. "I can do this." Barney nodded, wiping his mouth and standing up. "You can do anything, Scherbatsky," he said quietly, hugging her from behind and looking over her shoulder at their reflection in the mirror.
She sighed and lay her head on his shoulder, still looking at them in the mirror, and rested her hands over his. They started swaying, ever so slightly, back and forth. Robin smiled softly and leaned back, closing her eyes. "Mmm… This is perfect. I don't want to have to leave."
Barney smiled in turn, gazing in the reflection at Robin. She was in his bathrobe and he was half-suited up, wearing his pants and belt. He never put on his shirt before brushing his teeth or shaving, in fear of ruining the pristine fabric. Robin sighed again, burrowing further into his shoulder. Barney's smile slowly melted away as he stared at her. God, she was beautiful. His eyes widened as he just stood, looking at her. He stopped swaying, his hold on her tightening. "Robin?"
"Hmm?" She asked, eyes still closed, the edges of her mouth still contentedly turned up. Barney could actually see the sweat on his forehead. He was shocked she couldn't feel his heart hammering through his chest. He opened his mouth, taking a deep breath. "I love you."