PART EIGHTEEN
"Marshall? Are you busy right now?" An anxious Ted asked Marshall over the phone. "Uh… Ted, you're kind of interrupting brunch," Marshall responded, rolling his eyes at Lily. Of course he was interrupting something; it was 1 p.m. on a Saturday. Ted should know his best friend well enough to know he's always at brunch with his wife at this time.
"Oh," was all Ted said in response. Marshall glanced at his wife, worried, and mouthed 'sorry' to her as he stood from the table and walked out of the restaurant to speak more openly with Ted. "Dude, are you ok? What's wrong?" Ted sighed. Marshall leaned up against the brick wall of the brunch place, smiling casually at people pointing at him for wearing a t-shirt in Manhattan in January.
"I think I… Listen, do you still have that copy of 'The Bro Code' Barney had you read like a year ago?" Marshall creased his eyebrows. Where in the world was this coming from? "Um… No, I don't. But I know where he keeps it in his office, so we could go see it Monday." "Oh, ok, cool." Ted was still sounding strangely distant. "Dude, what's going on? Since when do you care about 'The Bro Code' so much?"
Marshall heard a sigh on Ted's end of the line. "I uh… I just found out some things… After I had done some things… And now… I think I just really, really messed up, man. And I don't know how to fix it. So I was hoping, maybe, I dunno… Barney's 'Bro Code' could tell me exactly what a bro's supposed to do in situations like these."
"Well, technically 'The Bro Code' tells you what not to do, not what to do," Marshall started lawyering Ted then stopped, realizing he was missing the point. "Wait, what did you do?"
Marshall heard Ted take a deep, shaky breath. "Ok, man, I'm just going to tell you, ok?" Marshall nodded. "Ok." "And you can't judge me or interrupt me or anything, because it's a lot of information all at once, but that's what I've been just kind of sitting here alone trying to figure out for the past two hours." Marshall nodded again, getting worried. He motioned for Lily to come out and join him on the street. "Yeah – hang on just a sec. Can I get Lily?" Ted laughed ironically. "Sure, why not. Let's just get everyone involved."
Lily laid some money on the table and walked outside, looking at Marshall quizzically. He held up his hand and pressed the speakerphone button. "Ok, buddy you're on speaker. Go."
The couple heard Ted take another deep breath as he explained what had happened in the past 24 hours. "Ok, well, after we all left MacLaren's last night, I went home to a message on my machine from that girl Robin had introduced me to. She broke up with me, via message machine, because she apparently, 'was just not, like, into me.'" Lily laughed, "Yeah, she sounds like a winner. To be honest, we never really liked her, Ted." "I know," Ted acknowledged simply before continuing.
"Anyway, so I'm in the kitchen making a drink when I get a call from Robin, who sounds very serious and says we need to have a talk tonight over dinner, and then mid-conversation she completely pulls a 180 on me and tells me she's coming home now instead and wants to get very, very drunk."
Lily and Marshall exchange looks, wondering what had caused Robin's sudden change of attitude. "So, she gets home and I'm already a little drunk and she quickly gets very drunk and I ask her what's wrong and she says she just saw her boyfriend cheating on her and I asked her what boyfriend, what was she talking about, and she said don't worry about it and started crying and I gave her a hug to comfort her and then…"
Marshall and Lily winced, both dreading what was coming next. "Ted, please tell us you didn't sleep with her!" Lily begged. Ted remained silent.
Lily's eyes grew wide and sad as she looked at Marshall. "Oh, no." Marshall said mournfully. "Story's not over, though," Ted said. "Meet me at MacLaren's in 10?" Marshall and Lily agreed, sadly walking towards the bar.
******
"Well, neither one of them are picking up their phones," Lily said, snapping her cell shut. Ted, who was sprawled at the bar with an icepack on his jaw, had just finished telling them the whole story. "I swear, if I had known that Barney was the boyfriend, I never would have slept with her!" He insisted. "Even though he probably would have done it if it was the other way around," he muttered.
"I can't believe Barney cheated on Robin!" Lily cried out, frustrated, and slammed her empty beer glass on the table. The group had decided that if there was ever an occasion for an early, this was it. "Wha-ha?!" Ted exclaimed, turning to look at the woman. "What do you mean? It's Barney. Of course he cheated on her!"
Marshall silently shook his head no. "No, Ted, you didn't see him. He really… He loves her. I didn't think it was possible until I saw it myself. Trust us when we say he could not cheat on her." Lily looked at her husband pointedly, "But Robin said he did."
The big man slumped back in his chair. "I know, I know," he admitted. "I just don't want to believe it." Lily mirrored his body language and stared at the ceiling. "They were just so perfect together," she sighed. Ted watched his friends, confused at their reaction. "But, c'mon, you guys… It's Barney! The man who's had three-ways and claimed to have four-ways and ten-ways and has hooked up with at least 75% of the women in Manhattan!" Marshall sat up then and looked Ted square in the eyes.
"Exactly, Ted, it's Barney. The man who flew all the way to San Francisco without telling anyone, specifically to get me and Lily back together. The man who once planned on waiting for marriage to sleep with his girlfriend and go into the Peace Corps with her, only to have his heart shattered. The man who got hit by a bus because he was running to see you in the hospital, even when you weren't speaking to him!" Ted shrunk back, surprised. "Well, I…" "The man who's been in love with Robin since they slept together last spring!" Lily exclaimed, unable to hold it in any longer.
Ted looked at her in astonishment. "Really?" The married couple nodded solemnly. "Oh, wow." He looked down at his hands. "Wow, I really screwed this up. I mean, I knew he was devastated, I was just too shocked at the time to put it all together. Damn, I wish I had known! I've been trying to sleep with her for… Well, weeks!" The couple nodded again. "We know. It's been so obvious." "Oh…"
He looked up at Marshall sheepishly. "Marshall, what does 'The Bro Code' say about sleeping with your bro's secret long-term committed girlfriend the night after said girlfriend claims the first bro has cheated on her? And how is he supposed to fix it so no one hates each other?" The lawyer shook his head. "I don't know man, I don't know."
"I just can't believe Barney cheated on her," Lily sighed and leaned against her husband. "Poor Robin," she said. "Poor Barney," Marshall chimed in. 'Poor me,' Ted thought, holding the ice bag on his face. He had somehow managed to unintentionally screw the entire group over.
******
"I'm so, so, so sorry, Barney," sobbed Robin's voice into Barney's empty hotel room. "I had no idea you were remodeling the apartment for me. I would have said yes! I would've moved in! I just saw you leading her into the cab, and I saw her hand on your face and just thought… So I wanted to forget and I… I know I've said this all before, I'm just really sorry. Please come back, I miss you. Please. I want to move in with you… I'm sorry, Barney. Ted's sorry. We all miss you. I love you."
Barney reached out of his pile of covers to turn off his iPhone's speaker and cut off the device, eliminating the only light in the room. He sighed and reached over on the other side of the bedside table to take a chug of the scotch he knew was sitting there, and rolled back between the hefty covers of the hotel room bed to drift into a disappointing, dreamless sleep.
He was in Vegas. Had been since roughly 4 hours after walking in on his girlfriend and his best friend hooking up. After punching Ted and seeing Robin… like that… He had gotten a cab straight to the airport and bought a ticket for the next flight to Vegas. No luggage, no clothes, no hotel reservations, just flew straight to Vegas, took a cab to the first hotel on the strip, booked a room, and went directly to the bar. Where he proceeded to get the most drunk he had ever been and fell into bed around 3 a.m. When he woke up the next afternoon with a severe hangover, he kept drinking so he would forget he was sleeping alone.
After two days of drinking and sleeping that he didn't really remember, Barney went out and bought the best suit money could buy and stayed up gambling for 3 days without sleeping or stopping for food. He spent the whole next day shopping on Sky Mall and downloading porn. He paid for a hooker his last night in Vegas but hallway up to his hotel room, he gave her the cash and sent her back to the street, not able to go through with it quite yet. He lay in bed alone again that night, staring at the ceiling and cursing himself for not bringing his 'Get Pscyhed Mix' to amp up his awesome levels, cursing himself for being dumb enough to fall in love again after Shannon, cursing Shannon for forcing him to become this fragile shell of a man, and cursing Ted for assuming some sort of claim on Robin and not seeing her as anything more than a girl he could sleep with. He never blamed Robin though… This was his fault for getting involved in the first place.
Barney returned to New York a week later, just as unexpectedly as he had left. He hadn't planned to go back that day, he had just woken up and a few hours later somehow found himself taxiing down the runway. He turned on his iPhone for the first time in nearly a week and was not surprised to see dozens of panicked e-mails, voicemails, and texts from his friends and co-workers. He deleted them all without even listening or reading them, fingers hovering over Robin's name momentarily before pressing 'delete.'
He flew back on the red-eye and got to New York before anyone in the city awoke. Unable to sleep, Barney spent the remaining dark hours purging all memories of Robin out of his life.
As soon as he unlocked his front door, he went straight to his closet... Their closet... and pulled all of her stuff out and threw it unceremoniously on the floor of the suit room. (Except for the really, really nice dress he had bought her. He may never want to see her stuff again but he wasn't a monster – he hung that dress up on a wood hanger.) Barney then systemically went through whole apartment and removed everything that reminded him of her and threw it onto the growing pile on the floor of the suit room. He stripped his bed of its comforter, matching sheets and her pillowcases and re-made it with his single pillow and bare blanket. He dumped all her makeup and hair products in a giant trash bag and slung them into the room.
He went into the kitchen and dumped all the contents of his fridge and cabinets into the trash and then added a bunch of new DVDs to his porn collection, making room for them by removing the Canadian porn and the Tokyo porn Robin had bought him… and definitely, definitely removing all their 'home videos.'
Then he grabbed a dozen or so of his favorite suits off the rack mounted on the wall of the suit room, slammed the door tightly and locked it, unwilling to enter it, and briefly considered getting it hermetically sealed so no one could ever enter it again. He hung his suits in the closet in his room, now eerily empty without Robin's clothes. He didn't bother thinking about the remaining suits in the suit room. He would rather buy more clothes than be reminded of her.
Barney collapsed on his couch and loosened his tie. He had done this before, he could do it again. He had overcome Shannon by becoming Awesome. Robin was a momentary slip from the awesome, and he just had to remind himself just how awesome his life was and get Robin out of his system. He Googled the interior decorating firm and found the number for Amelia, unwilling to think about what Robin had done with the card or assumed when she saw it, and gave her a call.
"Hey, baby, it looks like that whole girlfriend thing didn't work out after all, thank God," he forced himself to say into her message machine. "And it just happens that I'm free tonight and I'd love to show you my new plans for the bedroom. Stop by anytime after 10," he hung up, figuring he'd be awake by then at least, and threw his cell phone onto the couch before walking into the kitchen, now lit with the first few rays of morning light. Pulling the scotch bottle Robin had left for him out of the cabinet, he downed the remaining contents on his way to the bedroom. "Thank you, Ted Mosby!" He shouted out loud. "Saved me from falling out of Awesome," he mumbled to himself, "Saved Robin from me…" he placed the bottle of the bedside table, loosened his tied, and dove head-first onto the pillow and went still.
Ten minutes later a much more sedate Barney sat up and slowly pulled something small from his pocket. A lone bottle of Robin's favorite perfume. Barney spritzed the pillowcase with the perfume and carefully put the bottle in his bedside drawer, which he had intentionally not emptied of memories, and snuggled back into he pillow, silent tears slowly welling up.
******
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Barney sat up quickly at the harsh noise and instantly wished he hadn't. He groaned, holding a hand to his forehead. Downing the equivalent of about a dozen shots of really good scotch directly before going to sleep was stupid. Just stupid, stupid, stupid.
He stood carefully, squinting and cursing himself. And whoever was at the door. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" he shouted grumpily. "Hey, Robi-" he stopped, looking down at the bed beside him, wondering where his girlfriend was. And just like that, he remembered. Barney's face fell as he stood and stretched. He ran his fingers through his hair and walked into the living room to check his cell on the way to the door. 10:32 p.m. Crap, he'd been out much longer than he had thought. A full day. 4 new voicemails, 2 from Lily, 1 from Ted, 1 from Robin… He deleted all 4, as he'd been doing all week. 1 new text from Amelia who said "got your message – be by tonight." Barney forced himself to crack a smile as he realized she was at the door. "Time to start getting back to my normal, awesome self," he said aloud as he swung open the door. "Hey, baby. I was wai-" he stopped. "Hi, Barney," a very sad Robin quietly said.
PART NINTEEN
Barney froze, just a moment, staring at the woman of his dreams standing disheveled in the hall in front of him. God, she was beautiful. He stood, one hand still holding the door handle and the other holding the door frame. He didn't move, instead straightened slightly, looked at her but didn't meet her gaze entirely and mechanically said "Hello."
He didn't let her in but he didn't shut the door in her face. Ball was in her court. He'd hear her out, but not for long. "I, uh, came to…. How are you?" Robin feebly stumbled over her thoughts.
Barney briefly considered pulling her into his embrace to just feel her in his arms again, forgiving her for everything, spending the night talking the whole thing through… 'No!' He thought to himself. 'Stay on track. Get back to being awesome.' He straightened and threw Robin a half-smirk. "I'm great, Scherbatsky! Never better! How's Ted?" He asked flippantly, leaning against the door frame.
Robin's faint smile at seeing Barney again faltered. "I-uh… Don't be like that, Barney."
"Be like what?" He asked enthusiastically, smoothing down his tie and pulling the door in closer behind him. He couldn't let her come into the apartment after he had just gotten rid of her presence. If she walked in there again, he may have to go out and buy a whole new apartment.
Robin rolled her eyes. "Barney, where were you?" Barney laughed, "Nowhere important." He shrugged. "Why, did you miss me?" Robin nodded vigorously, struggling to keep her tears from falling. "Well, I'm sorry about that," he said unapologetically and leaned forward to put a hand on her shoulder. Damn, that was a mistake. He shouldn't touch her. It'll bring back those feelings and he had just started to get some relief. "But at least Ted was there to comfort you," he said conspiratorially and turned to close the door.
"But Barney, I love you!" She cried as he closed he door. He turned around. "Yes, well people love lots of things, Robin. You love dogs and guns and Canada and Ted, still, apparently. And I love bimbos and scotch and tacos… And being awesome. I think we both knew this was going to end sooner or later, right?"
Barney hadn't looked in her eyes during his whole speech, unable to see the hurt he knew he was causing her. He had to keep pushing her away if he was going to save himself. At that moment, the elevator at the end of the hall dinged and Amelia walked up, swiveling to Barney's door in a slinky light blue dress and raising an eyebrow suggestively.
"Now," he said, turning towards Robin, "If you'll excuse me, I have some business to take care of." He opened the door and ushered Amelia into his apartment and gave Robin a brief half-salute. "Later, Scherbatsky," he said, winking.
Her face broke his heart.
Closing the door he led Amelia to the bar where he took his time pouring her a drink, letting her nather on about work and not paying a bit of attention. He glanced at his watch. It had been 3 minutes since he had let her in the apartment. "Well, Amanda," he said, interrupting her in mid-sentence. "Amelia!" The offended woman insisted. Barney laughed, "If you say so." He put his arm around her back and led her to the door, using his other hand to pull the glass of wine out of her hand mid-sip. "It's been great. Bye."
Amelia looked at him, dumb-struck. "But… I don't understand." Barney smiled grimly. "And you never will," he said, opening the door. Amelia stormed off in a huff and Barney closed the door, slumping down to the ground and buried his head in his hands.
Seeing Robin again had made him realize that he couldn't do this with Amelia. With anyone, really. And instead of being ashamed of himself for not being awesome, he was just sad. Because here he was, finally acting like a mature man, one his father (whoever the hell he was) would probably be proud of. Barney was a man who now only loved one woman and would never cheat on her because his heart belonged to her, and would possibly even consider marrying her one day. In the far, far, far off future. As long as there was a legen-dary bachelor party.
But Robin clearly didn't want that man. The moment Barney was becoming mature and wanting to commit, she got scared off and slept with Ted. So now Robin was forcing him to become the man he had once been, the womanizer. But Barney knew he wouldn't ever be able to turn these feelings off, wouldn't be able to sleep with limitless women to make up for it. He wanted Robin. And he didn't want to become a man who didn't want her.
Barney sighed and pulled out his phone. This was so screwed up. How did he get in this mess?
He pulled Robin's name up on the screen and stared at it for a few moments, struggling between calling her and starting this all over again or just reverting to his old self and forgetting the whole thing.
He sighed and gave in. 'I missed you too.' He texted Robin.
******
The following three weeks were pure hell for both of them. After receiving the text, Robin had immediately called Barney, sounding hopeful that a) he wasn't hooking up with Amelia and b) he wanted to talk to her. They met at MacLaren's and Robin explained that the only reason she had hooked up with Ted is because she had seen Barney with Amelia and feared the worse. Barney had smiled briefly at that, finding it ironic that the one person he thought knew him the best actually didn't know him at all.
She had asked point-blank if they could get back together. She wanted to move in with him. Barney shook his head, thinking about the closed-off suit room and his closed-off heart, and said he wasn't ready. She had nodded, trying to understand and give him time.
And that's where they had left it. The whole group now knew all the details of their relationship, thanks to stories they had pieced together from separate conversations with Barney and Robin, and were completely supportive of them getting back together. Robin was outspoken about wanting to get together and spent most of her nights at home moping around, skipping hanging out at MacLaren's, and depressed that she now didn't have a job, apartment of her home, or even a boyfriend. The other friends continued to meet at MacLaren's every night, only to sadly watch Barney jump from bimbo to bimbo at an astonishing rate.
"I don't think I've ever seen anyone get slapped so many times in one night," Marshall observed one night. "Or make-out with so many different girls in one night," Lily chimed in, mournfully looking after Barney currently sucking the face of some blonde at the bar. "Ted, what's Robin like at home?"
Ted just shrugged, looking down into his beer. "Not much better. I mean, she's not making out with anyone, but she's drinking a lot and never leaves the couch. I guess they just express depression differently – Barney's very active about it and Robin's pretty lethargic. You know, just lazing about."
Lily and Marshall just stared at him. "What?" He asked at their frustrated expressions. "Ted, we know what lethargic means. But thanks for the definition." Marshall rolled his eyes at his friends' pompousness. Some things never changed.
The three of them turned to watch Barney wink at them, wave a goodbye to Carl behind the bar, and suavely lead the blonde out of the bar. Ted pounded his head on the table. "I just feel so bad, you guys. I can't help but feel like this is all my fault… Which it is."
The married couple looked at the man sympathetically. "Well, yes it is," Lily admitted. "But at the same time, it's also Robin's fault. And sort of Barney's too, I guess, since he refuses to get back together with her. So really, it's no one's fault. This is one of those things that happened that we can't take back, so we just have to move forward."
Marshall smiled at his wife. "Right. You really want to make this right, Ted?" Ted looked up and nodded. "Good. Then SUIT UP, as Barney would say, because you have to fix this." Ted raised his eyebrows. "Ok… How?"
Lily leaned forward. "First thing's first: You feel guilty for breaking 'The Bro Code'?" Ted nodded. "Then make it up to Barney. Take him out to dinner or something nice. Where does he like to eat?"
Ted shrugged, "Thursday night's buffet night at the Lusty Leopard." Marshall smiled. "Perfect. Now, we just need to get Robin cheered up for something, then get them both in the same place at the same time, in good moods, and then…." He paused, looking at his wife. "Then what?" She picked up on his plan. "Then, we convince them they're perfect for each other and they get back together and we all live happily ever after!"
Ted raised his eyebrows, unconvinced. "Alright, whatever you say."
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the door as a very beaten Barney strolled nonchalantly in. His suit was ripped a bit on the sleeve and covered in dirt, his hair was spiky at odd angles, and he was sporting a bruised lip and a black eye. "'Tsup?" He said casually, sliding into the booth like nothing was out of the ordinary.
"Uh… Barney? Are you ok?" Ted asked. Barney laughed and waved his hand, "Oh, I'm fine. Just turns out Angelica over there has a boyfriend. Pretty big guy, too. He apparently didn't approve of her making out with obviously more attractive men."
On the other side of the booth, Lily discretely pulled out her phone and texted Robin under the table. 'rbn-must come to mclarens. barney in fight, looks really hot.' She snapped her phone shut, convinced that they may not even need to implement their elaborate plan – she knew Barney would be unable to resist Robin fawning all over him. The pair would be back together that night, she smiled with satisfaction. Marshall looked quizzically at her and she silently explained the situation. He smiled, understanding.
A few minutes passed as the group discussed who they would beat up if they had the choice and Carl brought Barney an ice-pack, when Lily's phone lit up on the table, signaling she had a text message from Robin. She smiled as she noticed Barney trying to read the contents of the message. She peered down. 'sry, cant come. packing for final interview in wash tom.' She frowned. "You guys, do any of you know anything about a job Robin's been interviewing for in D.C.?"
Marhsall and Ted shook their heads and Barney's eyes widened. "Do you mean Washington, as in the state? Because… yes." Lily re-read the message. "Well, she just said Washington, so she could mean the state." Barney squeezed his eyes shut and collapsed back in his seat. "Shit," he muttered under his breath. The three friends looked at him expectantly. "Is she flying out for another interview?" She asked Lily. She nodded.
Barney sighed and nodded in acceptance, running his fingers through his hair. "Well, I should have expected this, I guess. Yeah… She was interviewing with them a while back and she was pretty far along in the process then. I guess she decided to keep going through with the process when we... Well, when it… Just, given the situation now." The friends looked uneasily at one another. "Barney, are you ok?" He sighed, standing. "Yup. See ya," and turned and left the bar, without any further explanation.
The man started walking up the stairs to Robin and Ted's apartment, forcing himself to focus on his phone and not on what he had seen last time he had been in the apartment. He texted Robin, 'don't go' as he reached her door and took a deep breath, about to knock. His phone vibrated and he pulled it out to read her text. 'y not? no reason for me to stay anymore, right? you said so yourself.'
Barney squeezed his eyes shut again and pressed his forehead against the door. He could hear her walking around in the next room. He was so close to her. To telling her he was ready for them to be back together, he had been stupid to delay it… But she clearly didn't want it. He stood and walking away, slipping his phone in his pocket as he headed back down the stairs. It was better this way, he told himself. No one could get hurt anymore. Robin would move to Washington and he… Well, he would start by going home and trying to sleep. Alone. Without Robin.
He stopped walking and pounded his fist into a nearby wall. If Robin moved to Washington, he didn't know what he would do. With her here it was as though they at least had a chance of getting back together. But now… He punched the wall again. "Dammit."
PART TWENTY
"Ok. Are we all clear on the plan?" Lily asked, pouring over the sheet over paper she'd placed on the table in front of Marshall and Ted. The men peered over, trying to decipher Lily's scrawled handwriting, now slightly fading as the paper got a little wet from splashed beer and clung to the table.
"Affirmative," said Ted with a salute a moment later, sitting up and looking at Lily. "Aye, aye, Captain!" Marshall chimed in. "Good," Lily said with a broad smile. She held up her beer. "To Barney and Robin!" She said. "Barney and Robin!" The men agreed, bringing their beer in for cheers. All three chugged the remaining contents of their glasses, slammed them on the table, stood, and walked out together.
******
"Isn't this awesome?" Yelled Ted over the pounding music blaring at the Lusty Leopard. A nonplussed Barney nodded next to him, staring off into the distance. "Barney! Bro! Pay attention! Crystal's coming up next!" He said, snapping his fingers in front of Barney's face and pointing towards the catwalk in front of them. Barney sat up a little straighter. "Oh… Awesome," he faintly smirked, trying and failing miserably to feign interest. He started messing with the label on his beer bottle.
Ted stared at him, frustrated, and pulled out a wad of $1 bills. "Dude, I brought these just for you," he said, thrusting them into Barney's lap. Barney looked up, temporarily distracted out of his depression. "Huh? You brought me ones? Why would you do that? And why are we even here? I thought you hated this place." Ted smiled and clapped his hand on his friend's back. "Because, Barney, I've felt really, really guilty about the whole Robin situation. It's been over a month, man, and I still can't help but think that I screwed everything up!"
Barney waved his friend off, focusing on Crystal as she walked out of the curtains at the end of the catwalk. "We've been over this bro. Forgive and forget. You didn't know, I punched you, we've both apologized, no big deal, bra." He took a drink of beer, eyes fixated on the gyrating woman in front of him. "Besides, it's not a big deal. It was just a fling with Robin. It was bound to end sooner or later." Ted couldn't help but think the man was just trying to convince himself. "So really, I should be thanking you! You stopped it before we got in too deep."
He turned to smile weakly at Ted. "Besides, this apology dinner at Lusty Leopard and tickets to Foxy Boxing? MORE than enough apology." He finished off his beer, looking away from his friend again. "So, thanks man. And I'm good. With the whole… Robin… thing, I'm cool," his voice got quieter, just slightly. "So, you know, you can quit worrying about me." Ted nodded. "And you can definitely stop bringing it up," he very quietly muttered.
Ted nodded. "Whatever you say, man." He turned back to face the catwalk and discretely pulled his cell phone out and checked the time before quickly texting Lily. 'on schedule'
******
ROBIN SPARKLES read the sign that Marshall was holding in front of him at the airport. He waited by the luggage carousel, smiling in anticipation of her reaction at seeing the sign, written in glitter pink and purple puff paint by Lily's kindergarten class.
He saw Robin in the distance, walking quickly through the airport towards the carousel, talking hurriedly into her phone. "Thank you very much, sir, I appreciate the opportunity," Marshall overheard her saying through a clenched jaw. "Robin!" He shouted, waving his arms to attract her attention. "Over here!"
Robin's head shot up at the familiar voice as she flipped her phone shut. "Marshall?" She asked, surprised as she approached him. "What's going on?" She looked amused at the sign in his hand. "What's going on?" Marshall grinned broadly. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" He thought briefly that it was a good thing Lily was involved in the stay-at-home part of the plan, or she would have already cracked and spilled the whole thing. "I just figured that… Well, you shouldn't have to pay outrageous cab fares when you're job-searching. So I figured I'd pick you up!" Robin smiled, touched. It had been a while since someone had done something sweet for her. It had been since, well, Barn… She stopped that thought before it could get any further. "Well, thanks Marshall," she said, seeing her bag coming around the carousel and shrugging it over shoulder. "I really appreciate it."
Marshall smiled back, "No problem," and grabbed her other suitcase and began rolling it behind him, leading her to the parking lot. As she made a quick stop in the bathroom, Marshall texted Ted and his wife. 'be there in 45'
******
Ted's phone buzzed for the 3rd time in the past 5 minutes and Barney looked over at him, annoyed. "Dude, what is going on?" He asked as he stood, draining his beer and chucking the bottle in the trash. "You totally missed the last 5 minutes of this legen-dary match!"
Ted smiled at Marshall's text. The timing was perfect. He slipped the phone into his pocket, glad he'd been able to finally get Barney out of his depressing slump. "Nothing!" He insisted. "Buddy of mine borrowed something and he was just telling me he dropped it off at my apartment." He stood and stretched. "So d'ya mind if we drop by the apartment real quick before going to MacLaren's?" Barney shrugged and followed him out. He was at the point in the night where he was tipsy enough and tired enough to not really care.
******
As Ted and Barney entered the apartment, they were greeted by the sight of Lily standing underneath the giant Intervention banner. Barney creased his eyebrows in confusion for a brief moment then looked at Ted and grinned in understanding. "Ahh… I get it." He placed a hand on Ted's shoulder. "I knew this day would come, man. I'm sorry to say this, but…" Barney glanced at Lily, who was busy shaking her head at Ted in confusion. "The hair gel has got to go. Now, because I was unaware of this intervention, I do not have a letter prepared. But I can absolutely recite the speech I've been mentally working on." He straightened and assumed his lecture pose. "Ted, my boy, there comes a time in every ma-"
"Barney," Ted cut him off. "It's not for me." Ted pulled a letter out of his pocket as Barney frantically looked at Lily. "Wait, what did I do?" His eyes widened in realization. "Is this about the smoking? Listen, yes, I'll admit, I enjoy an occasional cigarette or two, but that is under control! I only smoke when I'm really stressed," he said, resisting the urge to light up at that very moment.
Lily just smiled sweetly. "Nope. Not about the smoking. Although, you really should stop that," she admonished. Right at that moment, there was a commotion at the door as Marshall rolled in Robin's luggage and Robin followed behind.
She saw the banner and glanced at Lily and Ted surprised, avoiding Barney's stare. "Who….?" She asked, grunting as she put down her bag. Marshall turned to face her and pulled out an envelope from his jacket. "You." Barney made a noise of confusion as Ted walked towards the banner to join the married couple in pulling out his letter. "Both of you, actually."
Robin and Barney both immediately stared at the floor, knowing what was coming. Lily cleared her throat. "Dear Robin and Barney, I love you both very much. And I've never seen you two more happy than when you are together. So stop being idiots already and get back together. I hate all this whining!" She ended what had started as a very composed speech with a yell, shaking her fist at Barney. He stared at her in shock. Ted stepped slowly away from Lily and read his letter. "Barney – It's my turn to apologize for breaking 'The Bro Code.' I didn't know. But I do know, after living with Robin during all of this, how much she has missed you and just how miserable she is without you. I completely give you my blessing, if that's what you're afraid of. Please, please, stop being stupid and get back together." Barney looked at Robin, surprised at this mention of her depression. She continued staring at the floor. Marshall pulled out his letter, "Robin – You somehow got Barney to become a sweat-suit wearing, brunch-eating, one-woman man while still being awesome. If that doesn't deserve a high-five, I don't know what does." He paused to scurry over to give Robin a quick high-five, which she did not really reciprocate. "So I'd just like to reiterate what these guys have said."
He cleared his throat, demanding their attention, straightened to his tallest, crossed his arms, and proclaimed loudly: "Robin," he pointed at her, "You still love Barney." He pointed at the man. "Barney, you still love Robin." He pointed back at her. "Get back together already before we kill you both for being depressed all the time and totally bumming us out."
Both Barney and Robin opened their mouths to protest, but Lily marched forward and grabbed their wrists. "Enough!" She dragged them to Robin's bedroom. "We're locking you two in here!" She shoved them in the room. "Now don't come out until you're back together!"
She slammed the door shut, leaving Robin and Barney staring at each other for the first time in weeks.
PART TWENTY-ONE
The former couple stared at one another, not blinking, for a long moment. Eventually Barney broke the silence with a soft, "So…." Robin nodded, looking at the ground. "So." She visibly sighed, her shoulders falling in defeat. "Listen, if you want to sneak out through the fire escape, I totally understand," she said quietly, motioning towards the window. Barney nodded, glancing in that direction and then back at her. "Do you want me to?" He asked gently.
She looked him in the eyes. "I don't know… Don't you want to? I mean, you did say you weren't ready to get back together. I was starting to think you would never be ready again."
Barney kept staring at her, unwavering. Hearing their friends' letters had knocked him out of his temporary madness. They were right. He and Robin belonged together, and not being together was just plain stupid. He opened his mouth to say so, but Robin kept talking.
"And then, when I saw you with that decorating girl at your apartment, I just wanted to…" She started tearing up. "But then I realized that was probably nothing compared to how you felt walking in on me and Ted…" She was sniffling now, trying hard to keep her composure. Barney remained intent on her face, and slowly reached his hand up to wipe a few wayward tears off her face. "I know, Robin," he muttered softly.
Reacting to his tender touch, Robin pressed her face again his hand. "And I've just been feeling so guilty… All this time, so guilty for what I did to you, and now… With this job… I just…" She looked up into Barney's piercing eyes. "I don't even care anymore, Barn. About the job, or about the apartment or anything. I just…. I just want you back."
That was all Barney needed to hear. He reached out with both his arms, wrapped her close to him and kissed her deeply, reaching out with one hand to twist the lock closed as he guided Robin toward her bed.
******
"Well…" Robin said softly, smiling broadly at Barney laying next to her. "If that's what's always going to happen when we fight, we really should to break up more often!" Barney laughed and then smiled with a hint of sadness. "No," he said just as softly, caressing her face. "No, we shouldn't. Ever again."
Robin raised her eyebrows at the word 'ever.' "Really? The great Barney Stinson, talking about forever with a girl? I thought that was against one of your rules… I am shocked!" She feigned surprise, laughing with her eyes. He just grinned and wrapped her tighter in his arms. "Well, Scherbatsky, I think we both know that when it comes to you, there are no rules." She smiled back and sighed in his embrace. "I'm so happy we're back together, Barney." He nodded in agreement, closing his eyes and snuggling back into the pillow. "And I just want to say, one last time, that I really am sorry," Robin said.
Barney sat up again, briefly. "I know," he said softly. "And I am, too…. And that's the last time we'll ever mention it again, understood?" She nodded and he smiled. "Good." He glanced at the clock and realized how late it was. "Now, I think we ought to go to MacLaren's and formally thank our scheming friends for their nosiness." Robin smiled, "Deal." She stood and went over to her closet to pull on some jeans. "And after, back to your place?" She smiled deviously.
Doubt flashed through Barney's eyes as he watched Robin. "Sure…" He said, sounding not at all sure. Robin paused to look up at him. "What?" Barney sighed and sat up, running his fingers through his hair. "It's just… I just… If we go back to 'my' place tonight… And we're going to keep going back to 'my' place, can we start calling it 'our place?'" he asked hopefully, stumbling nervously over the words.
Robin grinned and walked back towards Barney. "Mr. Stinson, are you asking me to move in with you?" She asked suggestively, pulling at the tie he had just put on. He nodded, holding his breath for an answer. "Then," Robin said, wrapping the tie around her neck in the way she knew Barney thought was hot. "I'm going to have to say yes," she said, leaning in for a kiss. Barney smiled broadly, relieved that the whole problem was now over and he and Robin were finally where he had wanted to be a month ago.
"Then – I'll – have – the – designer – come – by – in – the – morning," he said in between kisses. When Robin paused, he added, panicked, "A new one! A different designer! I'll find a dude!" She smiled, satisfied, and pulled him back toward the bed. They never did make it to MacLaren's that night.
******
Over the next two weeks, things slowly settled back to normal. Robin moved her stuff from Ted's apartment into Barney's, which was gradually going through a transformation itself. After getting back together with Robin, Barney had returned to his apartment and flung open the door of the suit room with glee, happy to once again breath in Robin's scent… And to wear his other suits. After much debate, Barney finally decided to turn the suit room into a state-of-the-art office from which Robin could job search and Barney could work from home on days he didn't want to have to leave Robin to go to the office.
The couple welcomed a weekend visit from James, Tom, and Barney's nephew, during which Robin saw just how baby-crazy Barney really was – but would never actually admit to being. Instead of being scared at this revelation, Robin merely smiled and figured she would never fully understand Barney, and made a point to tell him that night that she in no way wanted to have a baby. Definitely not anytime soon, anyway. Barney had just smiled and nodded, saying merely that he was perfectly content with just her.
It had, admittedly, been a bit awkward at first being so open about their relationship with the group – especially Ted – after hiding it for months, but things were finally exactly where they wanted them to be. After about a month of them living together, Barney somehow got Robin her old job back, but she refused, instead taking a job at another local news station. This time, she was the morning anchor, which meant she awoke at an ungodly hour and had to cut her time at MacLaren's short each night, but at least she was not cracking stupid puns at every news story. She was, however, required to be a bit cheerier and expected to exchange some early-morning witty banner with her co-host, Tony Dasher.
Barney hated Tony Dasher. He joked that instead of waking to Robin's face in bed next to him, he now awoke to Robin's face on his TV wall, exchanging flirty sex eyes with Tony. Robin found the jealousy immensely humorous, and somewhat ironic that she was once again insisting to another boyfriend, 'I don't get involved with people I work with.' Tony was at least much more bearable than Sandy.
Two months had passed since the infamous Intervention that resulted in Barney and Robin getting back together, and the group of friends had never been happier. Ted had started dating this new girl Monica, a pretty redhead librarian who fit in well with the group and Barney and Marshall had a bet running he would propose to within 6 months, Lily was being very good about her shopping habits and had really started to make a dent in her credit card debt, Marshall had been promoted within GNB and had used this promotion to start pestering Lily about having babies again, Robin was given more power at work so she could call some of the shots on which stories she reported, and Barney was, of course, awesome.
One Friday night, after a particularly long day at the office for Ted, Marshall, and Barney, the gang huddled tiredly around the booth at MacLaren's.
"It's almost over!" A triumphant, but exhausted, Ted proclaimed, raising his beer for a toast. Marshall and Barney joined him, mumbling "'ts almost over" incoherently, downing their beers and drowsily resting their foreheads on the table. Lily and Robin arched their eyebrows at one another. The men had been working really late hours the entire week as Ted's project for the new Goliath National Bank headquarters was finally wrapping up, and they had decided to celebrate that night by drinking many, many beers.
"Well, looks like it's time to take you boys home," Robin said, standing and gently pulling Barney up with her. "Uh-huh," he grunted, leaning on her shoulder, his eyes still closed. "Scherbatsky – why can't I just sleep here? It's so comfy!" He whispered in her ear, pleading. She smirked. "Because if you sleep here, I won't be here in the morning to wake you up in that way you like," she replied. Barney instantly straightened, blinking away sleep. "I'm up! Let's go home!" He said, grabbing her hand and walking to the door. Robin laughed, "Not so fast, buddy, we gotta take care of Ted." Barney dropped her hand and collapsed back in the booth. "OK, I'll be here waiting. Just… Go take him back and then come back for me…" He trailed off, his eyes drifting closed as he fell back asleep, slouched in the booth.
Robin and Lily rolled their eyes at one another. One by one, they were able to get their men to bed – they left Marshall and Barney sleeping in the booth as they walked Ted upstairs and put him to sleep, then helped one another get their respective men into cabs and take them home.
Once back at their apartment, Robin tucked Barney into bed then started looking through his drawers for his old college t-shirt she loved to sleep in. "Where… Barney, honestly, you know I love it, just let me keep it in one of my drawers," she muttered, frustrated, pulling out several neatly folded t-shirts from Barney's drawers. She finally found the t-shirt in the top drawer and yanked it out, not caring at this point how much of a mess she made on the floor. Barney could deal with it in the morning. She sighed in happiness, pulling the soft t-shirt over her head and stopped when she noticed something lying on the floor that had fallen out of the drawer that was clearly not a t-shirt. Bending down, she picked up the small black box and gasped, her eyes flicking to Barney still passed out on the bed.
Unable to resist, she cracked open the box to find, nestled among the black velvet, a beautiful diamond ring.